Changes: If Mario was in...Team Fortress 2/Transcript

Revision as of 16:16, 29 September 2019

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Template:BG/General This is the transcript for If Mario was in...Team Fortress 2.

Transcript

(SMG4 intro.)

(We start with a zooming of Mario's derpy face.)

Mario: OOOOOOH.

(It is shown that he is looking at a spaghetti vending machine. He starts humping it.)

Machine: Please insert a coin to purchase spaghetti. We have a variety of spaghetti from Parmesan to Italian, and our special is-

(Mario, upon realizing he has a whopping 0 coins, tries to insert Toad into the slot.)

Machine: OH SWEET JESUS WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP IT OH GOD-

(It cuts to Heavy driving a truck, then back to Mario.)

Machine: HOLY SHIT HELP ME HELP ME CALL THE POLICE PLEASE I AM BEING ASSAULTED PLEASE (Mario manages to make the machine fly off... And into the path of an oncoming Heavy.)

Heavy: SHET! AAAAAAAAH! (He swerves and crashes the truck.)

Mario: Hmmmmmmmmmmmm?

Heavy: (Gets out.) NEVER make me angry! (Points to the truck.) It costs $400,000...

Mario: How about a nice game of I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! (Heavy picks him up.) EEK!

Heavy: I promise you pain without end! OOH! (He notices that Mario is wearing red.) You, stupid! Come help defend!

Mario: what? i'm not part of your stupid Red team thing!

(Heavy's anger intensifies.)

Mario: AAAAH! Fine!

Heavy: (Happy.) Yes! (He throws Mario into the truck and they drive off.) Come sing with me!

Mario: Mama mia...

If Mario was in... Team Fortress 2

(They drive off to the Badlands.)

Heavy: Da. This will work.

(The duo arrive in 2Fort.)

Heavy: Let us begin!

Mario: WHOA!

(It pans around to show the RED and BLU teams going at it with each other.)

RED Heavy: HAHAHA! We are killers!

(A severed Demoman's head lands beside Mario.)

Demohead: I'm goin' ta lick ya!

Mario: Ooooooh... (Collapses.)

(Mario respawns in the... Well, the respawn room.)

Mario: Mama mia...

Soldier: You there! You will give me that hat!

(Mario runs off, the backs into a Pyro, who starts dancing. Mario runs into a wall.)

Shy Guy: YEAH TOAST!

(Mario: goes over to a weapon supply.)

Mario: Oh yes! That's-a so nice!

Heavy: NO!

Mario: Mama mia!

Heavy: You gun is for babies!

New Item Acquired (A Nerf gun.)

Heavy: Very good!

Announcer: Alert! The enemy has taken our intelligence!

Heavy: AHHH! Oh, this is bad!

(Cut to a BLU Scout holding the intelligence.)

Scout: Woosh! (Runs off.)

(Heavy and Mario run after him.)

Mario: Mario get you next time.

Scout: Aw crap.

Heavy: You are ded!

Scout: OH GOD IT'S HAPPENING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (He fires his shotgun like a maniac.)

Heavy: (Cowering behind Sasha.) OOOOH NOOOO! HELP ME!

Mario: (Screams, then...) Here we gooooooo! (His attention goes to... Not the explosive barrel, but the sandvich on the desk.)

(A wild BLU Scout appears!)

BLU Scout: Yo, what's up?

Mario: (Startled, he fires his gun at him.) I got you. (It does hits him in the head, but even then, it doesn't leave a mark. Scout fires his shotgun, which kills him.)

(Mario is back in the respawn room, with a pissed Heavy staring him down.)

Mario: Mamaf*cker!

(Scout is dancing.)

Heavy: YAHHHHH! HELP NOW!

Soldier: I want that hat! You will give me that hat!

Mario: Mama mia...

BLU Scout: Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here!

Mario: (Laughs.) I'm-a gonna get you (Throws a mushroom.) Watch out!

Scout: Need a dispenser here! (Gets hit by the mushroom, which makes his head shrink.) I AM AN INVINCIBLE UNICOOOOOOOOOOORN! (Goes up into the sky and blows up.)

(Mario runs over to the intelligence when Soldier pops up.)

Soldier: I will give you green (Actually brown.) paint and a name tag for that hat!

Mario: Mamaf*cker! No!

Demoman: Oi! I want that hat!

Soldier: Get your black, Scottish, drunk ass outta here!

Demoman: Listen, little boy. I can offer you this (Dunce.) hat right here.

Soldier: That hat is a piece of shit!

(They start arguing. Mario runs off. A grenade shoots the intelligence onto the roof of the connecting bridge.)

Mario: Mama mia. Okie dokie! (To Sniper.) hey dude, can you shoot that briefcase off the roof please? (No response.) hey! are you listening to me?

Sniper: This is gonna be a real piece of piss, ya bloody-

Mario: (Pops up in front of the rifle's scope.) Notice me, senpai!

(Sniper gets startled and fires the rifle. The bullet ricochets off a ledge and hits Sniper in the brain, which kills him. (Heavy: YOU ARE DED!))

Mario: OH NU! is the gun okay?! (Picks up the rifle.) OKIE DOKIE! let's get that briefcase!

(A BLU Pyro shows up and flutters over to the intelligence.)

Mario: now i really need to focus my shot! (He notices a jar of Jarate.) YEAH! LEMONADE...i think...will help!!! (He drinks it... And his mustache gets bigger. And his view of the world gets slower and loses color.)

Mario: Surprise, muthafucka. (Pyro jumps off the bridge with the intelligence.) BOOM! Headshot! (..."Headshot" is right, as Mario has the rifle aimed at his own eye, which fires and knocks him back. So it's back to the respawn room for ol' Mario.)

Mario: Mama mia!

(Mario chases Pyro into the tunnels below until he hears laughter.)

Mario: What are you doing?! What's-a going on here?!

(A BLU Spy shows up.)

Spy: Surprise... BUTTSECKS BUTTSECKS BUTTSECKS-

Mario: MAMA! (He screams and runs off, with Spy in hot pursuit. He hides behind a corner. It then shows that Soldier and Demoman are still bickering.)

Soldier: You Scotch son of a bitch! I want that hat! (He feels the Spy humping him from behind.) Your penis is weak! (Sends Spy flying across the room.)

(Mario is still panicking when he comes across a BLU Heavy and a BLU Medic having a picnic, with the RED intelligence nearby.)

BLU Heavy: DOCTOR! Do you want sandvich?

Medic: AHHHH Yes! (BLU Heavy shoves a huge sandvich into Medic's mouth, while Pyro is seen in the corner playing with his food like a rocket.)

Mario: Mama mia! (He backs up, and notices the Spy's disguise kit. He takes it and disguises himself as... SMG4.)

Mario: WOAH!

(He then disguises as Hagrid. Then he eventually makes do with... A mask of Balloonicorn.)

Mario: Yippee! Let's-a go!

(He gets noticed by the three BLUs.)

Mario: oh...hello! it is i! the magical mario pony... pay no attention to me! i mean uhh...mooo! magicccccc! imma just take this (The intelligence.), kthxbai. (He flies off.)

Heavy: You! Unicorn... Do you want sandvich?

Mario: WHOA! No, God, please no!

(Heavy tries to shove a huge sandvich into Mario, but misses and hits Shy Guy.)

Medic: We're going to kill you! (He ubercharges. Mario poops out a coin.) Ooh, money! (He runs over to the coin.) FREE MONEY! FREE MONEY! FREE MONEY!

(Mario grabs the intelligence and flies off.)

Mario: SCREW THIS CRAP! Please tell me that's it... (Pyro shows up.) Son of a bitch! (Pyro takes his upper clothes of and sets himself on fire.) NOOOO! Fuck this shiiiiii- (He falls through the roof and into the BLU's base, where he encounter's a dancing BLU Engineer.) OH SHIT!

(Suddenly, Soldier hurdles into Engineer, which kills the latter.)

Demoman: Lot'o good that Soldier trainin' did ya! (To Mario.) You're me bloody wife now. I want that hat!

Soldier: I'm gonna beat the shit out of you if you don't get the hell out of here! (They resume fighting, while Soldier drops the Bombinomicon.)

Mario: (Noticing the book.) Woah! Let's-a go!

(The duo are still fighting.)

Mario: ohoho! magic books! they'll put an end to this crap!!! :D (He touches the book, and Merasmus appears, which shocks the trio.)

Soldier: Oh no... Merasmus!

Merasmus: Huzzah! (He creates magic, which changes the map from 2Fort to 2Fort Invasion. Mass chaos is everywhere.)

Mario: I DON'T CARE ANY MORE! I'M TAKING ANYTHING AND RUNNING! (He grabs the BLU intelligence, avoids a bumper car-riding BLU Heavy, and heads above ground...) Halleluja- HOLY SHIT! (...To see more chaos.) WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?!?!?

Horseless Headless Horseman: (Pops up.) It's raping time!

(Mario runs off and lands in a teleporter. It transports him to a TF2 match, with infamous YouTube Let's Player DarkSydePhil in the top right corner. Mario blocks the screen and gets DSP killed in-game.)

DSP: Fucking bullshit, dude! (Mario: Ha ha!) What do you want me to do!?

(Mario teleports back to the real 2Fort, and in the RED's base, with the intelligence. He celebrates, but is cut short by...)

Spy: Surprise... BUTTSECKS BUTTSECKS BUTTSECKS-

Mario: NO GOD PLEASE NO! NO! NOOOOOOOO- (Backs up into the intelligence area, with the briefcase.)

Announcer: Victory. We have captured the enemy intelligence.

Mario: Way to go! Hahahaha... (Spy dies. Heavy is behind Mario.) Hmmm? (Heavy looks around. Apparently, there is still some chaos going on from earlier. Heavy returns Mario to the city.)

Heavy: Never come back! (He drives off.)

Mario: Okie dokie!

(A wild Soldier appears!)

Soldier: You will give me that hat!

(Credits roll.)

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
+{{Blooper Tab}}
-(SMG4 2016 intro plays)
+{{BG/General}}
+This is the transcript for [[If Mario was in...Team Fortress 2]].
+==Transcript==
+''(SMG4 intro.)''
-(The blooper starts when the camera zooms in on Mario's retarded face.)
+''(We start with a zooming of Mario's derpy face.)
+''
+'''Mario''': OOOOOOH.
-'''Mario: '''OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH. (Mario is staring at the spaghetti vending machine, he starts humping it multiple times.)\
+''(It is shown that he is looking at a spaghetti vending machine. He starts humping it.)
-'''SVM: '''Please insert a coin to purchase spaghetti. (Mario looks at the coin symbol with 'x0' at the top right corner, noticing that he has no coins.)
+''
-'''SVM: '''We have a variety of spaghetti from Parmesan to Italian and our special is-(Mario then shoves a Toad in the money slot.)
+'''Machine: Please insert a coin to purchase spaghetti. We have a variety of spaghetti from Parmesan to Italian, and our special is-'''
+''(Mario, upon realizing he has a whopping 0 coins, tries to insert Toad into the slot.)''
-'''SVM: '''OH SWEET JESUS WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP IT OH GOD-(the scene cuts to the truck with Heavy inside who is driving while he is having a seizure and singing The Heavy Song.)
+'''Machine: OH SWEET JESUS WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP IT OH GOD-'''
-(cut back to Mario who is still shoving the Toad inside the money slot.)
+''(It cuts to Heavy driving a truck, then back to Mario.)
-'''Mario: '''*Angry German Kid sounds*
+''
-'''SVM: '''HOLY SHIT HELP ME HELP ME CALL THE POLICE I AM BEING ASSAULTED PLEASE! (the vending machine gets knocked out and lands onto the road where Heavy is driving on. Heavy stops singing when he spots it.)
+'''Machine: HOLY SHIT HELP ME HELP ME CALL THE POLICE PLEASE I AM BEING ASSAULTED PLEASE''' (''Mario manages to make the machine fly off... And into the path of an oncoming Heavy''.)
-'''Heavy:''' Shit! (He screams when he turns the truck around but it bumps into a building. He exits the truck when Mario turns around.)
+'''Heavy''': SHET! AAAAAAAAH! (''He swerves and crashes the truck''.)
+'''Mario''': Hmmmmmmmmmmmm?
-'''Heavy: '''''Never'', make me angry. (the camera zooms into Heavy's broken face.) It costs $400,000.
-'''Mario: '''How about a nice game of ''I DONT GIVE A SHIT! ''(Heavy grabs his throat and lifts him up.)
+'''Heavy''': (''Gets out''.) NEVER make me angry! (''Points to the truck''.) It costs $400,000...
+'''Mario''': How about a nice game of I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! (''Heavy picks him up''.) EEK!
-'''Heavy: '''I promise you, pain without end. Ooh! (He noticed that he is wearing a red hat, which means he is from the RED team.) You, stupid! Come help defend!
+'''Heavy''': I promise you pain without end! OOH! (''He notices that Mario is wearing red''.) You, stupid! Come help defend!
-'''Mario: '''What? I'm not part of your stupid "red" team thing! (This makes Heavy extremely angry and his face gets expanded.)
-'''Mario: '''Aah! Fine! (Heavy does a creepy smile.)
+'''Mario''': what? i'm not part of your stupid Red team thing!
+''(Heavy's anger intensifies.)
-'''Heavy: '''Yes! (He throws Mario into the truck and drives off with him while he sings.)
+''
-'''Heavy: '''Come sing with me!
+'''Mario''': AAAAH! Fine!
+'''Heavy''': (''Happy''.) Yes! (''He throws Mario into the truck and they drive off''.) Come sing with me!
-'''Mario: '''Mamma Mia... (The "If Mario Was In TF2" intro plays while Heavy is dancing to the song "Space Jam" by Quad City DJ's.)
+'''Mario''': Mama mia...
-(The blooper continues with Heavy driving in the truck while he sings and Mario was screaming. The truck tips the "Badlands" sign over before they enter a tunnel.)
+'''If Mario was in... Team Fortress 2'''
-'''Heavy: '''What's the matter with you!? (the scene cuts to the Badlands where Heavy parks the truck on the fence.) Dah, this will work. (Cut to the "2Fort" map when Heavy is still singing.)
+''(They drive off to the Badlands.)
-'''Heavy: '''Let us begin!
+''
+'''Heavy''': Da. This will work.
-'''Mario: '''Wah! (The "TF2 Theme" song plays when they both saw the Red team and Blu team fighting on the bridge. A Red Spy with a creepy face was laughing on a dead Blu Medic. A Red Demoman was singing while he is doing the Kazotsky Kick before he blows up from a rocket.)
+''(The duo arrive in 2Fort.)
-'''Heavy(while lauging and dancing): '''We are killers! (Mario watches in awe when the Demoman's head lands near him. Mario stares at him.)
+''
+'''Heavy''': Let us begin!
-'''Demoman Head(smiling): '''I'm goin 2 lik ya.
+'''Mario''': WHOA!
-'''Mario: '''Oooh. (he passes out before he is respawned in the respawn area.) Mamma Mia. (He walks to the Red Engineer (who is building a dispenser) and the Red Soldier.)
+''(It pans around to show the RED and BLU teams going at it with each other.)''
-'''Red Soldier: '''U there! U will give me dat hat! (Mario screams and ran away from him and walks backwards before being bumped by a Red Pyro from behind.)
+'''RED Heavy''': HAHAHA! We are killers!
-'''Mario(looks back): '''Hmmm? (The Red Pyro dances when muffling, and Mario screams again before being bumped into a wall.)
+''(A severed Demoman's head lands beside Mario.)
-'''Shy Guy: '''Yeah toast! (Mario goes to the weapons supply.)
+''
+'''Demohead''': I'm goin' ta lick ya!
-'''Mario: '''Oh yes! That's a so nice! (Heavy with an angry face appears in front of him.)
+'''Mario''': Ooooooh... (''Collapses''.)
-'''Heavy: '''NO!
+''(Mario respawns in the... Well, the respawn room.)
-'''Mario: '''Mamma Mia!
+''
+'''Mario''': Mama mia...
-'''Heavy: '''Your gun's for babies! (He gives Mario a Nerf gun. Heavy smiles when he gives a thumbs up.) Very good!
+'''Soldier''': You there! You will give me that hat!
-'''Administrator(offscreen): '''Alert! The enemy have taken our intellegence!
+''(Mario runs off, the backs into a Pyro, who starts dancing. Mario runs into a wall.)
-'''Heavy: '''DAH! Oh this is bad!
+''
+'''Shy Guy''': YEAH TOAST!
-(Cut to a Blu Scout with a big smiling mouth collecting the Red briefcase.)
+''(Mario: goes over to a weapon supply.)
-'''Blu Scout: '''Woohoohoohoooo! (He runs away.) Woosh!
+''
+'''Mario''': Oh yes! That's-a so nice!
-(Cut to Mario running with Heavy while he does a battle cry.)
+'''Heavy''': NO!
-'''Mario: '''Mamma miaaaaa! (They both cornered the Blu Scout.) Mario get you next time!
-'''Blu Scout: '''Ah crap.
+'''Mario''': Mama mia!
-'''Heavy: '''U R DED.
+'''Heavy''': You gun is for babies!
+'''New Item Acquired (A Nerf gun.)
-'''Blu Scout: '''Oh god it's happening! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...(while firing a scattergun at Heavy who is cowering behind his minigun.)
+'''
-'''Heavy: '''Oh noooo! Help me!
+'''Heavy''': Very good!
+'''Announcer''': Alert! The enemy has taken our intelligence!
-'''Mario: '''Aaaaah! Aaaaah! (He smiles.) Here we go! (He flies to the gas tank but he said 'NOPE' and he instead goes to the sandvich on the table. He eats it while the smiling Blu Scout comes close to him.)
-'''Blu Scout: '''Oh what's up?
+'''Heavy''': AHHH! Oh, this is bad!
+''(Cut to a BLU Scout holding the intelligence.)
-'''Mario: '''Oohohoho! I gotcha! (He fires a nerf gun at his face but it wasn't effective. The Blu Scout kills him with his scattergun.)
+''
+'''Scout''': Woosh! (''Runs off''.)
-(Cut to the respawn area where Mario respawns again and Heavy was angry at him.)
+''(Heavy and Mario run after him.)
-'''Mario: '''Mamaf**ker! (The Blu Scout with the briefcase does the Kazotsky Kick when he leaves the Red base.)
+''
+'''Mario''': Mario get you next time.
-'''Heavy(offscreen): '''YAAAAAAAAAAA! HELP NOW!
+'''Scout''': Aw crap.
-'''Red Soldier/XX360HATMASTAXX(while Mario crawls past him): '''I want dat hat! U will give me dat hat!
+'''Heavy''': You are ded!
-'''Mario: '''Mamma Mia... (he spots the Blu Engineer building a dispenser, and a Blu Scout with the Red briefcase near him.)
+'''Scout''': OH GOD IT'S HAPPENING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (''He fires his shotgun like a maniac''.)
-'''Blu Scout: '''Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here!
+'''Heavy''': (''Cowering behind Sasha''.) OOOOH NOOOO! HELP ME!
+'''Mario''': (''Screams, then...'') Here we gooooooo! (''His attention goes to... Not the explosive barrel, but the sandvich on the desk''.)
+''(A wild BLU Scout appears!)
+''
+'''BLU Scout''': Yo, what's up?
+'''Mario''': (''Startled, he fires his gun at him''.) I got you. (''It does hits him in the head, but even then, it doesn't leave a mark. Scout fires his shotgun, which kills him''.)
+''(Mario is back in the respawn room, with a pissed Heavy staring him down.)
+''
+'''Mario''': Mamaf*cker!
+''(Scout is dancing.)
+''
+'''Heavy''': YAHHHHH! HELP NOW!
+'''Soldier''': I want that hat! You will give me that hat!
+'''Mario''': Mama mia...
+'''BLU Scout''': Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here!
+'''Mario''': (''Laughs''.) I'm-a gonna get you (''Throws a mushroom''.) Watch out!
+'''Scout''': Need a dispenser here! (''Gets hit by the mushroom, which makes his head shrink''.) I AM AN INVINCIBLE UNICOOOOOOOOOOORN! (''Goes up into the sky and blows up''.)
+''(Mario runs over to the intelligence when Soldier pops up.)
+''
+'''Soldier''': I will give you green (''Actually brown''.) paint and a name tag for that hat!
+'''Mario''': Mamaf*cker! No!
+'''Demoman''': Oi! I want that hat!
+'''Soldier''': Get your black, Scottish, drunk ass outta here!
+'''Demoman''': Listen, little boy. I can offer you this (''Dunce''.) hat right here.
+'''Soldier''': That hat is a piece of shit!
+''(They start arguing. Mario runs off. A grenade shoots the intelligence onto the roof of the connecting bridge.)
+''
+'''Mario''': Mama mia. Okie dokie! (''To Sniper''.) hey dude, can you shoot that briefcase off the roof please? (''No response''.) hey! are you listening to me?
+'''Sniper''': This is gonna be a real piece of piss, ya bloody-
+'''Mario''': (''Pops up in front of the rifle's scope''.) Notice me, senpai!
+''(Sniper gets startled and fires the rifle. The bullet ricochets off a ledge and hits Sniper in the brain, which kills him.'' ('''Heavy''': YOU ARE DED!))
+'''Mario''': OH NU! is the gun okay?! (''Picks up the rifle''.) OKIE DOKIE! let's get that briefcase!
+''(A BLU Pyro shows up and flutters over to the intelligence.)
+''
+'''Mario''': now i really need to focus my shot! (''He notices a jar of Jarate''.) YEAH! LEMONADE...i think...will help!!! (''He drinks it... And his mustache gets bigger. And his view of the world gets slower and loses color''.)
+'''Mario''': Surprise, muthafucka. (''Pyro jumps off the bridge with the intelligence''.) BOOM! Headshot! (...''"Headshot" is right, as Mario has the rifle aimed at his own eye, which fires and knocks him back. So it's back to the respawn room for ol' Mario''.)
+'''Mario''': Mama mia!
+''(Mario chases Pyro into the tunnels below until he hears laughter.)
+''
+'''Mario''': What are you doing?! What's-a going on here?!
+''(A BLU Spy shows up.)
+''
+'''Spy''': Surprise... BUTTSECKS BUTTSECKS BUTTSECKS-
+'''Mario''': MAMA! (''He screams and runs off, with Spy in hot pursuit. He hides behind a corner. It then shows that Soldier and Demoman are still bickering''.)
+'''Soldier''': You Scotch son of a bitch! I want that hat! (''He feels the Spy humping him from behind''.) Your penis is weak! (''Sends Spy flying across the room''.)
+''(Mario is still panicking when he comes across a BLU Heavy and a BLU Medic having a picnic, with the RED intelligence nearby.)
+''
+'''BLU Heavy''': DOCTOR! Do you want sandvich?
+'''Medic''': AHHHH Yes! (''BLU Heavy shoves a huge sandvich into Medic's mouth, while Pyro is seen in the corner playing with his food like a rocket''.)
+'''Mario''': Mama mia! (''He backs up, and notices the Spy's disguise kit. He takes it and disguises himself as... SMG4''.)
+'''Mario''': WOAH!
+''(He then disguises as Hagrid. Then he eventually makes do with... A mask of Balloonicorn.)
+''
+'''Mario''': Yippee! Let's-a go!
+''(He gets noticed by the three BLUs.)
+''
+'''Mario''': oh...hello! it is i! the magical mario pony... pay no attention to me! i mean uhh...mooo! magicccccc! imma just take this (''The intelligence''.), kthxbai. (''He flies off''.)
+'''Heavy''': You! Unicorn... Do you want sandvich?
+'''Mario''': WHOA! No, God, please no!
+''(Heavy tries to shove a huge sandvich into Mario, but misses and hits Shy Guy.)
+''
+'''Medic''': We're going to kill you! (''He ubercharges. Mario poops out a coin''.) Ooh, money! (''He runs over to the coin''.) FREE MONEY! FREE MONEY! FREE MONEY!
+''(Mario grabs the intelligence and flies off.)
+''
+'''Mario''': SCREW THIS CRAP! Please tell me that's it... (''Pyro shows up''.) Son of a bitch! (''Pyro takes his upper clothes of and sets himself on fire''.) NOOOO! Fuck this shiiiiii- (''He falls through the roof and into the BLU's base, where he encounter's a dancing BLU Engineer''.) OH SHIT!
+''(Suddenly, Soldier hurdles into Engineer, which kills the latter.)
+''
+'''Demoman''': Lot'o good that Soldier trainin' did ya! (''To Mario''.) You're me bloody wife now. I want that hat!
+'''Soldier''': I'm gonna beat the shit out of you if you don't get the hell out of here! (''They resume fighting, while Soldier drops the Bombinomicon''.)
+'''Mario''': (''Noticing the book''.) Woah! Let's-a go!
+''(The duo are still fighting.)
+''
+'''Mario''': ohoho! magic books! they'll put an end to this crap!!! :D (''He touches the book, and Merasmus appears, which shocks the trio''.)
+'''Soldier''': Oh no... Merasmus!
+'''Merasmus''': Huzzah! (''He creates magic, which changes the map from 2Fort to 2Fort Invasion. Mass chaos is everywhere''.)
+'''Mario''': I DON'T CARE ANY MORE! I'M TAKING ANYTHING AND RUNNING! (''He grabs the BLU intelligence, avoids a bumper car-riding BLU Heavy, and heads above ground...'') Halleluja- HOLY SHIT! (''...To see more chaos''.) WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?!?!?
+'''Horseless Headless Horseman''': (''Pops up''.) It's raping time!
+''(Mario runs off and lands in a teleporter. It transports him to a TF2 match, with infamous YouTube Let's Player DarkSydePhil in the top right corner. Mario blocks the screen and gets DSP killed in-game.)
+''
+'''DSP''': Fucking bullshit, dude! ('''Mario''': Ha ha!) What do you want me to do!?
+''(Mario teleports back to the real 2Fort, and in the RED's base, with the intelligence. He celebrates, but is cut short by...)
+''
+'''Spy''': Surprise... BUTTSECKS BUTTSECKS BUTTSECKS-
+'''Mario''': NO GOD PLEASE NO! NO! NOOOOOOOO- (''Backs up into the intelligence area, with the briefcase''.)
+'''Announcer''': Victory. We have captured the enemy intelligence.
+'''Mario''': Way to go! Hahahaha... (''Spy dies. Heavy is behind Mario''.) Hmmm? (''Heavy looks around. Apparently, there is still some chaos going on from earlier. Heavy returns Mario to the city''.)
+'''Heavy''': Never come back! (''He drives off''.)
+'''Mario''': Okie dokie!
+''(A wild Soldier appears!)
+''
+'''Soldier''': You will give me that hat!
+''(Credits roll.)''
+[[Category:Transcripts]]
+[[Category:Blooper Transcripts]]
+[[Category:2016 Transcripts]]
+[[Category:Finished transcripts]]
+[[Category:A to Z]]
+[[Category:If Mario Was In... Transcripts]]