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This is the transcript for SMG4: If Mario Was In.... Friday Night Funkin.
Introduction[]
(The Glitch Productions intro plays, followed by the SMG4 intro with a song from PaRappa The Rapper playing in the background. The video begins showing a theatre, which Mario BLJs into.)
Mario: Oh boy! Its time for the Spaghetti Lovers Club!! (Falls as he approaches a door and opens it) Let's-a go!
(After Mario opens the door, he sees a classroom with Moe from The Simpsons rapidly dancing to Ski Ba Bop Ba Dop Bop in front of a few students, with FUNK DANCING SELF DEFENCE written on the wall.)
Mario: Oof. (Closes the door and goes to another one) Okie-dokie!
(Mario opens the second door, revealing a gym-like room with people dressed in black, seemingly making some sort of ritual with Stanley S. SquarePants.)
Mario: (Closes the door) Nope, no no no no.
(Mario later kicks a third door open.)
Mario: Where's my Spaghetti Club?! (In-video quote: Where's my spaghetti? Where's my spag-) Hmm?
(Mario notices Boyfriend and Daddy Dearest rap battling in a stage.)
Mario: Oooooohh. (Jumps to the stage) Is this where the Spaghetti Lovers Club meeting is? (In-video quote: Oh, you so good you got Mario confused!)
(Mario approaches Boyfriend, trying to get his attention)
Mario: Hey stinky! Mamaf***er!
(Mario gets caught by one of the notes, creating a chain reaction of him getting hit by them, with the last one hitting his crotch. Mario then falls on Boyfriend, making him miss all the upcoming notes. Multiple buzzer sounds play as he misses, followed by a typical FNF game over screen.)
Heavy: You are dead! Not big surprise.
Daddy Dearest: Ha! A bum like you doesn't deserve my daughter! (In-video quote: Loser! You're a loser! Are you feeling sorry for yourself?) (Throws the speakers with Girlfriend into a portal, then walks towards it) Uh, bye!
Boyfriend: Nooo, God! (Throws himself in the direction of the portal) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(The portal vanishes just before Boyfriend hits the wall behind it.)
Mario: Is this the spaghetti club?
Boyfriend: YOU! what.
Mario: (Putting down 4 chairs and a table with a spaghetti plate) Where's my spaghetti? Where's my spaghetti?
Boyfriend: You ruined my chances of defeating my girlfriend's dad, so you're gonna help me get her back, NOW!
Mario: (With a long smile) But Im only here for the Spaghetti Lovers Club.
Boyfriend: Oh yeah? (Shows a picture of Girlfriend) Well guess who was the Club President?
Mario: Oh noo.
Boyfriend: In order to save her though, you'll have to defeat her father (Points his microphone at Mario) by beating him in an Epic Rap Battle!
Mario: Oh fine. Whatever.
Tutorial[]
(After a cool transition, Boyfriend teaches Mario how to rap, in front of Peach's Castle. Melony is sleeping in Girlfriend's speaker.)
Boyfriend: Alright, lets go over the basics. (Turns to Melony) HIT IT!
(Melony hits the Nut button on the speaker, causing the Tutorial song to play.)
FNF Announcer: 3, 2, 1, Go!
Boyfriend: Left, right, left, right.
Mario: MAAAAAAAAAAA- Wa-haa! Mamma mia! (gibberish)
Boyfriend: Not bad, lets pick up the pace!
(Melony kicks the center speaker to increase the pace.)
FNF Announcer: 3 2 1 Go!
(Boyfriend starts singing Madness while moving erratically in the air, with Mario staring in disbelief and missing all the notes. Once again, buzzer sounds play as he misses.)
Mario: bruh.
(The health bar goes down enough to make Mario lose and hit him with his own icon, with the game over screen showing his skeleton.)
Mario: Mamaf***er!
(After the game over screen, an angry Mario prepares his mic as Tutorial starts again.)
FNF Announcer: 3, 2, 1, Go!
Mario: Penis. Nintendo! Hammer! I'm gay!
Boyfriend: You got this!
FNF Announcer and Mario: 3, 2 (Here), 1 (we), Go!
(As Madness starts again, Mario sings a large barrage of notes.)
Boyfriend: (Autotuned gasp)
Mario: Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya- (ya-s are repeated infinitively)
SMG4: 🎵It's a lovely day to walk down the- WHAT?
Mario: (Continues to repeat ya-s)
SMG4: (Turns back) I ain’t need to see no more sh** down here.
(The speakers start to burn and explode, sending Melony flying. She lands on a bush and an Old Man Hobo rates it a 10.)
Boyfriend Wow. Not bad! You missed about 539,443,436,735 notes but that's ok! You'll be a pro in no time!
Mario: (In an uneven position due to the note spam) Yeeeeeee.
Week 1: Daddy Dearest vs. Mario. Tracks: Battle for dat ass.[]
(Daddy watches a video of Boyfriend and Whitty singing a cover of Chug Jug With You, while training his dance movements in a weird way, while Girlfriend sighs at the window. The Friday Night Funkin' menu theme plays as she notices both Mario and Boyfriend, who is holding up a boombox, outside on the front lawn.)
Mario: Ohh, yeeeeah.
Girlfriend: (Giggles nervously)
Daddy Dearest: Oh no you don't!
(Daddy Dearest throws himself out of the window and falls, getting up shortly after.)
Daddy Dearest: Ho-ho. You dare to flirt with MY daughter?
Mario: Mario wants a piece of... DAT ASS!!
Boyfriend: Dat ass tho!
(Dat Ass plays.)
Mario: It's Holy. ~Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh~.
Daddy Dearest: Oh it's on boy (asshole!).
FNF Announcer: 3, 2, 1, Go!
(Fresh starts with Mario beatboxing and Daddy Dearest singing.)
Mario: Hoo-hoo, hoo!
(Daddy sings like usual, while Mario...)
Mario: Wah, boing, ya-hoo!
(Daddy sings again)
Mario: Hey, stinky! Go fish!
(Daddy sings again)
Mario: Boy, look at that keyboard.
(Daddy sings again)
Mario: Ungh, ungh, who-who-whoa! La-la, hmm-hmm, let's go!
(Daddy drops his microphone and falls to his knees, defeated. Mario celebrates with Boyfriend and Girlfriend rejoining.)
Mario: Mario! Eh-eh-eh. Mario! Eh-eh-eh.
Daddy Dearest: THIS ISN'T OVER!
(Daddy Dearest claps his hands, creating two portals next to him. Skid and Pump come out of the right portal, while Mommy Mearest, Monster, Mr. Krabs and Whitty come of of the left one.)
Daddy Dearest: You want to date my daughter, you're gonna have to defeat all of us!
Boyfriend: (Hugging Girlfriend in fear) Ohhh noooo!
Mario: Oooh, aaah. (Has an idea) I got it!
(Mario brings out a Nut button to summon Luigi, SMG4, Chris, Swagmaster and Bob from a pipe.)
Mario: No problem. My team is ready to take you all out!
SMG4: Hold on, whaaaat?
Swagmaster: Chris, it's time to show off my beautiful singing skills.
(Chris puts giant corks on his ears.)
Daddy Dearest: (Pointing at Mario) Get that mothaf*cka.
(Daddy's minions charge at Mario's gang, with Mario staring at them confidently.)
SMG4: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!
Week 2: Mommy Mearest vs. Luigi. Tracks: begone THOT[]
(Mommy Mearest, Luigi and Girlfriend are a the top of one of Mommy's limos.)
Mother: I WILL TEAR YOU TO SHREDS! (Drops the mic and crushes it with her boot.)
Luigi: Luigi! Luigi! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
FNF Announcer: 3, 2, 1, Go!
(Mommy Mearest sings M.I.L.F. like usual.)
Luigi: AAAAAAAAH! Oh, hoh hoh, Nintendo! Coochie-coochie! You gotta believe me!
(Mommy sings again.)
Luigi: Go Weegee! Go Weegee! Go-go Weegee! Go Weegee! Go Weegee Weegee Weegee Weegee Weegee Weegee Weegee Weegee Weegee-
(Mommy Mearest covers her ears, but explodes shortly after and falls in the road below.)
Luigi: (With sunglasses) Lucky me!
Mother: You! THIS ISN'T OVER- (Gets hit by a truck.)
(Luigi walks away while whistling.)
Week 3: Skid and Pump vs. Swagmaster and Chris. Tracks: your mom.[]
(The battle begins with Chris and Swagmaster gunfiring at Skid and Pump, who seem to have dodged every single shot while saying “It’s a Spooky Month!” repeatdly.)
Chris: Looks like we can only beat them at their own game.
Skid: It's a Spooky Month!
Swagmaster: Ok. SWAG AND CHRIS TRANSFORMATION!!!
Chris: wut
(Swagmaster slowly lands on Chris' back, with a fart sound playing.)
Swagmaster: LETS GO BITCHES!
FNF Announcer: 3, 2, 1, Go!
(Skid and Pump sing Spookeez like usual.)
Swagmaster: your mom your mom your mom your mom your mom your mom your mom your mom
(While Skid and Pump sing, Chris and Swag argue.)
Chris: jeez swag, some real creative lyrics you got there.
Swagmaster: shut ur tight ass chris, by the way you smell like piss.
Chris: want me to kick your ass? shut the hell up.
Swagmaster: lol that didn't even rhyme, ur lyrics are so behind.
Chris: what??? you can't rhyme "rhyme" with behind.
Swagmaster: jesus christ u are ruining my song >:(
Chris: your "song" is a nursery rhyme at this point swag
Swagmaster: (Continues to repeat "your mom")
Chris: godammit you're a child you know
(Both continue to argue, with Swagmaster still saying "your mom", while Chris' lines becomes unintelligible. Skid and Pump quit the battle and leave with a Smash Bros. K.O. sound effect playing.)
Week 4: Monster vs Bob. Tracks: RnB rehab.[]
(Monster is staring at Bob and Girlfriend, the latter being afraid.)
Bob: (Spins and puts on white sunglasses) LeT's Go BrO.
Monster: 🎵Your skin is freezing, here, let me help you take it off.🎵
Bob: ...BrO wHaT The F***?
Monster: 🎵That pearly smile.🎵
Bob: ArE yOu A pEdO oR sOmEtHiNg?
Monster: 🎵Stuff you with spices.🎵
Bob: Ok, ThAt'S pReTtY gAy.
Monster: 🎵Soak your hands in freezing water. Watching as the skin gets softer.🎵 Mmmmm.
Bob: BrO, bRo, StOp, JuSt StOp. JeSuS cHrIsT.
Monster: What? What's wrong?
Bob: YoU gOt SoMe IsSuEs BrO.
Monster: Well that's very rude of you.
Bob: YeAh WeLl CoMmItInG mAsS hOmIcIdE iSn'T tHaT cOoL eItHeR.
Monster: Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm sorry... It's- It's jest been really hard man. My wife left me, and I don't have enough money to support the children. I've had a massive addiction to eating humans, It's really bad, oh god...
Bob: It'S oKaY bRo. I wAs AdDiCtEd To EaTiNg BiG tItTiEs ToO. yOu JuSt HaVe To GeT hElP.
Monster: R-really? You think there's still hope for me?
Bob: LoL nO lOoK aT yOu! yOu'Re A f*cKiNg LeMoN!
(A "You just got roasted! Ye-yeough!!" sound plays as Monster is defeated.)
Bob: BiTcH.
Week 5: Mr. Krabs vs. SMG4. Tracks: Meme Machine.[]
FNF Announcer: 3, 2, 1, Go!
(SMG4 and Mr. Krabs are in a phone call with each other.)
Mr. Krabs: Yes? Hello! I was wondering if you could play that song again.
SMG4: Which one? I've made millions.
Mr. Krabs: The one that goes...
(SMG4 and Mr. Krabs both sing a cover of Dad Battle with Girlfriend being replaced by a twerking Among Us crewmate. After the battle, Mr. Krabs dies.)
SMG4: Welp (God), this was stupid.
Week 6: Whitty vs. Mario. Tracks: 99% stupid.[]
(Girlfriend is scared of Whitty, who looks at Mario menacingly and pops his knuckles.)
Mario: Pffft, you don't scare me- (In-video quote: My penis is bigger than yours.)
(Whitty sings the first part of Ballistic's chorus, scaring Mario.)
Mario: Mario's-a penis feels-a funny. (Takes a deep breath) Don't forget your training... (Charges up)
FNF Announcer: 3, 2, 1, Go!
(Whitty sings Ballistic like usual)
Mario:Hello-ho-ho-hey-ho-ungh-ungh-ungh-here-we-go!
(Whitty sings again)
Mario: (Italian gibberish)
(Whitty sings again)
Mario: (Italian gibberish)
(Whitty sings again)
Mario: (Italian gibberish)
(Whitty sings again)
Mario: (Italian gibberish)
(Whitty sings again)
Mario: Stinky!
(Whitty sings again)
Mario: Stinky!
(Whitty sings again)
Mario: Yahoo!
(Whitty sings one of the hardest sections of Ballistic)
Mario: hey that looks pretty easy. (Sings the aforementioned section) YOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! (Sticking out the middle finger) G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-game over!
(A K.O. animation plays with Whitty being thrown at a wire fence and exploding in flames.)
Mario: (With his skull exposed and on fire) That was easy. (Gives a thumbs up)
Ending[]
(After the 6 weeks, Whitty gets sent out of the portal, still on fire, and Daddy's team is defeated by Mario's gang.)
Daddy Dearest: This...isn't...over... I REFUSE TO-
(A soul erupts from Daddy Dearest's chest, causing him to twitch like Senpai in the original Week 6. The soul is then revealed to be PaRappa the Rapper.)
PaRappa the Rapper: Thank you Mario! Daddy Dearest used his power to absorb me...and use my talent to engage in these rhythm based rap battles.
Mario: What the f***?
PaRappa the Rapper: By defeating him, you have set me free and made him powerless. Yayyyyyyyyyyy
(PaRappa ascends, with Mario and his friends staring in confusion.)
SMG4: What the hell was that?
(Daddy's minions escape to the portal with Mommy Mearest carrying her husband. Boyfriend and Girlfriend hug each other and Mario gets in between them just before they kiss.)
Mario: Excuse me! Can we have the Spaghetti Lovers Club now? (In-video quote: Hello! I'm-a looking for ass.)
Girlfriend: Oh! Sure!
Mario: Yipee!
(Mario and Girlfriend then dance to the Pizza Pasta song, with Mario as the player, Girlfriend as the opponent and SMG4 sitting in the speaker between them.)
SMG4: I still have no idea of what's going on.
(Video ends.)