Super Mario 64 Bloopers: Dreams/Transcript

(Mario is on top of the castle talking in his sleep)

Mario: zzz...mmm...zzz...mmmm...pastamia...sphagetti...luigi...people watching me...hi...jesus

(Mario wakes up)

Mario: huh? wah?... oh yeah right...man i am hungry...what's there to eat on this roof

(Mario sees some 1UP Mushrooms)

Mario: oohhh mushrooms. why do they look all moldy green? they dont look like 1UP mushrooms ...meh whatever (eats one)...I feel weird and it tastes weird (eats the other two)

Mario: It tastes like yoshi's babys I need more! (walks up to Yoshi)

Yoshi: what do you want? cant you see Im on youtube

Mario: hey yoshi do you have any food?

Yoshi: well I did find these mushrooms growing on the side of the castle's toilet

Mario: we have a toilet...uh-oh...

how much do you ha-

Yoshi: open wide

Mario: Crunch,crunh,crunch,urk,wait, crunch,crunch,thats, crunch, enough...........................

Yoshi: shhhhh

Lakitu (offscreen): he can't get any bigger

Yoshi: now if you excuse me i'm gonna go sell drugs to little kids (jumps off the roof)

Mario: OHHHH I don't feel good I feel wasted. I think i'm gonna- (he begins to vomit) BLURUUWIKOJWFDNJ WMJUIDSNHBFHWUDJSKOSDJKOPFJPSDDsJOFUIESJJIDOJFJKIFE...

Lakitu (offscreen): yep thats normal

Text: A few minutes later

Mario: BLLEJUJHDUWIONWJBDWIBI DYIWUWKNMDJKBNWIJHB DH...I think i'm done. my stomach still feels like pasta, I'll try to ignore it

(Mario jumps off the roof)

Mario: lets go have a bloo- i mean adventure of somewhat

(Mario enters the castle and sees Toad)

Mario: hi toad hows it going?

Toad: GREAT!...until you showed up

Mario: ohh my stomach is hurting again and I feel sleepy all of a sudden

Toad: you probably have aids

Mario: yeah thats great and all (yawns and falls asleep)

(cut to Mario entering the castle and walking up to Toad again)

Mario: hi toad hows it going?

Toad: hows it going?...well

Mario: toad?

(Toad starts moving around and hits Mario, lowering the latter's health)

Toad: IHATEYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mario: ouch! why-

(Toad hits Mario again)

Toad: for all the bloopers we have been in I hated you ever since

Mario: but we have only been in 1!

Toad: I mean the other bloopers that people made on youtube

Mario: ohhhhhhhhh.......really? but I thought we were friends.

Toad: in your dreams

Mario: we are in my dreams

Toad: ugh

(Toad hits Mario again)

Mario: did you know I love you?

Toad: I still hate you

(Toad hits Mario and brings his health down to zero)

Toad: see you in hell

Mario: they always pick one the fat people (dies)

(cut back to Mario sleeping in front of Toad)

Mario: (wakes up) TOAD! I gonna woop yo butt! ohh toad your not mental

Toad: what?

Mario: toad do you like me?

Toad: what do you think?

Mario: yes?

Toad: what? no!

Mario: uhh don't worry (runs off)

Toad: it took him that long to figure that out!?

(cut to Mario in Bob-Omb Battlefield)

Mario: ahh the battlefield, nothing better than to kill living bombs. I just love the good look of this place. uh-oh I'm feeling sleepy again, where's my teddy bear?... (yawns and falls asleep)

(cut to Mario in front of the first two cork boxes in Bob-Omb Battlefield)

Mario: were am I? this place seems familiar

(camera zooms out to reveal Mario is in Bob-omb Battlefield, but with glitchy textures)

Mario: WOW! what happened! everything looks normal except for the corrupted texture. this place looks like its been coloured by hippies to make it looks all peaceful, stupid pink bob-omb hippies and their rainbows! this place looks more gay...hey wait is that...........HI!!! PAC-MAN!

(the Chain Chomp is yellow and has no teeth, making him look like Pac-Man)

Chain Chomp: wolf wolf

Mario: ....i'm starting to think pac-man has gone mental. hey pac-man are you still dating mrs pac-man?

Chain Chomp: WOLF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mario: see ya at the arcade...I wonder if king bob-omb looks diffrent (goes across the bridge) man what a gay game I play in

(Maro enters the area with the cagngg and the two rolling Big Steelies. Mario begins taking a shortcut to King Bob-omb by glitchily walking up the nearby steep hill with the Red Coin.)

Mario: huff-puff I could use a yoshi right now

Lakitu (offscreen): cmon tubby were almost there

(Mario makes it up the hill and continues scaling the summit)

Mario: hey look a bob-omb (picks up the bob-omb) hehe see you in hell

Bob-omb: no! I'm too old to die!

(Mario throws the bob-omb off the summit, and continues climbing)

Mario: you know I've always been wondering what these black balls are the mountain is having bob-omb babys

(Mario makes it to the top and meets King Bob-omb)

Mario: hey old man lets fight again!

King Bob-omb: ok but I warn you I became very strong!

Mario: hah a 200 year old man like you

King Bob-omb: I'm 80! (picks up Mario)

Mario: uh-oh...

King Bob-omb: I WARNED YOU!!!!! (throws Mario up extremely high)

Mario: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(cut back to Mario sleeping in the normal Bob-omb Battefield)

Mario: (wakes up) wah!!!huh!!!...i'm alive! legs, arms,head, special uhhhh... I still got everything now I got a phobia of old people I'm leaving...

(cut to Mario in Jolly Roger Bay)

Mario: nothing more peaceful than the bay

???  (offscreen): its not when your swimming in it naked!

Mario: shut up here comes that drowsy effect again...what am I going to dream this time? (yawns and falls asleep)

(cut to Mario still in Jolly Roger Bay)

Mario: lets go swimming! :D (jumps and lands offscreen)

Mario (offscreen): WOW! what happened! (camera pans over to Mario, revealing that the water is gone)

Mario: all the water is all gone!

Lakitu (offscreen): they probably ran away because your body took up most of the bay

Mario: this really isn't a bay without the water (gets hit by a clam) ow stupid clammy thing...a flying boat you don't see many of those everyday

(camera pans up to reveal there indeed is a flying boat)

Mario: I wonder... (slides into the chasm) waving seaweed,bubbles, flying eels all without water how cool! I thought fish needed water.

Lakitu (offscreen): awwww nah they just do this to look sexy

(Mario walks over the grate, and isn't blown away. He collects the star)

Mario: at least it makes this star to get easy to

(cut back to Mario sleeping in the water)

Mario: Wjduioahfusgfudsgjdfi (wakes up) huh wah...the water is back! I never new I would miss water this much!

Lakitu (offscreen): and I miss not being the camera man

Mario: Lets go somwhere else

(cut to Mario in Bowser's lair in the Bowser in the Sky stage)

Mario: Hi bowser hows it going

Bowser: can't you see I'm uselessly standing here trying to think of an idea

Mario: you keep doing that while I take a nap, goodnight bowser buddy,bro,friend,wife (yawns and falls asleep)

(cut to Mario entering Bowser's lair)

Mario: hi bows- WOW!

(camera pans over to Bowser's crotch, showing that Bowser has become huge)

Bowser: haha lets do you like my new muscles?

Mario: I do actually-HELP! bowsers on steriods!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bowser: its not called steroids its called hacks

Mario: wow bowser you really let yourself go what did you eat?(Mario suddenly is on fire) hot-hot my butt smells like BBQ. HELP!!!!! Im being chased by a princess peach lover! (falls off the stage) weeeeeee!

(cut back to Mario asleep. Bowser breathes a fireball at Mario, waking him up)

Mario: HOT!!!!!

Bowser: if your not going to fight properly than I'm just gonna kill myself (Bowser suddenly is defeated for no reason)

Mario: but I came here to ask if you wana be friends

Bowser: REALLY! damnit no anyway (turns into a giant star)

Mario: woo bowser ate a star what a greedy fat....dragon (collects the star) yoink! (flies away) I can fly like a hat with wings! hey I can see my house from here!

(Mario lands in front of the castle)

Mario: abra kadabra,alakazam,open sesame one of those bad sayings (star rises up to the picture of Peach)

Yoshi: wow I'm seeing those lights again... I should lay off the beer

(Peach appears from the sparkly stuff)

Mario: I don't get this part how can you be trapped in a wall?! (Peach descends) if she only stayed like this...(Peach wakes up) HI Peach!

Peach: oh hi mario

that wall was crammed! thanks for getting me out.

Mario: but I didn't do anything

(camera pans up to picture of Peach)

Mario (offscreen): ZZZZZZZZZZ

(cut back to Mario, Peach, and the Toads)

Toad 1: great he fell asleep.

Toad 2: lets take his clothes!

(cut to Mario falling and landing on the flagpole, impaling himself)

Mario: ow my meatballs... (dies)

(cut back to Mario sleeping in front of the castle, except naked)

Mario: zzzz...huh...wah? (wakes up) AHHHH! MY CLOTHES! this is just great I'm naked and now I'm hungry

Lakitu (offscreen): could you at least put some clothes on!

Mario: I wished this never happend!!!!!

(cut back to Mario sleeping on the roof like he was at the beginning of the blooper)

Mario: zzzz...bad...blooper...zzzz (wakes up) huh...wah?...I just had the weirdest dream! Hey yoshi I had this weird dream!

Yoshi: go away you hobo

Mario: don't you want to know?

Yoshi: go jump in a pipe or something

Mario: whatever I feel like some chinese food (jumps off the castle) LETS GO!

(cut to footage of Mario Kart 64)

Lakitu: stop! this isn't part of the blooper!

Mario: no go away! (drives away from the castle) uh-oh the pedals are broken! (gets launched into the air) AHHHHHHHHHHH! thanks for watching! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! (lands in water)

End of Transcript