Sonic The Derphog: The Evilness Of Eggman(?)/Transcript

This is the transcript for Sonic the Derphog: The Evilness of Eggman (?).

Transcript
(The plot starts at Mushroom City.)

Sonic: (giggles)

Ivo Robotnik: (drunk and unintelligent)

(Sonic gets angry.)

Sonic: Eggman!

Ivo Robotnik: HEY!

Sonic: Can you please stop following me? We're enemies and also you are very retarded!

Ivo Robotnik: Somewhere, deep down in my heart, I still love you!

Sonic: (record scratch) WHAT?!

Ivo Robotnik: ''(sings) ♪ Look at that booty, show me the booty, give me the... ♫''

(suddenly a car's horn goes off which turns out to be Shadow's motorcycle)

Shadow: (addressing to Sonic) GAYYYYYYYYYYYY! Ha!

(Sonic starts chasing Shadow)

Shadow: Dafuq?

Sonic: I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU!

Shadow: Oh Jesus Christ!

(Sonic kills Shadow)

Ivo Robotnik: I win! (laughs) La la la la la la (with Princess Peach voice) PINGAS! PINGAS! (with his normal voice)

Guy: ARE YOU RETARDED?!?!?!

Ivo Robotnik: That's right fool! (yells) I am Dr. Robotnik! (still yelling)

(Eggman runs into a door)

Ivo Robotnik: What? No way! I can't believe this!

(camera pans to show Evil Villian Meetup)

Some robot guy: I'll crush you!

Pikachu: Pikachu!

Monty Mole: YOLO!!!!!

Steve: What up, bitches?!

Metal Sonic: My fists call out for blood!

Bowser: That's what she said! (falls over, laughing)

Mecha-Koopa: I can smell burning!

King Bob-omb: (makes sound, then the same Mecha-Koopa breathes fire on him) (screams, then explodes)

Ztar: Hello there, boys! (camera pans to show the Ztar in female getup)

SMG3: MY EYES!!!!

(kills the Adventure Time guy and a few others, then an offscreen Heavy says "Dead")

Koopa Troopa: GET IN MY BELLY!!!

Ivo Robotnik: What is this? I can't believe this! Why wasn't I, the great Eggman, invited? You! Pay attention! Why wasn't I informed of this party?

Koopa Troopa: This place is for baddies only. Umm, let me check the guest list... What's your name?

Ivo Robotnik: I am Dr. Robotnik, the most cunning scientific genius in the world!!! (laughs while epic music plays)

Koopa Troopa: No.

(famous Metal Gear Solid Found!!! sound plays)

Ivo Robotnik: Huh?!?! Dummies, dummies, dummies, dummies! (throws Koopa Troopa)

(lights turn off)

SMG3: What up all my evil homies! Welcome to the Evil Villian Meetup. It's time to show off your skills. How bad are you?

Bowser: So listen up all you stupid underlings! Want to be like me? Then I present to you! THIS! The Princess Snatcher 2000. Just put in the coordinates and steal anything! Let's say...the Princess!

(Mario appears in a tub, nude while Bowser makes a confused sound)

Mario: (hums) Are you ready to Mariocise?

Bowser: (addressing to Mario) NO!

(Wario and Waluigi appear)

Wario: ...Goomba-face! I kill you with my nose!

Waluigi: No! No! My brother!

(Wario beats up on Waluigi)

Bowser: SHIT!

(Luigi appears in a Princess Peach outfit and laughs)

Bowser: Ahhh bullshit! (Audience claps)

(Steve comes to the front and throws a rock at someone, the person saying "Ow, shit!", and then the audience claps)

Pirahna Plant: Hey you know, did you know that Bob is building an army?...

Bob's Army: Defeated now, bitch?

Pirahna Plant: ...How neat!

(Spy music plays)

Red Teletubbie: Who's ready, for real evil?

(yells, and then turns on the TV screen on its belly, showing an old guy dressed as Katy Perry singing "California Girls")

(everyone has a shocked look on their faces, well, excluding Bowser, Pikachu is literally shocked and yells its name before exploding)

Toad: Hello!

SMG3 and Bowser: TOAD?!?!

Toad: Yeah bitch!

(turns into Toadwardo while Mexican music plays)

Toad: I am Toadwardo! The Dorito bandito! Yo better hide yo Doritos and yo husbands 'cause the Bandito is coming!

(Eggman shoots Toad)

Ivo Robotnik: Be gone, all of you! All you worthless hunks of junk; be gone!

SMG3: Oi! You can't come in here and shoot my guests! Only I can do that!

Ivo Robotnik: Don't invite me to your party? Do you know how that feels?

SMG3: Pfft, has anyone seen this evil villian before?

Goomba: Hey, you're the Pingas guy from the commercial, right?

(camera shows the same commercial the Goomba was talking about, which has Dr. Eggman showing Frosted Pingas Flakes and has him singing "You Are A Pirate" from LazyTown, but with every word replaced with "PINGAS")

Ivo Robotnik: I am Dr. Robotnik!

SMG3: Have you even made anything evil?

(Eggman has an idea)

Ivo Robotnik: Look at this! (Omega)

Omega: Target identified. Bring me their heads!

(Omega starts twerking, SMG3 screams while Omega runs into him, still twerking while SMG3 looks at Eggman angrily)

Ivo Robotnik: (giggles) I guess you weren't expecting that, were you?

(Eggman appears in a trash can outside)

Sonic: Wow! Smells like trash. Eggman! I thought you got lost or...

(Eggman falls deeper into the trash can)

Ivo Robotnik: I am dead!

Sonic: Hooray! Woo hoo!

(sad violin music plays)

(SMG3 appears as a flashback)

SMG3: If that's what you call evil, then you're a pimp, Eggman!

(SMG3 disappears)

Ivo Robotnik: How could I let this happen?

(Eggman has another idea)

(Sonic is hanging out with Amy Rose)

Sonic: Yo! Glad you finally made it!

(Eggman slides next to Sonic)

Sonic: Huh?...

Ivo Robotnik: What's up?

(Sonic gets nervous.)

Sonic: (nervous sounds) Eggman! (more nervous sounds)

Amy Rose: Hey you guys! Long time, no see!

Ivo Robotnik: Psst! Sonic! I need help with something!

Sonic: No way! I'm talking to Amy here!

Ivo Robotnik: Oh no you don't! I don't care what it takes to get it! (addressing to Amy) You! Pay attention! You will now obey only me! Touch my PINGAS!

Sonic: (screams) Oh! Fuck!!

Amy Rose: Wow! What's that?

(Sonic throws Eggman at another trash can while Eggman screams)

Sonic: (gets angry) I hate Eggman! (addressing to Amy) Sorry about that.

Amy Rose: SONIC!!!

Sonic: Huh?

Amy Rose: I'm on my period.

Sonic: WHAT?!?!

Amy Rose: I'M ON MY PERIOD!!!!

(Amy runs off and explodes)

Sonic: I give up! She's so weird!

Ivo Robotnik: YEAH!!!

Sonic: Help you become more evil?...I don't know...All I've ever done is punch Tails in the face...

Ivo Robotnik: You better do it! Or else...

(Omega reappears, still twerking)

Sonic: OK FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I'LL DO IT!

(Sonic looks for something evil for Eggman to do while Eggman does the same)

Ivo Robotnik: (laughs) Ah-ha!

(Eggman sees a woman walking her baby)

Ivo Robotnik: What do you suppose I do? Maybe get the woman!...Push her off a cliff...then get that carriage, throw the baby at a hobo and ride the pram to victory!

Sonic: No man! What the fuck? That's not being evil, that's being an ass! If you want to be evil, steal something valuable from them!

Ivo Robotnik: I've got better things to do!

(jumps at the woman and steals her "baby's" candy)

Ivo Robotnik: (giggles) Time to eat! (jumps away) Ha! Like taking candy from a baby!

Cop: STHAP RIGHT THERE, PERVERT!

Ivo Robotnik: Oh, what?

(cop runs into Eggman with his car, then another follows)

(camera goes to Big the Cat sitting with a sandwich, then Eggman slides alongside him)

Ivo Robotnik: What's up?

Big: Hey, are you okay?

Ivo Robotnik: (giggles) Time to eat!

Big: NO! Hey wait a minute, what's wrong with you?

Eggman: Hey! Give me that sandwhich! Or else, I'll take it from you, the HARD way!

Big: Uhhh, I'm kinda hungry-

Eggman: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! (explodes)

(Eggman takes the sandwhich)

Eggman: I threw it on the ground!

(The sandwhich falls on the ground)

Eggman: (hits Big on the back) BITCH! (walks away)

Big: Oh no...

(Scene switches to Sonic, Amy and Eggman)

Amy: OHHHHH...Sonic!

Sonic (lies): Sorry, Amy, I'm gay.

(Super Mario RPG Sad Music starts playing, while the screen goes grey)

Amy: Wait...how did you... what-WHAT THE FU-GOD DAMN-NOT GIVING ME A CHANCE! NOT GIVING ME A CHA-(unitelligable)

(Eggman looks at Amy)

(Scene switches to Eggman and Sonic driving to escape from the police)

Sonic:  Eggman! WHY DID YOU ONLY STEAL THE CANDY, AND NOT THE MONEY FROM THE STORE?!

Eggman: Shut the fuck up!

Police: STAPH RIGHT THERE!

(Eggman and Police hit item boxes and Eggman gets 3 red shells)

Eggman: I win! (evil laugh)

(Policeman gets a rocket launcher)

Sound: ROCKET LAUNCHER!

Police: STAPH....RIGHT....THER-

(Sonic and Eggman scream)

(Eggman's car explodes, sending Sonic and Eggman into the ground)

Waluigi: Ohhh...that's a got to sting like a Super Scope to the nuts!

(SMG3 comes up to Eggman)

Eggman: Am I a super evil genius...?

SMG3: No. All you did was steal candy and destroy someone's lunch...

Eggman: Ugh...(addressing to Sonic) Sonic, you still alive?

Sonic: I AM DEAD...

SMG3: You get....NOTHING! You LOSE! Good DAY sir!

Eggman: NNNOOOOO! Ugh! This is CRITICAL!

(Eggman gets up)

Eggman: How could I let this happen?! Go go go! No way!

(Eggman starts creating his "new weapon")

(Sonic appears shocked)

(Eggman pressed the "start" button)

(The rocket explodes in the sky and releases Perfect Chaos)

Sonic: WWWOAAHH! What the fuck is that!?

Eggman: YES! YES!

SMG3: My...god, that's the most evilest thing I've ever seen...AAHHHH! WERE ALL GONNA DIE!

Eggman: Wha? What is this?

(Perfect Chaos starts destroying the city)

Sonic: EGGMAN! DON'T JUST STAND THERE! DO SOMETHING!

Eggman: It's not POSSIBLE! (runs away singing the troll song)

Sonic: (gets angry) NO! I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE!

(screen turns grey)

Eggman: (gasps)...........Ahh shit...

(Eggman flies to Perfect Chaos, while SSBB Corenia music plays)

Eggman:I'm your brilliant creator! Doctor Robotni-

Perfect Chaos: DOCTOR OCTAGONAPUS-(fires a laser at Eggman) TASTE THE RAINBOW, MOTHERFUCKER!

Eggman: Oh no you don't! (sends out 3 twrecking Omegas)

(The Omegas hit Perfect Chaos, but didn't do anything)

Eggman: Grr....why you little....NO STAY BACK! STAY BACK!

Perfect Chaos: DOCTOR OCTAGONAPUS-(fires another laser which sends Eggman flies to the ground)

Eggman: Ugh...anyone?

Toadwardo: Hello! (Is it me you're looking for?) Do you need help amigo?

Eggman: (nods)

Toadwardo: Oki-dokey!

(Toadwardo turns on the dorito finder *Spanish edition* and finds a dorito)

Durito: (is walking by)

Toadwardo: HEY FUCKER! (rushes and catches the dorito and uses it as a rocketsled and flies to Perfect Chaos) I JUST SHIT MY PANTS!

(Toadwardo hits Perfect Chaos, then Perfect Chaos dies)

Policeman: It's kids like you that made this world a terrible place! Don't you know that KILLING IS NEVER THE ANSWER?! YOU SHOULD FACE THAT TO THE CONSEQUENCES OF YO-

(Eggman shoots Policeman)

Policeman: OW! SHIT!

Eggman: I don't care! (addressing to Sonic) Am I evil Sonic?

Sonic: Yeah, right! In you're special way, Eggman.

Eggman: Awww yeah....

(Somewhere in space and time...)

Omochao: You saved the world!

(Hooray!)

(Guys humming the "Got a Star" theme from Mario Party)

Toadwardo: This is BULLSHIT!