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This page is the transcript for R64: Princess Capturing Simulator.
Transcript[]
(R******* 64 intro plays)
Mario : MAMAF***ER!
(The video begins with Bowser seen riding his Koopa Klown Car with Princess Peach , with Princess Capturing Simulator dubbed as the game. After the mouse clicks play...)
Bowser: Swiggity swooty, I’m comin for da booty! (Crashes to camera) ARGH!
(Loading...and the game begins.)
Robotnik Alarm: SnooPING AS usual, I see? SnooPING AS usual, I see? SnooPING AS usual, I see?
Narrator: Welcome to Princess Capturing Simulator. Where you get to be a creep and steal little girls. (Bowser: Yeah!) Hooray.
Bowser Jr. : Where’s my MOMMY? Where’s my MOMMY?
Bowser: (Decides to steal Princess for today) I am coming for the booty!
Pink Bomb-omb: Sir! Your army is starving! And you haven't given them their paycheck yet!
Bowser: (Chooses Maybe...) Bitch, do I look like I care? NO! (Chooses Fun Minigame, grabbing a Toad and Wario while trying to kidnap the Princess)
Mario: I got-a good news! She hasn't been captured for a while! It's our longest streak yet! (Bowser abducts Peach)
Bowser: They see me rollin', they hatin'...
Mario: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Bowser: I'm da best...
Bowser Jr.: Where’s my MOMMY? (bowser throws peach as his son)
Bowser: ROAAAAAAAAA (Chooses Dance and Do Evil Laugh) MWAHAHHAHAAHA\
(mario alarm goes off)
Narrator: Oh no. It's Mario.
Mario: I'm sick of this shit! Do ya think I don't have shit to do?! We're gonna go home and guess what you're sucking?!
Peach: A delicious cake.
Mario: MAH BALLS!!!
Narrator: Well looks like Mario is pissed and is coming to get you. What do you want to do?
Bowser: (Chooses Kill Mario Now!) Trololololoolololo (fires a giant bullet bill)
Mario: This is the last time! The last, goddamn time I'm saving - (Bullet bill lands on Mario) What the fuck is your problem?!
Bowser: (Chooses Dance and do an evil laugh) *laughs maniacally*
Mario: I killed so many motherfucking turtles! If I see another one of those goddamn things -
Peach: Yahoo! Yahoo! Yahoo! Yahoo! Yahoo! Yahoo! Yahoo!
Bowser: Whassuuuuuuuuuup?
Mario: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU (Kicks Bowser and explodes, resulting in a GAME OVER YEAAAAAHHHH and the game starting again)
Robotnik Alarm: SnooPING AS usual, I see? SnooPING AS usual, I see? SnooPING AS usual, I see?
Narrator: Welcome to Princess Capturing Simulator.
Bowser Jr.: Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
Bowser: (Laughs evilly while he Chooses Come up with the smartest evil plan, first knocking on a door while a Toad receives it) Hey...can I uhh...have the princess? Pretty please?
Toad: Hmmmmmm....That'll be eighty-five dollars.
Bowser: (Chooses aw hell no and abducts Peach) Sup Bitches?!
Mario: D'OH S**T!
Bowser: (Chooses Get Peach to Like You.)
Peach: ?
Bowser: (Chooses Give Her Something Sweet, resulting in Peach's happiness going up. He then Chooses Sing a Song For Peach) AAAAAAAAAAA Co FISHENEE! (Coughs)
Peach: No! (Happiness goes down)
Bowser: (Chooses Show How Much You Love Her, pressing a button that shows Bowser admiring Peach)
Peach: AAAAAAAA! (Kicks Bowser in the nuts)
Bowser: (Chooses Scream in Pain)
Policemen: This is the police, open up!
Bowser: (Chooses Use a disguise) Oh, hello officers!
Officer: Hey Mario, how ya' doin'. Uh, listen. We, uh, got a complaint. Is everything okay?
Bowser: Oh yes, we were watching "The Sopranos"
Bowser Jr.: Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
Peach: What did you say! (Alarm hits her) Oof!
Officer: Alright, well, uh, take it easy Mario. I guess we'll see ya later.
Bowser: Thank ya so much for to-a protecting and-
Robotnik Alarm: SnooPING AS usual, I see? SnooPING AS usual, I see?
Officer 1: Oh my god!
Officer 2: He's got a pingas! (Both cops open fire at Bowser)
Bowser: NOOOOOOOO! (explodes again, resulting in a GAME OVER YEAAAAAHHHH and the game starting again)
Robotnik Alarm: SnooPING AS- (Bowser punches the alarm away)
Bowser Jr.: Where's my-OWHOWOWOW! (The Koopa King throws a rock at Jr., resulting in him getting launched across the room)
(Bowser breaks into the Mushroom Kingdom through the ceiling)
Bowser: (Chooses Switch It!, swapping Peach with Kamek in disguise)
Chain Chomp: Bark Bark! Bark Bark! Bark Bark!
Bowser: AAAAAAAAAAAH!
Kamek: *laughs like Dry Bones*
Mario: PRIIIIIIIIINCESS! Hm? Wow...Peach, you did your face get run over by a car?
Kamek: You son of a bitch! *Coughs* Oh, Mario... I think it's cute! I love music! I also like ponies and sparkles and the color pink!
Mario: What the fuck are you talking about?
Kamek: (Chooses Screw this!) Just kidding, bitch! ALOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO!
Mario: That damn Motherf**ker!
Bowser: Nahahaha!
Bomb-omb: Bowser! We need a better strategy if we're going to take Mario down!
Bowser: (Chooses Fine. Listen to them.) Okay! Okay! Fine! What are your demands?
Bomb-omb: We want some machine guns!
Goomba: And explosions!
Shy Guy: TOAST!
Bomb-omb: Yea-what?
Bowser: (Chooses Strategies the Bowser Way.) I got a better idea! Let me think of a new plan!
(TROOP EDITOR ACTIVATED)
Goomba: What?! (Realizes a ton of goombas are placed as sitting ducks for Mario to stomp on)
Bowser: I know! It's a good strategy!
Mario: Lalallalalalla, lalallala, hm-hm-hm!~ Woah! OOH. Very scary. (Pulls out flamethrower from out of nowhere and burns some troops)
Goomba troops: Ah! Ah! Jesus Christ! Ah! Ah!
Bowser: (implements Koopa Troopas) Attack, my pretties!
Koopas: Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! (Falls down cliff) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Bowser: God F*cking dammit! I didnt know all my troops were so useless! There's only one thing to do... (Bowser chooses Cheat!? and activates secret troops, activating a great deal of extremely dangerous enemies, ranging from machine guns, Teletubbies, and even Toads).
Mario: MMMMMMMMMM FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!! (Teleports to Bowser's castle in fury)
Bowser: Mario! (CHooses Taunt Mario! :D) I am invincible! Invincib- (Realizes Mario is about to defeat him) No, he turned it sideways! Killshot! That's a killshot! (Mario shoots Bowser) NOOOOOOOOO!
Heavy: You are ded.
(Screen shows CHEATING IS BAD!)
Bowser: No! I can't give up! (Chooses Get that Princess!) HURAHAHA!
Mario: Lalala, hmhmhm!
(Bowser Chooses Finish him!, resulting in Mario getting knocked down a cliff)
Mario: WAHOOOOOOOW!
(Screen shows mario is dead!)
Bowser: I'm da best. I'm da best. I'm da best. I'm da beeeeeeeeeest. Let's go home Peach.
Luigi: Okie dokie. (Reveals it's not Peach, but Luigi!)
Narrator: Nice going. You got the wrong princess.
Bowser: No god, please no!
Peach: (Near Mushroom Kingdom) Lalalalala. Lalalalala. Wooooaaaaaaoo!
(Screen shows Peach has died!, while GAME OVER YEAAAAAAAH is played in the background)
Bowser: (Chooses Screw it, Just go smoke some shrooms.) Fuck it. (Eats shroom and gets high) Why, I'm easy. I'm easy like Sunday morning. (Reveals he's flopping around in his room) I'm Batman!
Robotnik Alarm: SnooPING AS usual, I see?