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This page for the transcript is for SMG4: Food Wars.
Transcript[]
(The Episode starts out with Mario and SMG4 ordering pizza on the computer)
Chef: welcome to Giovannis! carefully select your toppings!
SMG4: this is when things get complicated! (SMG4 clicks on a mushroom and the mushroom floats to the chefs hand)
Chef: *Eats the mushroom* YUM! good choice!
Mario: (Punches SMG4) MORE!!! (Mario clicks on the mouse multiple times and the toppings hit the chef causing the chef to freak out)
Chef: Your pizza will arrive...right now!
Mario & SMG4: Excellent!
(SMG4 runs to the door)
Mario: Gimme that pizza! (Mario pulls a string and the chair flies through SMG4 and past Meggy)
Meggy: HUH?
Tari: MEGGY, OH MY GOD!!! You gotta try these candies a magical gnome gave to me!!!
Meggy: Magical Gnome?
(Tari points to the gnome that gave her the lollipop)
Gnome: Taste the rainbow, mother f***** (then jumps off the castle window)
Meggy: sorry I'm not really into candy.
Tari: C’mon! It will be delicious!
Meggy: I dunno...
Tari: cmawwwnnnnnnnnnn!
Meggy: Alright! Give me the candy... (Tari hands her the candy then Meggy eats it and then Meggy likes the candy, causing her to have a sugar rush)
(Meanwhile SMG4 walks by with mario carrying the pizzas. Peach comes by carrying a suitcase)
Peach: I'M GOING ON ANOTHER HOLIDAY (Mario and SMG4 hi-five each other, causing her to turn around. Mario and SMG4 act nonchalant, hiding their plans for the party and peach leaves the castle.) AND NO PARTIES! (Slam)
(SMG4, Tari, Meggy and Mario gleefully look at each other)
Gnome: LETS PARTY B*TCHESSSSS!
(The scene is set with a party in Peach’s Castle with the SMG4 crew, including SMG3’s former crew present at the party [apart from Weegee Doll and Melony who aren’t present]. The music blares at the party, including leisure activities such as ‘Pin the tail on Obama’ and a game of Piñata. Fishy Boopkins attempts to hit the piñata)
Fishy Boopkins: Uhhh okay... Here goes nothing...(Boopkins swings the bat in the wrong direction, causing him to hit Jub Jub)
Jub Jub: Jub Jub! (Gets battered towards the buffet table)
Boopkins: JUB JUB!!!
Bob: Best party ever!
Mario: (With the stack of pizzas in hand) Yo Shroomy! You’re not doing anything. Go put the Pizza on the table, would you?
Shroomy: Sure thing, Mario. No problemo.
(Shoving the entire load onto Shroomy, Mario dances in the direction away from Shroomy. Shroomy carries the pizza with difficulty to the main table.)
Shroomy: Oh jeez...gah...it’s a bit heavy. Help...(groans), here we go, slowly now, alright-
(Also at the main table, Tari and Meggy suddenly appear with an assortment of sweets.)
Tari: What are you doing?
Shroomy: Howdy doody! Mario told me to put this here.
Tari: Sorry Shroomy, the main table is for candies and sweets!
Shroomy: Are you sure? Because Mario said the pizza goes here...
Meggy: (Scene turns cinematic) Mario’s wrong...
Rob: You can put anything on pizza, like corn. Pizza is the superior food.
Luigi: I was raised on Candy! And look at me, I turned out just fine! (As he said this, all of his teeth fell out and he audibly weeps.)
Whimpu: Actually, science tells us Fried Foods contain more fibre and nutrients which is important...so I have the energy to watch Twitch Thot streams every day.
Fishy Boopkins: (Speaking for himself and Jub Jub) But candy tastes way better!
Saiko: YOU’RE IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!
(As Team Pizza and Team Candy stare each other down, SMG4 and Belle join Team Pizza whilst Bob and Axol join Team Candy. After a brief period of threatening death stares, the two teams lash out at each other. The scene cuts to Mario, busy playing ‘Pin the Tail on Obama’ until his attention is drawn to the food wars. He arrives at the commotion)
Mario: Hey! Why is no one partying?
Meggy: The main table is for candies! Not your greasy fried trash.
Mario: Ah, I see. Don’t worry. Mario’s got the solution to this. (In a sinister tone)
(Rushing towards Meggy and Tari, Mario kicks aside their sweets. Dumbfounded, Meggy stares at the tossed-aside sweets in utter shock. Without warning, Mario wastes no time putting the pizza stack on the main table)
Mario: Pizza wins.
(Meggy has started to fume and gradually getting more furious.)
Gnome: OH SH*T, SHE’S GONNA BLOW!
(Roaring with anger, Meggy wields a candy-themed chainsaw. As she’s about to strike Mario, Mario panics then defends himself with an oversized drumstick)
Mario: LOOKS LIKE ITS BOYS VS GIRLS!!!
Saiko: Um...excuse me? We’re girls and we’re on your side!
Mario: You’re girls?
(Insulted by that remark, Saiko kicks Mario towards a wall.)
SMG4: FOOD FIIIIIIGHT!!!!
(Both teams engage an all-out brawl with pizza, fried products or any candy-affiliate material. Amidst the fight, Whimpu manages to land a pizza into Axol’s left eye. Saiko then arms a grenade and targets Luigi, to which he retreats before the grenade detonated. Meggy then arms a candy-cane cannon in Team Pizza’s direction and launches a barrage. Behind the pizza stack, Mario panics and exclaims)
Mario: FALL BACKKKKKKKK!!!!!!
(As Team Pizza retreats to the upper floors of Peach’s Castle, Team Candy are deemed victorious and Meggy places the candy onto the main table)
TF2 Announcer: We have secured the control point.
Meggy: HeHe... Team Candy wins.
(The scene then sets to the upper floors of Peach’s Castle)
TF2 Announcer: Mission begins in 60 seconds.
(Determined, Shroomy awakens and exits his tent and grabs his pizza box shield)
Shroomy: It’s war, folks. Gotta get my weapons. Get your weapons, folks. Let’s go, let’s go!
(Everybody on Team Pizza goes to retrieve any pizza, meat or fried food weaponry in their arsenal and awaits instructions)
Mario: TEAM PIZZA! Who wants to get revenge on that stupid ass Candy-queen!!??!
(Team Pizza chants in ovation)
Mario: Boys, today the plan is simple. We escort this fried food filled payload back to that party table and then Team Pizza will be number one!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Team Pizza repeatedly chant in ovation. Team Pizza’s drawbridge then lowers, allowing Whimpu [as the escort] to direct the fried food stack down to the main table. He begins to struggle.)
Whimpu: Can anybody help me?!
Saiko: We’re busy escorting you, pull it yourself.
Whimpu: yes queen...
(Rob begins rhythmically beating a Burger-themed drum as Mario heads towards the lower floors with Whimpu trailing behind)
Mario: KEEP AN EYE OUT! Candy spies are known to be in these parts-
Shroomy: Oh boy. War sure is fun.
(Frustrated, Mario presses on upon being interrupted. Whimpu continues pulling the fried food load whilst sucking up to Saiko)
Whimpu: Am i doing good, queen? Oh god my back. I think i got hernia
(Unbeknownst to Team Pizza, Meggy has been spying on them behind a grate. Determined, Meggy slowly retreats to Team Candy’s base on the ground level.)
(The scene cuts to the party room in Peach’s Castle, decked with a bunch of candy. Luigi and Bob scarf down on cake, Axol’s enjoying himself with his notepad whilst Boopkins and Jub Jub are playing around in a pile of junk food.)
Fishy Boopkins: Yay, I’m gonna get diabetes.
(Meggy frantically enters the room, yelling for help.)
Fishy Boopkins: Huh? What’s the matter, Meggy?
Meggy: The grease bois are coming for our table with a giant payload of pizza!
Tari: OH NO!
(Axol and Jub Jub exclaim in fear)
Luigi: (As his head expands, he shouts) OH MY GOD THE’RE GOING TO TAKE OUR TABLE!!!!!
Meggy: (Whilst smacking Luigi, she proclaims) We cant let the pizza payload reach this table or this Candy Oasis will be lost forever.
Axol: So...what do we do?
Meggy: We go to war...
(The scene cuts to Mario, SMG4 and Saiko scouting the lower floors for any Team Candy surrogates)
Saiko: Alright, coast is clear!
Mario: MOVE YO ASS! (Mario loudly whistles in Whimpu’s direction.)
Whimpu: I’m...trying...the best...I can...
(Team Pizza are all on scene but no sign of any Team Candy surrogates)
Belle: Hmm...it’s quiet...too quiet.
(An M&Ms bullet zooms past Belle. She reacts and so does Rob.)
Rob: Oh shit! A loli!
Meggy: (After fiddling with her candy gun, she makes a statement) Hey there
(Meggy winks at the opposing team)
Mario: TEAM PIZZA! DEFENSIVE FORMATION!
(Team Pizza bands together whilst Whimpu continues pulling the pizza payload towards the main party grounds.)
Mario: I’m warning you Meggy! If you don’t stand down, we will fire!
Meggy: Oh red. You’re so funny when you’re distracted.
Mario: Dis...tracted?
(From behind Team Pizza’s defensive formation, Team Candy surprise attacks the opposing team.)
Saiko: GUYS! BEHIND US!
Meggy: FIRE!!!!!
(Axol and Tari fire at Rob, Shroomy and Belle)
Shroomy: I’m allergic to candy! (The aforementioned three are propelled aside)
Bob: Suck on my pineapple! (Bob fires a pineapple launcher at a screaming Whimpu and blasts him aside)
Fishy Boopkins: Take some sugary goodness! (SMG4 and Saiko retreat in order to avoid being detonated by Boopkin’s grenade)
Mario: HIT ‘EM BACK!
(Shroomy throws a pizza like a blade at a screaming Luigi and succeeds. SMG4 fires his gun at Axol, however succeeding at deflecting every hamburger bullet with a massive candy-cane. Belle fires her shots at Bob, defending himself with Jub Jub.)
Bob: Someone stop this crazy bitch!
(A screaming Whimpu cowers behind the pizza payload until he gets strangled by Saiko)
Saiko: KEEP MOVING THE PAYLOAD!
Whimpu: Y-yes ma’am
(Mallet in hand, Saiko heads into the fray. Jub Jub angrily rags on at Saiko but gets flattened in retaliation. Tari readies her gun and threatens Saiko but gets incapacitated immediately by Saiko. Mario gleefully wields a pizza gun and aims wildly at a panicking Luigi and Axol.)
Bob: (Candy corn in hand) Take this!
Rob: CANDY CORN?! OH MY GOOOOOOOOD!!!!
(Snatching Bob’s candy corn, a confused Bob looks in Rob’s direction)
Bob: What?
(Rob attempts to have sex with the candy corn)
Rob: Watch me get this video demonetised
(Whimpu continues on with the pizza payload amidst the war)
SMG4: KEEP GOING WHIMPU!
(Before Whimpu could enter the spiral staircase to the lower floors, Meggy targets Whimpu with an M&Ms minigun. Whimpu panics as Meggy arms the gun)
Meggy: Goodnight
(Meggy barrages Whimpu with the candy and cheers prematurely whilst Mario lunges himself in Meggy’s direction. Shocked, Meggy fires the minigun at Mario but blocks all the candy with his pizza shield. Mario crashes his shield into Meggy and her minigun, creating a massive explosion propelling Mario, Meggy and most importantly, the pizza payroll into a screaming Whimpu. Whimpu and the pizza payroll slide down the spiral staircase towards the party room.)
Meggy: GUYS! THE PAYLOAD’S GOING TO THE MAIN TABLE!!!
(The scene changes to a refreshed Peach returning from her vacation, about to step forward into the party room)
Peach: Ah what a pleasant 1 day vacation. Now to unwind for the night in...my...Candy...themed...castle?
(A perplexed Peach hears a rumble as the pizza payload slams throughout the door and crashes into the main table, causing a massive explosion. An unconscious Whimpu lies amongst the mess of pizza, overturned tables, candy decorations and Peach stood next to the entrance.)
TF2 Announcer: You failed. (The war probably ended in a tie due to Mario having lost due to destroying the table or Meggy lost due to losing to Mario having achieved getting the pizza down to the main party floor.)
Meggy: LET ME AT IT!
Mario: NOOO WE MUST PROTECC!
(Meggy and Mario then come to the realisation of Peach’s arrival. The rest of the two teams return to the main party floor but pause on top of the stairs at Peach’s presence. A brief period of silence ensues as Peach is covered with candy and pizza, disappointedly staring at the two.)
Mario/Meggy: She/He did it!
Peach: (Disappointed) Looks like you guys threw a party...
Peach: (Shrieking) That’s a big no no
(Peach tears off her dress and transforms into Saxton Hale. Mario and Meggy smirk at each other and stare at ‘Saxton Hale Peach’.)
Mario/Meggy: Team Pizza!/Candy! Let’s go to war!
(Shroomy, Tari, Luigi and SMG4 open fire on Saxton Hale Peach. Unaffected, Saxton Hale Peach rams herself into Luigi, SMG4 and then Tari and Shroomy. Saxton Hale Peach roars aggressively until Saiko wallops her with a KFC bucket mallet. Bob roars as he tries to follow up on Saiko’s attack whilst dual-wielding candy but gets deflected by Saxton Hale Peach’s reflexes. Meggy appears with an M&Ms minigun and fires wildly at a panicking Saxton Hale Peach. She looks to her right to see Toad stuffing himself on junk food. In retaliation, Saxton Hale Peach throws Toad at Meggy but before Meggy could get pelted by Toad, Mario defends her with a pizza box shield.)
Meggy: Thanks Red!!!
(Mario stepping aside, Meggy continues to open fire at an overwhelmed Saxton Hale Peach)
Saiko: She’s almost down!
Belle: GIVE HER EVERYTHING WE GOT!
(Upon giving this command, everybody collectively fires at Peach and she falls to the floor defeated. Lying on the floor unconscious, Peach transforms back into her original self.)
Mario: WE DID IT, WE SAVED THE WORLD
Fishy Boopkins: The witch of the west is defeated!
Bob: Let’s party to celebrate!
(Everybody cheers to defeating Peach and then, Meggy offers her hand to Mario)
Meggy: Lets just agree that both candy, pizza, AND OTHER TYPES of food are needed for a party.
Mario: (Shaking Meggy’s hand) You got it!
(Upon making that statement, Bowser abruptly busts through the main entrance)
Bowser: Hey guys sorry im late, was getting some chinese food for the party!
(Mario and Meggy’s smiles dropped as they stare at Bowser with anger)
Bowser: Uhh did i come at a bad time?
(Mario and Meggy rush towards Bowser to give him a wallop.)
(The episode ends with a screaming Bowser before getting pummelled by Mario and Meggy)