SMG4's Mario Kart Tournament is an event pictured in R64: Stupid Mario Kart, appearing through the whole plot of the episode.
History[]
First seven races[]
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It's been SEVEN races, and we STILL can't figure out a winner because you keep murdering each other! |
” | —SMG4 | ||
At some unknown point, SMG4 held a Kart-Racing tournament for anyone to join. Most of SMG4's friends, including the Mario Brothers, Bowser, Princess Peach, the Wario Brothers, and Fishy Boopkins all joined in in the hopes of claiming the trophy (which was just golden Mario head) and proving themselves superior.
However, the racers kept focusing more on taking each other out of the race rather the actual race itself. This leads to the first 7 races of the tournament being ties. The seventh race in particular (set in Mario Circuit) had Toad throwing his ex-girlfriend Toadette at Wario, causing him to lose control of his kart and crash on a wall, Waluigi trapping both Luigi and Toad in a cage with an invisible wall, Fishy Boopkins idiotically driving into a tree, leading to it falling over and crushing Waluigi, Bowser blowing Fishy away with Bullet Bills, and finally, Peach blowing both herself and Bowser up with a Bob-omb, just because Bowser made a move on her. The only racer not taken out was Mario, who was still in the starting line, driving in a circle while making airplane sounds (he was either doing it out of stupidity, or because he knew the others would eliminate themselves and leave him alone). Despite this, the race still ended in a draw, which enraged SMG4 to no end. He then angrily decided that since the racers preferred to harm each other, they would instead do a rule-free battle royale (ignoring Toad’s request to instead play “Mario Party” to decide to a winner).
Balloon Battle[]
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Come on! Let's-a-go! |
” | —Waluigi | ||
In Balloon Battle, the participants and their kart were set in the middle of the iconic arena Block Fort, with item boxes spread around the fort. As stated by SMG4, the objective was to survive the entire battle without losing all 3 balloons. If they were popped, the players were eliminated. The last player who holds at least one balloon will win the mode. With that, SMG4 signals for the balloon battle to begin, with the racers scrambling to find items. Mario, upon getting several green Koopa shells, threw them around the arena like crazy. Boopkins was hit with several of them, seemingly eliminating him.
As the battle continued, the number of participants rapidly dwindled one by one, with Waluigi blowing up Wario with a rocket launcher, Luigi catching Waluigi's rocket and throwing it back at him, Luigi getting rammed off his kart by Toad (who ate a Golden Mushroom and was going around the arena at incredible speed), and Toad catching on fire from said Golden Mushroom, reducing him to a skeleton. Mario on the other hand, eliminated Peach by ramming her kart off a ledge, leaving her to get eaten or crushed by a passing Chain Chomp. With that, only Mario and Bowser were left in the arena. The two lifelong rivals stared at each other menacingly before grabbing jousting spears and charging at each other.
However, before they could hit each other, Boopkins, having managed to keep at least one balloon from popping after getting hit by Mario's onslaught of green shells and now using a wheelchair due to his injuries, suddenly appeared and started throwing thousands of banana peels around the center. This caused Mario and Bowser's karts to spin out of control and suddenly jump in the air. Boopkins, assuming their balloons were popped and that he won, started celebrating his victory, only for Mario, Bowser, and their karts to land on top of him, crushing him and destroying his last balloon, again ending the battle in a draw. SMG4 is further angered, and blaming everything on the Balloon Battle for not being "decisive enough", decided to try out his own game mode.
Boss Battle[]
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Mama Mia! We need a team plan, guys! |
” | —Luigi | ||
Set in the Donut Hole, SMG4 stated that the rules of this game were simple, whoever managed to defeat the boss would win the entire game. Upon Luigi asking who exactly was the boss, it turned out to be Link from The Legend of Zelda, driving an overpowered vehicle. He quickly jumped towards the participants, forcing everyone to scramble to get out of his way. Toad tried a very idiotic and pathetic attempt to take out Link, which was tossing a banana peel towards Link's vehicle. The Hero responded by tossing his Master Sword at Toad's head, stabbing him. Although Toad miraculously did not get injured or die, he decided to go "take a dump" rather than continue the battle.
Luigi desperately tried to get everyone to work together and form a plan to take out Link, but Wario ignored him and tried to charge at Link, only for him to launch the dreaded Spiny Shell towards him. The doppelganger quickly tried to hide and disguised himself as a banana peel, only for the shell to find him and easily blow him up. After Link attacked Peach, and angered Bowser jumped into the air and used his kart's boost to ram himself into Link. However, Link quickly used a Gust Bellows to disorient the King of Koopas, leading to him falling into the lava and getting eliminated. With Link's back turned, Waluigi tried hitting him with a green shell, only for the Hero to glare menacingly at him. This caused Waluigi to eliminate himself by jumping into the lava, but not before saying "I'll see myself out."
With only the Mario Brothers and Boopkins still standing, the trio quickly tried thinking of a plan. Mario ends up having an idea. He grabs both Luigi and Boopkins' karts and ram themselves into Link. The plan however, failed upon Link taking out and using a Star, making him temporarily invincible. Unable to slow down in time, the Brothers and Boopkins ended up touching Link and getting eliminated, once again ending the match in a draw game. Angry that no one managed to beat Link, SMG4 punches himself in the face and realizes the unforgiving difficulty of the mode. He then decides on a much easier game mode, which according to him, is so easy that even a complete idiot like Mario can do it.
Crazy Taxi (Final Round)[]
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I'M GONNA DELIVER YOU, GODDANGIT! |
” | —Toad | ||
According to SMG4, the goal of this mode was to give Toadsworth “a trip” to a retirement home in Mushroom City. Whoever managed to grab Toadsworth and take him to the retirement home first would finally win. Upon the game starting, the participants quickly rammed into Toadsworth, knocking him out of the bench he was sitting on. Bowser knocked Toad unconscious and quickly grabbed Toadsworth. However, Peach, noticing this, quickly got on a phone and hired a mercenary to intercept him. Sure enough, the mercenary found Bowser and destroyed his kart, eliminating the King of Koopas from the competition.
Toad, realizing he could not win with a “crappy car”, quickly went to a garage. His kart was upgraded into a monster truck, and using a Bob-Omb, he quickly took out Peach and stole Toadsworth from her. The other participants Wario, Luigi, Waluigi, and Boopkins (Mario did not appear because he instead kept running over pedestrians for no good reason) chased after Toad, accidentally causing property damage and ruining a cop’s donut. Angry over his donut, the cop called the rest of the police, to arrest the racers. Luigi was the first to be taken out, his kart’s tires being shot and destroyed. Waluigi on the other hand, using a secret mechanism in his kart to jump up into the windshield of Toad’s monster truck where both fought over Toadsworth. Due to Toad being distracted and being unable to use the steering wheel, the truck crashed into a tree, launching the screaming Toadsworth into the air and incapacitating Toad and Waluigi, leaving them open for the police to arrest. Wario managed to catch Toadsworth, but just as he was finally making his way to the retirement home, Boopkins and his giant father Joe suddenly emerged from a lake. Boopkins lied to Joe that Wario was “very mean to him last night”, prompting Joe to attack Wario with his tentacles. The impact knocked the kart into the air alongside the screaming Wario and Toadsworth, with Toadsworth landing hard in the retirement home.
With that, Boopkins (being the only one not eliminated and having technically completed the objective of bringing Toadsworth to the retirement home) became the winner of the challenge and the entire tournament. However, when SMG4 was about to announce the winner, he very rudely and arrogantly claimed HIMSELF as the winner, giving the middle finger to all the participants (including the one’s incapacitated) involved except for Mario and Boopkins, and telling them "they sucked". He then attempted to leave while again flipping everyone off. At that point, Mario suddenly appeared and ran over SMG4, injuring him and yelled “fuck you!”, getting payback.
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