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This page is the transcript for SMG4: Lost In The Woods
Transcript[]
(Glitchy Boy intro)
(The episode begins with the SMG4 trio wandering in the woods, seemingly lost...)
SMG4: Uh...it's this way!...I think...
Luigi: That's what you said 3 hours ago!!!
Mario: oooh. Mario's fat is not very happy...
Luigi: SMG4...don't tell me that we're...LOST!?!?!?
SMG4: (brushing Luigi off) What? Pfft, no! I never get lost. What are you talking about?
Mario: It's okay, SMG4. We know you get lost trying to find the bathrooms.
SMG4: (offended) Shut up! You know what, I'm getting us out of here right now! Follow me!
(The trio run off...only to end up back in the same exact place they were before)
SMG4: ...SHIT!!!
Mario: (pessimistically) Yep, we're pretty screwed. We're never gonna make it back.
Luigi: (frightened) ...WHA?
Mario: We're probably gonna gonna starve and die.
(Luigi begins spouting a bunch of gibberish)
Mario: There's probably also monsters in these woods that will eat us...
(Luigi passes out)
SMG4: Ok, fine! We're lost. So what? We're lost. So what? We don't have to worry because...
(Glitchy whips out his smartphone)
SMG4: ...WE HAVE TECHNOLOGY!!!...ah crap! It's on 2% battery!
Luigi: (panicking) AH! Quick! Call for help!
SMG4: Wait, hang on! I need my daily dose of memes first.
(SMG4 browses through some funny memes and starts laughing, blatantly ignoring the tense situation that he and his friends are in)
Luigi: SMG4! STOP! There's more important things than memes!
SMG4: Heehee, look at this one.
(Mario looks at the phone and starts laughing...and then the phone dies...)
Phone: DED.
SMG4: (realizing his mistake) ...well shit.
(Scene cuts to later in the day, where the trio continues looking for a way out of the forest)
Mario: OOOHOOHOO! I GOT IT! Oh! Wait! Mario's gonna save the day!
(Mario takes out a compass)
Mario: Mario has this compass!!
SMG4: A compass? You know how to navigate with that Mario?
Mario: Sure!!
(Mario begins shaking the compass, thinking it's a magic guide that will point the trio out of the forest...)
Mario: Which way should we go?
(Mario puts his ear to the compass to hear it's response...except there is no response is because compasses don't work like that...)
Mario: I think it's broken!!!
SMG4: Give me that!!!...okay, so north is that way. We just need to go north long enough and I'm sure we'll find something!
Mario: Mario's idea was better...
(The trio keep walking on)
Mario: (complaining) Man, walking sure is boring!
Luigi: Well, why don't we play a game to pass the time?
Mario: OH BOY! Did you bring a NINTENDO SWITCH!?
Luigi: No, I mean we play a game like I Spy...
Mario: Oh I spy! OKAY!
Luigi: Okay, I'll start...I spy with my little eye, something beginning with T!
Mario: (scratching his head)...seven?
Luigi: Wait...what???
Mario: I would like to lock in Seven as my final answer!
SMG4: I think we need a more simple game for this idiot...
Luigi: Uhh...oh! How about a rhyming game? I'll say a word and you guys think of something that rhymes with it!
SMG4: Oh! Sounds like fun!!
Luigi: Cat!
SMG4: Hat!
Mario: (literally pitch black all of a sudden) Black!!
(Glitchy and Luigi stare silently at Mario, confused as to how he got like that...)
SMG4: Mario, black doesn't rhyme with hat...
Mario: What are you?...A RACIST!?
SMG4: (shocked) What! NO!!!
Mario: Then why won't you let black rhyme with hat???
SMG4: (frustrated) BECAUSE IT DOESN'T RHYME!!
(Mario turns towards Luigi and begin yelling in his face)
Mario: What an asshole!
SMG4: You're an idiot...
Mario: No, u!
Luigi: WAIT GUYS! Do you smell that??
SMG4: Yeah, I do actually!
Mario: Smells like...FOOOD!
Luigi: It's coming from over there!
Mario: ...YES. (Mario begins sniffing his away over to the area while the other two follow him)
(Scene cuts to sometime later in the day, and Mario is still sniffing)
Mario: Ahah! The smell is from this way!!! (resumes sniffing)
SMG4: Goddammit Mario! You're probably smelling a skunk's ass or something!
(Mario continues sniffing until he finally finds the area where the smell is coming from, a log cabin...)
SMG4: Oh sweet!!! We can finally get help!!!
Luigi: (creeped out) N-nooo! I don't like this!!!!! Let's head back...
Mario: HEEELOOO!? ANYONE HOME!? PIZZA DELIVERY!
(Luigi smacks Mario)
Luigi: Mario! Shhhh! We have to be cautious with this!
Mario: (annoyed) Fine! You go knock on the door then!
Luigi: M-meee?.....
(Luigi looks up towards the creepy log cabin)
Luigi: I..I can.........I CAN DO THIS!
(With his newfound confidence, Luigi heads towards the doorbell of the log cabin...)
Luigi: GO WEEGEE! HA HA!
(Luigi knocks the door, but then snaps right back into a scared fit, ragdolling away from the cabin...)
Mario: ...let Mario try, Luigi.
(Mario kicks down the entire door)
Mario: YIPEEE!
(The other two enter the cabin, where they find the heads of Tails, K.K Slider, Arin Hanson, and Heavy mounted above a machine guy and nearby some axes, the creepy decor causing Luigi to freak out...)
SMG4: Hey. This place is pretty good!
(Mario screams in the background)
Mario: (holding a turkey) FREE FOOOOOOD!
(Mario begins digging in...)
Luigi: MARIO! YOU CAN'T EAT A STRANGER'S FOOD!
SMG4: Yeah! You got to save some for us as well!! >:(
(The trio then all of a sudden turn to the door as they hear a strange noise coming from it, causing everyone to freak out and hide...oh wait, it's just Bob.)
Bob: oH bOy FiNaLlY gOt sOmE wOoD. mY FiRe iS gOnNA bE sO bIg! BlTcHeS lOvE fIrEs!
(Bob notices Mario pretending to be a head mount )
bOb: ...dA hElL?
Mario: Hello!
B0B: hOlY sHiT fLoAtInG iTaLiAn!
(Bob runs into the wall)
Luigi: ...Bob???...
(Mario lands on the floor)
Mario: Bob!? What's your raggy ass doing here?
b0b: oH. hI sMg4 aNd fRiEnDs. I sEe YoU'vE fOuNd My HoLiDaY hOuSe.
SMG4: No way...you own this place?...
b0B: yEaH, tHiS pLaCe Is AlL mInE. i BuIlT iT aLl By MySeLf. I bRiNg GiRlS uP hErE eVeRy DaY.
SMG4: Hey, that's pretty good!
(The door that SMG4 is standing in front of opens to reveal...Shrek.)
Shrek: (pissed) WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!?
(Luigi loses his shit and explodes)
Mario: Oh, hello there!
BOb: oH cRaP lOlolOI I thOuGhT yOU dIeD.
SMG4: This isn't your house...is it?
bOb: loL nO.
Shrek: (unholy screaming)
B0b: yO shReK wE cAn TaLk AbOuT tHiS rIgHt I wAs JuSt kEePiNg YoUr HoUsE tIdY fOr YoU-
(Shrek assaults Bob)
bOB: oOw My OvArIEs! GuYs DoN't WoRrY tHeRe'S fOuR oF uS aNd OnLy OnE oF hIm...GuYs?
(Bob turns around to find that the trio are bolting out of the house)
BoB: (accepting his fate) wElL mY aSs Is OgRe FoOd.
(Shrek grabs Bob and pins him to the wall)
bOb: uM sHrEk Is LoVe, ShReK iS lIfE...rIgHt?
(Bob is presumably fucked as the scene cuts back to the forest, where's it's completely dark outside...)
Mario: Mario doesn't think he can go much further...
SMG4: Come on guys...we're almost there...I think...
(Mario falls to the ground, tired)
Mario: (tantrum mode) Oof...NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! NOOOOOO NOOOOOO NOOO!
SMG4: (throws the compass to the ground) Stupid broken piece of crap! Okay fine, we will rest for the night.
(The trio head to a shaded area of the forest)
SMG4: (shivering) Brrrrrr, does anyone know how to start a fire?
Mario: Oh! Mario knows how to start a fire!
(Mario begins rubbing two sticks together...but it doesn't work)
Mario: Piece of SHIT! (throws the sticks away)
Luigi: Oh no...it's not working!
Mario: OH! SMG4 tell me not to touch or break anything!
SMG4: Uhh...Mario, don't touch or break anything...
Mario: Ok, now turn away.
(Glitchy and Luigi turn away and back around to find that Mario has somehow started a fire...a bit too much of a fire...)
(The trio begin to huddle around the campfire)
Luigi: (crying) Do you think we'll ever get out of here?
SMG4: We...we have to...
(SMG4 opens his palm to reveal a key-chain containing a image of his special someone...which turns out to be his PC...)
SMG4: I have someone very important to me waiting back home...
(The Mario Bros. turn towards each other, confused at SMG4's virginity)
Mario: Welp, that made Mario tired now. Night night.
(Mario instantly falls asleep)
SMG4: Yeah, I guess we better get some shut eye. G'night boys.
(SMG4 falls asleep, leaving Luigi the only one awake)
Luigi: ...(sobs)
(Luigi gets up, too scared to sleep. He looks around the forest and hears a noise, frightening him.)
Luigi: (sobs)
Mario: (waking up) Hmmm?
Luigi: (holding a stick) Stand back! I'm warning ya...
Mario: Luigi!
Luigi: (screams and explodes)
Mario: There's no monsters out here, silly Luigi. I'll show you. Like-a-samboooooody! D'uh, hello, I need to speak to sambooody who can-
Luigi: (scared) Mario!
Mario: See Luigi? No monsters to eat us!
(Mario gets grabbed and taken away by something)
Luigi: (freaking out) HOLY SHIT!
Mario: Wheeeeeee!
Luigi: (screaming)
SMG4: (wakes up) WILL YOU SHUT UP?! PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP! (heads back to sleep)
(Scene cuts to Mario, who is still being taken away by a tentacle)
Mario: Wheeeeeeee!
(Mario is slapped down towards the ground)
Mario: OOF!...ohhh....hmmmm...?
(Mario looks up towards the mysterious figure, who reveals himself to be...Slendy!)
Slenderman: Yo man, what's up?
Mario: SLENDY! MY BRO!
(Mario extends his fist)
Mario: Ha-ha!
(Slenderman gives Mario a fist bump)
(Luigi shivers and passes out as SMG4 wakes up)
SMG4: Huh...whozzat...Jesus?...
Mario: Hey Slendy, can you help us get out of here? We're kinda lost.
Slendy: I got you fam!
(Slendy moves a tree out of the way to reveal a car)
Mario: Yahoo! HERE WE GOOOOO!
(Mario grabs his friends and throws everyone into the Slendymobile. Slendy then begins to drive the trio out of the forest...)
(Scene cuts to the city, where the car lands out of the sky somehow)
Mario: There...there it is! After so long...we finally made it...
(Scene cuts to show a McDonalds...they got lost trying to find a McDonalds...)
Mario: Yahoo! Thanks Slendy! This is the last time I'm ever taking SMG4's directions.
SMG4: (offended) HEY SHUT UP!
(The trio run inside the McDonalds)
Mario: Hi! We'd like to order!!!
(The scene cuts to show that Shrek is the cashier...and he hasn't forgotten about what happened eariler...)
Mario: You know what, I'm not really feeling McDonald's, how about some spaghetti?
SMG4: Alright then...
Luigi: Oh yeah...
(The trio slide out of the McDonald's)
Luigi: Uh, bye!
bOb: (stuffed into a pot) hEy I sMeLl DeLiCiOuS!
(VIDEO END)