SM64 Bloopers: Where the Wild Teletubbies are/Transcript

(Intro)
 * Note:[ ] indicates sound clips.


 * Scene 1

(The episode opens on Cool, Cool Mountain, revealing a log cabin and a penguin. The scene then cuts to a close-up of SMG4).

SMG4: Dammit, Mario, have you gotten the penguin yet? [*Grunting*]

(The camera pans out to reveal that SMG4 is standing on top of the cabin, holding Mario's legs as the latter is looking down the chimney.)

MARIO: Shut up! I'm trying the best I can! [Hey, Stinky!] [Mama mia!]

(The camera cuts to inside the cabin, where Mario is dangling from the chimney and staring down at a Baby Penguin.)

MARIO: [Come here, Fishy-fishy! Here, Fishy-fishy!]

BABY PENGUIN: [*Random honking noises*] [NO!]

(Cuts back to SMG4 outside.)

SMG4: You had to throw that baby penguin around, didn't you?!

(Cuts back to Mario inside.)

MARIO: Quiet, you. I thought penguins could fly! :( [No!] [Mama mia...]

(Cuts down to the cabin floor, where there is a roaring fireplace. The Baby Penguin waddles onscreen.)

BABY PENGUIN: [*Random honking noises*] (Sees the fireplace and slides towards it.) [Ooooooooh!]

(Cuts back to Mario on the ceiling.)

MARIO: [No you don't!]

(Cuts back to the Baby Penguin, who is looking up at Mario and inching towards the fireplace.)

MARIO: (Off-screen) [No you don't!]

BABY PENGUIN: (Charges straight at the fire.) [*Random honking noises*]

(Cuts back to Mario. A whoosh of flames can be heard and the Baby Penguin's honking gets noticeably faster.)

MARIO:[MAMA-F*CKER!]

(Cuts back to SMG4 outside.)

SMG4: What happened?! Why does it smell like chicken?

(Cuts back to Mario inside. He is staring down at a roast chicken that used to be the Baby Penguin.)

MARIO: [Mmmmmm!]

(Cuts back to outside as Mario climbs out of the chimney.)

MARIO: Uhh... how about we come back tomorrow; penguins always get lost here. [Hmm...] [*Random Italian gibberish*]

(Cuts to SMG4)

SMG4: Alright, whatever. (Turns around.) [Oh-*stammers*- Oh, what the fuck?!]

(The camera cuts to down on the ground where there are some Teletubbies dancing. Lala slides on-screen with a penguin strapped to her face.)

TELETUBBIES: [Singing "Carol of the Bells"]

PENGUIN: [Noot-noot! (x2)]

(Cuts back to SMG4)

SMG4: Have you notice more and more Teletubbies appearing lately?

(Camera cuts to Mario and zooms in on him.)

MARIO: [Hmmm...]

(Cuts to a series of flashbacks. The first one is of Mario naked while using the toilet. Dipsy suddenly pops his head out from underneath Mario.)

DIPSY: [Hellooo!] [*Laugh track plays*]

(Cuts to another flashback at the Mario Brothers' home. Mario is sleeping in the top bunk, while Po is beating Luigi with a crow bar in the lower bunk.)

LUIGI: [*Screaming*]

MARIO: [*Snoring*] [Spaghetti...]

(Cuts to another flashback at Peach's Castle. Mario stares at an enormous crowd of Teletubbies hopping around in the castle entrance.)

TELETUBBIES: [Eh-oh! (Multiple Times)].

(Cuts back to the present, still closing in on Mario.)

MARIO: [Nah, it's probably nothing.]

(A black and white time card appears, titled: "The next day." The scene then cuts to the next day at Cool, Cool Mountain, where Mario stares at something with Patrick's Surprise expression on his face. SMG4 is standing next to him. The camera then cuts to the field by the cabin, which is now crowded with Teletubbies!)

TELETUBBIES: [Eh-oh! (Multiple Times)] [Tubby Custard! (Multiple Times)]

(Cuts back to Mario and SMG4.)

SMG4: Yeah, okay! Weird shit is definitely going on!

(Cuts only to SMG4.)

SMG4: We need the only nerd in the Mushroom Kingdom...

(Mario appears on-screen with a hopeful look in his eyes.)

MARIO: [It's-a me! Mario!] (SMG4 punches him and knocks him to the ground.) [AH!]


 * Scene 2

(The next scene cuts to outside E. Gadd Laboratories, where a large crowd of Teletubbies is standing near the entrance.)

TELETUBBIES: [Eh-oh! (Multiple Times)] [Tubby Custard! (Multiple Times)] [Tinky Winky!]

(The camera cuts to inside the lab, where Professor E. Gadd is trying to fend of multiple Teletubbies with a broom, while Mario watches him from a distance.)

E. GADD: [Outta this house! (x2)] [Get the fuck outta here!] [*Punching Noises*]

(Cuts to an open doorway. E. Gadd throws a bowl of Tubby Custard into the next room from off-screen, and the Teletubbies dive in after it.)

TELETUBBIES: [Tubby Custard! (Multiple Times)]

(E. Gadd comes on-screen and seals off the room with a metal door.)

E. GADD: [JESUS FUCK!] [*Moaning*]

(Cuts to E. Gadd standing in front of Mario and SMG4.)

E. GADD: So... how can I help you fellows? [*Random Japanese gibberish*]

(Cuts to SMG4.)

SMG4: Uhh... we want to get rid of these excess Teletubbies...

(Cuts back to E. Gadd.)

E. GADD: Oh, I use a broom! :D It's really effective; knocks 'em down fast! [*Random Japanese gibberish*]

(Cuts to a side-angle. Mario appears on-screen, hovering over E. Gadd. "The Imperial March" starts to play in the background.)

MARIO: NO! We need to find their origins!... So we can burn them... and take their spaghetti!! :D [No!] [*Laughs* (Slowed Down)]

(Cuts back to E. Gadd.)

E. GADD: [Okie dokie!] (Flies off-screen. He reappears as the camera cuts to a computer.) I have been getting strange photos from satellites recently... [*Random Japanese gibberish*]

(Cuts to a close-up on the computer monitor as it plays static. It starts to display a series of photographs of various Teletubby-themed crop circles, while the X-Files theme plays in the background. The first image is of a Teletubby's head with its antenna giving off a radio signal. The second image is the Teletubbies logo. The third image is a picture of a penis. The camera briefly cuts away to SMG4.)

SMG4: Dear... God...

(Cuts back to the monitor. The fourth image is the Baby Sun. The fifth image is a picture of Po wearing sunglasses while making Tubby Custard. The final image is a piece of Tubby Toast with a bite mark on the side. Mario suddenly appears on the monitor, chasing after a Pidgey.)

MARIO: [Ooh, look, a bird! *Giggles*]

PIDGEY: [*Chirping*]

(Bowser suddenly appears on-screen as well, abducting Princess Peach in his Clown Car.)

PEACH: [*Screaming*]

BOWSER: [*Laughing*]

(Cuts to Mario and SMG4 in the real world. SMG4 turns to Mario with a skeptical look on his face, while Mario just smiles cheekily. The camera then cuts back to E. Gadd.)

E. GADD: I'm going to need you boys to investigate these U.T.O.s (Unidentified Teletubby Objects). I've been receiving large energy readings from the castle courtyard! [*Random Japanese gibberish*]

(Cuts back to Mario and SMG4. The latter looks determined, while the former just stares with a derpy look on his face.)

E. GADD: (Off-screen) The fate of the world rests in your hands... [*Random Japanese gibberish*]


 * Scene 3

(The next scene cuts to the outside of Peach's Castle, as multiple Teletubbies surround it. The camera then cuts to a group of bushes, which Mario and SMG4 are hiding behind.)

SMG4: (Off-screen) Alright... wearing the disguise E. Gadd gave us?

MARIO: (Off-screen) No! I don't want to look gay! D: [No!] [Mama mia!]

SMG4: (Off-screen) Just shut up and do it!

(They both come out of their hiding spots wearing Teletubby hoods. SMG4 is dressed like Tinky Winky, while Mario is dressed like Po. The camera cuts to the Teletubbies in front of the castle as SMG4 tries to walk past them.)

SMG4: Uhh... yeah! Tubby... Custard... colorful shit. Uhh... drugs, woooo...

(He walks off-screen and Mario follows after him, hopping about.)

MARIO: [With the hippin' and the hoppin' and the bippin' and the boppin'!]

(Cuts to Luigi, who is panicking while the Teletubbies carry him above their heads.)

LUIGI: [Wah!] [Help! (x4)]

(Cuts back to Mario and SMG4.)

MARIO: OOH, LUIGI IS CROWD SURFING? I WANNA JOIN!!! [Woah!] [Holy Shit-o!] (Jumps off-screen.)

SMG4: [WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!]

(Cuts back to Luigi, who is still screaming. Mario suddenly dives in, laughing, which causes to the crowd to explode on impact. The camera then cuts to Luigi crawling on the ground.)

LUIGI: [Mama mia...] (Gets up and turns around to see his brother.) [Huh?] [Mario!]

(Cuts back to Mario.)

MARIO: [*Yelps*] (Walks back towards the Teletubbies.) Everybody! This guy said Tubby Custard sucks balls! [*Random Italian gibberish*]

(The camera zooms in on the Teletubbies as a dramatic chord plays. It then cuts to SMG4 and Mario sneaking into the castle, as Luigi's screams, growling, and roaring fire are heard off-screen. Inside the castle, Mario and SMG4 open a door to the courtyard and peer inside.)

SMG4: [Ho-ly fuck!]

[Cuts to the courtyard, where more Teletubbies are standing outside as a giant UFO hovers over them. It activates a tractor beam the envelopes them in a yellow light. The camera cuts back to SMG4 and Mario, who are trying to run back, but get pulled in to the UFO with the Teletubbies, screaming.)

TELETUBBIES: [Eh-oh! (Multiple Times)] [Tubby Custard (Multiple Times)]

MARIO: [Sweet, merciful crap!]

(Cuts back to the UFO, which takes off and flies into space. The scene then fades to black.)


 * Scene 4