SM64 Bloopers: The Pirate Plumbers/Transcript

(The blooper opens with the Mario Bros. driving a "Super Malleo Bros Plumbing" truck. Luigi is happy while Mario is angry.)

Luigi  (singing and dancing) *Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!*

Mario: THIS IS STOOPID! why'd you drag me into plumbing crap again?

Luigi: oh come on Mario! all you do is nothing at the castle! this just like old times right!

Mario: old times!? i didn't know we use to drive an ice cream truck as the business car!

Luigi: But bro, this is the only professional car I could find!

Mario: Oh great! You even lured in hungry customers!

(At the back, some Gourmet Guys are trying to get inside the truck to get some cookies)

Gourmet Guys: (simultaneously) COOOKIIIIIIIE!!

Mario: WOW!

Luigi: (still happy) Listen bro, we're gonna have fun fixing those pipes! Right after this hour drive, OK?

Mario: HOUR DRIVE?! HELL NO! OH HELL NO!

(Mario then suddenly notices an enemy on the road and gets scared.)

Mario: WAHH? LUIGI! THAT ENEMY IS GOING TO ATTACK US!

(Luigi then also notices the enemy, which turns out to be a Goomba, and panics)

(The truck then approaches the Goomba only to get flung away)

Goomba: The f*ck?

Mario: Whee! Whee! Whee!

Luigi: OHHOHOHO!

(The truck then flies into a warp pipe which leads to a house)

Mario: (looks out of truck) Okie-dokie!

(Cut to the porch of the house. Luigi is already dizzy.)

Mario: Let's just shove a wrench in this guy's toilet and get out alright?

(Mario throws a tool box at the door.)

Mario: HEY! OPEN UP! WE CAME TO FIX YOUR PIPES! AND RAID YOUR SPAGHETTI!

(Ben answers the door)

Ben: Hello!

Mario and Luigi: What the f*ck is that?!

Ben: HAYO! You da male bride order I bought!?

Luigi: (nervous sounding) Wah! Marioooo...

Mario: Um...yeah! (addressing towards Luigi) He's right here!

Luigi: Wah!

X: Oh! Sorry! Ignore my roommate Ben here, he's really retarded. (pushes Ben away from the door)

Ben: Shut up, grandma!

Luigi: Oh! Well we're here to help fix any pipe problems!

X: Hmmmm. No thanks.

Mario: (growls) Pingas! (crashes through the window) Listen here! I REALLY want to eat right now but my bro keeps bothering me to do some plumbing! Please let me fix your crapper so he leaves me alone! Quick! He's watching us!!!

(Cut to the door, where Luigi is taking the appearance of Weegee. The camera closely zooms in on his face. Cut back to Mario and X.)

Mario: (panics)

Luigi: Mario?

X: Alright! Fine! Just get out of the house when you're done!

(beat)

Mario and Luigi: Yayyyyy!

Mario: (sees the clogged toilet) Hmmmm... (adds a rubber ducky and a plunger into the mess) Done!

Luigi: Ah! No! Dammit Mario! Now you just clogged up the toilet!

Mario: Come on! I save princesses! I don't do this crap!

Luigi: (crawls out of bathroom) I'll just get...the vacuum...Mama mia. (Notices a Mr. Squidge) Wow. (laughs)

Ben: Hey!

(Luigi jumps back in fear)

Ben: No one, NO ONE TOUCHES MR. SQUIDGE! MY PRECIOUS PET! If anyone touches Mr. Squidge, I RAPE YOU!