Guards N' Retards: Le Train Breach/Transcript

(A corridor on a train)

Caption: Somewhere, on a train...

(Camera pans to show a room with Chris and Swagmaster in)

Swagmaster: So do you think my Idea will work?

Chris: For the last time! Telling girls you got ebola from the war doesn't make you any more attractive.

Swagmaster: B*tch! All the ladies scream in rejoice when they see me! All you got is your mom. Lololol!

Chris: Yeah, well at least I don't mistake mine for a naked hobo on the streets.

(Sad music plays as a close up of Swagmaster is shown.)

Random Lady: Umm... excuse me, but the higher-ups have asked...

Swagmaster: Hey sexy, I've got ebola! :D

(The lady runs away, screaming)

Swagmaster: See Chris? Screams of rejoice! :D

Chris: Sigh....

Intercom: Attention. Message for Swagmaster and Chris.

Sargent Mark: (through intercom) You idiots! I didn't pay you to scratch your balls! Get off your break and get back to work! Don't make me come over there and slap your butt cheeks!

Chris: Sargent f*g is at it again... Better get back to work.

Swagmaster: What a butt hole...

(Scene cuts to the cargo)

Swagmaster: Why can't he just shove the precious item up his a*s so HE can guard it... God...

Chris: Why do you think he hired guards to protect the cargo? Idiot.

(Scene shows a Spy with the Intelligence)

Spy: Hi.

Swagmaster: Oh sweet! Another guard is covering for us! Let's go spank some ladies Chris!

Chris: YOU DUMBA*S! IT'S A FRICKING SPY!

Swagmaster: WHAT? IS IT REALLY A SPY?! (Licks spy's Pingas) HOLY CR*P! (Pulls out gun) IT REALLY IS A SPY! LET'S KILL THIS DUMBA*S! Chris let's kill him now!

Chris: (Shocked) Wait... what did you just...

Swagmaster:(Fires gun at spy) AAAAAHFGAFRTHFRDSARAARAARARARARRARRR (Spy avoids shots)

(The Spy grabs the intelligence and runs)

Swagmaster: WAIT, WHAT? WHERE DID THAT BUTT HOLE GO? MAGICS CHRIS!? HE IS A WIZARD!

(The Spy exits through a door, which closes)

Chris: AHHHH THE SECRET INTELLIGENCE!

Swagmaster: SWEET JEBUS HE'S USING MAGICS!

Chris: SCREW THIS! I'M NOT GETTING FIRED JUST YET! (Pulls out Walkie-Talkie) Sargent! You need to stop the train!

Sargent Mark: What? Why would I do that?

Swagmaster: It's an emergency! CHRIS IS PREGNANT! SARGENT, STAHP RIGHT NOW!

Sargent Mark: SWEET JEBUS ON A STICK!

(Train screeches to a halt)

Chris: You're a retard, you know that?

Swagmaster: LOL Chris no time for talking. Let's go stop that wizard!

(Back in corridor)

Swagmaster: (Holding gun) Ok, everyone don't panic, but you're all gonna die!

(People panic)

Chris: You d*ckhead! That's not what you say! Everyone calm down he was just joking. (Someone blows up)

Swagmaster: Oh for God's sake,I'll try find the spy. (Runs down the corridor) Move it! Out of the way! Coming through! (Opens toilet door) Hello? You in here magical wizard? (Looks in what looks like a bedroom) Oh godammit... (Checks in random room, there is a man licking another man's Pingas) AHHHH MY EYES!

(Scene cuts to what seems to be the bedroom)

Chris: OK, I locked every possible exit so he couldn't escape...

Swagmaster: (Banging head against wall) AH THE DEMONS OF HELL BURN MY EYES!

Chris: So basically the spy has to be hiding among the civilians! He may even be in disguise!

Swagmaster: Then it's time for some swag style interrogation! memeqwertyu9iop10