SM64 Guides: How to get a valentines! (Valentines special) is a video by SuperMarioGlitchy4.
Synopsis
In this year's Valentine's Day special, Mario teaches the viewer how to get a Valentine by using Peach as not only an example, but also his Valentine, even though it will go badly when he tries to impress her, the retarded way.
Plot
Daisy is watching the view from a hilltop, then Wario walks to her to give her a valentine card, which says "give me ur bewbs". Daisy gives a sarcastic happy look, just as soon as Wario says "Show me your boobs!", she kicks him away from her. Then Mario appears to start the tutorial.
Step 1: Finding the Special One
Before starting, Mario points out that "dolls and weird toys" don't count as Valentine partners and he commands weirdos to get out. This depresses Luigi and Don. The first step is to find the girl you want. Mario recommends doing it in a place called, OUTSIDE. He then selects his prey, while the viewer can find his/her's. He rejects Toadette and Dr. Eggman before finding Peach. He has found his target in happiness.
Step 2: Approaching the person
Mario tells to walk towards the date in a sexy style. He does this because he thinks Toad's technique can't work. Then, he shows what happened to Toad and how he got to jail because of his technique.
The dater can approach in the Swagalicious, Sexy bump, Mating call, and Knockout ways, as shown off by Mario.
Step 3: Confessing your love
Mario tells to get a present to show affection towards your date. He recommends spaghetti, heart shaped crap, flowers, AIDS, and a picture of yourself naked, as perfect presents. Heart presents get all the ladies.
Mario's example shows off him "giving his heart forever" if Peach becomes his Valentine. Before receiving an answer, he literally rips his heart out of his body. This kills him, causing Peach to scream in horror.
After that, Mario recommends adding a compliment after you show off. His example is very sexist, saying he wants pussy.
Step 4: Dealing with rejection
You're supposed to accept it when you get rejected. However, Mario is crying in extreme depression while Peach happily spins.
Step 4.5: Kidnapping
An alternate plan is considered when rejected, which is kidnapping the date in Bowser's style. Mario shows this off by dragging Peach on his car. This shocks SMG3.
Step 5: Having the Date
The date is now set and you have to not screw this up to make it. To do this, you need to set the mood. Mario proves this by flirting with Peach, who is knocked out. He thinks she's bored, forcing him to spice it up. His compliment starts kind, but gets kinda rude. This works for him anyway. He then tells you to go for the kill. He does it by doing a "seductive" dance. This kinda works. This makes Mario VERY happy, saying he's "getting that butt tonight".
Step 6: Sexy Time
Mario congratulates you by making it to home run, SOMEHOW. He gives tips to not screw up your sex: Don't fart, don't hump too hard, and don't say other people's names. Mario's performance is dancing to Gentleman by PSY. Going in, he is naked. A policeman breaks in because people reported that someone stole Peach and tells Mario. He then lies by saying that it is Edwardo, not Peach. The officer believes him. Peach asks Mario if she needs the gun, shocking the officer. He yells that "Edwardo" is loaded, causing a wild police chase to start.
Step 7: Running away from the cops
Mario, now a wanted criminal, says that the jealous cops want to get your girl, so its best advice is to fend off the jelly people. Then, he says to use the rocket launcher in this situation, shocking Peach. He then proceeds to shoot at two police cars, exploding them. He asks if isn't romantic. However, a tank appears, blocking Mario's chance for escape. He then throws her as a last option to escape from being in prison, but it didn't work, as Mario was caught by cops.
Step 8: Being in Prison
Mario, now enraged being in jail for kidnapping, says "You know what?! Screw Valentines Day! I'm just going back to eating spaghetti! Spaghetti understands me and doesn't get me arrested" Then, Toad appears and asks him to be his valentines. But, Mario disagrees, and he says "Hello, loneliness, my old friend.", ending the video.
Characters
- Mario
- Princess Peach
- SuperMarioGlitchy4 (cameo)
- Wario
- Princess Daisy
- Toad
- Toadette
- Luigi
- Luigi Doll
- Don
- Dr. Eggman
- SuperMarioGlitchy3 (cameo)
- Policeman
Trivia
- The beginning scene is an obvious retake of the "Arby N' the Chief" "Titties or GTFO" scene, where as Chief asks his crush "titties or GTFO" before being severely punched by the girl.
- When Mario shoots a rocket launcher at the cops, the rocket is a Banzai Bill sprite from Super Mario World.
- When in prison with Toad, Mario replies to Toad asking if he wants to be his valentine by saying "how 'bout no?", this comes from Dr. Evil from Austin Powers.
- When Mario is rejected by Peach, Peach is seen spinning around in the background, this animation is from the infamous 2005 Nintendo DS game, Super Princess Peach.
- Better lighting effects appear on the Mario 64 model when Mario is doing his naked "Mating Dance" and at one point when he’s dancing.
- This is the last SuperMarioGlitchy4 blooper in using Luigi as a recolored Mario (Because in his next appearence, SM64 Shorts: The Plumber Problem until the present, Luigi uses a totally a different model)