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This is the transcript page for SMG4: If Mario Went Fishing....
Scene 1[]
(Mario, Meggy, Bob, and Fishy Boopkins are out fishing on a boat. Mario is bored out of his skull.)
Meggy: I'm so glad we're finally doing an outdoors activity together! Nice choice, Bob!
Bob: (singing to the tune of Wellerman and dancing) There once was a Bob who went to sea, who caught some fish and ladies for free.
Mario: THIS IS SOOO BOOORING! No fish are biting!
Bob: Relax, Mario. Fishing is all about patience. (...) Okay, maybe patience and some dynamite.
(Boopkins is looking into the waters when a fish pops up to greet him.)
Boopkins: Ooh, hello! I'm so glad we could come out here and play with my fr-
(The dynamite lands in the fish's mouth and blows up. Its burnt corpse landing on the boat.)
Bob: Dammit, I don't want this fish!
(Mario gets an idea.)
Mario: Yo, Bob! Come with me! I've got a better idea!
Bob: Oh, this gonna be good! (They leave.)
Boopkins: (Turns to Meggy horrified) Meggy, Bob and Mario plan to release the fish after they're caught, right...?
Meggy: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... (Meggy's face shrinks and she smiles sheepishly and nervously as Mario and Bob return.)
Mario: Oh boy! I'm-a guess I'm-a go FISHING! (He pulls out a harpoon.)
Boopkins: NOOOOO!!! (Just as Mario readies himself, Boopkins blocks the way.) I WON'T LET YOU! Fish are friends, not food!
Bob: Out of the way, Boopkins.
Boopkins: NEVER! I won't let you hurt my friends!
(Shortly after this...)
Bob: So long, gay Boopkins! (He throws Boopkins into the lake.)
Mario: Noice.
(Meggy stares them down.)
Mario and Bob: What?
Meggy: Guys... Boopkins clearly cares about these fish. Could you treat them more humanely?
Mario: WHAT?! Then what's even the point of fishing-
Bob: Why, of course we can! Come with me, Mario. (He leaves.)
Mario: Huh!? Bob, what the heck are- (Bob yanks Mario's head off with his hook.)
Bob: Just two innocent people walking here. (Meggy gets suspicious as the two of them leave, Mario's headless corpse falling behind her.)
Scene 2[]
(Meggy is fishing by herself when she catches Boopkins.)
Meggy: You OK, Boopkins?
Boopkins Yeah...
Meggy: Don't worry! I've told the boys to not harm the fish.
Boopkins: Oh, really!? Oh, thank you, Megg-
(They hear something. Mario and Bob have brought Link with them to help catch some fish. Link raises his Master Sword in the air for power... and then swaps it out for a machine gun.)
Boopkins: NO! FISH ARE ALLERGIC TO BULLETS!
(Meggy yanks Link and swings him out of the area. She turns to Mario and Bob murderously.)
Meggy: GUYS, WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SAY?!
Bob: What? We didn't lay a finger on the fish.
Mario: Yeah, Link did.
(An EXTREMELY angry Meggy gets ready to strangle the living daylights out of the uncaring, cross-eyed, yet correct plumber.)
Mario: If Boopkins doesn't like fishing, he can just go back to shore.
Meggy: What?! But we're meant to be hanging out together!
Bob: We CAN hang out together!
(Meggy and Boopkins are on the shore, having been abandoned by the dastardly duo.)
Bob: Just hang with us from over there! (He and Mario high five and speed off to catch more fish.)
Boopkins: Aw, man...
Scene 3[]
Bob: Now with those two out of the way, it's time to catch and eat all the fish we want!
(Montage time.)
(Mario is harpooning fish until he harpoons a diver. He roasts the diver's corpse on a spit over a fire.)
Ariel: (Singing) I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty- (Bob shoots her with his sniper rifle.)
(In a submarine, Mario goes in for the kill on Squidward.)
Mr. Krabs: What are you doing in the middle of the road, boy?! Oh no, Mr. Squidwort can't hear me! MR. SQUIDWORT, YOU'RE GONNA F**ING DIE ! NO- (Mario kills Squidward.)
(Bob catches a few fish until he catches one with the head of Matt from Wii Sports. Knowing very well what would happen should he reel in the Matt fish, he decides to slowly release him back into the lake.)
(Montage ends. Bob and Mario are cooking and eating their catches. Marlin appears in the water in front of Mario.)
Marlin: You have to help me find my son...
(Mario looks over at the pan he's holding. Nemo's corpse is in it...)
Marlin: Oh, there's my son! I've missed you, Nemo.
(So Mario decided to fry them both.)
Mario: (Wipes tear from his eye) That's-a so nice...
(Meanwhile, Mr. Krabs is holding a funeral for "Squiglwig".)
Mr. Krabs: Argh, here lies Mr. Squidweed. This is so sad...! (He starts crying as Mario's hook yanks him up, to Mario's shock.)
Mr. Krabs: You killed Mr. SQUIDWARD!
(He chases Mario around the boat until Mario trips and Mr. Krabs guns him. Meanwhile, Bob is cutting up Patrick's corpse.)
(After all that, Mario and Bob use a net to catch more fish. They raise the net up, only to find out they hauled up an angry Boopkins and an equally angry Meggy instead of fish. Meggy harpoons Bob.)
Bob: Ow.
Boopkins: ENOUGH! You two have killed too many innocent fish!
Mario: Nahhh. You're cool with us excessively fishing, right, Meggy?
Meggy: You... guys know I have a dear connection with marine life too!?
Bob: I can respect that. (A squid appears in front of him.)
Squid: I'm dying...
Bob: Oooh...!
(Bob picks it up and eats it. Boopkins and Meggy are horrified that Bob would go to such a low.)
Bob: I... Uh... Mario, step on it!
(Mario revs the boat up and they take off, leaving Boopkins and Meggy falling back into the water.)
Scene 4[]
(Meggy and Boopkins land on the lake's floor.)
Meggy: Boopkins... I'm sorry... I don't know if we can stop them.
Boopkins: It's okay, Meggy! I have an idea! (He floats up and uses his calling powers.) CALLING ALL FISHY FRIENDS! CALLING ALL FISHY FRIENDS!
(An army of marine life has been summoned.)
Meggy: (Amazed) Huh? Wow...!
Boopkins: We need your help! All of fish kind is in danger! Two evil men are snatching up all of our brothers and sisters AND EATING THEM!
(The aquatic life begin to riot.)
Meggy: Wow... I've... I've never seen anything like this.
Boopkins: COME, MY BRETHREN! TONIGHT, WE FIGHT FOR OUR FAMILIES! TONIGHT, WE FIGHT FOR OUR FREEDOOOOOM!
(The fish applaud and follow Boopkins upward.)
Scene 5[]
(Mario and Bob continue fishing.)
Mario: Yo... Do you think we should stop?
Bob: I will not rest until all the fish have been captured and eaten!
Mario: But if we keep going, won't we like... wipe out an entire species of fish?
Bob: ...So?
(Suddenly, something begins pounding the side of the boat. It's Boopkins on a dolphin.)
Boopkins: Stop right there!
Meggy: I am Meggy, and I speak for the fishies! Release them now, or I'll cap your knee- ees!
Bob: NEVER!
Meggy: Then we have no choice but to unleash hell...!
Boopkins: Fishies of the sea... ATTAAAACK!
(An army of fish lunge upward to begin their assault... And merely smack into Mario and Bob, leaving them with no scratches or bruises. They get their nets out for more catching.)
Bob: Thanks for the fish!
Meggy: ...Alright, that's it! (She and Boopkins leave to devise another plan.)
Scene 6[]
(It's nearing sundown. All the fish have been stored in boxes.)
Bob: We have caught all the fish!
Mario: I have eaten so many fish, I have become one.
Bob: Me too.
(They turn into fish, but keep their heads intact. Mario hears something.)
Mario: Why do I hear boss music?
(A pirate ship rises out from the depths.)
Pirate Meggy: YAAARRRGH! BE PREPARED TO MEET YOUR MAKER, YA SCURVY BILD RATS!
Boopkins: That's right!
Mario and Bob: OH SH!T!
(Meggy heads over to a cannon.)
Mario: NO WAIT WAIT WAIT!
(Meggy fires. The boat explodes and Mario and Bob fall into the lake.)
Boopkins: GET THEM! (Meggy dives in.)
Bob: Holy crap, Boopkins has gone nuts!
Mario: Maybe it's cuz we committed fish genocide.
Bob: Just keep swimming!
(Meggy appears in front of them. She fires her harpoon, but they evade. The harpoon hits Squidward, who is escaping his watery grave, only to die again.)
Squidward: Aw, man...
Bob: Ha! So then you only had one shot-
Mario: BOB!
(An angry Boopkins appears.)
Bob: LOL! What the hell is this little piece of poo gonna do? (He and Mario swim away.) Well, later loser!
(Boopkins pulls out two hooks, reaches back, and grabs the duo by their mouths.)
Bob: Ah, piss... (They get yanked upwards, earning Boopkins 100 points.)
Scene 7[]
(As punishment for their atrocities against the marine life, Mario and Bob have to release all the fish they caught back into the ocean where they belong.)
Meggy: And don't stop 'til you returned the fish population back to normal!
Mario and Bob: Yes, Meggy.
Boopkins: We did it, Meggy! Thanks so much!
Meggy: Aw, it was nothing! Somebody's gotta teach those boys to only take what they need, and- HEY!!!
(Mario and Bob are about to drop a toaster into the water when Mario gets harpooned through his head.)
Mario: Well, that wasn't very nice.
(Credits roll.)