R64: Freddy's spaghettiria/Transcript

Transcript
(Retarded64 opening)

Mario: Mama f***er!

(Mario is cross-eyed, standing near a sign that says "Super Psychic Italian Genie. Knows everything in the universe. Cost: One Spaghetti Bowl

Mario: La la la hmm hmm hmm, la la la hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm*humming tune of Super Mario Bros.*

Stacy:Hmm?... What's this? *sees the sign and gets interested* Ooh! *gives Mario her spaghetti*

Mario: Oh yeah! *slides over to Stacy* Oh, you're so good! Let'sa Go!

Stacy: *looks to her sides then turns to Mario* Uh, Excuse me, but, did that cute guy from yesterday really though I was beautiful?

Mario: Hoo hoo hoo... *shakes head* No!

(Stacy looks at Mario angrily. She is suddenly replaced by SuperMarioGlitchy3)

SuperMarioGlitchy3: Where to buy a pet Russian dolphin?

Luigi: Why does no one pay attention to Weegee?

Mario: (singing Bethoven's fifth symphony) Nobody cares! Nobody cares!

(Luigi looks sad)

Goomba: What's 9 + 10?

Mario: Twenty-One?

Peach: Why do my farts smell?

Toad: Why are you so mean to me?!

Chain Chomp: WHAT THE F*CK IS A SONIC?!

Po: Weed... Amount... Legal... NYC.

Policemen: *looks angry* Hey! You got a license for that?!

Mario:  *makes a troll-face* Yeeees?

(Mario gets arrested)

Mario: SHIT!! *looks the work posters* Oh No! Mamma Mia... *looks at the spaghettiria poster and is * Whoa!


 * *The door bell rings at a house and FM answers the door*

Slowpoke: *holding a basket* Trick or Treat!


 * FM looks annoyed and closes the door*

Slowpoke: Oh- Oh WTF? *walks onto the sidewalk* God d*mnit you won't gimme a chance! Just gimme a F*cking Chan- *Gets hit by Mario on his kart*

Mario: *singing and dancing, while driving* B*tch! Get out the way! Get out the way b*tch, get out the way!

(Mario crashes in a dark neighborhood and jumps out of his kart.)

Mario: Ohh, very scary! Hmmm... *looks at the map, squinting* What the f*ck are we looking at? Ohh...

(Sees a restaurant ahead. He thinks it's the spaghettiria and walks in.)

Mario: La la la hmm hmm hmm, la la la...

(Freddy pops out, getting thrown into a wall near Mario)

Mario: *scared* Whaaa!!!

(Skerpup talks to the officer who is annoyed)

Officer: No, No, NO, 'A THOUSAND (Jumpman covers his mouth) F@$#ING TIMES, NO!!! *has bloodshot eyes* I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS (Mr. Game & Watch covers his mouth) S#&T!! GET SOMEBODY ELSE TO (Mr. Game & Watch covers his mouth) F#$%ING DO IT!!!!!!! And most importantly.... *turns to Freddy* F@%K... YOU!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' *Screams as he jumps out the window and runs away from the restaurant*

(Mario is looking freaked out)

Skerpup: Well, if you're here for the job, I think a spot just opened. Ahh, don't worry about that guy! He didn't get along with the robots!

(Freddy turns on with a glitchy noise)

Freddy: Hey there buddy. How's it going?


 * 12 AM comes


 * *phone rings*

Phone Guy: Hello? Hello hello? Well if you're hearing this, then you're f*cked. You're just f*cked.

Mario: Bullsh*t!


 * Music-box version of Toreador March plays

Mario: *ranting* Where's my spaghetti? Where's my spaghetti?

Mario: I work in a spaghettiria and I'm not even provided free spaghetti!


 * Mario looks at the monitor

Mario: Ooh! Nice computer you got here!


 * Mario grunts angrily

Mario: It doesn't even get on YouTube!

Mario: F*ck this!


 * Mario turns on the light and sees Freddy.


 * Mario screams and keeps spamming the light and sees Pedobear, Yogi Bear, Toad in a bear suit and Barney. Barney sings 'I Love You, You Love Me', causing Mario to panic desperately try to put out the light.

Mario: I think I'll just stay here for now...

Mario: *looks outside door* Hey, Imma hungry...*leaves security room and crawls into stage room*
 * 1 AM comes

(The animatronics suddenly turn on.)

Freddy: *glitch noise* *robotic voice as he slowly turns to Mario* It's r*ping time.

Chica: *spazzing out* PIZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Mario: *walks into supply closet* Hey, have you got any food? Whoa! *notices the animatronic heads on the table* Mamaf*cker! *realizes there's no spaghetti in there* Mario: Wah!
 * Strange deep laughter

Freddy: *appears behind Mario* *face is Smokey the Bear's face, using Smokey's voice* Only you can prevent *face and voice return to normal R*********PPEEE!!

Mario: *jumps and turns to Freddy, panicked* Ahhhahhhahahahaa!!! *runs away screaming*

Freddy: *singing* Look at that booty, show me the booty, gimme the booty, I want the booty, back up the booty, I need the booty...

Mario: AAAHH! WHAT THE F*CK IS THAT?!

Chica Head: Bak, bak bak bak, *turns to Mario* Pizzaaaa... Freddy: Ow, sh*t!
 * Mario throws a Chica Head at Freddy

Mario: AHHHHHHH!!! *runs out of closet* WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!

Foxy: *playing the piano and singing Bed Intruder* Hide your kids, hide your wife, Hide your kids, hide your wife... Foxy: *continues, looking at Mario* And hide your husband cuz they're rapin everybody out here.
 * Mario is looking freaked out as he watches.

Chica, Bonnie, & Freddy: *pop up on stage out of nowhere*

Chica: PIZZAAAAAAAaAAaaaaAa!!!!!

Mario: AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! *runs down hallway screaming* Phone Guy: Hello? Hello? Very evil demons are in the first floor. They have twelve p*nises! Phone Guy: They will insert them into your orifices! *censored noises* Yeah, nevermind, scratch that. It's best just not to get caught.
 * 2 AM comes
 * Mario is looking out the window, checking for the animatronics.
 * Mario turns to the phone, wierded out.

Mario: *opening and closing door*

Phone Guy: Okay, I'll leave you to it.

Foxy: *appears at door* Hey dude, just wanted to let you know the pizza's ready.

Mario: No, go away!

Foxy: Sorry man, I'm just curious.

Chica: *outside of window* Pizzaaaa...

Freddy: *in office somehow, humping pizza* GET IN MAH BELLY!

Foxy: Hey dude, you finished with that pizza?

Freddy: *gets mad* I'M GOING TO R*PE YOU!

Chica: *starts screaming*

Freddy & Chica: *start wrestling on the floor*

Bonnie: *barges in* Someone removed the frickin' PIZZAAAAAAaaAaaaAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Freddy, Chica, Foxy & Eggman: *screaming*

Mario: *takes out a cellphone and calls Mario's Ristorante*

SuperMarioFan590 (as the guy who takes your order): Hello sir! What would you like to order?

Mario: Spaghetti!

Chica: No! *knocks phone out of Mario's hand* Pizza! Pizza! Pizza? Pizza!

SuperMarioFan590: Sayy whaaaat?

Chica: Pizza!

Eggman: No! *knocks phone out of Chica's hand* Pingas pingas pingas pingas!

SuperMarioFan590: *gets mad* We don't have that stuff! * doorbell rings*
 * 2:30 AM

Chica: Pizza?

Delivery Guy: Hello ma'am, here's your pizza.

Chica: Woohooo! PIZZAAAA!!! *humps pizza*

Delivery Guy: Aaaand that'll be $12.95.

Chica: *stares at the Delivery Guy for a moment then puts on a magician's hat* Would you like to see a magic trick?

Delivery Guy: *is inside Freddy's mouth, screaming*

Chica: *turns to the audience* Pizza! Phone Guy: The animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. So remember, these guys hold a special place in the hearts of children, and we need to show them a little respect, right? Ok.
 * 3 AM

Bonnie:  *running in hall, saying EHRMEHGERRRDDJUSTINBIEBBERRRRRRR!


 * near Pirate's Cove, Freddy sneaks up behind Foxy

Freddy: Surprise, motherf*cker!

Foxy: *screams*

Freddy: I love you!

Foxy: Shut up, you had your finger up my a*s!

Freddy: Because I love you.

Chica: *in a room* Mr. stomach, are you hungry? *makes stomach talk* I'm always hungry! Now make with the pizza, fatso! *normal voice* *laughs* You're the stomach. Numnumnumnum. I am lonely.

Mario: Mama mia! Boy, oh boy...

Justin Bieber: *running down hall screaming*

Bonnie: *chasing after Justin Bieber* OHMIGERD JUSTIN BIIIEBERRRR--

Mario: Hey man, let me do my job, alright?

Bonnie: F*ck you! *continues running*

Mario:  *grunts* These guys are getting more annoying than scary!

Golden Freddy: *appears out of nowhere behind Mario* Hi.

Mario: What?! *turns around* AH. F*CK YOU!! OH GOD! WHAT THE F*CK?! WHAT THE F*CK, OKAY?!

Golden Freddy: *spits out spaghetti*

Mario: Oh! Ohhhh... Alrighty! Come here, fishy fishy- Mario: *head is on Foxy's body*
 * Toad's face appears in the background, screaming, causing Mario to panic and try to run away but the game crashed.
 * ERROR: Merio64.exe has stopped responding.

Phone Guy: Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, a magical place for kids and grown-ups alike (rest is inaudible)

Goomba, Koopa, Luigi & Toad: *partying around*

Mario: Babies!

Toad: HELLO!

Mario: Toad?

Toad: My name's Toad! AND III......LIKE....SPAGHETTTI!!!!!!


 * Mario grunts angrily

Toad:We're gonna have a duel!

Mario: Shut the f*ck up! *bites Toad's head*

Everyone but Mario and the Animatronics: *starts flipping out*

Mario: Oh my god I'm so sorry...JUST KIDDING B*TCH! *puts on a pair of "Deal with It" shades*

Mario: *wakes up in security office* Hmm? ...just a dream?... DAMMIT! Why couldn't it have been real...Mamaf*cker! Mama mia... Mario: *eyes are bloodshot red*
 * 4 AM

Bonnie: I'm hungry!!

Chica: Where's my pizza? Where's my pizza?

Mario: YOU JUST HAD ONE! Go away! Can't your buy one youreslves?!

Eggman: *on the stage* *calling Mario's Ristorante* Pingas pingas pingas pingas!

SuperMarioFan590: *angry* I, don't sell pingas here!

Foxy: *at window* You can't stay in there forever!

Mario: Ha ha ha! Hee hee! La la la, hmmm hmmm hmmm *sees power level dropping* Wahh!!!

Chica: Defeated now, BIATCH?!

Mario: *panics* Ahhhahhhhahhh!

Freddy: *Laughing* I'm coming for you!

Mario: *has an idea* *battery power is at 2%* Waaaahhhhhhhhh! *throws an Amp at the computer monitor* Vegeta, what does the scouter say about its power level?!

Chica: Pizza?

Mario: No! IT'S OVER 9,000!!!!!! *monitor starts exploding and power level of energy becomes INFINITE%* TOTAL BAD*SS!!!! *starts dancing around*

Freddy: HE F*CKING CHEATED!!!!!!

Bonnie & Chica: *fires machine gun through glass*

Foxy: You... f*cking cheater! I'm gonna kill youuuu! *glitches through door*

Mario: Nononononononono! *closes door on Foxy just in time*

Foxy: Ow, f*ck! Ow, god!

Mario: Yeah! Ha ha hah!

Freddy: *is suddenly behind Mario* Gotcha, b*tch!

Mario: Dammit! *next scene, is in Bonnie's mouth* Phone Guy: Hey, you're doing great! Most people don't last this long! I'm not implying that they die, that's-that's not what I meant.
 * 5 AM

Mario: Better safe than sorry, better safe than sorry, better safe than sorry.... *has bloodshot eyes and is chaining up the doors* Hey, I'm a hungry...

Chica: Bak, bak bak, bak bak bak

Foxy: Hey dude, just wanted to let you know the pizza's ready.

Chica: *runs to room, but finds spaghetti, not pizza* Aww! *takes a bite* Ugh! It tastes like sh*t!

Foxy: Haw Haw!

Mario: *is enraged at the insult to spaghetti and eyes are flaming* Hey! *goes up to the stage, angry* You don't. F*ck. With Mario.

Foxy: *taunts* You ain't gon' do shiiiiiiiit. You ain't gon' do shiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Foxy: *starts dancing around* You, ain't, gon' do sh*t, you ain't gon' do sh*t, you ain't gon' do sh*t!
 * Mario angrily stares at Foxy as he goes on.

Mario: Wah-ha! *pulls out RPG launcher and shoots Foxy* You son of a b*tch!

Chica & Freddy: *start running away from Mario*

Freddy: Run, b*tch, RUUUUUUUN!!

Bonnie Hey, what's with all the scre-- OH MY F*CKING GO-- *gets blasted*

Freddy: *gets into office and closes doors* Ohhhhhfuuuckthiiisshiiiit!

Chica: *banging on door* PizzaaaaaaAAAaaaaA!

Mario: *screams as he runs at Chica* AHAHAHAHAHA-- *attacks Chica and she blows up*

Freddy: *checking cameras, notices Mario*

Mario: *has his face on the screen* IMMA GONNA GETCHOO

Freddy: *panics and jumps away* AH! OH MY GOD! Oh my god! OH!

Mario: *sprints down the West hall, laughing ominously*

Freddy: *quickly closes the door* Ohsh*tOHSH*TOHSH*T! *hyperventilates* I'm so...startled....

Mario: *spazzes out at the window* WHAT'S UP, F*CKEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR?!

Freddy: OH, JESUS CHRIST!! *power runs out* F*ck. I'm so, startled...

Mario: *appears in corner, while lights flicker on and off. Room gets fully dark. Mario has a death animation of screaming and spazzing with the "Pingas" audio file playing multiple times.* Manager: *walks in* Hi kids, we're home early- *sees naked Mario with a bunch of knocked out robots*
 * 6 AM *children cheer*

Mario: Oh, hello, there you are.

Manager: *angry* Ey-wha-WHAT THE F*CK?! YOU HAD ONE JOB! OOONE JOB! *eye twitches*

Mario: Hey, have you got any food?

Chica: Pizza!

* END OF VIDEO*