SM64: ṩṩἔᾗмὄḋᾗᾄʀ 0 - Release the Retardness!/Transcript

This is a transcript for SM64: Ssenmodnar 0 - Release the Retardness!.

Script
[Intro plays]

[''SUPAH MARIO SUPAH PUPPET SHOW! text appears on screen with paper cutouts of Mario and Luigi on popsicle sticks.'']

Mario: Hey, Luigi!

Luigi: Huh?

Mario: Knock, knock!

Luigi: What?

Mario: Jamaica! Jamaica me coo-coo! Jamaica me coo-coo crazy!

[Laugh track plays, cuts to the show being aired on a television in the Castle.]

Mario (watching the TV): HAHAHA! I GET IT! YOU GUYS ARE SO CLEVER!

[Cut to a door being opened by SMG4]

SMG4: Goddammit, Mario! Shut up.

[Mario turns around]

Mario: How about no?

[SMG4 hits Mario with a rock, SMG4 laughs before Mario hits SMG4 with the TV]

Mario: Great! Now the TV is broken AND it has crappy shows! Looks like it's time for...MARIO'S SEXEH UPGRADE!

[Mario dances in front of the TV, grabs a wrench and a duck with Waluigi's hat, and begins to hump the TV while text above him says, "Disclaimer: Mario has no idea what he's doing."]

Mario: Well, that didn't work at all...

Mario: Welp, time to eat my newly made SUPAH SPICY SPAGHETTI!

[Mario eats the spaghetti, but then starts to complain about the spaghetti being hot and punches the spaghetti, which hits the TV, apparently fixing it.]

Mario: Oooh! The spaghetti fixed the TV!

SMG4: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!

[Cuts back to the SUPAH MARIO SUPAH PUPPET SHOW!]

Mario (puppet): ...the heck out of me!

[Static appears for a short second, then the show reappears.]

Mario: Luigi! Give me your PINGAS!

[Mario and Luigi puppets begin fighting each other, with a satisfied Mario watching the TV while SMG4 explodes.]

[The camera zooms in on the TV, then text shows up and reveals SSENMODNAR 0's title card.]

Skit #1: Mario, Luigi, and Wario are in a car bouncing their heads to the tune of "What Is Love" by Haddaway

Skit #2: SMG4 is talking to somebody over the phone.

SMG4: Yeah, uh... [inaudible]

Mario: [inaudible]...MY HAAANNDDD! [Mario breaks his arm and then shrivels up into a ball, only showing his torso.]

Skit #3: Toad is walking down a dirt road with Toadette to the tune of "1000 Miles" by Vanessa Carlton with Toad adding lyrics of his own.

Toad: Making my way downtown, with my bitch (Toadette), and she's going to make me a sandwich.

[Toad mocks the instrumental segment of the music while knocking Toadette aside.]

Skit #4: A purple two-horned monster faces off against MarioMario54321 in a battle on the Final Destination stage from Super Smash Bros. Melee.

Monster: Please kneel before your master! I am the ultimate overlord who will rule the world--

[An explosion interrupts the monster, and Dr. Eggman appears.]

Dr. Eggman: Shut up! I have an erection!

Skit #5: Wario is driving on the Rainbow Road course from Mario Kart 64.

[Wario attempts to hop over the guard rail and land on a later portion of the track below, but falls short of the landing.]

Wario: Oh, shit!

[Scene cuts to two Bob-ombs seeing Wario, but mistaking him for a shooting star.]

[Wario panics and screams while he flies through the air and catches on fire.]

Skit #6: Mario is shown laughing before saying "Pingas!"

Skit #7: Shy Guy walks into the "Toast Emporium" while yelling his upbeat "YEAH, TOAST!" At first, he is delighted by the sight, but then runs into Po wearing a piece of toast on his head, causing Shy Guy to back away from him, only to press a button on the cabinet shelves behind him, and turns around to see a piece of toast with SpongeBob Squarepants' face.

SpongeBob toast: I love you!

[Shy Guy panics even more as he sees toasters, "100% more healthy" toast, and finally snaps when he sees a fat Shy Guy wearing a piece of toast on his head along with a skirt around his torso.]

Skit #8: PewDiePie's facecam is superimposed to gameplay footage of someone using a physics gun and forcing Mario to rub his hand on Luigi's rear end.

[Cut to Mario, who is irritated by the sight.]

Mario: WHAT IS THIS?!

[Mario explodes.]

Luigi: Yay-uh!

Skit #9: Moments with Steve: How to get the ladies.

Steve: Hi, guys!

[Scene cuts to Rosalina talking with Toadette.]

Rosalina: Oh, my God, Stacey. You know that date with this dude last week?

Toadette: Yeah, see? He's so cute!

Rosalina: I know, it's...[inaudible as the scene fades out.]

[Scene fades into Rosalina having dinner with Steve, who is singing "Ding, Fries are Done"]

Rosalina: He has such a way with words...

Steve: Hey, can I sing a song for you?

Rosalina: Ooh, hoo-hoo-hoo!

[Steve begins singing]

Steve: ♪ Show me your genitals. Genitals. (What?) ♪

Steve: ♪ Show me your genitals. Genitalia! ♪

[Repeat first line and second line before Steve stops singing.]

Steve: Dat ass...

Rosalina: Can you be the father of my babies?

Steve: LIKE A BOSS!

[Deal With It sunglasses are superimposed onto Steve's eyes.]

Skit #10: Mario and Luigi are having a conversation at the table in their home.

Luigi: Hey, Mario, did you ever know where a baby comes from?

Mario: Well, you see, Luigi, when a bright [word/phrases missing] puts his spaghetti load of [word/phrases missing] in Mama Mia's ravioli, a little bambino covered in [word not understandable] comes out 9 months later.

Luigi (now in derp mode): What does that have anything to do with babies?

Skit #11: Three Waluigi's shout "Wah!" before being interrupted by Luigi in the bottom right corner.

Waluigi: Waa! Waa! Waa!

Luigi: Wah.

[All the Waluigis attempt to attack Luigi but cannot do so due to being separated by two bars, one horizontal and one vertical, which split the screen into four corners.]