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This is a transcript for SMG4: If Mario Was In... Kirby Star Allies.
(title screen of SMG4 cartridge. The episode begins with a movie showing Teletubbies.)
Tinky Winky: Why did it have to end up like this Dipsy?
Laa-Laa: Why did you have to do it man?
(Luigi is dismayed while Mario hungrily devours his popcorn)
Dipsy: Hahahaah! Foolish mortals...You think you can defeat me!?
(Laa-Laa shoots Dipsy, thus defeating him and causing him to be mortally wounded)
Tinky: Dipsy!!! No!!! Why man? Why didn't you just come with us!
Dipsy: I just wanted...the power... (perishes)
Tinky: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(Luigi cries while Mario is seen sleeping with the popcorn bucket on top of his face)
Mario: Hey, where'd everyone go?
(Spaceship crashes through theater)
Luigi: Oh no! (Spaceship abducts the Mario Bros.) WAAAAAHH! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!
(Title screen of If Mario was in...Kirby appears. Kirby then appears and inhales the letters that spell out his name, resulting in him puking out a rainbow. After that, a UFO deposits him in Planet Popstar.)
Mario: OOF! SH*T! Damn it, this is the third time i've been abducted this we- KIRBY IS THAT YOU!?
Kirby: Sorry for the short notice Mario, but i really need your help!
Mario: OOOooo... What do you need pink man?
Kirby: I don't mean to alarm you...but all the food here is gone!
Mario: (Talking to nobody in particular) YOU MANIAC! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
Kirby: Don't worry i know who did it! It was dedede! He took it all!
Mario: What kind of monster keeps all the food to himself?...I'll help you KIrby! Let's take this guy out!
Kirby: Great! Then follow me!
(Pair go to Whispy Woods's forest)
Mario: (Hums to himself and then notes about the minions in the forest, while a Waddle Dee sings to himself) awww mama mia! Mario forgot to bring his machine gun!
Kirby: Ya!
Mario: Hm?
Sword Waddle Dee: It's a lovely day to walk down the road...
Kirby: Get in my belly!!
(Sword Waddle Dee screams while Kirby gets the Sword copy ability.)
Mario: Woah! (Sees Poppy Bros. Jr)
Kirby: Ok Mario! Let's g-
Poppy Bros Jr: OH shit! Gah! Get this thing off me!
(Mario finishes inhaling the minion and gets the Bomb ability)
Mario: Whooooooah! Mario's a f*cking wizard! (Pulls out Bomb) Ohoho! That's-a-so-ni (Bomb explodes)
Kirby: You freaking jackass...
(A team of enemies shows up)
Mario: Piss.
Kirby: Come on! We got this
Waddle Doo: Oh, do you think you could beat me? I HAVE SPECIAL EYES. (Kirby stabs Waddle Doo in the eye, causing the minion to scream)
Mario: (Confronts Waddle Dee in Ninja outfit) Like a sambodee! (Minion repeatedly throws shurikens) Whee! (Head repeatedly skewered by shurikens)Phew! Good thing I'm indestructible.
(The two then duel in a swordfight)
Mario: Two can play at this game! YOOOOOOOOOO! (Head gets stabbed. However, Mario's head then turns into a bomb)
Ninja Dee: Mother fu-
(Mario explodes)
Mario: Yo Holy shit! He dead!
Sir Kibble: I will destroy you, vile beast! (Gets sucked in by Kirby, who is then spit out)
Kirby: That tastes like ass...
Magolor: Fools! You may have beaten these low-lifes...BUT I CAN SUMMON THE DEVIL HIMSELF! (Summons The Devil while maniacally laughing)
The Devil: Heeeyyyyy, Heeyyy, Heyyyy...
Kirby: I'm...I'm so sorry, Mario. I didn't know they added dark soul bosses to this game
Mario: Hey demon guy! Did you see the latest SMG4 video that came out today? :D
The Devil: Hey, Hey, Hey! This I gotta see! (Leaves)
Magolor:...Hey, what the f***? (Gets thrown into trash can)
Mario: (hums)
Kirby: Wah! (Sees Whispy Woods)
Mario: Hm?
Kirby: AH! Mario! Stay back, this foe is deadly! This tree brings a lot of suffering to whoever finds him! His apple attacks can kill you! Stick close to me, okay?
Mario: Ohohoh! Hi Great Deku Tree!
Whispy Woods: D'awwww, this is the first time someone ever wanted to talk to Whispy! :D
Mario: hey deku tree, where the hell is King Dedede's castle?
Whispy Woods: oh, Mr. Dede's castle? it's that-a way! :D
Mario: Oh! Thank you! here have this gift from Mario's home kingdom!
Whispy Woods: oh, wowsers! Look at that! Thank you kindly! :D
Mario: bye bye!
(Kirby stares in shock)
Whispy Woods: What nice folks. :D Would you like to play with me? (Fire Flower begins to burn Whispy) Coooooooll!
Kirby: Yeah! We're finally here, Mario!
Mario: Oh boy! (Forest is on fire in the background while the pair look at the castle. Mario hums before both spot a Bonkers)
Kirby: Oh no! Ok Mario, Stay low-
Mario: Hey Donkey Kong! You big monkey!
Kirby: Shut yo bitch ass up!
Bonkers: ??? The f*ck is that?
Mario: Donkey Kong is gay!
Kirby: NO!
Bonkers: ! Grrr....rr... (Bonkers investigates and begins to get sucked up by Mario) Ah! Jesus Christ! So gay!
Mario: Haha! Here we go! (Gets a tiny hammer copy ability rather than bananas) AAWWW MAN! I wanted to be able to throw bananas!
Kirby: Come on Mario! We’re almost there!
(The two go to Dedede’s castle, where Kirby spots the food and Dedede from above)
Dedede: SHIIIIIIIIIT!
Kirby: Get that mudafucka!
Dedede: Ohshid Ohshid Ohshid Ohshid Ohshid Ohshid Ohshid Ohshid Ohshid Ohshid!
(Deposits box of minions)
Robotic Waddle Dee: It’s on!
Mario: Ooh! Very scary!
(Gets pummeled by Moundo)
Waddle Doo: I have special eyes. (Gets inhaled by Kirby and the puffball gets the Beam ability, who then shoots beams)
Parasol Dee: I’m Mary Poppins y’all! (Beam shoots him down)
Bronto Burt: I’m a tumor I’m a tumor I’m a tumor (Beam shoots him down)
Mario: Stand back! I’’m warnin’ ya! Take That! (Fights off Gordo) Take This! (Kicks Knuckle Joe in the crotch)
Ribbon: You have to saaaave the worl-
(Mario shoots her down)
Scarfy: UMnomnomnomnomnomnom
Mario: Gotcha bitch!
(Pummels Scarfy to the wall)
Walky: Ah! Please, I didn’t mean no harm!
Mario and Kirby: Iiiii’m about to whip somebody’s assss....
Kirby: This is the part where you run away...
Walky: WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Dedede: Sheeyet! Wait, stop! Get away! This is my food!
Kirby: Your food? You mean the people of dreamlands food!
Mario: You better give the food back or...MARIO’S GONNA PUT THIS HAMMER IN YOUR ASS
Dedede: What? No...this is my food. Ive been protecting since all the food has been disappearing.
Mario: Times up, tubby!
Kirby: Wait, Mario stop!
Dedede: Wait, I didn’t do it! I thought you guys were stealing the food!
Kirby: Hmmm...well if you didn’t steal the food, then who did?
Dedede: I don’t know man, I can ask you the same thing! (Mario dashes towards the food) Hey get out of my food man! (Halberd breaks in the castle and sucks up all the food and Mario, then begins to leave)
Mario: Oh no! WHOOOAAAAAOWWWWWW!
Dedede: (Searches for minions to use, and finds enemies with the wing ability) Hey, Kirby! Take one of these flying dudes! (Both utilize the wing ability) Come on Kirby! Let’s go get that food!...And the red guy!
(In the Halberd storage room)
Mario: Ugh....ooh my ass....Woah! HOLY SH*T...(Sees all of the food) YEAAAAAAH, MARIO DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN!!! (Begins devouring and later humping the food)
Kirby: Mario??? Mario?! You in here?
(Mario is seen humping a hot dog naked)
Mario: I can explain.
(Kirby and Dedede look at Mario with shock, with Kirby quickly recovering and Dedede still gawking even as Mario gets himself dressed.)
Kirby: I knew that damn Meta Knight was behind this!
Mario: Oh look! This meta knight guy has a hostage over there as well! (Sees Meta Knight tied to a stake)
Meta Knight: No you idiots. It’s not me! I’m trying to go on a diet!
Kirby: Wait...if it’s not you...then who is it?!
(Sees Darth Vader breathing)
Dedede: Darth Vader from planet Death Star?! I knew it! I hate your movies!
Mario: Oooh! Can mario have your abilities!? I want to use the force! (Begins to inhale Darth Vader, only to be knocked back with the helmet and Meta Knight shaking his head) Mama mia!
(Darth Vader is revealed to be none other than SMG3)
Mario: Oh no its you!!!...Crappy SMG4 rip-off!
SMG3: HEY! ITS SMG3! And yes, I’ve been stealing all your damn food!
Dedede: But...but why?
SMG3: BECAUSE IM EVILLL! ...and also because my ass is too poor and I can’t afford any food...It’s hard being evil man...I can’t even pay rent!...
(Mario and Kirby are touched)
Mario: Hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry. We’ll help you out.
SMG3: R-Really?...
Mario: No you big piece of shit. (Kicks SMG3 off the Halberd) PINGAS!
SMG3: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
Mario: So who’s feeling hungry?
(The three begin to have a feast in the ground)
Mario: Oh man, I wish Luigi were here to see this!
(Luigi is seen trapped inside a UFO)
Luigi: Hello? Uh? Somebody!
(Video ends)