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This is the official transcript for SMG4: Clown Fever.
Saikosis + KS-2 Merch Promotion[]
[Luke is playing air guitar with a tripod.]
Luke: WOOOH!! OH YEAH!! Oh! Hey guys! If you didn't know, Saiko has formed her own band called "KS-2", and she even has released her first song on Spotify. Take a listen!
[Luke dances to an extract from the song.]
Luke: OH YEAH! Aw yeah, it's so good! We've been working really hard on the song, AND she even has her own official KS-2 merch. Check it out; we got a limited edition signed poster, we got a Saiko plushie, check it out! She's so cute :D And, we got a KS-2 shirt! Uhm, it's all an screen. Check it out all on smg4.store, and there's a sale out now, uhm, for the next 10 days. Uh yeah, that's it. That's the sale on the screen. So, we're gonna block it out now, we're gonna go in the video.
[Luke uses the plush to do air "guitar" and makes it have a stroke. He falls down, crying with laughter, before he gets up and ascends.]
Scene 1[]
[SMG4 intro. In Mario and Luigi's House, we see a large pile of breakfast on the table, including pancakes, toast, sausages, bacon, and eggs. Mario rises up from below into his seat, making an aeroplane noise as he does so.]
Mario: Heheh, boi...
[Meanwhile, Luigi fills a glass of water at the sink and downs it quickly. He gives a thumbs up to the camera as the message "Stay hydrated" appears on-screen, accompanied by a guitar and cheer. He walks over to Mario, who vacuums up the entire breakfast, plates and all, except for a single sausage, which he saves for Luigi.]
Mario: Ooh, yummy!
[Suddenly, the Windows error sound effect plays as Mario's head deflates, the symbol for the Poison effect from Minecraft appearing next to him.]
Luigi: Huh? WAAAAAHH! OH NO! WAIT MARIO! I accidentally used BLEACH instead of cooking oil! (camera cuts to the bleach next to the cooking oil on the worktop) We should really not put the bleach so close to the-
[Suddenly, Luigi freezes. He looks down at his hands as his vision goes in and out of focus.]
Luigi: Ooooooooh... I don't feel so good...
[Mario quickly recovers as he points to the sausage.]
Mario: You gonna eat that? Hm? Luigi?
[The camera pans left to show Luigi, now wearing the Clown Hat from Super Mario Odyssey, completely silent.]
Mario: WOW! Nice new look!
[Luigi turns to Mario with an ominously wide grin as circus music begins playing in the background.]
Mario: ...Luigi?
[As The World Revolving from Deltarune begins playing, Luigi starts bouncing around the room while laughing and uttering random gibberish. He drinks from the bleach bottle, sets himself on fire by leaning into the furnace, then jumps onto the table and starts riding around it on a unicycle, rapidly gaining ridiculous amounts of speed.]
Mario: Luigi...you seem a little...different?
Luigi: WHAT, IS, UP, TROUBLER-NAATION! I'M YOUR HOST, KILLER KEEMSTAR!
Mario: NOOO LUIGIS A CLOWN!
[Luigi places a pie on the table.]
Luigi: And for my next act... (grabs Mario) VIOLENCE!
[Mario screams as Luigi starts slamming him against the table, trying to shove him into the pie. He then drops Mario, pulls an AK-47 out of the pie, and starts firing it at the ceiling while uttering random gibberish from before.]
Mario: AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
[As this chaos goes on, the camera pans to the sink before cutting to the Mushroom Kingdom Water Supply Plant. Down the river from it, Depresso sadly dips his feet in the water.]
Scene 2[]
[Back at the house, Mario screams as he is sent flying out of the roof and crashes down outside. Luigi hovers out and lands next to him.]
Luigi: In today's Game Theory, we're going to ask big questions: did my wife cheat on me?
Mario: Aaaah! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!
[As Mario says this, he takes out a massive golden cross and smashes it into Luigi's face. Luigi's face is squashed, but quickly stretches back out.]
Luigi: Wooooooooooooooow...
[Luigi smacks the cross aside, takes out a balloon and somehow stretches and ties it into a live, functioning chainsaw. As he turns it on, Mario screams and runs over to his kart, jumping in. He jams his key into the engine, but it jams and won't start. Mario keeps trying to start the engine as Luigi slowly creeps closer with the chainsaw.]
Mario: NO DON'T DO IT NO AHASADFGIKASHDUGIBKDSN!!! LUIGI I THINK YOU'RE TAKING THIS GAY PRIDE THING TOO SERIOUSLY
[Frustrated that the key isn't working, Mario fumes in rage, tosses the key aside, and draws a Keyblade.]
Mario: Take-a that!
[Mario jams the end of the Keyblade into the engine, causing the kart to crackle with red and blue energy as it blasts off. However, it quickly reverses back and knocks Luigi around as Mario screams, before blasting off once again. The kart crashes into the glass window atop Peach's Castle with a massive explosion, although Mario and the kart, both intact, fall down onto the bridge.]
Mario: SMG4!!! HEEEELP LUIGIS A CLOWN!!! AND I MEAN MORE OF A CLOWN THAN USUAL!!!
[Beat.]
Mario: Hm?
[Suddenly, the screaming SMG4 and Meggy burst out the front doors and run past Mario for their lives as The World Revolving kicks in again.]
SMG4: CLOWNS, CLOWNS EVERYWHERE
[As SMG4 says this, Peach, Toad, and Tari chase them out of the castle, having also turned into clowns. Peach starts flapping around making aeroplane noises.]
Toad: HAVE YOU GOT RID OF THAT YEEZY ASS AND THEN YOU GOT YOUR F'ING BITCHES ON YOUR DATE
Tari:🎵 I'm always running!🎵
[Tari then starts banging around the environment as the Meta Runner: Season 1 theme plays. Meggy suddenly stops running and turns back toward the clowns.]
Meggy: NO! I'v had enough of this!
[Meggy cries out as she jumps up and knocks Peach down with a brutal kick. She turns to a shaking Toad.]
Toad: Do you have a moment to talk about Toad Christ?
[Meggy cries out again as she runs in for a punch, but suddenly she trips over. As Toad looks down at her, SMG4, who had just reached the kart, turns back and sees her.]
SMG4: Oh no! She made a fool of herself!
Mario: SO? Get up meggy and run!!!
[Meggy starts groaning as she abruptly snaps and jiggles around on the ground.]
Meggy: GET OUT OF HERE GUYS! Haha... It's... hahahaha... TOO LATE! AHAHAHAHAHA!
[The screen fades to white. A horrified Mario and SMG4 look on as Meggy, now a clown like the others, starts bouncing around.]
Meggy: -KID YOU'RE A SQUID YOU'RE A KID YOU'RE A SQUID...
SMG4: STEP ON IT MARIO!
Mario: I'll save you Meggy! I'll save you and everyone!
[Mario hits the gas and blasts off before Meggy can tackle them. SMG4 looks back as he sees the infected clown around outside the castle.]
SMG4: Aw man...
Scene 3[]
[As Mario and SMG4 drive down the Valley Highway, SMG4 looks around and sees something.]
SMG4: Huh?
[Mario pulls over as he and SMG4 get out of the kart to look. We see large hordes of clown-ified Goombas, Koopa Troopas, Monty Moles, and Boos rampaging about the countryside. Cut to an infected Elon Musk dancing outside a van with the Twitter logo on it as hordes of clowns jump into the back.]
Elon Musk: Step right up. Step right up.
SMG4: The whole city has clown fever
[A trio of clowns walk up to an NFT hanging on a tree.]
Clowns: Uhm it's a masterpiece uhm
[Meanwhile, Freddy Fazbear finds himself surrounded by clowns.]
Clowns: I don't know what this is but... it's kinda hot.
[Freddy screams like Finn from Adventure Time.]
Mario: There must be something in the water turning people into clowns! Wait...why arnt we clowns yet?
SMG4: I think the transformation is triggered when someone makes a small, insignificant mistake.
[Elsewhere, Fishy Boopkins is hiding under a park bench as he shakes a bag of Doritos.]
Boopkins: La la la la, la la la la...
[Suddenly, the bottom of the bag splits open, causing the Doritos inside to spill out onto the grass.]
Boopkins: Aw, man...
[Suddenly, Boopkins gains a clown hat as his eyes glaze over and he grins. He then rolls off the screen, honking his rubber nose. Mario and SMG4 get back in the kart as the former rockets off.]
Mario: Oh! Marios safe then cuz he never does anything stupid!
[As Mario says this, he drives erratically, crashing through a group of Monty Moles, a concrete roadblock, and a billboard.]
SMG4: Actually I think you're not affected cuz you're TOO stupid.
Mario: Me stupid? That's unpossible!
SMG4: MARIO LOOK OUT!!!
[Cut to Mario's POV, where we see Luigi T-posing in front of a road tunnel ahead. As Mario drives into him, Luigi climbs onto the front of the kart.]
Luigi: Hello Mario.
Mario: AHH NOT YOU AGAIN! GET OFF!
[Luigi pulls out a megaphone and raises it to his mouth, causing a pistol to pop out from the other end.]
Mario: AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!
[Mario hits the gas, but as the kart gains speed, clowns start latching onto the engine. SMG4 starts trying to kick them off as they do so.)
SMG4: GET OFF YOU FREAKEN-
[However, the clowns then start latching onto SMG4.]
SMG4: MARIO! Do-DO SOMETHING!
[Mario growls in frustration as he sees the end of the tunnel, with Barack Obama and his Convenient Ramp next to the road outside. Mario screams as he does a hard drift, causing the kart and all of the attached clowns to fly up into the air.]
🎵 I SEE TREES OF GREEEN🎵
🎵 RED ROSES TOO...🎵
[Mario and SMG4 fall off the kart and crash down in a pine forest. Luigi and the other clowns, still on the kart, sail past them as they crash down, the kart exploding. Luigi crawls out from the wreckage.]
Luigi: Spicy
[Luigi collapses and passes out as Mario and SMG4 get up, only to see a massive circus tent in front of them, past the wreckage. The two jump up and run inside.]
SMG4: QUICK! GET IN!!
Scene 4[]
[Mario and SMG4 step inside the tent, finding themselves in an empty stage.]
SMG4: Ok I think we're safe for now. Mario are you- MARIO!!!?
[We see Mario darting around the interior doing the Spoopy dance.]
Mario: WEEE SMG4 LOOK AT ME IMA CLOOOWWWN
SMG4: you sure are...
[SMG4 stops as we hear Depresso sobbing.]
SMG4: Huh?
[Mario walks over to him.]
Mario: Hm?
[The two see Depresso sitting on a dock over the river. He sadly turns to face them.]
Mario: AHHH IT'S UGLY!
[Depresso turns back around and continues sobbing. We see his tears drop into the river, revealing he is the source of the clown infection.]
SMG4: That's the kingdom's water supply you're crying into... You're... you're the reason everyone's turning into clowns aren't you?
Depresso: My... My girlfriend left me...
[Suddenly, Mario throws a rock at Depresso, knocking him over.]
Mario: I saved the world! Can we go home now?
[SMG4 growls in frustration and walks over to Depresso.]
SMG4: Hey man, getting dumped by your girlfriend is rough. Any ways we can help?
Mario: What?! Help!? *whinges*
SMG4: Mario, if we don't fix this he'll just cry into the water supply again!
Depresso: She's... She said she's only attracted to the biggest clown in town.
SMG4: Biggest clown in town? Who's that?
[Depresso points at the viewer. Mario and SMG4 turn and see this as well.]
SMG4: Yeah I see what you mean...
Mario: That is one big clown.
SMG4: Mario! We gotta help him!
Depresso: R-really? You'd...you'd do that?
Mario: WAIT NOOOO-
[Cut to Mario, now dressed as a clown, next to Depresso. SMG4 is filming them with a camera.]
SMG4: Okay Mario, you're a natural at this. All you gotta do is turn Depresso into the biggest clown ever!
Mario: What do you want me to do?!
SMG4: Just be yourself!!!
[Mario grumbles. Depresso starts juggling pies and throws them towards Mario, who is too distracted eating one to catch them. The pies splatter on the floor as Mario notices.]
Mario: Hey, are you gonna eat that?
[Depresso scowls at Mario. He takes out a balloon and stretches it into a pair of scissors as Mario inflates one into a rock. Depresso stares.]
Mario: Rock beats scissors!
[Mario tosses the rock onto the scissors, popping them. Depresso then makes a Freddy balloon, which Mario immediately pops with a pin - Depresso snatches it out of Mario's hand and pops his head. Cut to the two practising a tightrope act - Depresso manages to latch onto the tightrope and holds out his hands for Mario to jump, but he instead T-poses and topples off the balcony, crashing down below.]
Mario Wheee...
[Cut to Mario with a magician's hat and wand, outside a pair of curtains.]
Mario: And for my next trick, Mario will make you feel disappointment!
[The curtains close as Mario waves his wand and pretends to cast a spell. The curtains open again to show Depresso behind them as we see confetti and children cheer.]
Mario: Thank you very much, thank you, thank you.
[Depresso gets angrier that Mario is being incompetent. He starts riding around on a unicycle, honking a rubber horn, but we see Mario, who has four unicycles - one for each limb.]
Mario: GO GO GADGET MARIO
[Mario blasts off and starts riding circles around Depresso as he makes aeroplane noises, before crashing through him and off-screen, scattering rubble everywhere. The two quickly recover and take their bows.]
Conclusion[]
SMG4: Did... did it work?
[Nothing happens.]
Depresso: Sorry guys... it's no use. I'll just never be the biggest clown in town...
(Depresso walks away)
SMG4: No wait! What if we- ah!
[As SMG4 says this, he leans on the camera, only for to roll away and hit a spotlight. It topples over, causing a domino effect that makes more spotlights and a stepladder topple over. The ladder hits a clown car, jumpstarting the engine and causing it to blast off outside, where it hits and topples over several telephone poles, then a water tower, and finally several buildings, causing mass chaos. To end the disaster, one of the buildings crushes the kingdom's power grid, causing a complete blackout. Back in the circus, SMG4 is left to take this in.]
SMG4: I'm... I'm a clown.
[SMG4 sadly falls to his knees as he becomes infected, only for the ground to start to rumble. Everyone looks around in shock to see what's happening, before Geiru crashes down from the ceiling next to SMG4.]
Geiru: And not just any clown... THE BIGGEST CLOWN IN TOWN!!
[SMG4's eyes glaze over as he grins, indicating that he is now a clown.]
SMG4: ...ooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH HEY ALL, SMG4 HERE!
(Depresso walks over to Geiru.)
Depresso: Honey! No, this show was mean for me. I'm the biggest clown!
Geiru: You? The biggest clown? Don't make me laugh!
(Geiru bursts out laughing as Depresso sulks, heartbroken. Mario walks over to them.]
Mario: Welp, now what, we don't have much of the episode left and nothing's been resolved.
SMG4: Uh ohh looks like I didn't write this episode properlyyyy
Mario: What a clown...
Geiru: KYAAAA!! HE'S SO COOL!! WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEE!!!!
Mario: HEY WAIT SMG4!! WE NEED TO TURN YOU BACK!
[As SMG4 clowns off, Geiru and Mario chase after him out the circus. Depresso looks on, giving a creepy stare. Cut to him in a dirty restroom, looking in the mirror as he cackles maniacally. The screen cuts to black before we see him posing atop some stairs, referencing the Joker film. Credits roll.]