User blog:The Zog./Holidays and what they mean

Inspired by a MarioFan blog of similar vein, here's a run through of all the holidays of the year, and what they mean to the world.

New Year's - Where you're pressured into making promises you know you won't keep and then drink champagne to commemorate another 365 days of bullshit.

Groundhog's Day - A useless holiday totally overshadowed by the Super Bowl every year

Valentine's Day - Where everything is red and no one is actually invested in anything but chocolate and wine.

President's Day - The holiday you only remember because you get out of school and work for a week.

Saint Patrick's Day - Where we honor the great St. Patrick by wearing green and drinking beer in order to perpetuate the vile stereotypes of the people the man who we're supposed to be celebrating cared for so deeply.

Pi Day - The day you either pretend to understand the complexities of math or just make stupid pie puns all day.

April Fools' Day - A holiday completely ruined every year because you know exactly what's going to happen.

Weed Day - The holiday that's supposed to be just a funny little joke that's always ruined hybrids that asshole that reminds you Hitler was born and the Columbine shooting happened on the day.

Earth Day - Don't pretend, you totally forgot this was a thing.

Mother's Day - The holiday we either forget about until the day before or buy stupid crap for because you have nice idea what your mother even really desires.

Memorial Day - The day you do literally nothing for.

Father's Day - Mother's Day, but with different genitals.

Juneteenth - You don't even know what that is, do you?

Flag Day - Where you look at a flag and then carry on with your day because you don't even know it's Flag Day or what that even is.

Independence Day - Where you barbecue and shoot off fireworks and almost exclusively use other non-American innovations to celebrate the facts we are no longer part of a nation that exploits mercantilism, derides the poor, has disproportionate power overboard he world, and aims to control the entire world. Thank God we got out of that while we could!

Labor Day - A holiday no one knows anything about yet we observe every year.

Patriot's Day - A day where we remember the devasting 9/11 attacks, and the US's subsequent vow to defeat whoever it was we were at war with.

Rosh HaShanah - Where Jews eat apples and honey and celebrate a new year. Meanwhile the plebs celebrate three months later.

Yom Kippur - A day when Jews repent for the their sins because simply asking for forgiveness when you feel bad shouldn't grant you a full pass.

Halloween - When Catholic tightasses get butthurt over the celebration of a holiday they started.

Thanksgiving - Where you invite a ton of people over, make two turkeys, eat one piece, and force everyone to take crap home, knowing full well they are never going to touch it. But who cares about any of that because CHRISTMAS IS IN A MONTH AHHHHH