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"I have absolutely no idea what's going on."
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If Mario was in... Assassin's Creed Origins is the forty-fifth episode of Season 7 and the three hundred and seventy-eight overall to be uploaded by SMG4.
This episode was aired on November 11, 2017.
If Mario was in... Assassin's Creed Origins is a video in the If Mario was in... series.
Synopsis
Mario goes back in time to ancient Egypt! Now he thinks he's an assassin and tries to parkour around Egypt.
Plot
As a museum opens its Egyptian exhibit, Peach, Toadsworth, and Luigi marvel at the attractions there are to see. Luigi is amazed at the sarcophagus and takes a closer look at it. Only for the sarcophagus to open and reveal a mummy inside. Luigi runs off scared as the mummy falls to the ground. He hides behind Peach in fear of what just happened. Mario comes out behind the sarcophagus and laughing at Luigi after pranking him. Toadsworth reminds Mario that he told him not to touch anything. Mario again laughs it off by taking off his clothes and throwing them to Toadsworth. Peach has had enough and so decides to chain Mario up with Toadworth holding the leash. Mario then notices a flashing orb and decides to take a close look at it. As he gets closer to the orb, it intensifies and starts to create a weird background vortex behind it. As Mario is about to touch it, Toadsworth sees what he is doing and pull on the chain leash, causing the leash to extend so Mario can't touch the orb.
As Peach and Toadsworth are distracted by looking at an artifact, Mario discovers that he can be freed from his chain leash, to which he does this successfully. Mario goes off and then stumbles upon a mask. Mario runs around with the mask on saying that he's a hobo, also commentating that it's hard to see with it on. During this, he accidentally knocks over the orb from earlier, causing it to roll aside and to open a portal. Mario is unfortunately sucked into the portal as it closes after his entry. Peach and Toadworth turn around and see that Mario is unaccounted for, causing Toadworth to go on a cursing rampage. We then see Mario falling through the portal that sucked him in, as he falls onto the grounds of ancient Egypt. After wondering around the scorching desert, Mario passes out as he sees Bayek walking towards him. He awakes tied to a chair in an ancient Egyptian temple with Cleopatra, thinking Mario is the last member of the Order of the Ancients, who asks for Bayek to unmask Mario before killing him. As Mario attempts to escape, Bayek tackles him while telling Mario to reveal his face. After a long struggle, they finally mange to unmask Mario. Cleopatra is immediately aware that Mario isn't who she thought he was and angrily asks where he got the mask. Mario responds by saying that he stole it, without giving any explanation. Cleopatra tells Bayek to immediately continue the search and to take "that...thing" with him and sell him to the farmers. As Mario ventures along with Bayek outside Cleopatra's temple, he attempts to climb a stone tower in a similar fashion to how Bayek did. This leads to Mario simply jumping head first at the stoned tower. As Mario continues to struggle climbing up the tower, Bayek talks to his pet (?) bird. Afterwards, he looks down upon Mario while he strugglingly climbs up the tower, and explains how there's another masked man at the pyramid of Giza. He also says that Mario can't leave unless he helps him capture said masked man. As they walk through the City of Giza, Bayek warns Mario not to interact with any of the city's inhabitants. However, this proves to be ineffective, as Mario insults a nearby civilian. As Mario attempts to hide from the angry civilian, he instead ends up chasing after a civilian with the same color pattern as Mario; Hobo Mario. Mario walks through a farmers' market, and eventually stumbles upon a food stand called "Exotic and Mysterious Foods" which (of course) catches the attention of Mario. As Mario asks to buy a burger, the merchant says that it costs 50 gold pieces. Mario throws a coin at him. As Mario walks away with the burger, the merchant believes the coin to be fake currency since the people of ancient Egypt hadn't yet discovered gold coins. The merchant sends his guards after Mario, believing him to be a thief. As Mario runs from the guards, he throws his hamburger at them as a ways of defense. When that failed, Bayek eventually grabs Mario and pulls him up onto a nearby roof. However, a guard manages to find them and jumps onto the roof. Bayek is able to successfully jump over to a neighboring building. Mario, surprisingly, is also able to make the jump; albeit by falling onto the edge and hitting his pingas. As they get closer to the pyramid, the guards continue chasing after them. Luckily, Bayek was able to grab Mario and fall off the roof into a pile of hay that's being carried by a passing merchant and his horse. We then see everyone back at the museum looking for Mario. As Toadsworth looks in the head of a Tyrannosaurus Rex statue, his head gets stuck, causing the statue to fall onto Luigi and the mouth of the T-Rex to open up. Toadsworth tells Luigi that it's no time to be laying on the job. The scene cuts back to Mario and Bayek, who are still in the pile of hay. Bayek kicks the merchant off the horse and tells Mario to get on and that they're almost there. After a long ride, they arrive to the pyramid (which has a striking resemblance to Shifting Sand Land from Super Mario 64) as Mario mentions that he feels like he died there a lot of times. As they enter, Mario playfully echoes with his voice. Bayek urges Mario to continue walking. As they enter a room filled with ancient writing, Mario mentions how it smells like Wario's house. Bayek then notices ancient writing written on the walls. Mario attempts to translate it, but he ends looking at what the symbols look like and making them into a sentence, "cows like to whip really big ass" as Bayek continues searching for the masked man. Mario notices a sarcophagus (an Egyptian coffin), and remembers when Toadsworth yelled at him for messing with one to scare Luigi at the museum shortly before his arrival. Mario jumps at the ancient coffin, only to open a hidden doorway. They soon find the masked man's secret hideout, as he's about to turn a group of three statues (Ra, Anubis, and Sobek) into living beings. Bayek attempts to stop him, but he's too late. The three statues, under the masked man's control, begin attacking Bayek. As Bayek getting beat, Mario lands on the masked
man's head and threatens to "sh*t" on it. As the masked man screams, he drops his magic staff. Mario immediately grabs it. As the three former statues are about to come in on Mario, Mario accidentally freezes them in place by simply moving the staff. Mario soon realizes that he can control the masked man's henchmen as long as he has the staff, so he commands them to begin dancing. With his henchmen incapacitated, the masked man is unable to defend himself and gets cornered by Bayek. Bayek brings the masked man back to Cleopatra, as she says "that red thing" really came in handy. She then unmasks the masked man, as he's revealed to be none other than Kermit The Frog. Mario eventually returns home offscreen.
