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This is the transcript for SMG4: How To Train Your Mario.
Murder Drones Episode 2 + Merch Promo[]
(Mario is running for his life from N, who is rapidly shooting at him. He finally gets caught.)
Mario: P-please don't hurt Mario!
N: Say hello... TO MY LITTLE FRIEND! (He pulls out... a puppy.) Her name's Mint. (Mario sighs in relief.) And she wields a gun. (Mint pulls out a gun and fires at a screaming Mario.)
Luke (VO): That's right, guys. Murder Drones Episode 2 just dropped over on the GLITCH channel. It's a super spicy episode with more hilariously cute characters and a little bit of unspeakable horrors. And to celebrate the release, we just dropped a whole new special merch line, which includes: These Murder Drones Animates figurines of Uzi and N, these limited edition N hoodies, and these cute as heck Murder Drones pins. It's a BEEG Black Friday Sale for the next ten days, so get them quick over at murderdrones.store. Now, onto the video!
Scene 1[]
(At the Starbucks in Mushroom Mall, Karen is at the counter sighing to herself in boredom when Mario enters, with Luigi following right behind him. Luigi goes up to the counter as Mario, in typical Mario fashion, is acting crazy.)
Luigi: Hey Karen... One Latte please.
Mario: It's-a me, Super Mario Motorcycle! (He transforms into a motorcycle (Somehow) and wrecks the place.)
Luigi: (To Karen) Ugh, sorry. He's had too much sugar. (To Mario) M-Mario, c'mon! Please calm do-
(Mario isn't listening. He zooms out and into the mall.)
Aziz: Babishka! Come get your legal babishka! (Mario crashes into him. Meanwhile...)
Karen: That'll be $8.25.
(Luigi throws coins at her face, grabs his latte, and hurriedly storms out to check on Mario. After this, SMG3 arrives with Eggdog and his army of Ugandan Knuckles.)
SMG3: Hello, Karen.
Karen: Here to steal the free Wi-Fi again?
SMG3: Nope. I need some coffee, and the coffee machine back home is broken.
(Back at the Internet Graveyard, a Ugandan Knuckles pokes the coffee machine with a bat, which makes it explode.)
Karen: Sure. How many?
SMG3: Uhh, lads, how many of you are there? (They make noises.) That many. (27.)
(Karen gets the orders ready as Eggdog shows off.)
SMG3: WOOOOO! Go, Eggdog!
(Suddenly, Wheeler barges in, knocking Eggdog to the side.)
Wheeler: FREEZE! THIS IS A STICK UP! GIMME ALL YOUR MONEY! (He coughs.)
SMG3: Eggdog!! Are you okay?!
(Eggdog eats a carrot.)
SMG3: (Angrily at Wheeler) How dare you! Lads! Get him!
(The Ugandan Knuckles army tackles Wheeler, who activates a mounted sentry and fires back. Karen is still too busy getting the orders to notice the chaos surrounding her.)
Wheeler: I warned you! Now you will all pay!
(Karen, finally having enough, gets a Customer Service Gun and aims it at Wheeler's face.)
Wheeler: Wait, I have a heart conditio- (Karen fires him outside.)
Aziz: Can I go one second without being assaulte- (Wheeler crashes into him.)
(Back at Starbucks, Karen looks back to see all the chaos she missed. Fires everywhere, an army of Ugandan Knuckles scattered about, and SMG3 cradling Eggdog. Suddenly, Mr. Starbucks barges in.)
Mr. Starbucks: WHAT HAPPENED HERE!?! (audio: What is going on here?)
SMG3: Uh-oh! That's the cue to leave, lads. (Him, Eggdog, and the Ugandan Knuckles army retreat back to the Internet Graveyard.)
Mr. Starbucks: THIS IS THE LAST STRAW, KAREN! (audio: You get nothing! Good day sir!)
Karen: We were being robbed--
Mr. Starbucks: THAT"S ALWAYS YOUR EXCUSE! (audio: I said, good day sir!) YOOOOOUU'RE FIRED!!!
(Karen sighs in frustration.)
Scene 2[]
(Later that night, Karen returns home, with groceries, to her three kittens: Zack, Katie, and Cory. Zack is chasing Katie around while Cory spins in place. Karen walks, looks and smiles as she sees her children. Katie hugs her leg.)
Katie: MOMMY, MOMMY!! ZACK KEEPS SCARING ME!!
(Zack eats the mask he was using to scare Katie with.)
Zack: NUH-UH! Katie's lying! I've been a good boi! Isn't that right, Cory?
(Cory opens his mouth, but instead of words, an electronic tune is emitted.)
Karen: I missed you guys... (She gets down to hug her young offspring.)
Katie: Mooooooom, are you even listening?
(Zack reaches up to pull his mother's face.)
Karen: Yes, Katie. Hey! (She reaches into her bag to pull out a fish.) Why don't we go have dinner together? (Zack and Katie cheer and run off.)
Cory: A
(During dinner, Karen and her small litter are watching a spinning fish on the television. Zack hurriedly finishes his meal and belches. He looks back at Cory, who's still eating. He suddenly gets a wonderful, awful idea. He snatches the remote and goes over to his brother.)
Zack: Psst. Cory... You're a helicopter.
(He pushes a button on the remote. This causes Cory to get up and spin like wild around the room, much to Karen's vexation.)
Karen: (Sighs) Not again... Cory! Get down from there!! (She tries to jump up and reach Cory to no avail. While this goes on, Zack eats Katie's dinner.)
Katie: H-Hey! (She starts crying her eyes out. This is the last straw for Karen.)
Karen: ZACH!!!!! (Her children freeze in place.) YOU'RE, GROUNDED!!!!!!!!!
Cory & Katie: Ooooooooo!
Zack: Pfft... Whatever...
Karen: And you're banned from playing Roblox.
Zack: (Angry) I HAAAATEE YOUUUU! (He runs off.)
Karen: (To her remaining two children) Actually, why don't you guys all go to bed. It's getting late.
(It's now past nighttime. Cory and Katie are tucked into bed and Zack is locked in his cage. Karen smiles softly at her three youngsters before a revelation hits her.)
Karen: Ahh, crap... I'm unemployed.
(She goes online to find a new job. She starts up a video.)
SMG4: Hey, you! Want to be a content creator? I'm looking for some help!
Karen: Oh...!
SMG4: You just have to film memes! As your brain slowly melts away into a cosmic soup of random words that mean nothing.
Karen: Ugh... (She opens another video.)
E.Gadd: Looking for someone to test new weapons on! (Skip.)
Depresso: LOOKING FOR A CLOWN GIRLFRIEND! GOOD RATES! (Pass.)
LOOKING FOR CLEANER!
Rates: 1$/hour
Ur job: Clean crap
Hiring ppl with no life lmao
Apply at ur own risk
Call 123 to apply now
Free KFC coupon ($60 fee)
We r not responsible for: Death, death again, death, diabetes, cancer, fractured skulls
CALL 123 TO APPLY
*mop not provided (bring one pls)
Karen: Oh!
Scene 3[]
(Karen arrives at the Mario Bros. residence. She knocks on the door, and Luigi opens it.)
Luigi: H-Hey! Thank God you're here. There's been quite a mess.
(He gestures back to Mario, who is eating his spaghetti collection so rapidly sauce is all over the table and floor.)
Luigi: He spent our life savings on spaghetti at the shops yesterday. Again...
(Karen begins to mop the floor.)
Luigi: Mario, c-can you eat a little more neatly, please?
Mario: ...NO. (He goes back to stuffing his face with spaghetti as Luigi sulks next to him. Karen walks over.)
Karen: Say, Luigi. If your kid is misbehaving, you need to speak with him sternly.
Luigi: Y-You're right! (He gets up.) M-Mario. Stop this now! Or... Or... Or I won't be a very happy Luigi! (Mario rips Luigi's face out, exposing the skull, and causing Luigi to cry.)
Karen: OK, well, next step would be to take action and punish him for being naughty.
(Luigi listens to this and take the spaghetti pile away. Needless to say, Mario isn't thrilled.)
Luigi: Mario. Y-You don't get your spaghetti back 'til you learn some manners!
(Mario starts crying.)
Karen: You can't give in to them crying. That'll only promote that behavior.
(She and Luigi begin to mop the floor. Mario, seeing this, begins to cry harder. No response. He then goes over to knock down a lamp.)
Mario: That's right. If I don't get what I want, I'm gonna make an even bigger mess!
Luigi: N-No! Mario! Okay, I'm sorry I-
Karen: It's time for the big guns. (She holds up Zack's cage.) It's time to ground him. (Luigi nods.)
Luigi: M-Mario! YOU'RE GROUNDED!!
Mario: HAH! YOU AND WHAT ARMY?!
(Luigi has finally had enough.)
Luigi: LET'S-A-F***ING GO!!!! (He proceeds to chase Mario around the house.)
Mario: NEVERRR!!! (He kicks Luigi and begins destroying the dishes.)
Karen: You gotta do this on your own, Luigi.
Luigi: ...You're right!
(He flies over to punch Mario, who sticks his rear end out and bounces Luigi back. As Mario makes a break for the door, Luigi grabs a spoon and fork holder and unleashes the contents inside at Mario. He misses with some, and Mario eats the rest. Mario then sticks his nose out long and duels Luigi, who is holding a ladle. Mario munches on the silverware he swallowed, and emits a sword. Mario chases a scared Luigi around, and finally gets caught by Luigi in a closet. They fight inside, then finally burst out... Only to notice that in the midst of their tussle, they somehow swapped each other's clothes.)
Mario (As Luigi): ...Wow! Hello, sexy! Have you seen Luigi?
(Luigi, wearing Mario's clothes, turns Mario to face a mirror.)
Mario: GOTCHA, B*TCH! (He throws the sword at the mirror, only for it to bounce back and stab him in the brain, thus finally knocking him out. Luigi and Karen high five.)
Luigi: Mario. YOU"RE GROUNDED!!
Mario: I don't care.
Luigi: And no Roblox for a week, either.
Mario: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
(At Karen's house, Mario is locked in the cage with Zack while Luigi, Karen, Cory, and Katie eat dinner.)
Mario: Hey! Can I have some? (No response. Mario starts crying and whining.) Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! (Cory falls to the floor.)
(Credits roll.)