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Retarded64: Stupid Mario Kart is a blooper by SMG4 published on April 22, 2017. As the name suggests, this blooper is heavily based on the popular Mario Kart series.
Mario and the gang play some retarded Mario Kart game modes to see who is the best driver.
"All right, since you all love to hurt each other so much... We're doing a BATTLE ROYALE!"
The First Race of the Episode
The episode starts with Po but she is on a race track and gets run over by Wario. Toad was behind so Wario used a Bob-omb to try to take out Toad. Toad dodges and throws Crazy Girlfriend (Toadette) at Wario causing him to crash. Toad then continues up a boost ramp only to crash into an invisible wall and fall into a trap that Waluigi made.
The camera then zooms down and it shows Luigi and Toad stuck in Waluigi's trap as Waluigi looks on. Waluigi then gets in his kart, but is stopped when Fishy Boopkins topples a tree that he repeatedly drove into onto him, crushing him. Fishy Boopkins exclaims that he was playing with that before being blasted away by a bullet bill from Bowser, who then drives off, doing a dance along the way. He then stops and backs up when he sees Peach who has crashed her kart beside a tree.\ Bowser then takes the opportunity to confess his love for Peach, only to scream in horror when Peach blows him up as well as herself with a Bob-omb while screaming, "YOLO."
The camera then zooms to SMG4, who is acting as the Lakitu. He is annoyed at the fact that they cannot have a normal race. He then asks, "Where the hell is the other racer?" referring to Mario. The camera then zooms to Mario, who is still at the start/finish line driving in a circular fashion from the starting position while making an airplane noise. SMG4 then states how they have already done seven races, yet they still cannot determine a winner due to the racers trying to take each out other instead of racing. Toad then appears suggesting Mario Party to figure out a winner, but SMG4 shuts him down. SMG4 then states that since the racers would prefer to hurt each other, they would instead do a battle.
The camera zooms to view the battle arena, then to Mario, who is ready, and Luigi, who is crying nervously. SMG4 then goes over the rules: Don't let your balloons pop, and the last one holding a balloon wins. SMG4 then signals for the battle to begin and an air horn sounds. All of the racers attempt to crash into each other before spinning out in different directions. Mario then hits an item box and receives green shells. He is amused and proceeds to toss them like crazy in every direction, hurling Fishy Boopkins out of the racetrack in the process. Toad then hits an item box and receives a golden mushroom, who then takes off flying across the racetrack. Waluigi then hits an item box and receives a banana.
Displeased, he shakes the item box and receives a coin. Still displeased, he shakes it again and receives a rocket launcher. He is delighted and proceeds to blow up Wario, who has set up bananas around him. Luigi then comes along and gives Waluigi his famous death stare. Waluigi fires a rocket at Luigi only for Luigi to catch it in his hand and toss it back as it blows up Waluigi.
Luigi is then blown up by Toad who is still using the golden mushroom. However, Toad himself goes too fast to the point where when he stops, only his skeleton remains. The camera switches to Peach who is joyfully driving around until she nearly falls off the block, where a Chain Chomp is about to pass by below. Mario then comes along and Peach asks for help. In a parody of a scene from the Lion King, Mario states "Long live the king," and pushes Peach and her kart off the block just as the Chain Chomp passes by.
Mario then makes his way toward the middle of the arena where Bowser is waiting on the other side and the two charge at each other. Just as they are about to collide with each other, Fishy Boopkins appears, having survived the ordeal with the green shells earlier (though his kart was destroyed in the process, and he only has one balloon left) and he hurls banana peels across the arena.
Bowser and Mario both slip on the banana peels and fly into the air. For a moment, Fishy Boopkins thinks that he is the winner, much to his surprise. However, Bowser crashes down on top of him and then Mario crashes down on top of Bowser, eliminating all three of them. The battle is a draw, and SMG4 gets angry and exclaims how he needs to give a trophy that he holding to someone. He then decides that the current game modes are not decisive enough and that now he is going to use his own game modes.
The camera zooms to view another battle arena shaped like a doughnut. SMG4 then goes over the rules: Whoever defeats the boss, wins. Luigi then asks who is the boss. The boss appears, who is revealed to be Link, screaming and driving a heavily armored kart with many balloons. Wario exclaims, "Oh f**k," and Link jumps in the air, stating "screw gravity" as the other racers run to get out of the way as he crashes down near them, still screaming and holding the master sword. Toad then comes and hurls a banana, then asks Link if he thinks he is defeated. Link hurls the Master Sword at Toad, stabbing him. Toad, surprisingly unharmed, exclaims that he has had enough and that he is going to go take a dump." Luigi then suggests working together, but Wario dismisses that idea, driving his kart at Link, who then hurls a spiny shell at him, causing Wario to back up and try to hide.
When the spiny shell finds him, he tries to disguise himself as a banana, but this fails and the spiny shell blows him up, much to Luigi's horror. Link continues driving, making Homer Simpson chainsaw sounds. He then crushes Peach who was asking to be friends with him. Bowser is horrified and flies directly at Link, who then blows him away, causing the Koopa King to fall into the lava. Waluigi then tosses a shell at Link, but when Link turns around, Waluigi loses his confidence, clears his throat, and states "I'll see myself out" and jumps into the lava.
Luigi then states that they need a team plan to defeat the boss, since attacking individually was proving ineffective. Fishy Boopkins states that he has an idea, but then Mario states that he has an even better idea and starts charging at Link while using Luigi and Fishy Boopkins as battering rams. Link however, turns himself invincible using a star, taking out the trio and resulting in a draw. SMG4, not able to believe it, punches himself in the face. As Link is seen celebrating, he admits that maybe the difficulty he set was too high, but the next task will be so easy that even Mario can do it.
SMG4 explains the rules: Mr. Toadsworth needs a ride to his retirement home. Whoever delivers him to the retirement home wins. SMG4 then signals to begin and an air horn again sounds. All of the racers then crash into Toadsworth and try to take him. Toadsworth lands in a parking lot and is taken by Toad. As he is busy laughing, Bowser takes Toadsworth from him. However, Peach hires a hitman who takes out Bowser with a sniper, allowing Peach to take Toadsworth. The camera then switches Toad, who sees Waluigi and Luigi driving by, Luigi's kart on top of Waluigi's kart.
Toad then goes to a garage and upgrades his car to a monster truck. He then catches up with Peach and blows her up with a bob-omb before taking Toadsworth. Waluigi soon catches up to Toad, but so does Wario, Luigi, and Fishy Boopkins. As the four of them drive side by side trying to catch up to Toad, Toad crashes into two people and Fishy Boopkins crashes into a police officer's table. Upset over his doughnut, he gets the police force and soon a whole team of officers is chasing them.
The officers fire at Luigi, causing him to crash. He screams at Mario for help, but Mario is busy crashing his kart into people. Back at the chase, Toad is determined to deliver Toadsworth to the retirement home, but Waluigi catches up to him. He crashes his kart into Toad's windshield and the two fight for Toadsworth. The monster truck then hits barricades and rolls over against some trees, hurling Toadsworth from them as the police descend on Toad and Waluigi. Toadsworth lands in Wario's kart, but Wario is stopped by Fishy Boopkins' father.
Fishy Boopkins introduces Wario to his father before telling his father that Wario was mean to him and asks him to do something. Wario tries to back up, but Fishy Boopkins' father hurls Wario's kart with one of his tentacles, sending Toadsworth flying into the entrance of the retirement home and crashing through the glass doors, where an Old Man exclaims, "What? Who's that?" SMG4 is shocked and states that it was close, but there is finally a winner.
After a short drum-roll, he states that he is the winner because everyone else sucks. He then gives middle fingers to everyone and exclaims, "F*** you," with the exception of Fishy Boopkins and his father, before Mario crashes into him with his kart and gives SMG4 a "F*** you" as the episode ends.