SM64 Christmas 2014: The Bowser That Stole Christmas./Transcript

Bowser: (giggles) Oh boy! Aren't you exited troops! Presents... I mean Christmas is almost here!

Troops: (cheering sarcasticly) Yeeeeaaaahhhh! Yeeeeaaaahhhh!

Bowser: (breathing fire at his troops) BE MORE HAPPY ABOUT IT!

Troops: (cheering) YEEEEAAAAHHHH!!! (clapping)

Bowser: Oh I asked Santa for all the bests present this year!

(Cut to the mall with Toad on Waluigi's lap)

Toad: Hello! What are you doing? I've had a bad day at work today.

(Waluigi throws Toad off his lap because of his annoyance)

Toad: WAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Waluigi: Wah, Waluigi hate Christmas anyway.

(Bowser then lands on Waluigi)

Bowser: OK, this year! I want a new castle, Princess Peach, all the coins, Princess Peach and... Hey! You listening?

(Cut back to Bowser's lair, Bowser dances around his Christmas tree)

Bob-omb: Dude, why does he still believe in that crap?

Goomba: Us troops have to buy everything he wants each year to keep him from getting mad. And even that much doesn't cover half of his wish list.

Bob-omb: Someone needs to go tell him.

Goomba: B*tch hell no!

Bowser: This waiting is killing me! I need to go outside!

(A Chuck-ya suddenly appears from above)

Chuck-ya: CODE RED TROOPS! CODE-RED!

Koopa: Wow wow! What's going on?

Chuck-ya: WE CAN'T AFFORD BOWSER'S PRESENT THIS YEAR! HE'S PAYING US IN PEANUTS!!!

Troops: (freak out) WAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

(Cut to Princess Peach's Castle at Christmas Eve)

Mario, Luigi and Wario: OOOOOOHHHHH! For the twenty-fifth day of Christmas Nintendo give to me!

Peach: (to SMG4 while the Mario, Luigi and Waro are singing) Ooh...Those guys better get ready! Our flight to Yoshi's Island is leaving soon...

Mario: Twenty-five cookies baking.

Wario: Twenty-four Wiis a-shaking.

SMG4: (in reply to Peach) Oh lighten up. It's christmas let them hurt themselves hehe...

Luigi: Twenty-three Bob-ombs booming.

Wario: Twenty-two Warios booming.

Luigi: Nineteen racers karting.

Wario: Eighteen Warios farting.

Mario: Seventeen Koopas trooping.

Wario: Sixteen Warios pooping.

Luigi: Fifteen games of Kong.

Wario: Wario in a thong.

Mario: Thirdteen hats of red.

Wario: Peach in Wario's-BAH!

Peach: Locks the doors at four, don't forget the water the flowers! and remember to keep the place clean... Oh! And don't forget to blah blah blah blah. You get all that?

Toad: (happily) Of course!

Peach: Ok, what did I just tell you?

Toad: I have no idea! (Cut to Bowser's Castle, with Bowser waiting for Santa's arrival, in front of his clock that he's constantly watching, at 5 minutes to midnight)

Bowser: (to the Goomba) Hey you! Tell Santa to deliver the presents faster!

Goomba: Uh... y-yes! Of course sir... (oh boy).

(Bowser Jr. then appears)

Bowser Jr.: The hell yoou talking about? You troops told us you can't afford Bowser's-...

(The Goomba, scared, fires his lazer at Bowser Jr. to cover the truth)

Bowser: Hey! Only I'm allowed to do that!

Goomba: Uhh sorry sir! I'll make sure you get the presents! AHHHHHH!

(The Goomba then goes away)

Bowser: (happily) Oh boy, Santa is gonna come through with all my presents.

(It's finally Christmas Day but, Bowser is very angry to see that Santa didn't deliver him the presents)

Bowser: (shouts angrily and jump in front of his troops) WHERE'S THE PRESENTS!?

(His troops then start freaking out)

Bob-omb: Lord Bowser, you should realise the actual truth about Santa...

Bowser: (interrupts the Bob-omb) THAT HE'S A DOUBLE CROSSING BASTARD!!!!

(Bowser then runs at the Bob-omb)

Bob-omb: OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! (explodes)

Bowser: (flying away) I WILL DESTROY SANTA!!!!

(Cut to the Mushroom Airport, Mario, drunk, is walking outside)

SMG4: (chasing Mario) Dude! Godammit! Stop tripping and get other here!

Mario: (running) Pingas! Pingas! Pingas!

(Cut to Peach and Luigi inside the airport)

Peach: What got into Mario?? We need to leave now!

Luigi: Mamma mia!

(Cut back to Mario (still drunk) and SMG4 (still chasing Mario) outside)

SMG4: Mario! I told you not eating spaghetti from hobos!

Mario: SANTAS NOT A HOBO! RIGHT SANTA!?

(Cut to Blaine that Mario had mistaken for Santa)

Blaine: (tooking off his hat) B*TCH!!!

Mario: I'm gonna fly to the Spaghetti River!!!

(Mario then see an Old Man (from Pokemon fire Red and Leaf Green) disguised as Santa)

Mario: (happily) Hey! Give me that costume and I'll show you the end of the rainbow!

(Cut to Bowser flying with his clown car to find Santa)

Bowser: I WILL DESTROY THIS LAND! I SHALL FIND YOU SANTA! YOU BETRAYED ME!

Kids: NINTENDO 64! OH MY GOD!

Bowser: NO! (takes the kids' presents while the tree falls over)

Kid: FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Bowser: If I don't get anything! Then NONE OF YOU DO!

(Bowser flies through a house)

Bowser: Bitch! (takes a guys present)

Guy: The fuck?

(Bowser flies over to an old lady and steals her)

Old Lady: HEEEEEELLLLLP!!!

Guy: Oh my god!

(Dr. Eggman shows Daisy his pingas-in-a-box)

Eggman: Pingas!

(Bowser flies by and steals the 'box' and Eggman screams)

Bowser: Man, people wish for weird presents...

Mario: (talk backwards)

Bowser: Finally found you Santa!

Barney: Hi, Kids! It's Barney

Mario: Oh SH!T! (scream) Im sorry i didn't eat vegetables barney!

Old Lady: Heeeelllpppp!

(Cut to the Mushroom Airport)

SMG4: *huff* Lost... *puff* Mario... Godammit...

Peach: Oh no! I'm starting to worry, we shouldn't be going on the vacation...

SMG4: Nah, don't worry! Everything will be fine! Mario is going to come back and we can all be happy!

Anchor: This just in! Fat italian man in santa suit chased by Big turtle in clown car!

Mario: (scream) Kids for gods sakes eat your vegetables or Barney wiil get you!

Bowser: I GONNA R**E YOU!

SMG4: Oh no! F*cky away!

Mario: (scream) This wouldnt be so hard if i wasn't tripping so bad!!! (eat 1-up) Hmm...

Barney: Hi, Kid-

Mario: (happily) Oh it's just Bowser! Hi Bowser! Mama mia!

Bowser: I GONNA R**E YOU!

Mario: NO, NO, NO, NO, NOOOO! (scream)

(Cut to the Toad Farm)

Mario: Let's go!

Toad (1): Oh! Hey Mario!

Toad (2): Hey Mario!

Toad (3): Oh, Hey Mario!

Bowser: Probably shouldnt have gone through the pipe!! Where are you Santa!?

Mario: Run, B*tch! RRUUUNNNN!!! (screams)

Bowser: What the F*CK!

Mario: ''(scream) Mama f*cker! Godammit! Really!? A fridge!?

Guy: Oh my god! Look! It's santa! In the sky! Santa! Down here! You you're so cool! He's even dropping presents! Mine! Yeah! (laughs)

Bowser: Where is my present Santa!?!?!?

Mario: There is, Mamaf*cker!

Toad (2): (untengible)

Toads: (screams)

Mario: (scream)

Text: "Directed by Michael Bay"

(Cut to the Mushroom Airport)

SMG4: Stupid Mario... Making me chase him around all christmas...

Bowser: Hi, Guys! It's Bowser! Bowwwserrrrr!

(Cut to the Hospital and beeps)

Mario: Mama Mia. Oww... My head... Thank god that toad broke the landing...

Bowser: Santa... Im gonna... Punch ya... In the gabba... erugh...

Mario: Grrr! For the last time, Im not santa. There is no such thing as santa... Mamaf*cker!

Bowser: But.. How about... All those presents that i got over the years...

Goomba: Uhh actually sir... It was us troops who bought you the presents... in secret... and we couldn't get them this year due to our salary being turned into peanuts...

Bowser: Ooh... That doesn't excuse you for not getting my presents this year!

Goomba: (scream)

SMG4: Where the hell is that damn doctor and my medicine!?

Dr. Mario: (sings "Dr. Mario song") (laughs)

SMG4: Oh, Godammit!?!

Bowser: So... Santa isn't real then?... no... free presents?... (crys)

Mario: Well you gotta grow up man. Don't be like SMG4 who still believes in the easter bunny

SMG4: (untengible)

Bowser: So... Santa isn't real then?... no... free presents?...

Mario: To make you feel better i got a little present for you Bowser... You can come in now!

Bowser (offscreen): You got me a personal elf!? :D

Mario (offscreen): No! That's not what christmas is all about! Its about jolly good singing! Mama mia. Let's go! Take it away Waluigi!

Waluigi (offscreen): ♫ Let it go! Let it go! Let it go! ♫

Bowser (offscreen): Oh, FUUUUUUUUUUUU-

(outro)