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This page is the transcript for SM64 Bloopers: SMG3's Gauntlet of Gloom.
Transcript[]
(SMG4 Production Logo starts the episode, with plot beginning with Bowser then gloatingly laughing alongside a kidnapped Peach.)
SMG4: Ah, shit.
Mario: Princess! Bye bye!
Bowser: Haha you'll never get me you idiots! my ride is coming soon!
SMG4: OH NO YOU DON'T! (Begins climbing up a rock wall to get to Bowser) mario! hurry your fat ass up!!!
Mario: No...I'm-a-tired.
(Bowser's Koopa Clown Car shows up)
SMG4: Aw, crap! God damn it, Mario! (Begins hoisting Mario up the wall)
Mario: Weee!
SMG4: Agh, what are you doing, agh! Oh! (Falls off mountain along with Mario)
Mario: Weee!
(SMG4 begins to stumble along the mountain until he's wedgied by a tree branch)
SMG4: Oww wedgie! Wedgieee!
Mario: Woah! That's-a-so-nice!
(An evil laugh cracks from the distance, which turns out to be SMG3's)
SMG3: Yes, it is I! SMG3, The evil guy that doesn't show up much! and it is time to put my evil plan into place!
SMG4: I don't care, please help! My weiner hurts!
Bowser: PFFT, what evil plan could surpass kidnapping the same princess for 30 years?!
SMG3: ya wanna know why I’ve been gone for so long? I’ve been secretly recording you doing weird crap SMG4 (Depicts flashbacks of SMG4 at various humiliating moments while speaking)...for months...and months...i’ve been gathering footage...of you at your worst moments...and now people will see you as an idiot and will hate you! That’s right...a 100 hour special video called...SMG4 EXPOSED!!!!
Mario: Woah!
SMG4: Noooooo!
Bowser: That’s the most evil thing i’ve ever heard of. :) (Bawls even while his Clown Car ride shows up)
SMG3: oh! And my escape ride has arrived! Get outta here. (Kicks Bowser in the groin) YEAAHHH BOIIIIIII!
SMG4: NO GOD PLEASE NO!
Mario: It’s fine SMG4, I doubt he has any bad footage on you. Though then again, there was that time you tried on Peach’s dress
Peach: What the hell she say.
SMG4: NOOAAAAOOW! (Falls off tree branch) WE NEED TO GO STOP THAT MAD MAN NOW!!!! uhh...right after i get a new pair of underwear...
Bowser: WOW! That bastard! Having a cooler evil plan and stealing my ride! guess whos coming to steal that footage for himself! BWAHAHAHA! welp, won't be needing this anymore. (Kicks Peach off the cliff, resulting in her yelling on the way down. Lyrics "Fuck the police, coming straight from the underground" plays as Bowser heads his way in)
(Scene then transports to SMG3's Gauntlet of Gloom
SMG4: so...do you think this is it?
Mario: ooh...that sign says its not so its probably not. (Reads "Totally not SMG3's lair. SMG3 is then seen gloatingly dancing in the Koopa Clown Car, preparing to enter his lair.)
SMG4: THERES THAT FLYING BUTTHOLE!!! GET HIM!!! (The two enter, shortly followed by Bowser. The words "SMG3's Gauntlet of Gloom" then appear in a darker and gloomier tone)
SMG3: with this 100000 gb/second internet, this video will upload in only 10 minutes!!! Time to ruin SMG4's life...(Begins uploading the files on his computer and then gloatingly laughs)
SMG4: Oh Damn! Look at this place!...He got a portrait of Himself...? Man! Talk about being super up himse-
Mario: Whoa it's SMG3! Get that Muthafucka! (SMG4 slaps him)
SMG4: Stop you idiot! This room might be booby trapped!!
Mario: Aww but dem boobies :'(
SMG4: Anyways, we gotta be careful here! So we're gonna need a plan...
SMG4: Well what we'll do - We'll be in trouble if we don't take them down quick. Uh...feels a pretty good plan. We should be able to pull it off this time - Um, what do you think? Can you give me a number crunch-
Mario: Alright! Thumbs up, ready guys? Let's do this! LEEEEEEROOOOYYYYY JENKINS! (Runs in, only to be blown away by a Bob-omb)
SMG4: What the hell was that? (SMG3's Portrait laughs maniacally in a James Doakes face, Bob-omb in hand) Goddammit Mario! There! I warned you didn't I?!
Mario: Mama mia...Uh-oh. That wasn't as fast as las time...Let's try again, ok? YOLOOOO! ( blown away by another Bob-omb) WAHA!
SMG3's Portrait: Surprise Mutha fucka! (blows him away by another Bob-omb, followed by repeatedly throwing more Bob-ombs and repeatedly making Mario cry out in pain and run)
Mario (slow-mo before landing next to SMG4, burning): Mama f***er!
SMG4:...What a moron
Mario: GRR! Let's go, you r****d! Bring it on, ya little wank!
SMG3's Portrait: (Gives Mario two middle fingers) Trololololololo
(Mario angrily rages while SMG3's Portrait throws another bomb. However, Mario deflects it via his anger and blows up the picture)
Mario: ?
SMG4: Uh...Holy crap Mario! You actually did it!!! Good job!
Mario: Yeah that's right! No one's gonna mess with my...MARIO-FU! (Strikes a pose)
SMG4: Heh good one...let's just go before this creepy-ass painting comes back to life!
(Both head off while Bowser enters)
Bowser: ooh...knowing evil lairs...that painting is going to attack me! Time to go sneaky mode! plant disguise activate! :D (Dons a potted plant on his head before preparing to sneak over)
SMG3's Portrait: Dafuq? Hmmmmmm....
(Plant falls over, blowing the Koopa King's cover)
Bowser: Uh-oh. OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT (Bob-ombs are repeatedly thrown at Bowser. Meanwhile, SMG4 and Mario enter a room that contains two doors.)
Mario: oh noo D: which door do we take??? WOAAH! (Suddenly, Stu & Pid emerge from the ground)
Stu: STAHP RIGHT THERE!
Pid: What do we haaaave here?
Mario: AHHH! TALKING VEGETABLES!
Pid: Hey Stu, looks like we have some more fresh meat.
Stu: stop trying to act tough!
Pid: I'm not trying to act tough.
Stu: you are, you're doing that thing by changing your voice!
Pid: I'm not doing that thing!
(The two argue for a short bit, with SMG4 and Mario sharing questioned glances)
Stu and Pid: ???
(Mario tries to get across, but a thorny vine blocks him)
Mario: Mama miaaaaaa!
Stu: hey, stahp! what are you doing?!
Pid: Tried to pull a fast one on us, huh?
Stu: Well you guys should know, one of these doors lead to the next room...
Pid: and one will lead...TO YOUR DOOM! (Makes an evil, but awful laugh)
Stu: I thought we agreed on no more evil laughter!
Pid: but i like the evil laughter
Stu: NO! ITS DUMB!
Pid: ITS NOT DUMB, You'RE DUMB!
(The two argue for a short bit once again)
SMG4: can you tell us how to get through already?!
Stu: To figure that out, you need to figure out our riddle!
Pid: Yes...OUR RIDDLE!
Stu: One of us always lies...
Pid: And one of us always tells the truth.
Stu: You may ask only ONE question though.
Pid: To find out which door is the correct door...
Stu and Pid: SO WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION?
Pid: can i laugh now stu...?
Stu: 'sigh'...OK, just this once...
Pid: yay. :) (Makes an evil, but corny laugh once again)
SMG4: oh damn...this is tricky...and we don't have much time...
Mario: noo! i didn't study for this test! :(
SMG4: wait...i think i got it!
Mario: is the answer SOUTH AFRICA?
SMG4: Stu...if I were to ask Pid which door is the correct door, what would he say?
Stu (Beckons to Door 2)
Mario: Yippee! Let's-a-go!
SMG4: NO! The answer is the other door! Let me try and explain it in Mario terms...(Begins to explain via cartoony designs and spaghetti)Lets say...you saw two pieces of spaghetti!
Mario: Whoa!
SMG4: but...one of them was poisoned...
Mario: Mama f***er!
SMG4: if two losers know which one is the poisoned one, but one lies and the other tells the truth...
Wario: WAAH!
Waluigi: WAAAAHHHHHH!
Wario: Nya, nya, nya, nya, nya!
SMG4: asking the liar about what the honest loser will choose as the healthy spaghetti...
Wario: I won, I won! Have a rotten day!
SMG4: The liar will lie and say poisoned spaghetti cause hes a butthole
Wario: YEAAAAAHHHHHHHH
Waluigi: Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh!
SMG4: The honest loser would say the other loser (liar) would choose the incorrect spaghetti cause that is the truth. Basically, you always choose the opposite spaghetti!
Mario:...can i have some spaghetti now?
SMG4: Let's just get out of here! (Carries Mario while the latter says, "Wheeeee!", entering the first door)
Stu: Mmmm...what nice fellows.
Pid: That red one seems a bit r****ded though.
Stu: heh...reminds me a bit of you
Pid: Mate...you wanna go?
(The two argue once again)
Pid: oh wait someones coming!
Stu: OH OK
Pid: Oh okay! Shut up shut up shut up
Stu: Hello giant turtle, to pass this point, you need to answer our riddle!
Pid: YES! OUR RIDDLE!
Bowser: Ain't nobody got time for that! (Unleashes Flame Breath on them)
Stu: AAAHHH! AAHH GAD! AWWWFESFBDHBDF MY LEAVES! OH...THIS FEELS PRTTY NICE ;D
Pid: AHHHH! MY LEG! AHHHH! MY LEF! MY ASSHOLE!
Bowser: Guess i'll go this door...
Mario: Yippee...You were right SMG4!
(Music ominously plays while focusing on a sign read as SMG3's DANK ROOM)
Mario: There it is! We're almost there! Time to get that mofo...uh you ok? (SMG4 views at a deep cliff) HOLY SHIT! DAAAMN that's deep!
SMG4: NOOOOOOOO!
Mario: ooh is it nap time? :D
SMG4: NOOOO! We were so close!! Now the whole world is going to see that video...
Mario:...Let's do this! Grrrrrr!
SMG4: Wait what are you...?
Mario: YOLOOOOOO!
SMG4: Oh wait wait wait!
(Mario fails to make the deep jump, resulting in him falling to the bottom of the cliff)
Mario (slow-mo) MAMAAAAA F********er...
SMG4: OH SHIT!!!! Mario! You IDIOT!! You alright!?
Mario: I can't feel mah brain!! Ah never mind! It's right next to me :D
SMG4: What's it like down there? Any way to climb back up?
Mario: Well...I see walls, walls and more walls! :/ Oh and there's a skeleton here :D
SMG4: *that doesn't sound good...* Alright Mario! Stay put! I'll try to jump over, see if there's anything to get you out! (Tries to do the same thing as Mario) INCOMING! NOOOOOOO! AHHHHHHH!
Mario: Lalala, hmhmhm! (Sees SMG4 hit the ground) Hoho! Hello! SMG4! Meet my new friend, Pete :D
SMG4: Thats great and all...BUT WE NEED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! There's gotta e some sort of hidden path here! (Punches the wall multiple times to find out if there's a way out)
Mario: Do you have any...4's? (Pete falls over) Ah...I guess I'm-a-go fishing!
SMG4: UGH! godammit. come onnn...i don't want to die here.
(After punching a certain part of the wall, lights blink on and off and a rumbling motion is heard)
SMG4: Wah? Who's that? (A spiked wheel descends and begins rolling towards them) Sweet merciful crap!
Spiked Wheel: Numnumnumnumnumnumnum!
SMG4: OH NO! THE SPIKES ARE GONNA SQUISH US!
Mario: I'M TOO TASTY TO BE A PANCAKEE! PETE, HELP USS PLSSS!
SMG4: Mario, you idiot! that skeleton won't do anything!
(Suddenly, Pete comes to life)
Pete: Hello! Andale, andale, yeehaw, yeehaw! They call me Cuban Pete!
Mario: OOH! Pete is doing his safety dance
Pete: I'm the king of Rumba beat, When I play the maracas they go chick-chicky-boom chick-chicky-boom
SMG4: I DON'T WANT TO DIE LIKE THIS!
Pete: Yes sir, I'm Cuban Pete, I'm the craze of my native street. When I start to dance everything goes chick-chicky-boom chick-chicky-boom.
(Kicks Mario and SMG4 screaming out of the cliff, sending them towards SMG3's dank room)
SMG4: OH MY GOD! His 'Boner' SAVED US AND WE'RE ON THE OTHER SIDE!
Mario: PETE! NOOO!
Pete: Byeeeee!
Mario: Nooo....(Sees Pete get crushed and bawls)i'll avenge you Pete!...
(The two enter SMG3's room. SMG3 himself is joyfully seeing the upload percent go up to 91 before seeing the duo)
SMG4: Stop breaking the law, asshole!
SMG3: You'll never get here in time! its on 95% !!!
Mario: IMMA GET YOU....FOR PETE!!!! Raaaaa! (Axe nearly cuts him) Ahhhhh!
SMG4: AH crap! its all booby trapped!
Mario: BOOBIES AREN'T STOPPING ME TODAY! YOLOOOOOOO!
SMG4: WAAAAAAGH! (Both make it through the traps severely injured)
Mario: Mama f***er!
SMG3: You just got pwned, FTW! Now you're dead, you're dead cuz we killed you! (Bowser lands on top of SMG3 and the footage, preventing the video from being uploaded) AHOW!
Bowser: wow that room of death almost got me! Good thing i'm fat :D
Mario: It's raining Bowsers? Hallelujah!
Bowser: huh? is this SMG3's room?! that means...BWAHAHAHA! I AM HERE TO STEAL THAT FOOTAGE!!!
SMG3: You destroyed the footage you idiot!!!! oww...
(Bowser realizes what he has done)
Bowser: Shit!
SMG4: YES! People don't get to see me wearing a dress!!!
SMG3: You may have won the battle...but umm...SCREW YOU BUTTHOLES! (Presses a button that begins to destroy the building)
Voice-com: Self-destruct sequence now activated.
SMG3: Uh, bye! Fuck this shit I'm out! ABANDON SHIP!!
SMG4: OH NO! HOW ARE WE GOING TO ESCAPE!?
Bowser: why not the elevator? (The three promptly do so in spite of debris falling . "Hotline Bling" plays throughout the way down)
Mario: oh yeah!
Bowser: so...who wants to go get some burgers?
Mario: Yeah! hahaha!
(SMG3 plummets to the ground, ending the episode.)