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This is a transcript for DerpTV: Super Happy Fun Fun Gameshow.
Opening[]
Mario (in his real human picture): Hellooooo!
(Cue DerpTV Network ident, with a drugged Lakitu and the word "PRESENTS" at the bottom of the screen, Earth in the background and the channel title at the top. The logo of the video then appears. Cut to a cheering crowd at a stage, then to the front of the stage. Tubbiehost then appears.)
Tubbiehost: Ha ha ha! Hello! WELCOME all, to SUPER HAPPY FUN FUN GAME SHOW! Howdy! And I'm your host: TUBBIEHOST! On this, we'll be putting out contestants in a series of fun fun games! LET US MEET THE CONTESTANTS!
(Cut to a part of the stage. A curtain opens, but reveals nothing. Cut back to Tubbiehost.)
Tubbiehost: What the fuck?! Goddammit! Where's my contestants?! (Lakitu appears)
Lakitu: Uh sir, no one ever watches this show, so we have no contestants...
Tubbiehost: (holding a gun) THEN YOU'D BETTER GET ME SOME NOW!!!
Lakitu: Aaaah!! (flies away)
(Cut to a part of the stage. Mario drops. Frankie appears.)
Frankie: Yahoo!
(Cut to Tubbiehost and Lakitu.)
Lakitu: That red one was eating food in our dumpster... And the Toad was...humping the studio wall. (flies away)
Tubbiehost: (voice dialogue) Oooooohhhh! Haa haa haaaaa!(text dialogue) Let's meet the contestants!
(Cut to Mario.)
(Mario. Age: ?. IQ: ?. Weight: >1000kg.)
Mario: Okie-dokie, get ready to move your penis.
(Cut to Frankie.)
(Frankie. Age: 7. IQ: 175. Weight: fatty.)
Frankie: Somebody kill me!
(Cut to Tubbiehost.)
Tubbiehost: Very Good. Go! Go! Go!
Game 1: Question DUEL![]
Tubbiehost: ITS A TEST OF WIT. ITS A TEST OF SMARTNESS. ITS A TEST OF HOW DUMBASS YOU ARE! It's question duel time!
(Cut to Mario)
Mario: Wahoo! I'm the winner!
(Cut to Frankie)
Frankie: Ha, you're just a gut-less fatso!
(Cut back to Mario)
Mario: WHAT DID YOU SAY N*****!?! (Cut to Frankie) You son of a b!tch! (Mario attacks him)
(Tubbiehost appears.)
Tubbiehost: Oh! Who's first?!
(Cut to the screen stage. Screen shows "Mario's turn" text. Cut to Frankie and Mario. Mario surprised.)
Mario: Aaaahhhhhh!
(Cut again to screen stage. Question: Who is the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom? Cut again to Mario.)
Mario: Ooooooooooooohhh! (his eyes cross outward)
(Cut to Tubbiehost.)
Tubbiehost: Dear god... It's only the first question...and he's cross eyed...
(Cut to Mario. Answers of the question are "Princess Peach", "Princess Robotnik", "Princess Luigi" and "Princess Daisy".)
Mario: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
(The camera changes angles, with a speech bubble appearing next to Mario with a princess dress. Heavy's head appears on top of the dress, which then changes into Justin Bieber, a guy cosplaying as Peach, Dr. Robotnik, SMG4 and finally Luigi.)
Princess Luigi: I'm a fucking pretty princess! (wears glasses) Oh ho ha ha ha ha!
Mario: SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! (he chooses "Princess Luigi", which in fact, is the wrong answer. Cut to the stage screen which shows a red "X" with Senor Chang saying "Gayyyyy!". Cut back to Mario who is swearing.)
Mario: OH F***! YOU NERF-HERDING PIECE OF S***! AHHHHH!
(Luigi appears in a princess dress again)
Luigi: Oh hell no!
(Cut to screen stage. Screen shows "Frankie's turn" text. Cut to Frankie.)
Frankie: Yahoo! Here we go!
(Cut to screen stage. Question: "Is Mario gay?". Cut again to Frankie, with all answers showing "Yes".)
Frankie: Yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha! (chooses the left bottom answer)
(Cut to the stage screen which now shows a correct symbol while a stretched Mario face appears shouting "DAAAAMN". Cut to Mario and Frankie. Mario gets more angry, while Frankie dances.)
Frankie: Yahoo! (several times)
Mario: (Grunts) BULLSH*T!
(Tubbiehost appears with a score counter. Frankie's score (indicated by a cartoon design of him) becomes 1, while Mario's (indicated by a Mario head with crossed eyes) is zero.)
(Cut to the stage screen. It's "Mario's turn" again. Cut back to Mario.)
Mario: (Grunts) Mario get you next time!
(Cut to the stage screen. A question shows up showing "What is the colour of Toadsworth's underwear he's got on right now?". Cut to Mario, who is now a surprised ragdoll.)
Mario: Mamaf**ker! (answers show up reading "Pink?", "Blue?", "DAFUQIDONTKNOW" and "RED?") ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!? AHHHH!
Tubbiehost: PSSSSSSSST. (Shows Mario the "Phone a friend" option with a "?" Block so that Mario can call someone for help)
Mario: Hmm? (Looks at the "Phone a friend" option) Whoa! Mama mia! (Calls Toadsworth by a cellphone)
(Cut to the inside of Peach's Castle, where Toadsworth picks up the phone)
Toadsworth: Master Mario! How can I help you?
Mario: AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Tell me what the colour of your underwear is!
Toadsworth: ...Ummmm...are you coming onto me?
Mario: Mm-hmm! Hurry up already!
Toadsworth: Okie-dokie! (Gets out of Peach's Castle and goes to Mario Bros. House)
(Cuts to Princess Peach making some tea as she turns around)
Toadsworth: Ahem, (Shows Peach his muscular body) so, I heard you wanted some "pipes cleaned", eh?
(Luigi shows up with his big mustache and makes his "boing" sound as he gets a boner, while Peach faints and explodes)
(Cuts back to Mario and hears that Toadsworth hung up his phone, leaving Mario helpless)
Mario: (Runs away) FUUUU-! (Crashes to the wall as he chooses "DAFUQIDONTKNOW" as his answer, which is the wrong answer. Cuts back to the stage screen which shows a red "X" with Senor Chang saying "Gayyyyy". Cuts back to Tubbiehost.)
Tubbiehost: Ooh! Too bad!
(Cuts to the stage screen. It's Frankie's turn again. A question shows up showing "What does the 'M' on Mario's hat stand for?". Cuts back to Frankie.)
Frankie: Okay! (answers shows up reading "Moo", "Metrosexual", "Maybe I'm too fat" and "IT'S A MEEEEEE".) Yahoo! (Chooses the right top answer.)
(Cuts to the stage screen which now shows a correct symbol, again, while a stretched Mario face appears shouting "DAAAAMN", again. Cuts back to Frankie with his victory dance while the "Where the Hood At" song plays, while Mario roars and attacks Frankie. Tubbiehost appears with a score counter. Frankie's score now becomes 2, while Mario's score remains zero.)
Game 2: The Wheel of Fun Fun![]
Tubbiehost: Who's ready for some fun fun times? Just spin the wheel and see whatcha get! (Drops a !-switch)
(Round 1) (Frankie jumps and ground pond the !-switch. the star wheel spins and stops on the ? icon.)
(Chance time!)
Tubbiehost: Ooh! Chance time! Pick any numbered box! And see what you get!
Frankie: the one dat looks like bewbies! 3! :D
(A roaring Yeti pops out of box 3.)
Tubbiehost: WOAH!
Mario: Ehhhhhh?
(Frankie dodges out of the way to avoid being whacked by the Yeti's large bone.)
Frankie: Uh oh, SpaghettiOs!
(The Yeti advances towards Frankie.)
Frankie: AH! Who wants a muffin?
(The Yeti gets surprised as Frankie tosses the muffin out of the room.)
Yeti: (Running out) OH MY GOD!
Tubbiehost: And Frankie beats the monster!!
(The score is now 27 to 0. Mario, not having any of it, presses the !-switch. The wheel spins, but unfortunately...)
BOWSER TIME
Mario: Ah, crap!
(Bowser shows up.)
Bowser: Congratulations! Let's see what you won!
(The Bowser wheel scrolls through four choices: Death, Bowser minigame, Sexy Time With Bowser, and Bowser's awesome prize. To Bowser's disappointment, and Mario's delight, it stops on that last one.)
Bowser: Ohh, fine! Just be gentle with the prize!
(Bowser spawns the prize... A watermelon. One watermelon does not a happy Mario make.)
Bowser: What? You don't like melon? I love melon!
(Soon, a screaming Bowser runs off on fire.)
Tubbiehost: Oh oh! Setting fire to our staff is a big no-no!
(The score is now 27 to -1. Mario flies across the room.)
Frankie: Yaaay!
(Frankie ground pounds the !-switch and the wheel spins. It stops on a coin.)
Frankie wins 100 coins
Frankie: Yaaay!
(Mario presses the !-switch. The wheel stops on a ? symbol. Mario goes up to box 21, and a Chain Chomp pops out.)
Chain Chomp: Chomp's surprise quick quiz!
Mario: AHH! Mama-mia!
Chain Chomp: What the f*** is a Sonic!?
(With ten seconds on the clock, Mario frantically runs backstage (Where the Yeti is still chasing after the muffin) and finds Sonic.)
Mario: Hey, mamaf*cker! GET OVER HERE!
(Back in the arena, Mario throws Sonic at the Chain Chomp.)
Correct!
(Mario happily accepts his prize: A free holiday to Teletubby Land. One free trip to Teletubby Land also does not a happy Mario make. He rages so badly, he pushes the boxes off the counter.)
MEGA ROUND!
Tubbiehost: It's the Mega Round! This means any points or coins earned will be multiplied by 100!!!!
Frankie: YEAH!
Mario: HOLY SH!TU! (He presses the !-switch.) Come on!
(The wheel lands on the coin pingas.)
Mario: WHAT!?
Eggman: (Pops up) Time for a minigame!
EGGMAN'S MINIGAME TIME!
Face lift: Match the Face
3, 2, 1, GO!
(Frankie rushes over and begins toying with his Mario Head. Mario tries pulling the hat on his Mario Head to the right, to no avail. He tries again, but pulls so far, Mario Head flies out of the room and crashes.)
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
(Eggman walks up to Frankie. His Mario Head looks hardly like the one in the picture.)
Eggman: What the f*** is that?!
(He walks over to Mario, who not only didn't even try with his, but is also trying to impersonate Mario Head. And poorly, too.)
Eggman: NO! (Shoots Mario)
Frankie wins the minigame! He wins 100 points and 100,000 coins!
Frankie: Yay! More muffins!
(Not wanting to lose to a seven year-old, Mario angrily spams the !-switch, making the wheel spin faster than a rotating fan, until it eventually flies off and hits the Tubbiehost.)
Super Happy Fun Fun Game Show will be right back!
(A commercial break begins.)
Narrator: Have you ever experienced explosive diarrhea before?
(Old Man Hobo explodes while sitting on the toilet.)
(End commercial break.)
Game 3: Mushroom Feud[]
Tubbiehost: It's Mushroom Feud! Answer the questions based off the crowd's answers!
(It's the Fatty Family (Yoshi, SMG4, Mario, Toad, and Wario) vs. the Reject Family (Wizard Rock, Steve, Frankie, Old Man Hobo, and Gourmet Guy).)
Tubbiehost: This round goes for lots of points! Let's go!
Question 1: What do you say when you first see Justin Bieber? Pick a member to represent the team.
(Everyone in the Fatty Family looks at Toad.)
Toad: What?
(Toad walks up, while the Reject Family has chosen Old Man Hobo.)
Tubbiehost: GO!
Old Man Hobo: OMG JUSTIN BIEEBERR!
Toad: YES! OH MY GOSH!
Old Man Hobo: AH IT BURNS!
Toad: Get dat mofo!
Mario: Mama mia!
Old Man Hobo: B!tch, do I look like I care?
(WRONG!)
Old Man Hobo: Oh, come on!
(Toad holds up a derpy Bieber photo.)
Old Man Hobo: AHH! I JUST SH!T MY PANTS!
Toad wins the round!
(The Fatty Family celebrates.)
Question 5: People that can get all the ladies.
Wario: It's-a me, Wario!
(WRONG!)
Mario: It's-a me, Mari-
(WRONG!)
Bowser: (Drops down) B!tch, I'm fabulous!
(Correct!)
Question 17: Best ways to wake up your old grandmother.
SMG4: Wake her up with a nice breakfast in bed.
(WRONG!)
Frankie: Use ROCKET LAUNCHER!
SMG4: Who the heck is making the answers?
(He looks behind him to see an army of Teletubbies.)
SMG4: Oh...
Question 58: Things that are big and strong.
Steve: Steve!
Yoshi: Yoshi!
Steve: Steve!
Yoshi: Yoshi!
Steve: Steve!
Yoshi: Yoshi!
Dumbledore: DUMBLEDORE!
Final Question: Ways to blind a person.
(Mario and Frankie walk up to each other.)
Frankie: It's muffin time!
(He throws a muffin at Mario, blinding him.)
Mario: AH! OH MY GOD! AHHH!
(WRONG!)
Mario: Hey, stink- (He gets hit with a hammer.)
Use a hammer.
(Mario, having enough, does what he does best: Go nude. Not only does this make the large screen break, but it also makes Frankie's glasses break, too.)
(Correct!)
Tubbiehost: Let's have a look at the final score!
(Frankie has defeated Mario with 855326 to Mario's -59.)
Frankie is the winner!
Mario: FUUUUUUUU-
(He runs up to Frankie and steals a muffin off of him.)
Mario: Hey, stinky! Take that!
(He throws it at the Tubbiehost, blinding him.)'
Tubbiehost: AH! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!
(The Yeti arrives back in the room and chases the Tubbiehost all over the place as Mario leaves.)
Frankie: Who wants a muffin?
(Credits roll.)