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This page is the transcript for R64: Stupid Smash Bros.
Transcript[]
Peach's Castle[]
(One day at Peach's Castle, Mario is sleeping on a lawn chair.)
Mario: Ah Ravioli... Ah, boobies...
(All of a sudden, the Smash Ball comes falling from the sky.)
Mario: Ah spaghetti... (the Smash ball lands next to him, and he is launched from his chair) Waaaa! (muffed) Oof! (pulls his head from the ground) Mama F**ker! What the f**k was that?
(Mario then approaches the flaming Smash Ball, and proceeds to touch it.)
Mario: Yahoo! Wahoo! Yeah! (activates his Final Smash) Woah!
(The giant fireball roasts a nearby Toad,)
Toad: Too bad that didn't kill me.
Mario: That's a spicy meatball!
Mario: Oh yeah! Now i can easily heat my spaghetti!
(A mysterious figure then approaches Mario.)
Mario: Hmm? (notices the figure) Oh shit.
(The mysterious figure is then revealed to be Master Hand, evilly laughing.)
Master Hand: You there! I am Master Hand, God of all games.
Master Hand: Now return that powerful ball I dropped at once!!!
(Mario stares at Master Hand before he does his derpy face.)
Mario: No! Finders keepers biotch! :D
Master Hand: WHAT!? How dare you defy me, you impotent fool! Do you wish to die!?
Mario: oOOh, somebody has a stick up their glove ass
Mario: It's your fault your fingers can't hold balls!
Master Hand: This is not negotiable!
(Mario flashes both his middle fingers at Master Hand, and the latter starts to get pissed and fire bullets at Mario. He then runs inside the castle, but Master Hand blocks him.)
Master Hand: I shall MIND CONTROL YOU!
(Master Hand snaps his finger, but nothing happens to Mario.)
Mario: Ooooh, very scary!
Master Hand: WAH!? You're too stupid to resist my mind control!!!
(Luigi enters the hallway Mario and Master Hand are in.)
Luigi: Mario! (notices Master Hand) Wah!
Master Hand: AHA! ATTACK MARIO!!
(Snaps his finger to mind control Luigi.)
Luigi: Oh... (under mind control) YOU CAN GO TO HELL MARIO!
Luigi: (charges up his Green Missile attack) Kaaaaameeeeee...
Mario: Luigi, What did i tell you about pooping on the carpet!?
Luigi: ...Haaaaaaaaa! (launches at Mario but misses)
Mario: Woah-oh!
(Luigi smashes his head on the door)
Master Hand: Useless, Useless, USELESS!!
Mario: (continues to run away) RUN BITCH! RUUUUUUUUUNNNN!
(Mario is now in the main room of the castle)
Mario: PEACH! Luigi is attacking me with his fart power, and theres this giant-ass glove!!!! Hey stinky!
(Peach is revealed to also be under Master Hand's mind control)
Mario: Ahh! Not you too!
Mario: Give me powers spicy memeball! Mama mia!
Smash Ball: Smash Ball is currently recharging; Please wait a bit longer.
Mario: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
Peach: Ha-cha! (hits Mario with her Peach Bomber)
(Peach begins to use her Vegetable attack, and throws turnips at Mario.)
Mario: IS THE CASTLE GROWING TURNIPS!??! Take-a that! (reflects one of the turnips with his cape) Hee hee!
(Peach shields herself from the backfiring turnip with Toad)
Mario: Come on! Toads from your ass!? That's not fair!!
Toad: WHAT AM IIIIIII!?
(Bowser drops behind Mario, also under Master Hands control)
Mario: Oh shit!
(Breathes out fire at Mario, but the latter run from it)
Mario: Fire, huh?! Two can play at this game!! Take-a this! (shoots a fireball)
(The fireball then hits Bowser, but doesn't do anything. He then laughs and uses his Whirling Fortress on Mario.)
Mario: Aaaaaah! (jumps over Bowser)
Toad: Oh my f******ing- (he and Peach get hit by Bowser)
(Mario then celebrates his survival and victory)
Master Hand: THIS IS NOT OVER! I WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER TILL I GET THAT BALL!
Master Hand: It's time for a game of... FIGHTING HELL!!!
Mario: Hey, how 'bout another game that we- (gets struck by Master Hand's lightning and disappears)
Halberd[]
(Mario gets teleported onto the Halberd)
Mario: What-a you doin'?! What's-a goin' on here?!
Master Hand: Good luck fighting the top Melee tier characters, fool!
Mario: (while also realizing Fox and Falco are right behind him) Uh oh!
Fox: You are worth the trouble!
Mario: Ahh! No!
(The two Star Fox characters then gang up on Mario. Fox uses his blaster on Mario, however it doesn't have any effect.)
Mario: uhhh, this is supposed to hurt?
Falco: Personally, I prefer the air! (shoots upwards several times) Fire! (5x)
Mario: (watching bewilderedly) Dafuq?
(Fox and Falco do absolutely nothing to Mario, angering Master Hand.)
Master Hand: Did the game break? Or something? Whatever, Captain Falcon, Attack!!
(Captain Falcon appears)
Captain Falcon: Show me your boobs! Yes! (6x)
Mario: Mama mia!
(Mario notices Falco, and grabs him)
Mario: MEAT SHIELD!!! *YOOOOOOOLOOOOOOOOO*
(tosses Falco at Captain Falcon, as it reflects off him)
Mario: NOO! Don't punch me please! My fat jiggles like a tsunami
(Kirby comes flying towards the Halberd with his Warp Star)
Kirby: Hi!
(Captain Falcon is repeativally jabbing Mario until Kirby crashes on the two)
Kirby: I'm... HUNGRY!
Kirby: Get in my belly! (inhales the two)
Mario: NOOOO! Mario doesn't want to become spaghetti!!
Captain Falcon: Come on! Come on! (spots Kirby's uvula)
Captain Falcon: Falcon punch! (then punches Kirby's uvula)
(Meanwhile Kirby feels a rumble in his body, and promptly barfs out Mario, Captain Falcon, all the items in his mouth, and surprisingly, Ness and Lucas)
Mario: JESUS, What Kind of crap do you eat!?
Kirby: I ate a baby!
(Ness and Lucas are recovering)
Mario: Are you okay?
Master Hand: Surprise, motherf**ka!
(Snaps his finger to mind control Ness and Lucas.)
Ness: PK Thunder!
Lucas: PK Fire!
(Mario dodges the two attacks, before King Dedede drops behind him)
King Dedede: BIG GAY DANCE!
(Never Going Give You Up starts playing, and everyone parties)
Mario: Yeah! Ha ha ha!
Master Hand: IS EVERYONE ON DRUGS?!
SMG4: No, you're just in an SMG4 video.
Master Hand: Screw this, I'll make you suffer...with THIS!
(teleports Mario to Onett)
Onett[]
Mario: WAH, Hey! I was in the middle of dancing!
Master Hand: GO, MY ANIMALS!
(Drops in some Pokeballs to release Pikachu, Jigglypuff, Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard)
Red: LET'S BATTLE!
Mario: Bring it on! I got my level 100 pokemon slapping hand!
Red: Pikachu! Use, uh, thunderbolt!
Pikachu: Pika, pik!
Pikachu: PIKACHUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!! (uses thunder to turn itself into roasted turkey/chicken)
Mario: MAH N**** YOU JUST GOT ROASTED!
Red: Oh, come on!
Red: (to Jigglypuff) Go!
(Jigglypuff snores while it sleeps, much to Red's frustration)
Red: Ivysaur, Charizard and Squirtle! Attack!
Ivysaur: Hey man, only one of us can attack at once!
Charizard: Yeah, Haven't you ever played Pokemon, you scrub?
Red: (angry gibberish) F**k this.
(Uses a minigun, before realizing that Mario escaped while they were distracted)
Red: ??? *Aw, piss!*
Random Garry's Mod City[]
(Mario continues to run away, before he stops to check on the Smash Ball)
Mario: Now would be a good time to start working magic ball!!!
Smash Ball: Smash Ball still charging; grow some patience, asshole.
Mario: No!
(Master Hand finds him)
Master Hand: Whaddap BIATCH?!
Master Hand: Have some of this, FOOL!
(Shoots his Rent a Fighter cannon to send a spinning Link at Mario)
(Beyblade theme plays as Link yell while spinning at Mario. Mario then dodges, before Link spins off into the sunset while screaming.)
(Master Hand then fires Samus and Ike at the latter next.)
Mario: Whaa! Oh no!
Samus: IMMA FIRE IN MA LAZAR!
(Mario panics before getting an idea to shove a rock in Samus' blaster. It then blows up on her and sends her flying and crashing into the distance)
Mario: Yippee! A-ha ha ha!
(Ike draws out his sword)
Mario: Woah! Oh no!
Ike: I fight for my friends!
Mario: Does that mean i'm your friend??
(Ike nods his head up and down, and the two celebrate as the F.R.I.E.N.D.S theme plays.)
Master Hand: WHY ARE YOU ALL SO USELESS!?!?!
Master Hand: Wait...I still have my biggest cruelest fighter...
(teleports him and Mario to Final Destination next)
Final Destination[]
Mario: Can Mario go home now? I just want to eat some food, man!
Ganondorf: SILENCE!
Mario: Wah!
(Ganondorf sings Mean Green Mother From Outer Space from Little Shop of Horrors)
♪ Better wait a minute ♪
♪ You better hold the phone ♪
♪ Better mind yo' manners ♪
♪ Better change your tone ♪
♪ Don't you threaten ME son ♪
♪ We're gonna do things MY way! ♪
♪ OR WE WON'T DO THINGS AT ALLLLL ♪ (Olimar and Mr. Game and Watch drop in front of Ganondorf)
♪ You don't know what you're messing with! ♪ (Mario screams as Mr. Game and Watch and Olimar attack him)
♪ You got no idea! ♪
♪ You don't know what you're up against! ♪
♪ No no way no how! ♪
♪ You don't know what you're messin' with! ♪
♪ But I'm gonna tell ya now ♪ (Additional vocalizing from Olimar, Mr. Game and Watch, and the Pikmin)
♪ Watch me now ♪
♪ I'm just a mean green mother from outer space ♪
♪ And I'm bad ♪
♪ I'm just a mean green mother... ♪ (Ganondorf starts to attack Mario)
♪ A real disgrace ♪
♪ And you got me fighting mad ♪
♪ I'm just a mean green mother from outer space ♪
♪ Gon' trash yo ass ♪
♪ Gonna rock this place! ♪
♪ I'M MEAN AND GREEN ♪
Mario: Mama mia!
♪ I'M MEAN AND GREEN ♪ (When Ganondorf is about to deliver his Warlock Punch on Mario the plumber quickly replaces himself with Olimar and Mr. Game and Watch, causing those two to be knocked out instead.)
♪ And I...am...BAD! ♪
(End of musical number)
Master Hand: no, no, NO! I told you to torture him! Not turn this place into a musical!
Master Hand: And you're too slow in hurting him! Worthless!
Ganondorf: Wow, what an asshole!
Master Hand: I guess if you want something done, You have to do it yourself!!!
(Master Hand takes things into his own hands *no pun intended, LMAO* and beats up Mario. Last thing is that Mario has collapsed on the floor from Master Hand's beating.)
Master Hand: Now...Hand over the smash ball...
(A tune plays from Mario's pocket, and it is coming from the Smash Ball as he then takes it out.)
Smash Ball: Recharging Completed; Smash those motherf**kers!
Mario: Okey-dokey! (raises the Smash Ball, before it gets stolen by Ganondorf.)
Mario: Woah! No!
Master Hand: Hey! Hand that over to me now!
Ganondorf: I want to DESTROY this puny man, no matter what!!!
(Hits the Smash Ball to activate his Final Smash; Transforming into Beast Ganon.)
Mario: Oh, shit!
(Beast Ganon then rams towards Mario, before the latter moves aside to make him instead hit Master Hand.)
Mario: Pingas!
Master Hand: Oh, wait, wait, wait!
(Screams as he and Ganon run off into the blastzone)
Announcer: *K.O.* This Game's winner is, Mario!
Mario: I won!
Mario's House[]
(back at Mario's house he treasures his earned Smash Ball in a glass case, dubbing it as his Spicy meatball.)
Mario: Yes, I'm the winner!
Mario: Oh yeah! Mario number one!
(Mario runs off, right before, seen in the window, that the Sandbag now has his eyes on the Smash Ball.)