DerpTV: Super Happy Fun Fun Gameshow/Transcript

This is a transcript for DerpTV: Super Happy Fun Fun Gameshow.

Script
Mario (in his real human picture): Hellooooo!

(Cue DerpTV Network ident, with a drugged Lakitu and the word "PRESENTS" at the bottom of the screen, Earth in the background and the channel title at the top. The logo of the video then appears. Cut to a cheering crowd at a stage, then to the front of the stage. Tubbiehost then appears.)

Tubbiehost: Ha ha ha! Hello! WELCOME all, to SUPER HAPPY FUN FUN GAME SHOW! Howdy! And I'm your host: TUBBIEHOST! On this, we'll be putting out contestants in a series of fun fun games! LET US MEET THE CONTESTANTS!

(Cut to a part of the stage. A curtain opens, but reveals nothing. Cut back to Tubbiehost.)

Tubbiehost: What the fuck?! Goddammit! Where's my contestants?! (Lakitu appears)

Lakitu: Uh sir, no one ever watches this show, so we have no contestants...

Tubbiehost: (holding a gun) THEN YOU'D BETTER GET ME SOME NOW!!!

Lakitu: Aaaah!! (flies away)

(Cut to a part of the stage. Mario drops. Frankie appears.)

Frankie: Yahoo!

(Cut to Tubbiehost and Lakitu.)

Lakitu: That red one was eating food in our dumpster... And the Toad was...humping the studio wall. (flies away)

Tubbiehost: (voice dialogue) Oooooohhhh! Haa haa haaaaa!(text dialogue) Let's meet the contestants!

(Cut to Mario.)

(Mario. Age: ?. IQ: ?. Weight: >1000kg.)

Mario: Okie-dokie, get ready to move your penis.

(Cut to Frankie.)

(Frankie. Age: 7. IQ: 175. Weight: fatty.)

Frankie: Somebody kill me!

(Cut to Tubbiehost.)

Tubbiehost: Very Good. Go! Go! Go!

(Game 1 - Question DUEL!)

Tubbiehost: ITS A TEST OF WIT. ITS A TEST OF SMARTNESS. ITS A TEST OF HOW DUMBASS YOU ARE! It's question duel time!

(Cut to Mario)

Mario: Wahoo! I'm the winner!

(Cut to Frankie)

Frankie: Ha, you're just a gut-less fatso!

(Cut back to Mario)

Mario: WHAT DID YOU SAY NIGGA!?! (Cut to Frankie) You son of a bitch! (Mario attacks him)

(Tubbiehost appears.)

Tubbiehost: Oh! Who's first?!

(Cut to the screen stage. Screen shows "Mario's turn" text. Cut to Frankie and Mario. Mario surprised.)

Mario: Aaaahhhhhh!

(Cut again to screen stage. Question: Who is the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom? Cut again to Mario.)

Mario: Ooooooooooooohhh! (his eyes cross outward)

(Cut to Tubbiehost.)

Tubbiehost: Dear god... It's only the first question...and he's cross eyed...

(Cut to Mario. Answers of the question are "Princess Peach", "Princess Robotnik", "Princess Luigi" and "Princess Daisy".)

Mario: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

(The camera changes angles, with a speech bubble appearing next to Mario with a princess dress. Heavy's head appears on top of the dress, which then changes into Justin Bieber, a guy cosplaying as Peach, Dr. Robotnik, SMG4 and finally Luigi.)

Princess Luigi: I'm a fucking pretty princess! (wears glasses) Oh ho ha ha ha ha!

Mario: SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! (he chooses "Princess Luigi", which in fact, is the wrong answer. Cut to the stage screen which shows a red "X" with Senor Chang saying "Gayyyyy!". Cut back to Mario who is swearing.)

Mario: OH F***! YOU NERF-HERDING PIECE OF S***! AHHHHH!

(Luigi appears in a princess dress again)

Luigi: Oh hell no!

(Cut to screen stage. Screen shows "Frankie's turn" text. Cut to Frankie.)

Frankie: Yahoo! Here we go!

(Cut to screen stage. Question: "Is Mario gay?". Cut again to Frankie, with all answers showing "Yes".)

Frankie: Yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha! (chooses the left bottom answer)

(Cut to the stage screen which now shows a correct symbol while a stretched Mario face appears shouting "DAAAAMN". Cut to Mario and Frankie. Mario gets more angry, while Frankie dances.)

Frankie: Yahoo! (several times)

Mario: (Grunts) BULLSH*T!

(Tubbiehost appears with a score counter. Frankie's score (indicated by a cartoon design of him) becomes 1, while Mario's (indicated by a Mario head with crossed eyes) is zero.)

(Cut to the stage screen. It's "Mario's turn" again. Cut back to Mario.)

Mario: (Grunts) Mario get you next time!

(Cut to the stage screen. A question shows up showing "What is the colour of Toadsworth's underwear he's got on right now?". Cut to Mario, who is now a surprised ragdoll.)

Mario: Mamaf**ker! (answers show up reading "Pink?", "Blue?", "DAFUQIDONTKNOW" and "RED?") ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!? AHHHH!

Tubbiehost: PSSSSSSSST. (Shows Mario the "Phone a friend" option with a "?" Block so that Mario can call someone for help)

Mario: Hmm? (Looks at the "Phone a friend" option) Whoa! Mama mia! (Calls Toadsworth by a cellphone)

(Cut to the inside of Peach's Castle, where Toadsworth picks up the phone)

Toadsworth: Master Mario! How can I help you?

Mario: AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Tell me what the colour of your underwear is!

Toadsworth: ...Ummmm...are you coming onto me?

Mario: Mm-hmm! Hurry up already!

Toadsworth: Okie-dokie! (Gets out of Peach's Castle and goes to Mario Bros. House)

(Cuts to Princess Peach making some tea as she turns around)

Toadsworth: Ahem, (Shows Peach his muscular body) so, I heard you wanted some "pipes cleaned", eh?

(Luigi shows up with his big mustache and makes his "boing" sound as he gets a boner, while Peach faints and explodes)

(Cuts back to Mario and hears that Toadsworth hung up his phone, leaving Mario helpless)

Mario: (Runs away) FUUUU-! (Crashes to the wall as he chooses "DAFUQIDONTKNOW" as his answer, which is the wrong answer. Cuts back to the stage screen which shows a red "X" with Senor Chang saying "Gayyyyy". Cuts back to Tubbiehost.)

Tubbiehost: Ooh! Too bad!

(Cuts to the stage screen. It's Frankie's turn again. A question shows up showing "What does the 'M' on Mario's hat stand for?". Cuts back to Frankie.)

Frankie: Okay! (answers shows up reading "Moo", "Metrosexual", "Maybe I'm too fat" and "IT'S A MEEEEEE".) Yahoo! (Chooses the right top answer.)

(Cuts to the stage screen which now shows a correct symbol, again, while a stretched Mario face appears shouting "DAAAAMN", again. Cuts back to Frankie with his victory dance while the "Where the Hood At" song plays, while Mario roars and attacks Frankie. Tubbiehost appears with a score counter. Frankie's score now becomes 2, while Mario's score remains zero.)

(Game 2 - The Wheel of Fun Fun!)

Tubbiehost: Who's ready for some fun fun times? Just spin the wheel and see whatcha get! (Drops a !-switch)

(Round 1) (Frankie jumps and ground pond the !-switch. the star wheel spins and stops on the ? icon.)

(Chance time!)

Tubbiehost: Ooh! Chance time! Pick any numbered box! And see what you get!

More to come.