R64: Son of a bowser./Transcript

Transcript
(2015 Intro appears)

(In Peach's Castle, Mario is watching TV)

Mario: (humming) La la la, hmm hmm hmm...La, la, la, hmm hmm-

(TV changes to a channel with Bowser on it)

Bowser: (evil laughter) I'm back, Mario! I'm coming to take the Princess, the castle...AND RULE THE MUSHROOM-

(Mario changes the channel)

Mario: I hate this channel.

(In Bowser's Sky Platform where Bowser is recording himself with the camera)

Bowser: Now, I know what you might be thinking: You're thinking "Bowser, this is the stupidest idea you ever came up with"-

(Bowser Jr. appears behind him)

Bowser Jr.: MOMMY! MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!

(Bowser roars at him and pushes him away)

Bowser: Well, you know what I gotta say for that?

Bowser Jr.: MOMMY! (Destroys the camera) MOMMY!!!

Bowser: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!?!

Bowser Jr.: I'm hungry, have you got any food?

Bowser: (Screams) You'll never take me alive! (Screams and jumps off the platform)

Bowser Jr.: Oh, motherfu-

(Scene changes to lava land)

Bowser: I... I can't do it... I really don't like children... Even though I have like 5 or 7 of them... Grandma... Why do you do this to me??

(2 hours ago)

(Phone rings)

Bowser: (Picks up the phone) What's up?

Grandma: Raisins!

Bowser: Oh... Hi, Grandma!

Grandma: I need you to look after little Junior for a while!

Bowser: What?!

(Dramatic close-up on Bowser)

Grandma: Granny needs to go on a little trip!

Bowser: Oh, really? I was really hoping to kidnap the princess and all!

Grandma: No, it's okay, I'll just die now...

Bowser Jr.: MOMMY! MOMMY!!!

Grandma: (Pusher Bowser Jr. away) SHUT THE FUCK UP!! (talks to Bowser) OK, see ya, Honey!

(Grandma hangs up the phone)

Bowser: NO! NO NO NO!

(Montage with Bowser Jr. having fun pushing Bowser off the sky and gets squashed by a Whomp, which Bowser ignores. Then, in the market, Bowser gets really annoyed by his son's crying.)

Bowser Jr.: I'm thirsty, you got something to drink-y?

Bowser: Do you...want to drink...MMMMMMMMILK?!?!

Bowser Jr.: Uh, no!

(Bowser screams)

(In the castle with Luigi inside the lobby)

Bowser: (From outside) Shut up, shut up, shut up! (Breaks in the castle)

Luigi: Oh, hey, Bowser, what's up? Making some home movies?

Bowser: I, uh-NO! Is Mario here?!

(Scene changes with Mario up close to the camera)

Mario: Ooh! Oh, look! Oh, boy! Another Retarded64 video! I wonder what we're gonna do today??

(Spaghetti is done alarm)

Mario: YES, OH MY GOSH! Come here, fishy-

(Stove opens, which hits Mario)

Mario: OH, FUCK!

Michael Jackson: (Appears out of spaghetti) Hey, fellas, you looking for a good time? I'll show you a good time! (Grabs his crotch a bunch of times)

Mario: OH, IT'S ON, ASSHOLE! (Goes to fight Michael Jackson)

SMG4: Oh, goddammit!

(Bowser appears from downstairs and sees SMG4 with a camera while Mario and MJ are fighting)

Bowser: I'm not disturbing, am I?

SMG4: Not really... We failed the shot anyway...

Bowser: Hey! Mario! Take this! (Gives Bowser Jr. to Mario) Don't let him die and, uhh... Give it back in a couple of hours! (Walks away laughing)

Mario: ...Wait, what?! Mamafucker!

(Back in the lobby)

Mario: Hoo hoo, hello! It's-a me, Mario! And aren't you the cutest wittle Bowser I've seen! Come on!

(Bowser Jr. breathes in)

Mario: Oh, look!

(Bowser Jr. throws a big fire at Mario, burning him)

Mario: MAMA-HOO-HA-HO-WOW-WOW!!

(Outside the castle)

Bowser: (Laughs) My god... I did it... I'm finally free... PARTYYYYYY!!

(Cut to a montage of Bowser dancing in random places,then to him running into his grandma)

Bowser: Huh? (Screams) Uh-oh! Uhhh... Hi there, Granny... What a surprise...

Granny: I was just checking on you and Junior... Where is little Junior?

Bowser: I uhh... I left him...at home... Yeah...

Granny: You left him at home... ALONE?!

Bowser: (Backs away) No no no... He's being looked after by an Italian dude...

Granny: (Grows bigger) If anything were to happen to my little Junior... I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!

(Bowser runs away screaming to another place)

Bowser: Oh, God... Bowser Jr. is safe with Mario, right?...

(Bowser imagines Mario singing when the castle is on fire, causing Bowser Jr. to burn)

Bowser: Holy shit!

(Bowser breaks the door open to go back inside the castle)

Bowser: SON!! You're not dead, are you?!

(Turns out Mario was just playing airplane with Bowser Jr. having fun)

Bowser Jr.: Again!

Mario: Mamaf***er! (Continues playing with Bowser Jr.)

Bowser: Oh, thank God, he's alive...

SMG4: I'm surprised Mario isn't dead. He's been doing this for 3 hours now.

(Mario stops playing airplane)

Mario: I'm-a fallen, and I can't get up!

Bowser Jr.: Again!

Mario: No!

(Bowser Jr. farts on Mario's face and laughs, which angers Mario)

Mario: WHAT THE FUCK?! (Gets more angry) I'M SICK OF THIS SHIT!

(Mario throws Bowser Jr. to the wall, which angers Bowser)

Bowser: YOU SON OF A BITCH!! (Blows fire at Mario, burning his body)

Junior.: (Crying) Papa... Why'd you destroy uncle Mario?

Bowser: He is not your uncle! And he uhh is actually a pedophile. Now lets go!

Junior: (Crying) But I want to play with Uncle Mario!

Bowser: OK, OK! Fine! "Uncle" Mario can come!

Mario: (Gets up unburned somehow) WOOHOO!

(Outside the castle)

Bowser: (Laughs) OK, Mario, you stop Junior from crying and I'll go capture the Princess.

Mario: (carrying Bowser Jr.) Hey! I can't even see where I'm going!

Bowser: I don't give a fuck! (Runs away)

Junior: Papa Bowser... I want to see a movie... with you too...

Bowser: ...Oh... Alright...

(They went to a movie theater where Mario looked at the "Super Mario Bros. Movie" poster, in which he is outraged)

Mario: Look, I'm a video game! When the heck did I let people make movies about me?

(While Mario angrily runs away, Chain Chomp looked at the "Wallace and Gromit" poster)

Chain Chomp: THE FUCK DOES "GROMIT" MEAN?!

Mario: (Gets angry) I even heard that movie sucks!

Bowser: Oh it's not that bad, cry baby!

Junior: Hey, Papa! I want to watch this movie!

(They looked at the "Super Mario Twilight" poster, leaving Mario and Bowser shocked)

Mario: SAY WHAAAAAAT?!

(They went inside to watch the movie as Mario and Bowser are still shocked about what they are doing in the movie, but Wario seems to enjoy it)

Mario (in the movie): Hello gay Bowser, I still love you!

(The Bowser in the movie shouts)

Wario: Beautiful!

Bowser (in the movie): Mario.

Mario (in the movie): Yesssssssssss?

Bowser (in the movie): Let's touch penises.

(After watching that scene, Bowser starts to throw vomit repeatedly while Mario screams in disgust)

Bowser Jr: Aww...

(Later, in the restroom)

Bowser: Oh, God. (throws up more vomit)

(Bowser Jr. comes out of the theater laughing)

Junior: Come on, come on! Papa Bowser!?...I want to watch the sequel!

(Bowser Jr. goes inside the restroom and found Bowser)

Junior: ...Papa! There you are! Hey, get up, get up get up getupgetupgetupgetupgetu-

Bowser: YOU'RE JUST A STUPID WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!!

(Bowser Jr. begins to cry)

Mario: Oh, no!

(Bowser Jr. runs away crying)

Mario: Oh, hell no!

Bowser: Don't look at me like that, homo!

(Cuts to a scene where they are outside)

Mario: ...You know that kid hasn't come back yet, right?...

Bowser: I don't care! What has been seen cannot be unseen!

Mario: But before, you told me you would get in trouble!

(Bowser thinks of his grandma saying Raisins! )

Bowser: Oh, shit!

(Mario and Bowser split up to search for Bowser Jr.)

Mario: TINY BOWSER!!

Bowser: JUNIOR??

(Mario, with his "Lost Koopa" paper, talks to a guy)

Mario: Have you seen (Italian gibberish)? Guy: What the fuck is that?!
 * The "Italian gibberish" means "this lost Koopa".

Bowser: SON!!

Shy Guy: YEAH, TOAST!

(Mario puts the "Lost Koopa" papers all over the wall)

Mario: Oki doki! (laughs)

Old Man: (Gets up with the "Lost Koopa" paper that Mario put) Huh? Who's that? Jerry?

(Cuts to a scene where Mario tells Bowser the "good news")

Mario: Yeah, ha ha ha! Yo, Bowser! I found him!

Bowser: Really?!

(But it turns out that he found Roy Koopa, not Bowser Jr.)

Roy Koopa: Hey, Daddy!

Bowser: Goddammit, Mario! Oh Goddangit! Wrong child, idiot!!! And Roy, stop wearing those homo glasses!

Roy Koopa: Bitch, I'm fabulous! (Sings "Fabulous")

Mario: I can see where he gets his taste from.

Bowser: Shut the fuck up!

Junior: (Laughing) Hey, old Papa!!! Meet my new cooler papa!

(Bowser Jr. shows them that Dr. Eggman, who is singing "Sex Bomb" in front of "Club Pingas", is his "new cooler papa")

Bowser: Huh?!

Mario: Bullshit!

Dr. Eggman: No! You see guys... I've never had a son before... and when this little lad came along...

Mario: (Singing Beethoven style) Nobody caaaaaares, nobody caaaaaaares!

Bowser: Give me my son back, or I'll tear you limb from limb!!!

Dr. Eggman: That's where you're wrong, bitch! (Tries to shoot them with his machine gun)

(Mario and Bowser run away screaming and hid behind the wall)

Mario and Bowser: Oh, hell no!

Mario: Hey, stinky! Hey! Stop being useless and stop that maniac!

Policeman: Alright, alright, alright! (Goes to Dr. Eggman and talks to him) Sir, um, I'm gonna have to ask you to please, um, come with us, if you don't mind, just for a minute.

(Dr. Eggman then tries to shoot the Policeman who runs away screaming)

Mario: (Gets angry) Come on!

(Phone rings and Bowser picks up the phone)

Bowser: Hello?

Granny: Hi, Sonny!

(Bowser screams)

Granny: I'm coming to pick Junior up now. Where are you?

Bowser: Uhh, we decided we wanted to play longer... Yeah...

Grandma: Hey! You're at the new Club Pingas!

Bowser: ...How the hell did you know that?!

Grandma: I can hear the owner screaming.

(Dr. Eggman is still screaming while shooting aimlessly)

Grandma: Ok, I'll be there soon! Bye! (Hangs up the phone)

(Bowser moves forward)

Mario: Wha-?! Oh, wait wait wait, where are you going?!

Bowser: I'm coming for you son!

(Dr. Eggman raps "Don't Drop That Thun Thun")

Bowser: Let's do this! (Jumps higher to get Dr. Eggman) YOLOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Dr. Eggman: WHOA!

(Bowser crashes to Dr. Eggman in Club Pingas as he crashed to a hole)

Dr. Eggman: (Gets up and looks at the hole that Bowser broke) How dare you ruin my work, you flying fat man?!

Bowser: Mario! Help!

Mario: Wa-ha! Let's-a go! Super Mario is here to save the day!

Toad: Oh my God, Mario, the Princess is in another castle!

Mario: Mama mia! What sick club is this!?

Dr. Eggman: (Grabs his gun) Out of this house, out of this house!

Mario: Nobody hurts my midgit Bowser!! (Eats a Poison Mushroom) And I think that was the wrong mushroom to eat... (Falls unconscious)

Bowser: Oh, Goddammit!

(Dr. Eggman points a gun at Bowser)

Bowser: Uh-oh!

Dr. Eggman: Unbelievable! I'm gonna kill you and I'll keep killing you-

(Someone hits Dr. Eggman, knocking him out, and it was Bowser Jr. with a frying pan)

Bowser: Junior!?

Junior: This Papa is stupid! Can I have you back, Papa?

Bowser: Junior, I've got something...difficult to tell you about.

Junior: What is it Papa?

Bowser: For the first time, I'm actually proud of you.

(Bowser Jr. is crying tears of joy)

Bowser: (Laughing) Come here Junior... I need to give you something...

Bowser Jr.: Give me a hug!

Bowser: No, the bitch slap your ass-

(Granny Koopa punched Bowser)

Granny: Come on Junior, time to go now.

Junior: (Laughing) OK, Granny!

Bowser: Oh man... Mario! Time to get out of here!...

(Mario is still unconscious for eating a Poison Mushroom)

Bowser: Oh, come on, is Mario still passed out?

SMG4: Then how are we supposed to end this episode?!

Junior: Super Mario Twilight 2!!!!! Woohoo!

(Bowser and Bowser Jr. goes to watch the movie with Mario who is still unconscious, and after watching the scene where the Mario in the movie said that he's pregnant, Bowser throws up vomit once more)

(End of video)