Super Mario 64 Bloopers: War of the Fat Italians 2013/Transcript

Mario: IT'S TIME FOR A STUNT NEVER DONE BEFORE!!!! (About to slide off castle in bathtub) TOAD! YOU GOT THE CAMERA READY?

Toad: No....

SMG4: Finally! I'm done! No more work! TIME FOR SOME FUN! (SMG4 is crushed by bathtub)

Toad: Dammit! Why wasn't I recording that?

SMG4: You Idiot! Look what you did to my beautiful face! (Switches to face, is Forever Alone)

Mario: Looks normal to me.

(SMG4 Runs to Mario, Mario runs into room)

Mario: I was just too good at bathtub sliding!

SMG4: Oh, want to start another war? We all know I'm better at doing cool things!

Mario: Well at least I'm not the best at getting squished by a bathtub.

SMG4: YOU DID THAT! (Mario runs away, laughing) Oh, is that how you want to play it then? Then the awesome war is on.....again....

(Title Shows)

XboxFan: Hi! I'm your best XboxFan guy! I will be showing you the 2013 War of the Fat Italians! Where these two idiots will do useless crap to see who's more awesome!

Challenge #1: Goomba Stomping

'''Ok! Whoever stomps the most goombas in the time limit earns some awesome points.''' Are there any questions?

Mario: Yeah! We all know that SMG4 has lady legs so pretty sure I win already.

SMG4: See you fag! HAHAHA!

Mario: OH HELL NO!

SMG4: Haha!

(Mario walks up to goomba)

Goomba: Mario! Don't do it! You're better than that!

Mario: I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU!

(Mario kills goomba, but tons of other goombas spawn, Mario runs away)

It looks like Mario does the opposite and makes more goomba babies! Which leaves him on a score of -314.

Mario: MAMA FUC-OOMPH! (Gets hurt by goomba)

Challenge #2: Who can fly better?

Mario: (Jumps off roof) I believe in magic!

SMG4: Ummmm, I think he forgot our hats can fly?

Challenge #3: Making Peach Happy

Mario: HEY SEXY PEACH! YOUR BOOBS LOOK WONDERFUL TODAY! YOUR MAKEUP REMINDS ME OF THAT OLD GUY OUTSIDE :D

(Mario is thrown out window)

SMG4: Right...Peach....Mario said that he's going to never visit the castle again.

Peach: YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Challenge #4: Climbing the Castle (Without using the cannon)

(SMG4 tries to get a grip, but falls)

(Mario finds Peach)

Mario: Your ass is so pretty, they make you look like you have 3 heads!

(Peach gets angry, and throws Mario to the top of the castle)

SMG4: Damn he's good.

Challenge #5: Swag.

(SMG4 uses a cool red car)

(Mario uses dancing and spaghetti)

Challenge #6: Making the dead rise

(Mario uses powers, but instead makes a tree grow.)

Mario: MAMA F**KER!

SMG4: HAHA!

(SMG4 uses powers, but makes a Tellitubby appear instead. he runs away in fear.)

Challenge #7: Plumbing

(Both competers go into pipes, and need to defeat Pirahna Plants. Mario farts, setting all the Pirahnas (and SMG4) on fire)

Challenge #8: Sexy Fashion?

(Both are wearing sexy outfits, with Mario having a boot on his head. An Old Man princess then appears.)

MMM...sexeh...

Challenge #9: POKEMANS!

Mario: My level 99 Pikachu has all the moves and can beat the crap out of your Pokemon!

SMG4: Oh yeah? My level....umm..something can tackle OH SHIT! WATCHA GONNA DO?

Mario: OH YEAH? BEAT THIS! PIKACHU USE-A-THUNDERBOLT! (Pikachu does nothing) YOU B**CH!

SMG4: F**K HIM UP!

(SMG4's Pokemon takes out Mario)

Challenge #10: Returning the lost penguin

(Both show up with penguins)

Mario: Wait...which one is the lost penguin?

SMG4: My penguin is probably the actual one! So screw you!

Mario: What the hell am I going to do with this other penguin then?

(Mario stands on top of a cliff, holding it LION KING STYLE!)

Mario: I CALL THIS...FLY MY SON!

(Throws it off cliff, falls to it's death)

Challenge #11: Make Weegee Happy?

(Weegee wants to play Monopoly and Mario Party, and Ouija Board, but Mario says no to all three.)

SMG4: Don't worry Weegee! There's free food in the garbage bin!

(Weegee is Happy)

Challenge #12: Watching TV

Dora: What was your favorite part?

Mario: My favorite part is when Dora nearly died!

Dora: I like that part too!

SMG4: Dude, can we please watch something else?

Mario: Are you hatin on Dora?

SMG4: Yes, this show is stupid and boring.

Mario: YOU SON OF A B**CH! I'LL KILL YOU! (Beats up SMG4)

Challenge #13: The Spaghetti Challenge!?

'''Ok, rules are simple! Whoever can eat the most bowls of spaghetti in under 5 seconds wins!'''

SMG4: But that's impossible!

Mario: Oh! Look who's not awesome anymore!

SMG4: Cmon! Can't we do anything be-

'''READY? SET? GO!'''

SMG4: Wait, wahhhh!?

(Mario wins 35-0)

SMG4: Ok that's it! It's war time!

CHALLENGE #14: WAR!

Mario: All you men shall honor the Mario name! ARE WE READY FOR THIS WAR?

(Switch to Luigi and Toad)

Luigi: Uhhh Mario! Don't you think you should have hired more people?

Mario: NO! SHUTUP! I'M THE BOSS HERE!

Penguin: Umm, Why are you in my house?

Mario: GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CHOP YOUR BALLS OFF! (Penguin leaves) We're going to win this no matter what!

(Run to castle, see SMG4 in huge tank)

SMG4: HEY MARIO! WHO'S THE MORE AWESOME ONE NOW? WHO WINS NOW?

Toad: RUN! IT'S GODZILLA!

SMG4: CRUSH KILL DEST-nah. AWESOME SWAG KILL!

(Mario throws Luigi at tank, doesn't work)

(Mario looks at top of castle, gets idea)

CHALLENGE FIFTEEN: BATHTUB SLIDINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

Mario: TIME TO DESTROY A TANK!...WITH A BATHTUB!

SMG4: CAN'T DESTROY THIS AWESOME TANK!

Mario: YOU ONLY 1-UP ONCE!

(MARIO LANDS ON TANK, EXPLODING IT)

SMG4: Sorry Mario, all this awesome stuff went to my head..........

Mario: And now you say that? Well,I guess I don't really care about this awesome thing anyway....

SMG4: Me too.....X!

X: THE DRUGS ARE OVER THERE! DON'T HURT ME!

Mario: Calm Down, Dude! You're the host! Who has the most awesome points? And who won?

X: Oh...Yeah...about that....I wasn't counting the score.....

SMG4 and Mario: WHAT!?

SMG4: SO WE DON'T KNOW WHO WON THE BATTLE?

X: No, there's one person who knows....

SMG4: WHAT THE F**K ARE WE LOOKING AT?

(Who was the most awesome? You decide!)