Guards N' Retards: Pointy Things is the 174th video made by SMG4, and the second episode in the Guards N' Retards series.
Contents
Synopsis
Meet chris and swagmaster69696969669. They are two guards guarding a spaghetti factory.
Plot
The video opens with Swagmaster and Chris guarding Sergeant Mark's office. Swag starts slacking off. Suddenly, a woman walks by, and Swag falls in love with her "triangle b00bies". He attempts to rape her, but ends up scaring her off. Suddenly, Sergeant Mark comes to them and scolds them. Swag runs after the woman.
On the way, he passes two disgruntled employees. One of which is armed. The armed employee loses his mind and goes on a wild shooting spree. (The people he shoots include his partner, the Po, and other random employees) By the time Chris catches up to Swag, he finds him still in love with the woman's "b00bs". He tries several methods of courting her, with every single one of them failing. Suddenly, the insane gunman from earlier storms down towards Chris, Swag, and the woman. They quickly take cover, but the woman, seeking protection, startles Swag and causes him to shoot and kill her out of panicked self-defense. After the firefight, Chris discovers the body. Suddenly, Mark re-appears, asking them if they had seen his mother. He tells them that she "looks young and has pointy b00bies", much to their shock and horror.
They manage to hide the body long enough that they can sneak it out of the facility. They try to bury it, but are again confronted by Sergeant Mark, who Swag convinces that they are simply throwing the mother a picnic. Worried, the two simply leave the corpse half buried in the snow. They quickly run back into the factory. However, Morgan Freeman, perched atop the entrance, quickly jumps down and puts sprinkles all over the body's breasts, and explodes, lighting the body on fire. After seeing what happened, Swag and Chris decide to go get a burger.
The next day, Swag and Chris are back guarding the sergeant's office, until they are once again approached by Sergeant Mark. Enraged, he tells them that he knows they killed his mother. Swag finally gets fed up and calls the sergeant out, and a short rap battle ensues. When it is done, Swag defeats Mark. However, he says he's still going to arrest Swag and Chris. Suddenly, the crazed gunman reappears, and kills the sergeant with a single swift gunshot to the crotch. Swag then realizes they have no work left, and the video closes with him and Chris having a victorious dance party.
Characters
Main Characters
Supporting Characters
Minor Characters
- Employees
- Chang debut
Cameos
Mentioned
Trivia
- When Swag Master tells Mark to get a Tic Tac, it may be referencing a scene in the blooper "Super Mario 64 Bloopers: The Crazy Fighters" when Mario tells the Crazy Toilet Dude to get a Tic Tac.
- The model used for the employee that goes insane and on a shooting spree is Baron Samedi from GoldenEye 007.
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