Swagmaster6969696969

Swagmaster (YouTube name: swagmaster69696969696) is the main protagonist (only in Guards N' Retards) and a possibly mentally challenged guard who works at the Retarded Spaghetti Factory with his friend Chris(although Chris may not consider him a friend). He appears in the Guards N' Retards series and in Retarded64: Mario and the retarded spaghetti factory.

Personality
Swagmaster is stuck-up, unintelligent, cocky, and tends to be uncaring towards others. He prefers to screw around instead of doing what he is supposed to be doing, which is one of the main reasons why he and Chris get into so much trouble most of the time. On some rare occasions where he is focused on the task at hand, he is very resourceful and can get out of many sticky situations.

He is obsessed with way too much breasts, as shown in The Butt Ninja, where his dying wish is for Chris to bring him breasts, and in Pointy Things, where Swag's pursuit of the Pointy Boob Lady is the cause of this main conflict.

On occasion, Swagmaster appears to enjoy singing while he is goofing around; however, he is apparently tone-deaf, as the characters around him start to panic and cringe in pain whenever he sings.

Appearances
Swagmaster69696969696 is a recent character in SMG4's videos: he started making appearances in 2014.

Retarded64

 * Retarded64: Mario and the Retarded Spaghetti Factory

Episodic

 * SM64: The Retardness of 2014
 * SM64: RETARDED RECAP 2016
 * ​SM64: Who let the chomp out...AGAIN!?
 * SMG4: BENDY and the SPAGHETTI MACHINE
 * SMG4: The Movie Audition
 * SMG4 Christmas 2017: The XMAS Discovery

Guards N' Retards

 * Guards N' Retards: The Butt Ninja
 * Guards N' Retards: Pointy Things
 * Guards N' Retards: Prisoners
 * Guards N' Retards: Swag Party Hostages
 * Guards N' Retards: Le Train Breach
 * Guards N' Retards: Swag Magic.
 * Guards N' Retards: Da Bomb
 * Guards N' Retards: The Vacation

Non-Episodic

 * WELCOME TO SMG4'S MAGICAL LAND OF RETARDNESS 
 * Fishy Boopkins Plays VRChat

The Mario Channel

 * The Mario Channel: MARIO'S CHALLENGE

Trivia

 * His YouTube name may be based on the name of another YouTuber called "swagmaster69".
 * In the video "The Butt Ninja", he is shown activating two "modes": "ninja stealth mode" and "swag mode".
 * He needs breasts to survive.
 * His character model is the "St. Petersburg Guard" from GoldenEye 007 for the Nintendo 64.
 * In Retarded64: Mario and the Retarded Spaghetti Factory, his character model is the Arctic Commando, with the aforementioned face put on it.
 * His subtitles are red, similar to Mario's subtitles.
 * Swag is voiced by Microsoft Sam.
 * In "Swag Party Hostages", it is revealed that he can activate a "Mega Swagalicious Pingas", which is a fist that comes from that area.
 * Swagmasters subtitles changed in the video "swag magic."
 * In "swag magic" he is shown that he is number one in "Swag Fu", which is the parody of Kung Fu.
 * Swagmaster is based off Chief from "Arby N' the Chief". However, Swagmaster seems to have better grammar than Chief at times. They also both have annoyingly intelligent partners...
 * Swagmaster sold his soul to a ghost on a week before the events of Swag magic for some ice cream.

Quotes

 * This is why they call me swagmaster.
 * Swag mode activate.
 * SWAG AUFUUHUFHUGFHDUD
 * Where are those sexy ass ladies they said on the commercial?
 * WHAT THE FUCK
 * SHIT SHIT SHIT
 * HOLY D*CK NUGGETS!
 * SCHWOP
 * This is bullshit.
 * Shut up, Greg.
 * Shut up Chris.
 * We meet again, butt ninja.
 * Do I fucking look OK, dumbass?
 * Nipple twist!!
 * Boobs, Chris, boobs. Bring them to me, quickly.
 * Dude, there's some crazy guy women in the toilets.
 * Penis.
 * In the balls.
 * Why Chris? Why you piss off old people!
 * Marco!
 * POLO!
 * MARCOOOOOO!
 * But I don't want toooo...
 * Y u do dis?
 * HOLY SH*T! POINTY BOOBIES!!
 * Eyes on the prize Chris, eyes on the prize.
 * What you call me?! I'll let you know I am the king of chopanese! Ahh goddamit Chris why did you block my view!
 * Where is it? It's mine!
 * Who's this douchebag anyway? Is he part of the Wiggles?
 * Jesus Christ, dude, get a tic tac or something.
 * I'm going to murder the Wiggles now ...
 * Is she a mental old lady who's obsessed with raisins?
 * CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
 * Huh? Who's that?
 * Woah... Is that-
 * BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES
 * Aw... She ran away.
 * Did you see how pointy those boobies were? They could pop a balloon!
 * Yeah ok, LOL. I'm going to find Pointy Boob Lady.
 * I AM COMING, POINTY BOOBIES!
 * SHITUCKIFRIEDHOLYCRAP
 * I'm not changing swagmaster69696969696.
 * I GOT THIS CHRIS! I'ma charging my lazer!
 * My ROFLcopter goes SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI.
 * Goddammit granny... did you litter more skeletons on the floor again?!
 * But first... LET ME TAKE A SELFIE!
 * jitghtbjdfiztnjiyohtjebkenmSQUAREBRACKET
 * NUT SHOT! ...Shit, I missed!
 * Uhh... I can explain why there's a rocket launcher up Gavin's butt...
 * This job is like pointy boobs on your face, it gets annoying but you still love it!
 * You actually trust the bullshit that comes out of my mouth?! When did you stoop so low, Chris?
 * The prisoner looked like a rectangle with creepy ass eyes
 * I 'ma charging my lazer! WOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOP
 * Just make out with your jailbuddy.
 * kthxbai
 * HOLY CRAP IT'S FATASS JUSTIN BIEBER! KILL HIM!
 * MEGA SWAGALICIOUS PINGAS ACTIVATE!
 * Titty launcher!!
 * ILLUMINATI!
 * OK EVERYONE, DON'T PANIC, BUT YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
 * This is the sad story of two..fired guards.
 * This retard chris, and the sexy Swagmaster!
 * So cold.. Need money... Gimmie some pingas!
 * STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER!
 * Sorry lol i don't have a soul!
 * Remind me never to come near you when you have a piece of toast in your hand!
 * I don't know why but i feel, FAABUULOOUS!
 * Wanna 1v1 me? fight like a man?
 * Crap he found my one and only true weakness Chris were doomed!
 * I'll let you know i am number one in swag fu!
 * Entering SUPER BUTTHURT MODE!
 * Feast your eyes on my, TROLL FACE!
 * Holy crap, it's fat ass Justin Bieber, kill him! 
 * PEW   PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW
 * YOU MOUSTACHIO'D PIECE OF SHIT!
 * Make more episodes of Guards N' Retards!
 * One episode per year won't cut it dickweed!
 * You just don't want people to hear my sexy singing!
 * Oh boy Chris it's snowing! This calls for some Christmas carols because that's the true meaning of Christmas!
 * JINGLE BELLS JINGLE BELLS JINGLE BELLS ROCK!
 * Before I awsumly die, can you du one last thing Chris?
 * Mario sucks pingas lol
 * Fuck u penis muncher
 * i'm pregant chris. i'm pregent and ur the father.
 * I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD. SHINING. SHITTERING. SWAGNESS!!!
 * Pasta la vista baby
 * Pasta la vista baby