SMG4: Mario and The Diss Track/Transcript

This is the transcript for SMG4: Mario and The Diss Track by SMG4.

Transcript
(Glitchy Boy intro.)

(The episode starts with Mario and Luigi being kicked out of a restaurant.)

Duke Nukem: And stay out!

Luigi: (He gets up off the ground.) Ohhh... Mario! I told you not to play with your food! Why didn't you listen!?

Mario: (He moves his head up and down slowly.) Oh c'mon! As if you never put spaghetti in your underwear before!! (Something gets his attention.) Hey what's all this?

Luigi: Huh? (He turns around.) Wah! Oh no!

(There are posters merchandise, and promotional items with Bob on them all over the place, as well as people listening to his music.)

Mario: Hmm... there's something different about this place...

Luigi: This is bad... Bob is everywhere!! We gotta go back to the castle and tell everyone!

Mario: (Suddenly with sunglasses and a balloon with Bob's face on it.) Why? He's not doing anything wrong?

Luigi: Bob can't have that much power Mario! He'll...he'll...do something bad...I know it... (Behind him, Mario snatches a couple more balloons out of someone's hand and floats into the air.) Mario...? (He looks up and sees Mario flying.) MAAARIOOOOO!

Mario: I'm-a gonna fly for you. (A plane hits him.)

(It cuts to Bob's second mansion. Bob is sitting on a gold chair, watching the listener count on his Soundcloud.)

Bob: (Throws the remote.) Goddammit! Is this thing broken? I haven't seen it go up for a whole minute!

Saiko: Uhh...Bob, I think it's not going up because... Everyone in the Mushroom Kingdom is already a fan...

Bob: (Hops onto a golden statue of himself.) I don't care! It's not enough! I want the whole world to know my name! THEEE WHOOOLE WOOORLD!

Saiko: Hmm..You're right! We need to think bigger! We need everyone to notice us!!! Err...I mean you...

Bob: I think it's time! Time for my ultimate secret weapon!

Saiko: Are we gonna threaten people!?

Bob: No. But that's not a bad idea.

(It cuts to the castle, where everyone is watching the TV.)

Luigi: (Bursts in.) GUYS! GUYS, IT'S HORRIBLE!

Toad: Mario's dead!?

(Mario happily walks in, humming and with all kinds of Bob merch: A balloon, some white rapper blinds, and a Bob shirt.)

Luigi: No, it's Bob! He...He's everywhere!!!

Fishy Boopkins: Huh?

SMG4: So what? The guy's just famous... (Suddenly donning some shades.) You just don't understand the fame life, Luigi.

Tari: Yeah...I don't get what's wrong...We should be happy for his success.

Meggy: I think somebody's just a little jealous...

Luigi: No! I'm serious! (Goes over to Fishy Boopkins.) Boopkins! Help me out here.

(Fishy Boopkins is cowering on the couch until he falls on the floor.)

Bowser: (Noticing that Bob's new hit single is about to come on.) Oh Bobs singing a new song live!!! Stay and check it out Luigi!

Luigi: Huh?

Mario: (Appears with popcorn.) Ooooh! That's-a so nice!

(The song begins.)

ULTIMATE DISS TRACK - Lil Big Bob

Bob: Are you ready for the ultimate diss, bitches?

'''♫Sit down folks♫ ♫Let me tell ya a little story♫ ♫about the time...♫ ♫before all my sexy glory♫ ♫I knew a group of people♫ ♫that was just so irritating♫ ♫as soon as I met them♫ ♫my life became devastating♫ ♫first was Mario♫ ♫A fatass b!tch♫ ♫his pasta fetish made me♫ ♫wanna put him in a ditch♫ ♫then there's Luigi♫ ♫now he's just dead weight♫ ♫oh yeah, then again...♫ ♫He was easy to manipulate♫ ♫Don't get me started on the♫ ♫annoying squid girl♫ ♫the sound of her voice♫ ♫was like screeching metal♫ ♫there was this blue haired chick...♫ ♫...but I forgot her name♫ ♫when I think about it♫ ♫she couldn't shut up about games♫ ♫Toad and Bowser♫ ♫what a waste of space♫ ♫SMG4♫ ♫An unfunny disgrace♫ ♫Then there was this green turd♫ ♫oh god why♫ ♫his love for anime♫ ♫made me wanna die♫ ♫Ultimate Diss Track, Ultimate Diss Track♫ ♫Your dignity in life♫ ♫you're never getting back♫ ♫Ultimate Diss Track, Ultimate Diss Track♫ ♫you're never gonna recover♫ ♫from this ultimate attack♫''' True Story.

(End song. Dead silence... Everyone is in sheer shock and disgust at what they had just seen.)

Mario: Hey! Mario was on TV!

Luigi: WHAAAT!?

SMG4: The hell was that!?

(Toad picks up a shotgun.)

Bowser: I am lonely!

(Fishy Boopkins continues cowering.)

Meggy: Is my voice really that annoying?!

Tari: I don't understand...why would he say that? I thought he was our friend.

Luigi: Guys...I think it's time I told you everything that Bob has done...

(It cuts to Bob after his performance.)

Bob: Yeah, boi! Holy crap, my rapping was on fire! Did you hear that? I'm gonna top the charts, bitches! Let's check my sexy stats, shall we? (He turns on the TV to his Soundcloud, which shows his listener count skyrocket.) Well, smother me in tits! I am pulling in the bitches!

Saiko: (Surprised.) L-look at all those fans...

Bob: (Picks up a worker.) We're gonna get so much goddamn cash money and hos form this! And it only cost me all of my friends! (He throws the worker.) Totally worth it!

Saiko: I'm gonna be able to start my own singing career at this rate.. I'm gonna call around and see if I can get myself a manager! (She leaves.)

Bob: Yeah... So this is what it's like to be famous... (Zoom out to show all the workers around him.) Hell yeah!

(It cuts to Saiko on her phone. A shadow can be seen behind her.)

???: Saiko.

(She screams and throws her phone at the shadow. It turns out to be Luigi.)

Saiko: Oh Luigi!? Can you check if my phone is okay?

Luigi: (Coughing.) I'm here to talk about Bob...

Saiko: Oh c'mon, that diss track was just for fun. He didn't mean any of that.

(Luigi goes and brings a still cowering Fishy Boopkins over.)

Saiko: What? Boopkins? What happened to him??

Luigi: Saiko, I need to explain something. Something that Bob did to Boopkins... and how he manipulated you and all of us...

(It cuts back to the castle where everyone is discussing how to get revenge on Bob.)

Mario: Alright...so here's Mario's plan... (He drops a bat on the table.) We smash him.

Toad: I vote for this idea!

Tari: Uhh...maybe we shouldn't resort to brutal violence... Why don't we just challenge him to a video game challenge?

(Beat, then Mario and Toad burst out laughing.)

SMG4: Guys, SHUT UP! There has to be something else we can do...

(Luigi, Saiko, and Boopkins arrive.)

Luigi: Guys, I've told Saiko everything... And we have a plan.

Bowser: And how do we know we can trust her? She helped Bob!

Saiko: Because I HATE being played!... and also because... (She looks over at Boopkins, who is rolling on the floor.) he hurt my... f-...f-f-f...

Mario: Is she having a stroke?

Saiko: f-...f-f-f... FRIEND!

Fishy Boopkins: Aww, Saiko...

Luigi: (Pats Saiko on the back.) hehe, I knew you could do it Saiko- (She grabs his hand.)

Saiko: Hands. Off.

(Luigi nods in worry.)

SMG4: So...what's the plan then?

Mario: OOH! Does it involve bats?!

Saiko: We're gonna teach that psycho a lesson. A lesson he'll never forget...

(It cuts to Bob in his mansion.)

Bob: Damn! Ultimate Diss Track hit the top of the charts in five minutes! Let's see other losers who are trying to beat me right now!

(He turns the channel to a concert. Saiko is on TV.)

Bob: Huh? What the hell is this!?

DARKEST HOUR - Saiko

♫Soundcloud rapper♫ ♫to trash disaster♫ ♫I'll diss this time♫ ♫I'll show you how to rhyme♫ ♫Someone should leash your greed♫ ♫Push aside the attention you need♫ ♫All you did was betray♫ ♫Now you've become worthless prey♫ ♫Those grinchy eyes♫ ♫Should see that♫ ♫All you've done made you alone♫ ♫And you had caring friends that you had never known♫ ♫No forgiving♫ ♫Here's what you're missing♫

'''♫Come on guys now♫ ♫All rock with me♫''' ♫Time to set your♫ ♫Hatred free♫ ♫Taunting Bob♫ ♫His darkest hour♫ ♫Help our friend♫ ♫And make him see♫ ♫Lying, mistreating♫ ♫Pain is all that he brings♫

♫Only wish you knew♫ ♫Sorry Bob but♫ ♫You are through♫

♫It's time for Saiko's wrath♫ ♫And take down this sociopath♫ ♫How 'bout you run back home?♫ ♫Buy another house♫ ♫We'll burn♫ ♫Or we could drop you♫ ♫In a well♫ ♫And never look that way♫ ♫And if we let you out♫ ♫I bet you'd wanna stay♫ ♫All that money♫ ♫Won't save you, honey♫

♫Come on guys now♫ ♫All rock with me♫ ♫Time to set your♫ ♫Hatred free♫ ♫Taunting Bob♫ ♫His darkest hour♫ ♫Help our friend♫ ♫And make him see♫ ♫Lying, mistreating♫ ♫Pain is all that he brings♫

♫Here is where it ends♫ ♫You don't mess with♫ ♫All your friends♫

(End song.)

Bob: ...That wasn't that good. I bet no one even cared. (Notices that the counter is about to go down.) Oh crap!

(And down the counter goes.)

Bob: Oh God! Oh God, please no! Not my fans! Don't take away my dumb fans! (He goes outside.) Ohhh craaap...!

(To his horror, there are posters and merch of Saiko all over the place. He notices that someone is about to throw some of Bob's merch in the trash.)

Bob: Oh crap, not the merch! Anything but the merch!

(The guy throws them in the trash anyway.)

Bob: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wait! It's not over yet! (He pulls out his megaphone.) Hey, yo, it's me, Lil Big Bob! I leave stitches and stitches with my own big knob! See my bling bling? I'm a lil big blunt-a! And when I die, I'll be sure to haunt ya!

Duke Nukem: SHUT UP!

Bob: ...Okay. (He goes back to his mansion.) At least I still have my mansion. (He notices a couple Teletubbies moving his statue out.) Hey, you ass! That's my stuff! (He attacks them.)

Teletubby: Sorry buddy, your agent was paying for all this and he has dropped you. (He raises a clipboard.) Speaking of which, sign here!

Bob: (Tackles him.) Piss off! (To the other Teletubbies.) You too! You will never take my home! (A Teletubby lifts the mansion, leaving a big, black void of nothing in its place.)

Teletubby: (Laughs.) Bye bye!

Bob: Goddammit!!!

(It cuts to Bob walking depressingly on the street.)

Bob: My fame... My fortune... All gone... At least I still have my friends.

(All the guys are in an eatery.)

Bob: Hey guys, it's me, Bob! Good old Bob!

(They all turn to glare at him.)

Bob: Do you remember me?

(They go back to eating. Bob just sits down on the ground as Fishy Boopkins walks out.)

Bob: Boopkins! My buddy! We're still friends, right?

(Fishy Boopkins just looks at him and heads back inside, indicating that his answer is "no". All Bob can do now is just sit somberly on the ground, his rap career ruined, his fame and fortune taken from him, and abandoned by all his friends...)

"Darkest Hour" Promo
Saiko: Konichiwa! Saiko here. If you liked my song, "Darkest Hour", then go and check it out on Spotify and iTunes! Or not. It's not like I care or anything... Baka. Links in the description!

(Credits roll.)