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Start of the Episode[]
(The episode starts with SMG3 about to give Kaizo a coffee when they see Boopkins hyperventilating. Saiko and Octoling move their chairs away from him, and SMG3 goes to see what was going on with Boopkins.)
Kaizo: HEY! THAT’S MY COFFEE!
SMG3: Boopkins! You’re creeping out the customers again! Go away!!
Boopkins: Oh man SMG3 it’s terrible… I…i…. I WON A DATE IN A CONTEEEEST!
(SMG3 looks at him in a weird way.)
SMG3: …how the hell is that a bad thing?
Boopkins: I entered a contest to get a rental girlfriend
(He shows SMG3 the paper that says “get yourself a girlfriend” and his signature, and SMG3 looks at it in a kind of shocked way.)
SMG3: Wow. That’s actually the most pathetic thing you’ve ever done.
Boopkins: I didn’t think i’d actually win… AND NOW THE DATE IS TONIGHT BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!! I’VE NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN ON A DAAAAAAATE-
(SMG3 punches his mouth shut.)
SMG3: Don’t care, didn’t ask. Now go have a panic attack in the dumpster outside or something. I’ve got a cafe to run!
Boopkins: oohhh…why does it have to be broadcasted on tv…
(SMG3 stops walking and looks at him. Kaizo tries to stretch his arm to get his coffee but SMG3 slides back and Kaizo falls.)
SMG3: Excuse me, whaaaaat?
Boopkins: My date is with a super famous girl… So they’re gonna film the date and put it on tv…
(The lights shut off.)
SMG3: Boopkins on a date with a famous girl? And the date’s gonna be on TV. That means a lot of people will be watching! And if they have their at the cafe…
(He starts to think but all it shows is an old version of Boopkins and a plush of Princess Daisy. Daisy falls, and a bunch of people show up cheering while coins fill up.)
SMG3: Money… Oh, I know! Let me help! I can make sure you have the best date ever!
Boopkins: Really? You’ve been on a date before?
SMG3: Well, duh… I’ve been on like… A MILLION! Okay. Maybe not a million. But that IS how I got my famous nickname! The Rizzler!
Boopkins: THANK YOU SMG3!
(SMG3 picks him up, goes to his evil villain lair, and puts him down.)
SMG3: We need to make sure your date thinks you’re super COOL. Alright Boopkins, SHOW ME YOUR COOL SIDE!
(Boopkins pulls out a small chest, opens it, and it’s full of anime collection while it also slowly fills up the screen.)
Boopkins: So this is my anime collection… Thes are my figurines… my bodypillows… My TV where i watch Cocomelon. My lifestyle cutouts of anime characters My computer where i play Roblox and the finest pieces of furniture money can buy Oooh, speechless huh? I know right? Oooh, you want to see my fanfiction next?
SMG3: SHUT THE F**K UP!! NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR FANFICTION.
(SMG3 claps twice, four flamethrowers burn his anime collection, which causes Boopkins to get sad.)
SMG3: You need to step up your rizz game! I’m somewhat of a tumblr sexyman myself, so watch how its done!
(He pulls out a Ugandan Knuckles with hair, dresses up, and shoots his shot to show an example.)
SMG3: You’re too handsome and I’m tempted to… smooch ya.
Ugandan Knuckles with hair: HAVE MY CHILDREN!!!
(The Ugandan Knuckles starts kissing or sucking him.)
Boopkins: Oh, Ive seen stuff like this online!
(Boopkins also shoots his shot.)
Boopkins: Skibidi Gyatt Ohio Rizzler Phantom Tax
(The Ugandan Knuckles looks at him.)
Ugandan Knuckles with hair: You disappoint me.
(The Ugandan Knuckles teleports and SMG3 sighs.)
SMG3: Alright, well… since your terrible acting won’t win her over, maybe a GIFT will!
(Boopkins gasps and gets ready to say something.)
SMG3: If it has ANYTHING to do with anime or cocomelon, then dont bother. (Boopkins gets sad) She’ll want something daring, yet endearing. Something like…
(He stretches his eyes out and sees a “Father, I crave cheddar.” with Cheddar on the board.)
SMG3: Aha! (grabs it) THIS IS PERFECT!
Boopkins: Uh…what is that?
SMG3: That’s not important! You just gotta trust… The Rizzler! She’s gonna LOVE having such an awesome piece of ART!
Cheddar: Father, I crave cheddar.
(SMG3 wraps it into a gift.)
Boopkins: Ehhhh… I think I’ll keep brainstorming.
(He sees knives, grenades, and guns. He tries jumping to get it but he can’t reach it and ends up falling.)
SMG3: That’s another thing! (pulls out a microphone) You’re a short motherf*cker & nobody likes you (blows into a flute) We gotta do something about your appearance…
(Boopkins gets a notification on his phone that the date is soon.)
Boopkins: OH NO!! THE DATES STARTING SOON!! I DONT HAVE TIME TO GET TALLER!!
(SMG3 realizes this and so he grabs Boopkins.)
Boopkins: Uh..what are you doing?
(SMG3 and Eggdog stretch his body out; they both fall back and now Boopkins is "taller." SMG3 looks into his chest, finds a suit and a bow, and cuts Eggdog’s skin before also patting on him. SMG3 starts dressing him up and gets finished.)
SMG3: NOW you’re lookin stylish!
Boopkins: I HAVENT EVEN PICKED A DINNER LOCATION!
SMG3: Would you relax, Boopkins?! Leave everything to… The Rizzler!
(The screen is static and comes back to red curtains and an intro of “Rent A Girlfriend LIVE”.)
Bob: This time on Rent A Girlfriend, we have one lucky guy who is going on a date!
(The lights turn on to Boopkins, who is nervous.)
Boopkins: Im boopkins and… uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-
Bob: With a famous beautiful lady!
(The famous lady walks in and it turns out to be Hatsune Miku. Boopkins gets so nervous that his heart explodes, causing him to collapse. Miku sits down and looks around, and SMG3 walks in with two soups.)
SMG3: Thank you for dining at SMG3s coffee and bombs!
(SMG3 notices Boopkins is dead and so he hits him, causing him to wake up.)
Boopkins: uhhh, hi Miku…
Miku: Uhh…Hello! It is nice to meet you.
Boopkins: MY-my-my-n-n-name-is-ss .
[Error: Boopkins has stopped working.]
Miku: Huh?
(SMG3 walks to Boopkins and goes under the table to mouth Boopkins’s words.)
Boopkins?: hey there pretty Before we begin… i got a gift for you.
(He throws the gift to Miku.)
Miku: OH! WHY THANK YOU!!!
Boopkins?: A beautiful lady like you deserves a gift… So thats why i got you….
(She opens the gift and turns out to be a rock.)
Boopkins?: A ROCK!? (“Boopkins” voice turns SMG3’s voice.) WHY’D I BUY A ROCK!? Am i stupid or something?
(Boopkins looks down, gets angry, slaps SMG3’s hand off, and clears his throat.)
Boopkins: its a delicious snack! Rocks are delicious and nutritious you know!...
Miku: Thanks?
Boopkins: HATSUNE MIKU I LOVE ALL YOUR WORK MY FAVOURITE PROJECT IS PROJECT MIKU DIVA
(SMG3 coughs to show Boopkins a paper that says “ACT COOL” to let him know. Making Boopkins nervous again.)
Miku: So what do you do for a living, Boopkins?
Boopkins: UH-...I MEAN UH I’M A BAD BOI AND I DO BAD THINGS… LIKE UH… I download cars and… leave the toilet seat up… (puts his head down.)
Miku: Ok…
(SMG3 coughs again and shows him another paper that says, “NO! Think of stuff I would do," and Boopkins gets happy.)
Boopkins: Sorry! What i really do is… I commit war crimes!!!
(Miku spits out her coffee, ghost cameramen look at him, so as Hal Monitor, and even SMG3 facepalms with enough force for his hand to go through his head.)
Boopkins: UH y-yeah. I got arrested for being too cool before…hah…haha…
SMG3: Desperate times call for desperate measures. (he pulls out two paper cheesecakes) ALRIGHT, TIME FOR DESSERT!
Miku: But I haven’t-
SMG3: BOOPKINS! You’re doing well!
(He laughs while sticking an airpod in his ear and goes back to his counter.)
SMG3: ALRIGHT BOOPKINS, I’M TAKING OVER! Follow EXACTLY what I say…
(Boopkins listens to what SMG3 says.)
Boopkins: Baby, I’d like to take to the movies… but they don’t let you bring in your own snacks.
(Miku slides her chair back.)
SMG3: Uhh… let me try that again
(Boopkins listens again.)
Boopkins: Are you a parking ticket? Cause you’ve got fine written all over you!
(Miku slides her chair back even more.)
Miku: Hello police?
Boopkins: WAIT WAIT, Uh uh… eggs, bacon, milk. Wait this is my shopping list Why are you saying this boopkins? Stop it…ahhhh AHHHH AHHHH..!
(Miku and some people hold crosses and bibles.)
Guy: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!
SMG3: DAMMIT, My rizz isn’t working!!! C’MON INTERNET HELP ME!
(He scrolls to see a website called “How to Sigma Male Mindset by Andrew Tate”. He begins to sing...)
Boopkins: IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A GYATT LIKE RIZZMAS
(...much to Miku's boredom.)
Boopkins: EVERYWHERE I’m a Tumblr sexy man i swear!!!
SMG3: Alright Boopkins, this is it. It’s time to be…A SIGMA CHAD! Just follow what I say…
(Boopkins gets ready.)
Boopkins: Men are out here giving out their f*cking life for you chicks. You don’t meet proper beauty standards for a woman but I appreciate ya trying. Have you ever seen a woman do anything competently?
Miku: WHAT?
Boopkins: Do you want my Squidward in your Sandy Cheeks?
Miku: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!
(Boopkins turns into Andrew Tate for a second.)
Boopkins: Man, you need to be more respectful to men-
(Miku uppercuts Boopkins.)
Miku: F*CK YOU!!!
(He bounces off the roof and lands on the ground hard next to the rock.)
Rock: YOU’RE NOT DOING GOOD LAD!
(Miku walks away and slams the door shut. Boopkins gets sad and holds a Umaru-chan plush.)
Boopkins: Waaahhh, i’m so patheeetic..!
SMG3: Ah man… OI! Micheal! or…? or whatever… WAIT!
Miku: I don’t want to hear it from you or any other weirdos!
SMG3: LOOK LADY! I’m the one that told him to say all that okay? Just please go back in! MY CAFE’S POPULARITY IS ON THE LINE!!
Miku: I think your delusional and deserve to be put down like a dog.
(As Miku walks away, SMG3 grabs her legs, making her stop in her tracks.)
SMG3: Boopkins did nothing wrong… except for being a god damn loser… ALRIGHT! Just give him one more chance… please…
(Miku reluctantly sighs. As she walks back in, she notices the Umaru-chan plush Boopkins is holding.)
Miku: Ooh! So cool!
(She runs inside to sit next to him.)
Miku: IS THAT UMARU CHAN!?
Boopkins: Oh! Uhhh…Yes, yes it is!
Miku: OMG I LOVE THAT ANIME!!
Boopkins: REALLY!? What's your favorite episode!?
Miku: Oh mine is-
(While the two communicate, SMG3 is seen at the door, watching them while smiling.)
SMG3: That’s right folks! COME ON DOWN TO SMG3S COFFEE AND BOMBS, WHERE YOU MIGHT MEET THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!
(The end, the two ghost cameramen and Miku leave. Before she leaves, she waves to Boopkins.)
Boopkins: I’ll see you on Roblox later Miku!
(Boopkins slowly turns around and looks at SMG3.)
SMG3: Why are you looking at me like that?
Boopkins: 3, thank you so much I think I learned a big lesson today!
SMG3: Oh god here we go...
Boopkins: Y’know… you don’t need to be cool… have rizz or have a beard to make friends… It’s not about being a sigma… It’s about being yourself!
SMG3: Ok shops closed.
(He rams Boopkins with a bulldozer, making him fly out of the shop and credits Roll.)