User blog:The RPG Gamer/Why I Hate Spiderman

Here’s why I think Spiderman is a self-centered, foolish, wimpy, selfish, douchebagish, saddist, by talking about all the bad things about him and uncovering his dark secrets.

How he got his powers
In the first movie he gets bitten by a radioactive spider while taking photos of a girl (like a pedophile) when he’s supposed to be taking photos of the trip in the (un)amazing spiderman he steals some else’s id in order to sneak into a company tour which results in the guy who was supposed to be on the tour getting kicked out which is extremely dirty. He then sneaks away from the tour where he accidentally stumbles into a spider test facility and gets bitten once again while doing something that’s not supposed to be doing (karma). If you put it that way, he gets his powers by either being a rebel or being a stalker and ends up being accidentally bit thus being rewarded with his powers. This is the most stupid way for anyone to get superpowers, he didn’t work, earn, or sacrifice to get his powers like any normal superhero. He just sneaked his way and accidentally received them unlike most superheroes like Batman (who lost his parents), Superman (who lost his home planet (and sadly his life in Batman vs. Superman)), Wolverine lost his memory and underwent painful experiments but as for Spiderman, why work for you power and sacrifice something when you can just accidentally get it while doing something that you shouldn’t even be doing to say the least. You might argue that he lost his uncle and that sacrifice is similar to that of Batman or Superman but here’s the thing, he didn’t lose him until after he got his powers. Also, little kids (or at least any dumb person) are going to see this and think “Oh if I just get bit by a spider, I will get powers!” so they go looking for a spider and upon finding one, they allow themselves to be bitten and then end up dieing in the process and that’s a very sad way for anyone to die.

How he uses his powers
With great power comes great responsibility (is what Spiderman says) that’s a great and powerful saying that Peter Parker just ignored. If the Spiderman movies have shown me anything, it’s that Peter Parker is not responsible with ANY of this powers. Just imagine you’re Spiderman, you’ve gotten Spider-like powers, you’re shooting things outta your wrists what’s the first thing you do once practicing these newly found moves, save people, help mankind, see a doctor, all that stuff, all of these would be logical answers but not for Spiderman, in the series the first thing Peter Parker does with his powers is enter a wrestling arena to get money so that he can buy a car so that he can try and get lucky with the girl next-door. Noticed how he’s just focused on himself. In the (un)amazing spiderman, Peter Parker uses his powers to bully a criminal which leads to him getting in the way of an ongoing investigation because he has no regard for what his actions will cause. This is a theme throughout all Spiderman movies. Even if you do consider these facts to be overexcitement and enjoyment, you still can’t deny the fact that he consistently uses his powers for his own benefit or convince or for just to he can forfeit his weird needs. One example is how he uses them to constantly impress women when he pretty much knocked down The Beguiled and it’s cast (a movie consisting of mostly girls).

The Villains and how he hasn’t really destroyed them
The problem with Spiderman’s enemies is that 1 he has had a hand in creating most (if not all) of them. 2 he never really kills or at least defeats them, the closest he ever really gets is by either knocking them out or temporarily misplacing them. Okay, to start off in the first film, the only guy he goes after who’s not superpowered. Is some bad guy whom he goes after to avenge his uncle’s death and ends up falling out of a window accidentally. And this whole accidental death, or accidentally ends up defeated thing that’s going to be a theme throughout Spiderman and it just ticks me off to know it because he never really does anything because if he kills somebody it’s by complete accident, if Batman killed somebody it’s because he meant to kill somebody. But the thing is Batman usually doesn’t kill somebody and if he does he won’t do it with guns and is one of the reasons I like him. Spiderman on the other hand I freaking despise. Next off we have his most iconic villain the Green Goblin (known as McDonald by one of my cousins) who was killed with a Back Flip… Congratulations Spiderman, you are now a Cheerleader I mean Kimpossible can do a backflip which is again ANOTHER accident death. The second film had Dr. Octopus who suddenly turns good and is all like “You know what I’m just gonna go down like I’m just gonna go down, I am gonna save this thing and I am outta here!” which is the way that I think that number 2 is at least somewhat better than it’s sequels and prequel. Another thing is that if he doesn’t accidentally kill the villain, they just turn good or just give up and leave. And then the third one, Sandman was just up and left and Spiderman is all like, alright I’m gone. Spiderman didn’t defeat him, he didn’t stand a chance he made him wet with help off some guy but he didn’t really defeat him, the closest he gets to defeating a villain is with Venom and he’s defeated with sound vibrations and with Green Goblin Jr., Spiderman does the same thing he did with Green Goblin Sr. and using his own weapon against him, he knocks him out, knocks him unconscious which may’ve defeated him but this doesn’t settle anything. All he does is leave him there in a coma and is all like “Oh you have amnesia, I am just gonna call that a win and y’know not deal with anything like I don’t know!” Which also shows how annoyingly cocky he is. Like I don’t know a genius would but that’s right. Spiderman is supposed to be a freaking genius but for such a “smart” guy he can’t figure crap out for the life of him he has no streets marks he should not be Spiderman if he couldn’t tell until the very end of the third movie that sound vibrations killed venom I mean he should’ve known that at the middle of the movie but no, Eric Foreman still got to be Venom. And then we get to The (un)amazing Spiderman where he’s directly responsible for creating The Lizard Guy, he gives him the equation, he gives him the technology, and at the end after using multiple peoples’ help, putting a girl’s life in danger, causing her father’s death, and the the Lizard Guy still has to turn good so that he can save Spiderman’s life which he didn’t deserve it, Spiderman didn’t do anything he just caused trouble and he literally needed the help of Crane Operators which thank you for explaining that but that still doesn’t explain the fact that he can just shoot webs everywhere and just y’know be there. We all could be covered in webs and also, webs can hold up freaking cars but anyway that’s the third thing I hate about this menace

How he removed the Beguiled
This part has nothing to do with his character, I was walking past a cinema and they had posters for about 6 movies and one of them was the Beguiled. I would’ve got a photo but all my phones were surprisingly dead. I went back there a few days later and saw that the Beguiled was removed in favour of Spiderman. I wasn’t happy about this at all as there were much worse films that managed to stay up such as Rough Night (the sequel to the most ear-bleeding film of 2015: Hot Girls Wanted), The Emoji Movie (a film that EVERYONE hates (even Nathaniel Bandy)), and The Circle (which is a big puddle of bland). But Nooooo. This made me dislike Spiderman a lot.