SM64: ṩṩἔᾗмὄḋᾗᾄʀ 7 (TOAST edition)/Transcript

Intro
''[Open to the view of a house in the middle of the night. Cut to the inside, where we see a man at his computer. He types into the YouTube search bar "NEW SMG4 VIDOOSSSSS"]''

[but the screen just says "sorry no new vids"]

Man: OH, COME ON!

''[Cut back to outside of the house, the silhouette of a strange figure accompanied by heavy breathing walks up to the door and enters the house. The fan types "WHERE'S THE NEW VIDEO SMG4>!>!r>3T435Y" in the comments, but to no avail.]''

Man: AWWWWWW, HELL NO!

''[The figure walks up the stairs. The fan keeps refreshing the home page, until he sees a video titled "NEW VIDEO!" 0 views 10 years ago. All it is is SMG4 telling the viewer he forgot to make a blooper.]''

SuperMarioGlitchy4: Also, I couldn't make a video this weekend. Thanks for watching!

''[Cut to SMG4 outro on screen. Suddenly, the figure jumps in full view of the fan, and large text appears saying "MCSHYGUY THE HELPING TOAST FAIRY!" The fan throws his computer monitor at the Shy Guy and jumps out the window. Sparks are heard coming from the monitor and the Shy Guy lets out a faint "yeah toast" as we zoom into the monitor, after which the words "Ssenmodnar 7 (TOAST edition) appear on the screen, accompanied by someone screaming "NO GOD PLEASE NO! NO! NOOOOOO!", static plays.]''

Skits
[A mother is with her child]

Child: Mommy! Mommy mommy mommy mommy! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!!!!!

[Mother punches child unconscious, static]

[Mario turns around and sees a giant mushroom]

Mario: La-la-la-hm-hm-hm! [Sees mushroom] Ooh-who-who-who-who! [Eats mushroom, begins having hallucinations of Yoshis, and begins enjoying it, until he sees a sign that says "Yoshi Sex Dungeon Lair", with a beckoning Luigi]

Luigi: Mario!

Mario: Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

[Static; cut to a stand with political signs promoting a party and a man standing in the center]

Mushroom Kingdom Party Leader: We are the Mushroom Kingdom Party. We will reverse this place of it's retardedness.

[Cut to Mario, standing next to a sign that says "join mario party. iz gud!"]

Mario: HA! GAY!

Mushroom Kingdom Party Leader: We also provide free spaghetti!

Mario: Aw sh*t! [Blows up Mario Party fliers]

[Static]

Narrator: Welcome back to Animal Channel.

SMG4: [Whispering] Today, we're looking at, the wild Luigi doll!

[Cut to a small Luigi sitting in the distance]

Narrator: Wow! There's a wild Luigi!

Wild Luigi: Nintendo!

[Cut to two wild Luigis]

Narrator: Look! They're communicating!

[The Luigis shout gibberish, cut to a wild Luigi eating a mushroom]

Narrator: It's amazing.

[Cut to a view of a field]

Narrator: Ooh, what's going on over here?

[Camera pans to show to wild Luigis having anal sex, static]

''[Dr. Mario is standing next to a box of Band-Aids next to a cracked Whomp]''

Dr. Mario: There! Good as new!

Whomp 1: Thank you doctor!

Whomp 2: Be careful bro! Anymore cracks and you're gone.

[Whomp 1 runs around, laughing]

Whomp 2: Hey! I said be careful!

[Whomp 1 falls]

Whomp 2: !!!

[A feather gently lands on Whomp 1's back, causing him to explode violently. Whomp 2 has a horrified expression on his face]

Dr. Mario: Hahaha you fell down!

[Static]

[Three women (Peach, Daisy and Stacy) are walking down a road, when they are approached by a man]

Man: Hey Stacy, do you want...to go out...sometime?

[The girls start laughing hysterically, the man sulkingly walks back to his two friends]

Friend: Cmon bro. Don't give up.

[The man takes out a bag of Skittles, upbeat music starts playing]

Both friends: Yeah!!! Alright!

[The man downs the bag, and confidently walks towards the girls, who are still laughing hysterically, he stops a few steps in front of them]

Man: ...YOU SON OF A B*TCH!

''[The man punches Stacy, Peach, Daisy and the man friends look at each other in shock. The man starts beating the other two girls, his friends race towards him]''

Both friends: DUDE! DUDE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? NO!

[Static]

...this next scene is a bit hard to describe...

Random guy: THIS IS IT, BABY! THIS IS IT!

[Guy spazzes on bullet bill]

[Cutting back to the castle, he is crawling on the grounds]

Random guy: CHEEEAAAA!

[Guy confronts a goomba]

Random guy: DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, I DON'T KNOOOOOOOWWWW!

[Cut to house, he burnt his toast]

Random guy: F***!

[On his lawn]

Random guy: EEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

[In Lethal Lava Land, he killed someone]

Random guy: I-I-yuh-er-uh-fu-er-YEAAAAAAAAA!

[Static]

[Mario and Luigi paper cutouts are pasted on popsicle sticks like puppets]

Luigi puppet: Mario? What are you doing today Mario?

Mario puppet: Oh hey Luigi, I'm'a just here being the FAT person I am!

Luigi puppet: Oh really Mario? That's so cool, I wish I could be fat like you!

Mario puppet: Oh, trying to copy me huh? HUH?! YOU LIKE IT IF I DO THIS!?! ''[Mario puppet is bashed against the Luigi puppet, the Luigi puppet keeps screaming "no!". It is then revealed that SMG4 is putting on a puppet show for X and Mario]''

Mario: [To X] He was dropped on his head as a kid.

SMG4: Now kiss! Oh yeah, that's right!

[Static]

[Mario is surrounded by fire playing an electric guitar, static]

''[Cut to outside Peach's Castle. Wario and Waluigi appear]''

Wario: Waah!

Waluigi: Weeh!

[Wario and Waluigi are shown in front of WarioWare Inc. (from WarioWare series)]

Wario: Waah?

Waluigi: Weeh.

[Wario and Waluigi are shown walking in front of Wario's House (also from WarioWare series)]

Wario: Waaaaaah!

Waluigi: Weeeh!

''[Cut to a bathroom. Wario is on the toilet]''

Wario: WAAAAAAAAAH!!! [grunts and then sighs]

[Waluigi pops out of the sink]

Waluigi: Weh.

''[Wario is shown in front of a car. He has sunglasses and a hat that says "swag" on it]''

Wario: Waah!

''[Waluigi is shown in front of a Sonic level. He has bigger sunglasses and a golden "$" chain]''

Waluigi: Weeh!

[Luigi appears in front of a light turquoise background]

Luigi: [lamely] Wuh.

''[Cut to the Sonic level. Wario and Waluigi give looks of extreme displeasure, static]''

[Inside the castle, Enzo is standing next to a yellow bag]

Enzo: Hey Mario. Hold this for me.

[Mario takes the bag and grunts]

Mario: What is this crap anyway?

[Enzo is suddenly on the opposite side of the room]

Enzo: It's food for the Toad Birds! [runs into another room]

Mario: Hey! There's no such thing as a Toad Bird!

[Mario turns around to see a group of flying Toads rapidly approaching him]

Toad Birds: MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!

Mario: OH F**K! [Mario turns around and tries to run, but he is knocked over and viciously attacked by the Toad Birds, static]

''[The words "Moments with steve!" appear on the screen, followed by "THERE IS ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAVE US ALL. AND HIS NAME IS...". We then see Steve flying through the air with a mask on, and an S on his shirt, and big letters spell "CAPTAIN STEVE". He beats up villians, humps a pig, a cop car, and Bowser Jr. We then see an old woman, a Koopa, and a Goomba]''

Koopa: Huh! You're just a gutless fatso!

Goomba: [Crying]

[Captain Steve comes down, and punches the Koopa into the sky]

Old Lady: OH MY GOD!

Steve: Yeah, let that be a lesson to you. Dipsh*t.

''[Static, Wario and Waluigi are still in the Sonic level. Waluigi approaches Wario]''

Waluigi: Hey Wario! Nintendo is finally giving you a official theme song!

Wario: Oh...reeaaally?

''[The theme song is a god awful fandub of the original Super Mario Bros. music from World 1-1, that sounds like a 5 year old is screaming right into his microphone. Wario throws the computer, we then see Wario's head plastered onto JonTron, with Waluigi in his hand]''

Wario/JonTron: I'M SICK OF YOUR SH*T! [throws Waluigi]

[Static, Bowser is in a building with a cop]

Cop: OK, they got you for...18 cases of vehicular manslaughter, 9 charges of... [Bowser turns around and sees Zelda]

Bowser: Hey lady! Help me get out of here!

[Zelda screams and runs away]

Bowser: Come back!

[Sounds of struggle and screams]

Cop: ...possession of military grade explosives, possession of firearms without a license...

[Screaming, Bowser is hanging over a counter top, attacking a Teletubby]

Bowser: Just ignore me, just trying to get through

Cop: ...possession of military explosives, vandalism, desecration of public property...

[Sounds of flames and screaming, Bowser is burning an innocent bystander]

Burning Guy: AHHH! JESUS CHRIST! OH F**K!

Cop: ...speeding in a School Zone running over 11 students in the process. That'll be $85.

[Bowser jumps out a window, static]

[Mario walks out of the castle during the night]

???: Hey down there.

Mario: Hmmm?

[Mario looks up and is shocked to find a giant, perverted and deformed Mario face in the sky]

Mario: Oh my god...

Mario face: (Something very hard to understand, but something about rape)

[Static]

[A fully white figure descends from the sky]

God: It's time to go to Heaven, my child.

''[God picks up MM54321, who screams. Static]''

[A comment appears]

'''Announcer dude? SMG4? I don't know. I don't care:''' Hey SMG4! Let's do an idea where Luigi get's hit!

[Luigi ragdoll is lazily tossed]

'''Ad? SMG4? Idk. Idc.:''' GENIUS.

''[Static. It is then shown that someone is doing great at DDR. It's then revealed that the player is Dr. Eggman, being watched by Mario and Sonic]''

Dr. Eggman: YOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

''[Suddenly, an error message appears on the screen, and the computer breaks. The Shy Guy flies out a window, into the room of a crying Toad. Toad mistakes the Shy Guy as the Tooth Fairy, and they have a dance party in Toad's bed. His mother walks in, and mistakes the party as Shy Guy raping her son.]''

Mother: MOLESTER!!!!!!!!!!!

[Police cars crash into the house]

Cop: STOP RIGHT THERE PERVERT!

''[The Shy Guy is shown still in the room. The background then turns into a jail cell, then the Shy Guy is shown being locked in a jail cell by Steve, still in his "Captain Steve" outfit]''

Steve: ...AND LET THAT BE A LESSON TO YOU! [Walks away] ...dipsh*t.

Shy Guy: .......F**k.

End of Transcript