SM64: ṩṩἔᾗмὄḋᾗᾄʀ 6 (New years edition)/Transcript

(Mario and Peach are on top of the castle, looking at fireworks)

Mario: Ahh 2014....

(Mario Looks at Peach)

Peach: Thank you Mario!

Mario: Sweet! Mario a-gonna get laid!

(Later that night...Mario waits in a dark room, naked. Princess than screams, with Mario running to the door, door explodes)

Peach: I'M ON MY PERIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

(Title card appears, gets smaller with bells ringing in the background)

Man: (offscreen) Uh oh, retard alert!

(static)

Boy: Morning!

Father: Do your homework! (Throws book at boy as he screams, static)

(SMG4 is on computer, Mario appears behind him)

Mario: Oh boy, look at that keyboard! I'm going to sh*t on it!

SMG4: (Backs away) Oh, what the f**k! (Static)

(Mario runs toward Bowser)

Mario: I'm-a gonna get you!

(Bowser's fart blows Mario away as he shouts, static)

X: Hey.

Pizza Delivery Man: How's it going?

X: (Has different moustache) How much is it?

Pizza Delivery Man: Uh... 14 dollars.

X: Playing pie, right? (Has Toad face on hat)

Pizza Delivery Man: Yeah. (Gives guy pizza)

X: Thanks, bro. You have some sausage? (Buttons on overalls have Thwomp faces)

Pizza Delivery Man: (Has goomba face) You got sausage in your face. (Static)

(Toad walks up to John)

Toad Daddy, can you teach me how to twerk?

(John is worried)

John: NO! NO! (Grabs gun and points it at Toad) NO! (static)

(Guy is in car)

Car: Turn right now.

(Seconds later, the car crashes)

Guy: Shit!

Car: You missed a turn, you fucking dumbass. (static)

(People are coming behing a statue)

People: Awimbowe, awimbowe awimbowe awimbo-

(A final person appears, flying)

Person: AWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (static)

(Shows a sign with Darth Vaders head saying Join the Darkside! We have cookies......and healthcare)

Toad: Cookie? (Turns into cookie monster, then barges in front of Pinkolol16)

Toad: COOKIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! (Pinkolol16 freaks out) (Static)

(Notch comes through a door)

Notch: HERE'S JOHNNY!

(Switches to supposedly Johnny on a toilet)

Johnny: HERE I AM, TRYING TO TAKE A SHIT IN THE PRIVACY OF MY-(static)

(Mario is shown wearing a banana costume)

Mario: I'm a banana! I'm a banana! I'm a banana!

(Barges in on Luigi)

Mario: LOOK AT ME MOVE! (Luigi is scared, static)

(Peach is talking to somebody)

Peach: I love Mario and all. Sometimes it seems like I'm his whole life...

MarioMario54321: NO ONE CARES! (static)

(Bowser is in space, on a wrecking ball, is singing Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus, static)

(Two people are standing in front of an ice rink)

Guy 1: How deep is that?

Guy 2: I don't know, 2 or 3 inches?

(Guy 1 jumps in anyway)

Guy 1: BELLY FLOP! (Jumps into ice, is hurt, static)

(A distorted Mario face is shown, and is accompanied by creepy humming music, static)

(Wario and Waluigi are shown in a car, driving)

Wario Bros: Making my way downtown, parking!

(Their car crashes into a house, the message "Don't Drink and Drive" appears with creepy, depressing piano music, static)

(Mario is shown, spinning Bowser)

Mario: When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that's amore, when an eel lunges out, and takes a bite of your PINGAS (Eggman appears), that's amore! (static)

(MejiaCantilloGustavo is looking in fridge)

MCG: Oriam, where's the milk?

(Oriam is shown with glasses with the milk singing "Milkshake" by Kelis, guy appears)

Derrick: Shut the fuck up! (static)

(Moments with Steve!)

(Steve is shown in a cave, possible mining, and discovers Dorrie, Mario later comes, and hops on Dorrie for a ride)

Mario: Let'sa go! Here we go! (Cuts to Dorrie's face, revealing that Steve and Dorrie have combined)

Steve-Dorrie: I am a stegosaurus!

Mario: OH, WHAT THE FU-(Steve-Dorrie flies into the air, the song Starships plays, while Mario is freaking out, static)

(If plants could rap)

(Petey is shown rapping)

(After, Petey is now shown blurting out gibberish, static)

(Two guys are shown enjoying a cookie, Toad comes)

Toad: COOKIE!!! (the guys freak out) (static)

(LegoFan is in a dark room, running)

Eggman: PINGAS!

LegoFan: AAAH! WHAT WAS THAT? UHH, SOMEBODY? I DON'T WANNA KNOW... (Eggman appears, with the words He's always watching... appearing, Then cuts to a commercial with Eggman dancing)

Announcer: Call 1800POBOX! (Eggman sings, with the word PINGAS as it's lyrics, static)

(Luigi is on rollercoaster on Isle Delfino, and while it is going up, Luigi is worried. I soon becomes flat, and Luigi is calm again, after, the rollercoaster starts going really fast, with Luigi going crazy while screaming, while the coaster car flies into the air, static)

Girl: Hey sexxy, wanna see under my dress?

(Cuts to guy)

Guy: What do I care about seeing your dirty old fanny? (Toad appears, and then cuts to tons of people)

Everyone: Daaaaaaaaaaaamn! (static)

(Continuing from skit #7, The Awimbowe is being done, but with a bathtub instead. Soon, the curtain opens)

Starman3: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE? (static)

(A commercial for Mario Party 287 appears, with a costumed Mario holding the game)

Announcer: Mario Party 287! Now avalible from Milton-Bradley! Rated Ages 10 and up! Some assembly required!

Guy: SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY! (The text You have no friends appears, static)

(Shows video of Mario eating spaghetti)

FightingMario54321: (after realizing he can't pause it) WHERE THE F*CK'S THE PAUSE BUTTON!?!?

(SMG4 and Mario are looking at courses they can complete)

SMG4: Is there any new places we can go?

Mario: Oooh! Mario's tunnel-of-a doom! Very scary.

SMG4: Wait, no. We got that one too.

Mario: Mamaf**ker!

(Meanwhile at Nintendo, cue crickets chirping offscreen)

Toad: Ffffffffuck. (Static)

(Bowser and Peach are playing a game)

Bowser: Oh, yes! I've always wanted someone to play Barbie: Star Wars Adventures with me! Yeah! Let's play!

Peach: Please kill me. (static)

(Continuing from skit 15)

Waluigi: Wario! It's your Mamma Mia on the telephone-a!

Wario: What's the matter for you, you stupid-a goomba-faced nieve! I kill you with my nose!

Waluigi: No! No! No! My brother! (static)

(Luigi is singing his version of Call Me Maybe)

Toad: Wow, what an a$$hole.

SMG4: Shut up Toad, you sound like if Peach was a man.