R64: the Toad, the Fat and the Ugly. is the seventeenth episode of Season 5 and the two hundred and twenty-ninth overall to be uploaded by SMG4.
This is also the twelfth episode of the Retarded64 series. It was aired on May 31, 2015.
Toad seeks Mario's help with getting Toadette to love him.
The video begins with Toast Guy starting to dance for money, as told by the sign reading "will dance for sum coins". Then Mario and Toad were seen walking around Mushroom Kingdom. Mario seemed ticked off as he read a note reading, "buy me some nEW SHOES MERIO! -PECH" (Peach Toadstool). Then a flashback began where Parakarry arrived at the Mario bros.' house, first yelling "you've got mail faggot" and then annoyingly yelling "you've got mail" repeatedly. Mario finally came outside to check the mail, which then Peach came out of the mailbox. Peach told Mario to do her a favor, getting Mario excited. However, she used a cannon to shoot a mail at Mario, knocking him down.
Back at the story, Toad told Mario that he was enjoying his time, buying the princess's stuff with him, but the red plumber did not care and flew into a wall injuring himself. Toad told him that it was his duty to go get Peach's new shoes, but Mario angrily told him he was a goddamn plumber, telling Toad if he thought that he had a life, to which Toad replied with "no". Mario then rage-quitted and ran off to town looking for new shoes for Peach. He looked at a shoe and jewelry store building, another building called "Sparkly Shoes" which was actually a "gay bar" and finally finds a hobo. Mario went towards him and asked him if he could have his shoes as he did not want to spend his money on new ones.
While Mario was busy talking to the hobo, Toad interacted with other toads, who had no interest in talking to him until Toad found Toadette and quickly fell in love with her and watched her butt in excitement. Later, he went and knocked down Shy Guy off his stage and declared that he wanted Toadette's booty. Toad then met her and started acting horny to her weirdly. Toadette was shockingly but naturally not impressed with it and attacked Toad, sending him flying. It was however shown to be his thoughts and Toad decided it was not a good idea. Mario could later be seen grabbing the hobo's shoe while Toad told him to stop grabbing the hobo's shoes and help him. In the process, the hobo managed to get loose from Mario's grip and escaped causing Mario to scold Toad and him to start looking for shoes again. Toad then shut him up and told him to get a sexy Toad for him. At first, Mario mocked about both Toads having sex until he imagined a pile of toads raping each other causing Mario to freak out. Toad then made a deal with him, if Toad got Toadette's booty then Mario got Toad's booty, shocking Mario into denying the deal. Toad then decided to give him spaghetti as the deal, causing Mario to quickly accept the deal and grab the spaghetti.
Toad and Mario then tracked down Toadette at Delfino Plaza and tried their best to impress her. Mario surprised Toadette in disguise as a man wearing a cap with a $ symbol and whomps with arrow-like wings and blue blocks like-button on his overalls with him donning a black mask to hide his identity. Mario acted like he liked her ass and tried to get her and when Toadette called out to stop him, Toad called out and slid down a hill, acting all heroic and tackled Mario but landed on him like a chew toy. Mario though kept in the act by pretending he got injured. Toadette was impressed that she was being saved but while Mario ate his spaghetti to heal, Toad kicked it off the island causing a Bubba to jump out of the water and swallow the spaghetti whole. Toadette was impressed that Toad defeated Mario while Toad told Mario that he was defeated. Unfortunately but understandably, Mario was angry that his spaghetti was gone and officially assaulted Toad.
Toadette then ran off on a beach and relaxed while Mario was irritated by Toad's idea but decided to wear the frog suit to swim underwater. Toad walked toward her if she minded letting him sit by him, which Toadette allowed. Mario then got ready to impress Toadette with Toad, with Toad telling her if she wanted to see something cool. Toadette did not know what he was talking about until Frog Mario held up a sign saying "I LOVE YOU! toadette!!" with Toad himself in it. Toadette wondered what it was and checked the sea. However, she freaked out when she saw Frog Mario where he did not know who she was reacting to while Toad was surprised that she would react to Frog Mario. Toadette then grabbed out an assault rifle and shot down a shocked Mario, causing Toad to back away while Toadette asked him what was he saying.
Toad told Mario that this was the last chance to impress her but a seriously injured Mario flipped him off before riding a Yoshi Helicopter and telling Toad that he owed him. Mario rode it across the sky and left an engine smoke trail to make a love message in the sky for Toadette to impress her. Toad told Toadette to look in the sky where Mario was ready to finish with the message with Toadette in her name in the sky until a Klepto appeared and attacked the helicopter by pecking it. The name "Toad" was half-way finish and the other half was scrambled, Toadette looked up in the sky and it read "I HEART YOU TOADSWORTH", with the Yoshi Helicopter falling down and exploding, causing Toadette to not know what Toad was talking about. Toadsworth was surprised that he thought his senpai noticed him, making him excited while Toad understandably attempted to commit suicide with a gun.
Toad gave up and apologized for Mario's broken spine, showing Mario bending back. Mario told him to not worried about it and found the sky looking nice. Toadette came back and asked Toad if he was the toad that she saw all day and told him who is he. Mario explained to her that he was "Toad number 232563465" and let her know if she knew him. Toadette found all the toads to look the same and thought that she knew him, causing her to invite him to get some ice cream, causing both Toad and Mario to dance for making love tonight. However, she introduced her friend named Frankie where he popped out of the ground and creepily greeted Toad, scaring him.
The three Toads were shown sitting on a bench with Toadette enjoying her ice cream and Frankie singing while the main Toad was getting annoyed of Frankie's constant singing until he snapped and told Frankie to keep quiet. Toadette did not notice their negative relationship and found them getting along with each other with both of them playing it off. She then told them that she was going to use the bathroom and not to have fun without her. While she was gone, Toad grabbed Frankie and slammed him against the wall. He told him to stop acting like he knew what was going, but Frankie talked him back and told him to keep his paws off his "Kool-Aids". Toad then told him to understand his statement, but Frankie replied by saying he likes turtles, causing Toad to swear to him that he would fight him. Toadette returned and still did not notice the negative relationship and thought they were hugging each other with Toad reluctantly replying that they were bonding, and even Frankie reluctantly agreeing to that. Meanwhile, Mario was riding a boat at sea in the distance, snidely shouting "gaaayyyyyyyy!" at the two rival Toads, only for him to be knocked off his boat by a rock thrown by one of them.
Later at Green Hill Zone, Toad and Toadette were sitting together looking at the sun go down, Toad then was about to tell her that he loved her until Frankie interrupted it, pissing off Toad even more. Toad argued with him while Frankie irritated him causing a fight taking place in a circle fortress field with the Bowser in the sky background, Toad threw spaghetti at Mario in order for him to assist him in the battle against Frankie. Frankie showed off a cupcake "muffins" to Mario. Mario was attracted to it but resisted. Mario and Toad then charged at him while Frankie danced Macarena causing an explosion. Mario wondered if they got him but Frankie popped out of the ground and gave them a scary surprise, causing both to get shocked and for Toad to explode from the surprise. Mario could not figure out why he was not dead and neither could Toad.
Mario thought he was an invincible god and found his eyes to be soulless. Frankie took out his muffins again if anyone wanted some, freaking Mario out. Mario suddenly realized that he was missing his phone, only to reveal that Frankie sneakily grabbed the phone and tried to call the ice cream man. Mario did not really find it that important until Peach crashed on the ground and told Mario if he did phone her. Mario was shocked to see Peach again and Frankie complained that he wanted the ice cream man. Mario reluctantly told her that she did not need to come when Peach asked him where were the new shoes that he was told to buy earlier. Mario suddenly forgot about the new shoes and tried to figure out a way to impress her by taking off his shoes and showing it to her as her new shoes but she was unsurprisingly not happy with it. Frankie asked Mario who was this "scary lady" with the reply being that she was a bitch, causing Peach to go on a rampage and tortured both the scared Mario and Toad, burning them alive.
Toadette then asked Toad if he was okay, where Toad was excited that she cared about him causing Toad to shout to Mario that he loved him. A wounded Mario gave him a quizzical look and asked "dafuq?". Toadette was disgusted by Toad's love for Mario, stated that love was gross and told Toad that she was 9 years old, causing Toad to be shocked by her age and making Frankie finding it better. RMKP appeared out of nowhere and arrest Toad. Peach then forced Mario to go shopping together causing Mario to get irritated again and asked Mario if he had seen Toadsworth, which he replied saying he had not seen him. Speaking of him, Toadsworth could be seen at a mysterious place surrounding him with candles and a table in front of him. Toadsworth declared that he would find his senpai and he would notice him. The video ends with a book with Zayn Malik photo.
Role in SMG4: Deleted
As a test to see if SMG4's crew can be deleted, SMG3 brings in a Teletubby to replace Frankie by sending it back to the timeline. It went successful as Frankie was kicked out of sight from the video.
- With this video, SMG4 has started to use some TheAnkleDestroyer's new Super Mario 64 models for several Toad, as well as for the Princess Peach and the Shy Guys. Those models have the same moves than Mario. However, Toad himself still appear in his original model, to be distinguished more easily from the other Toad who used to look identical to him in the past. Peach also still appears occasionally in her previous look.
- In this blooper, SMG4 doesn't appear, even mentioned nor cameos for the second time, the first being SM64 Bloopers: The Pirate Plumbers.
- The title of this video is a parody of a popular movie, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.
- Oddly enough, despite being a minor character in the blooper, the Shy Guy still appears on its title card.
- This is the second R64 episode to include a recent intro made by KingAsylus91 on 2015 instead of the usual intro of this series. The first in this case was R64: Son of a bowser..
- As the Toad are major characters in this video, Mario's troll-facing head is replaced by a blue Toad looking derpy in the intro of KingAsylus. It's the second time he's replaced in that intro, the first being The Pirate Plumbers, in which Luigi replaces Mario (as he is a major character of that previous blooper).
- The scene featuring several Toad mating with each other in Princess Peach's Castle is a clip from the video Mario 64: M. K. Nature Channel.
- However this time the flashback is short and don't include SMG4's appearance because it's trimmed.
- This is the first blooper of SMG4 in which it visibly shows Mario's eyelids move (when he gets annoyed) in his SM64 model (regular model).
- The frog costume, when it is first seen before Mario uses it, as well as the shoes Mario bought for Peach appear as stickers from the video game Paper Mario: Sticker Star for the Nintendo 3DS.
- When Toad first tries to seduce Toadette, voice clips from Maximbady can be heard.
- This is the only episode where Toad was a pedo, although he didn't know until Toadette revealed to be 9 years old.