Episode Information · Gallery · Transcript
| Blooper Information · Gallery · Transcript |
This page is the transcript for R64: A Dose of Dr. Mario.
Transcript[]
[The blooper opens with the shot of a large building. Cut to inside a room, a man in sitting at a desk. Behind him is a blackboard that reads, "Medical school exam finals!". Suddenly, Mario dressed in a white doctor's outfit bursts through a wall]
Mario: ♫I am Doctor Mario and I am saving lives-♫
Test Proctor: SHUT THE F*CK UP!
Mario: Mamaf*ck-
[Cut to Mario and a Shy Guy taking a test]
Mario: ...Damn it I have absolutely no idea what's going on.
Shy Guy: YEAH TOAST!
Text: 1 hour of nothing later
[Mario is shown naked on a desk, dancing and singing Witch Doctor]
Shy Guy: YEAH TOAST!
[An alarm goes off and Mario's test is thrown at him, knocking him back. He picks up the clipboard]
Mario: Ooooooooooh....
[Triumphant music plays and Mario proudly hold up his test, which is obscured by big red letters spelling "FAILED"]
Transition song: ♫Dr. Mario!♫
[Mario is in an office in a hospital playing Surgeon Simulator 2013]
Random Man: DOCTOR! HELP NOOOW!
Dr. Mario: WHAT IS IT?!
[A man is shown having a seizure]
Dr. Mario: OH MY GOD! Here we go! [picks up guy] The power of Satan- *looks shocked as he corrects himself* I mean Jesus-COMPELS YOU! [Mario throws the patient into a glass wall]
Dr. Mario: Wa-ha! ...Alright, get out.
Transition song: ♫Dr. Mario!♫
[A Koopa is on a gurney]
Nurse: WE NEED 50CC's OF ONEG STAT!
Nurse 2: DOCTOR!
'Dr. Mario': Hm?
[The koopa is thrown at Mario]
Nurse 3: GO GO GO!
Dr. Mario: Great! I'll grab my stuff! *runs off screen*
[seconds later]
Nurse: Dr. Mario! Is the patient all....uh....doctor?
[Mario is seen throwing the Koopa off the roof]
Koopa: MOMMY!!!!!!!!
Dr. Mario: You're free! GO TO MEXICO!
Transition song: ♫Dr. Mario!♫
[Mario is walking and humming when he comes across a crying little girl. The girl dropped her ice cream.]
Dr. Mario: I got it! Hey! *Mario pulls out some pills* Have some candy!
[A police car comes and hits the girl, knocking her away. Mario is ambushed and beaten by cops]
Cops: Stahp Right There!
Transition song: ♫Dr. Mario!♫
[The Shy Guy is shaking violently]
Shy Guy: YEAH TOAST! TOAST! TOOOOOOAAAAAAAASSSSSTTTT!
Nurse: Where's the doctor and the heart transplant?
[Mario is assualting a drink machine, screaming incoherently like AGK]
Dr. Mario: Grrr! My five coins! Where's my water bottle?! Mama f*cker!
[Link appears and offers Mario a water bottle. Mario trades the heart he needs for surgery for the bottle, only to find it's empty]
Dr. Mario : FFFFFFFFFFF********CCC--!
Transition song: ♫Dr. Mario!♫
[Mario is standing in his office]
Luigi: Mario! I'm-a Doctor Luigi! Number-a one!
[Mario takes Luigi's cap and throws in to the floor] [A shrinking noise could be heard]
Luigi: [sadly] My hat...
Transition song: ♫Dr. Mario!♫
[Mario is outside Peach's Castle, he encounters a virus. He throws pills at it, but it deosn't work. Mario then pulls out a minigun and begins shooting the virus with pills]
Mario: La La La La, La La La La La
[Dr. Mario encounters a Yellow virus.]
Yellow Virus: [evil laughs]
Dr. Mario: Oh hell no!
[Dr. Mario and the yellow virus prepare to fight.]
Text: ROUND 1
Dr. Mario: Wa-hoo! Here we go!
((Dr. Mario throws a pill at the virus, it hits the virus, but not very effective.))
Yellow Virus: [evil laughs]
Dr. Mario: You backstabber bastard!!!
Dr. Mario: Phil's here!
[Dr. Mario then pulls out a minigun and begins shooting the virus with pills.]
Dr. Mario: INCOMING...
[The yellow virus screams while getting shot with pills.]
Yellow Virus: [screaming] AAAAAAAAAAAHHH...
Transition song: ♫Dr. Mario!♫
[Mario is crawling]
Dr. Mario: [moans] I'm-a tired! [finds a pill] Oh! Yummy! [eats pill, starts having hallucinations. After which, a person with Mr. Mackey's voice tells the viewer to not do drugs]
Transition song: ♫Dr. Mario!♫
[Mario is walking down a hall when he sees a lollipop stuck to a man's a$$, he crawls towards it]
Dr. Mario: Oh... I'm going to lick your...
[The man turns around, shocked.]
Man: Pervert!
[Mario is ambushed by cops again]
Cops: Get him!
Transition song: ♫Dr. Mario!♫
(Link is face down in a pool of blood]
Bystander: OH MY GOD! IS ANYBODY HERE A DOCTOR?!
[Everyone stares as Mario quietly leaves the scene]
Transition song: ♫Dr. Mario!♫
[Mario walks up to an Old Man]
Dr. Mario: Hello! It's-a me, Mar-
[The Old Man starts blubbering]
Dr. Mario: *confused* Hmm?
[The Old Man pulls out a PokeBall, blubbering again]
Dr. Mario: What the f**k are you talkin' about-
Old Man: YOU THINK JUST 'CUZ I'M OLD I KNOW EVERYTHING?!!?
[The Old Man opens the Pokeball and releases a dead Pikachu]
Old Man: FIX IT! FIX IT! FIX IT! FIX IT! FIX IT!
Dr. Mario: I don't even-
Old Man: FIX IT! FIX IT! FIX IT! FIX IT!
Dr. Mario: FINE!! I gotta do what I do best then...
[Mario takes the Pikachu back the hospital. He gently pricks it with a syringe, causing it to explode violently]
Old Man: Nice job, d*ckface!
Transition song: ♫Dr. Mario!♫
[Sirens are blaring in the hospital, Dr. Mario rushes down the hall. He sees a crazed Tinky Winky being restrained]
Random people: DUDE! DUDE! DUDE! NO!!!
Dr. Mario: [clears throast] Gentlemen.
Dr. Mario: Lets-a go!
[Mario puts Tinky Winky onto a gurney and thrusts it into the ER.]
Dr. Mario: What-a happened?!
(Tinky Winky is spazzing)
Toad: I'm trippin' and you're freakin' me out man!
Dr. Mario: Hmmm, oh my, there's-a somethin' alive in its stomach...
Toad: What are we gonna do Mario?
Dr. Mario: WE DELIVER THESE F**KERS!
Tinky Winky: SAY WHAAAAAAT?!
Dr. Mario: Spread-a those f**king legs and start pushing!
Tinky Winky: NO!!!!!!!!!! *panics and starts spazzing again*
Dr. Mario: Come here- [lasers containing a Virus, a Poke Ball, and the old man start shooting from Tinky Winky's crotch and blow Mario away]
Dr. Mario: Hammer! [inserts hammer into Tinky Winky] Fire! [inserts fire] Nintendo!! [inserts Nintendo logo]
Toad: *suddenly has a cat* Then you get your cat!
Dr. Mario: No man what the f**k!?
[virus comes out of Tinky Winky]
Dr. Mario: *wearing shades* This is your last chance, take the blue pill, the red pill... *pulls out a blue then red pill)
Toad: [speaking in spanish] Why not both?
Text: ok that's enough :p
[Tinky Winky screams and a horse pops out of it. Mario holds up the "baby", his first sucsessful patient. The baby then sprouts a Robotnik head.]
Robotnik-Horse Hybrid: SUPRISE MOTHAF*CKA!
(Sound of DUN DUN DUN! can be heard).
Closing song: ♫Dr. Mario!♫
End of Transcript