Swagmaster6969696969

Swagmaster (YouTube name: swagmaster69696969696) is a guard who works at the Retarded Spaghetti Factory with his friend Chris. He appears in the Guards N' Retards series and in Retarded 64: Mario and the retarded spaghetti factory.

Personality
Swag Master is stuck-up, unintelligent, and tends to be uncaring towards others. He prefers to screw around instead of doing what he is supposed to, which is one of the main reasons why he and Chris get into so much trouble. On the rare occasions where he is focused on the task at hand, he is very resourceful and can get out of many sticky situations.

He is obsessed with b00bs, as shown in The Butt Ninja, where his dying wish is for Chris to bring him b00bs, and in Pointy Things, where Swag's pursuit of the Pointy Boob Lady is the cause of the main conflict.

Chris
Chris is Swagmaster's best friend. He serves as the "straight man" to Swag's quirkiness. Although it doesn't stop Swag from verbally and physically abusing Chris, Chris is the only person Swag cares about even a little bit other than himself. A running gag is for Swag to blame Chris for things that are actually Swag's fault.

Superiors (Sergeant Mark, Admiral Greg, and Tubbie Wonka)
Swag dislikes being told what to do, and so often behaves hostile towards people of a higher rank than him. He hates Greg especially, and often "nipple twists" him to get him to shut up.

Pointy Boob Lady
Swag was infatuated by the Pointy Boob Lady's pointy b00bs the moment he saw her, and tries to hit on her multiple times unsuccessfully. When he accidentally killed her, he only cared about the "FREEEE POINTY B00BIES!!!".

Trivia

 * In Guards N' Retards: The Butt Ninja, he is shown activating two "modes": "ninja stealth mode" and "swag mode".
 * He needs b00bs to survive.
 * His character model is the "St. Petersburg Guard" from GoldenEye 007 for the N64.
 * His subtitles are red, similar to Mario's subtitles.
 * Swag is voiced by Microsoft Sam.

Quotes

 * This is why they call me swag master.
 * Swag mode activate.
 * SWAG AUFUUHUFHUGFHDUD
 * Where are those sexy a$$ ladies they said on the commercial?
 * WHAT THE FACK
 * SH*T SH*T SH*T
 * HOLY D*CK NUGGETS!
 * SCHWOP
 * This is bullsh!t.
 * Shut up, Greg.
 * Shut up Chris.
 * We meet again, butt ninja.
 * Do I f**king look ok dumba$$?
 * Nipple twist!!.
 * B00bs, Chris, b00bs. Bring them to me, quickly.
 * Dude, there's sum crazy guy women in the toilets.
 * Pen!s.
 * In the balls.
 * Why Chris? Why you piss off old people!
 * Marco!
 * POLO!
 * MARCOOOOOO!
 * But I don't want toooo...
 * Y u do dis?
 * HOLY SH*T! POINTY B00BIES!!
 * Eyes on the prize Chris, eyes on the prize
 * What you call me?! I'll let you know I am the king of chopanese! Ahh goddamit Chris why did you block my view
 * Where is it? Itss0 mine!
 * Who's this douchebag anyway, is he part of the wiggles?
 * Jesus Christ dude, get a tic tac or something.
 * I'm going to murder the wiggles now ...
 * Is she a mental old lady who's obsesed with rasins?
 * CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
 * Where is it? It's MINE!
 * Huh? Who's that?
 * Woah....is that-
 * B00BIES B00BIES B00BIES B00BIES B00BIES B00BIES B00BIES
 * Aw..she ran away.
 * Did you see how pointy those b00bies were? They could pop a balloon!
 * Yeah ok, LOL. I'm going to find Pointy Boob Lady.
 * I AM COMING, POINTY B00BIES!
 * I'm not changing swagmaster69696969696.
 * I GOT THIS CHRIS! imma charging my lazer!
 * My ROFL Copter goes SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI.
 * God dammit granny...did you litter more skeletons on the floor again!?
 * NUT SHOT! ...sh*t i missed
 * uhh i can explain...why there's a rocket launcher up gavin's butt
 * this job is like pointy b00bs on your face, it gets annoying but you still love it!
 * you actually trust the bullsh*t that comes out of my mouth!? when did you stoop so low chris?
 * the prisoner looked like a rectangle with creepy a$ eyes
 * imma charging my lazer! WOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOP
 * just make out with your jailbuddy
 * just make out with your jailbuddy