SMG4: If Mario Was In... Splatoon 2 is a blooper uploaded on June 16th, 2018.
Mario and Meggy are training hard for the new Splatfest when a particular Octoling crashes their party... will the two become friends with the newcomer? Or will she end up breaking their friendship?
The story begins in Moray Towers. Mario is running away from a trail of paint being shot at him. He hides behind a corner from Meggy. After catching his breath, Mario throws several Splat Bombs towards Meggy; to which she escapes by turning into a squid and going off. She lands right next to Mario without him noticing. Pulling out her gun to Mario, he notices and realizes he is f***ed. He gets blasted away with him screaming.
Meggy apologizes to Mario for what she has done to him and helps him back on his feet. Losing his balance, Mario falls back down. Meggy goes on to thank Mario for his help for practicing for the upcoming Splatfest. Mario just asks Meggy not for her to shoot him in the "spaghetti noodles" next time. An unfamiliar voice comes along and asks what's going on here. For all of us (Meggy, Mario, and viewers), it is revealed to be several octolings. Meggy asks who they are. To which Desti, the leader, reveals herself and that she is the leader of the "Octoposse", (she also says that she is unstoppable). To Meggy, the name doesn't ring a bell, which leaves Desti in shock. Mario thinks they are from a "zoldo game" (going full retard afterwards, to which Meggy laughs at his stupidity). Triggered by his actions, Desti shoots Mario with her .52 Gal. Meggy asks if Desti is looking for a fight, to which she replies "Says the girl that failed in the first round in the Splatfest." while the Octoposse pull out their weapons.
She goes on saying that she will send Meggy an autograph once the Octoposse win the Splatfest this year. As she leaves, Meggy is angry about who she is and Mario says that he will become Bob Ross when he is shot with any more paint. She says that they both need to kick it up a notch when it comes to training. Mario says that the training he wants to do is to catch the train home. Meggy says that there are no excuses for slouching off. Mario hesitantly agrees.
With their training taking place in Kelp Dome, Mario asks Meggy if a paint jet pack is a bit too extreme for training, to which she replies with a "no". Mario flies out from the platform right before he is about to be painted. Mario realizes that he is flying but doesn't look out when there is an incoming wall to which he crashed into. The next segment of the practice shows Mario and Meggy use the Carbon Roller. Mario takes defensive actions by holding the roller like a light saber; but is easily defeated when Meggy attacks him with her roller, knocking him off the elevated platform. The two of them practice firing at one another while taking cover around corners. They both take turns firing at each other. As Mario is about finished reloading and about to fire, Meggy pulls out another Splattershot. Mario panics and takes cover. He gets an idea while in cover. He pulls out the Mini Splatling but doesn't go very far as to distance.
Meggy then decides to end this by pulling out her Tenta Missiles. Mario is shocked as a giant Burst Bomb knocks him away. He asks Meggy if they are done yet. To which Meggy says that there is only one more weapon to test; the "Tactical Nuke". Mario asks if they can take a break, saying that he is both tired and hungry. Meggy is hard on Mario saying that they need to train to defeat the Octoposse, but Mario then ask if she has any food. Seeing that Mario isn't taking training seriously anymore, Meggy sends Mario home so that she can train more. Mario agrees disappointingly and makes his way back to the entrance pipe.
Mario notices that the pipe has been blocked off. He questions why this is and as soon as he is done saying that, a Small Fry, which is a type of salmonid, appears from the pipe to which Mario freaks out. Pearl comes over to Mario saying that a fish infestation is the cause of the sewer closure. Mario freaks out over Pearl, confusing her as a "talking baby", and pushes her into the pipe; where she is immediately eaten by the Small Fry. Marina looks in utter shock and turns towards Mario; he walks away like nothing happened.
He notices a subway entrance and decides to take the subway back to the Mushroom Kingdom. When he gets in the subway car, he notices that he is sitting next to Cap'n Cuttlefish (who apparently is in a yoga outfit consisting of a tracksuit and pants, dressed up as a stereotypical Gopnik Slav). Mario just goes along with it. Cuttlefish gets Mario by saying "Хорошо" ("Okay" in Russian). The train hits a few bumps and both Mario and Cuttlefish are thrown off of their seats. Cuttlefish lays on top of Mario and blushes for a second. Mario then realizes this and pushes him aside as he exclaims "my ass".
Mario realizes that the train has not stopped at his destination and wonders why. As he is about to get out, Desti surprises him. Mario says to her to stay back or else she will become sushi. Desti says that she isn't going to shoot him this time; but she forgot his name, calling him Maria, Mare-oo, Mary, and even Mayro. Mario says that his name is "Mario". Desti then apologizes about before and explains why she is here. She saw Mario at last year's Splatfest and took note on all of Mario unique moves. She says that with him on her team, they would have a better chance of winning the Splatfest. She offers a spot to Mario, to which he says "nah".
Mario explains that he's too tired and that in his opinion, her team's name sounds stupid. She aggressively tells Mario to reconsider his option. Now being afraid, Mario thinks of a way to get away from Desti. He tells her that there's an alien over to Mario's right (Desti and our lefts). She looks, only for Mario to get away and run up the stairs into the rest of the station. As he is running away, she calls for backup on her octophone to take care of Mario.
Mario keeps running up until he sees the door with the exit. But one of Desti's minions comes out with a Heavy Splatling, and Mario runs away. She opens fire on him while he runs frantically away towards another possible exit. He makes it to an apparent locker room and says to himself that he has to get out "of this crazy place." But another minion blocks the doorway and places a Splash Wall on the doorway, following up with a maniacal laughter. Mario walks straight through the doorway unaffected by the paint due to not being either an inkling or octoling. The minion then pulls out her Kelp Splat Charger and aims at him, he then says that he's outta here. Mario runs away and is appearing to hide from the other octoling minion. She pulls out her "Woomy Vision" in her goggles and sees Mario behind the wall. She says "gotcha b!+¢#" but has appeared to have been deceived since it is Hobo Mario. She is not happy as the real Mario runs away.
The third minion is patrolling the bottom of the escalators when Mario finds her. But, he needs a plan to get by her. He sees Cuttlefish near him as he gives him a "да" (yes in Russian), and comes up with a plan. He puts Cuttlefish at the top of the stairs and Cuttlefish says that "all of you are babies." The minion gets confused on his explanation, but Mario gives her a surprise by kicking him down to attack her, then Cuttlefish calls her a "сука блять" ("F****** B****" in Russian). The minion is KOed and Mario is down the stairs, but another minion comes up from behind with the Sloshing Machine. Thinking it's a washing machine, Mario puts his clothes into it to wash. The minion looks in awe as the retarded Mario just stands there. As soon as the clothes are done and Mario puts them back on, he thanks the minion and she pukes in disgust of what just happened.
While still on the move, Mario finds the exit but is locked and gets caught by Desti once again as she tries to persuade Mario to join, he again refuses, telling her that he doesn't want to be on her team and that he is already in one, but while she's explaining Meggy's lack of skill, she gets shot by orange ink and knocked to the wall, while surprised at what Meggy did, he then ask Meggy how she found him. She said that Marina was crying about some "crazy red guy" who went into the subway. Before she could finish, Mario says it's ok and that he had fun, then Desti asks if they're done yet and asks Mario what he sees in Meggy because she says that she can't even fight well. Frustrated at what she said, she tells Mario to stay with the Splat Squad in which Desti taunts by asking is somebody a little upset. Raising his finger in confusion Mario asks if he can say something, which the two Girls say "No".
He then puts down his hand in shame, leaving Desti no choice as she pulls out her .52 Gal and they both prepare for a fight, she shoots first and Meggy dodges but Mario gets hit instead, while running she starts shooting back at Desti in which she dodges and slides while shooting three more shots, two of them almost hitting Meggy and one slightly hit her cheek, she then gets mad and transforms to a squid and swiftly swimming in her ink in order to get the advantage, she transforms back and aims at Desti, she then grabs Mario so Meggy would cease fire. Noticing that Mario is in front of her, she stops in place and ends up getting her Splattershot shot out of her hands. Desti tells Meggy that it's game over for her. Cleverly thinking of a strategy, she tells Mario that Desti is gonna force him to exercise. Scared of working out, Mario shakes in fear thus making him and Desti fall to the ground. Quickly grabbing her Splattershot, Meggy and Desti get back up and the two aim at each other in silence.
After seven seconds of epicness, Desti asks "where did Maryo go?" which he heads to the train, getting pissed off Desti telling him to "get back here!" Meggy, on the other hand, tells Mario to wait and runs to him. Getting pissed off once more, Desti yells at both of them saying not to ignore her. Meggy then asks Mario where he's going in which he then replies that he is going home and that he's been through a lot today and then tells her to have fun shooting with Desti, Meggy then ask him "who's team he's on?" Mario replies saying that he's gonna be on team Mario.
She laughs and says that he is still a big idiot, she then says that she's bored of training and wants to get some lunch, Mario happily agrees and goes with her and heads to the train. (Desti demanding attention in the background) Mario ask Meggy what she feels like having, she replies saying she doesn't know and she can only offer instant noodles, Desti's then left pissed off, saying she will just "find someone else!" Looking for someone else to join her team, she sees Cap'n Cuttlefish and tells him to join her team. Without thinking, he says yes and the episode ends.