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This is a transcript for SMG4: Mario's Dangerous Delivery.
Transcript[]
(The video starts at Peach's Castle, where Mario is watching a Korean drama while Luigi plays with his dolls, when Toadsworth enters the room...)
Toadsworth: (on the phone) What don't you understand about no witnesses?...well, did you at least hide the bodies?
(Toadsworth's watch starts beeping)
Toadsworth: Crap, I don't have time for this!
(Toadsworth runs over to where the Mario Bros. are)
Toadsworth: Mario, I have a favor to ask of you, can yo-
Mario: (annoyed) Will you shut up? I'm trying to watch TV! (the TV displays a funny and Mario starts laughing)
Toadsworth: God damn it...lazy fatass...Luigi, what about you?
Luigi: Awh ye...now kiss...hehe...Huh? Wuzzat toadworth? Did you uh...heh.
Toadsworth: (annoyed) God damn it, you two are useless!
(Toadsworth throws his phone at Mario's TV)
Mario: (pissed) Grrrgh, hey stinky!
(Toadsworth throws Luigi's dolls away)
Luigi: (crys)
Toadsworth: Gentlemen, my grandson needs to be picked up from school. Do you think you can help me?
Mario: (angry) Screw you dude, you broke my TV!
(Luigi is still crying like a baby)
Toadsworth: C'mon, even a couple of simpletons like you two can do this!
Mario: NO! >:(
Toadsworth: Fine, guess I'll go lock the fridge then...
Mario: NOOOOOOOOOO GOD! AHHHHH!
(Mario grabs Luigi and heads out of the castle, kick starting the plot)
(Scene cuts to a school I guess)
Shy Guy: Gee, it sure is boring around here...
(The Shy Guy is run over by the Mario Bros. on an ATV)
School Bell: ring ring ring, ring ring ring
(All the kids run out of the school building now that class is over)
Luigi: Hmm, let's see...
(Scene cuts to show Luigi holding a picture of Frankie)
Luigi: Ok...this should be easy enough!
(Luigi pulls down the picture...and it turns out that there are MANY kids that look exactly like Frankie...)
Nerd Toads: *singing*
Luigi: Mama-mia...they all look the same...
(Mario comes in out of nowhere)
Luigi: Wa!
Mario: Woah! Luigi! THAT'S RACIST!!!
Mario: Don't worry, Luigi. Mario knows how to call for stupid children...FRANKUUU!..FRANKUUU!...FRANKUUU!
(One of the Toad kids jumps over to the Mario Bros., revealing himself to be Frankie, crashing into the ATV)
Mario: Oh yeah. There we go! :D
Luigi: Wait...the kart only has room for 2 people. How are we going to bring Frankie along?
(Mario enters r****d mode and turns towards Frankie, before turning back...and before you know it, Mario has tied Frankie to the ATV and is driving at a extremely high speed...)
Luigi: MARIO! SLOW DOWN! Frankie is going to get hurt!!!
Mario: What? Why? Frankie is fine! Aren't you Frankie!
(Frankie is not fine, because Mario's dumbass keeps crashing him into random things...)
Mario: There! You see? :D
(An ice cream truck sounds and begins driving towards the ATV)
Frankie: ICE CREAM! Oh, I WANT ICE CREAM!
Mario: HEY! Stop shaking the kart!!!
Franke: I WANT ICE CREAM!!!
Mario: (annoyed sigh)
(Mario heads towards the ice cream truck and throws money at the ice cream man)
Mario: Shut up and give me something to make the kid quiet pls...ohh, I better not have missed my awesome TV shows for this...
(Mario turns back to see that Frankie is gone...which prompts a shocked reaction from Luigi)
Mario: ...shittttttttttttttt
(The brothers begin frantically searching for the mushroom child, but they can't find him anywhere. They then turn to find Frankie taking a ride atop the ice cream truck...which is moving away)
Frankie: ice cream...yea ice cream...
(The Mario Bros. start screaming, before hopping into the ATV and chasing after the kid)
Mario: HEY! GET BACK HERE!!!
(Scene cuts to another Toad kid in another car, who is watching the situation unfold)
Toad: oooh, Daddy, Daddy! Can we get some ice-cream!
Mario: OH NO YOU DON'T. THAT TRUCK IS MINE!
(Mario crashes the ATV into the SUV where the Toad kid was riding in, sending it rolling into the forest...)
Luigi: HOLY SHET!!!
(The ATV pulls up to the driver's window of the ice cream truck, where Mario begins to flip the ice cream man off as Luigi tries to get his attention)
Luigi: Stop!!! Stop!!! Stop!!!
Ice Cream Man: HELLOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Mario: OH HELL NAH! No one thinks they're too good for Mario!!!
(Mario jumps over to the ice cream truck and lands on the front window)
Ice Cream Man: (r****ded noises)
(The ice cream truck starts swerving and eventually crashes into a police car)
Frankie: THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!!!
(Frankie turns to see a police officer who isn't too happy with what Frankie supposedly did...yeah, you can probably see where this is going...)
Police Officer: Ah, hell naw...
(Jumpcut to Frankie is a prison cell, somehow happy despite the fact that he got arrested)
Mario: Mario wants to DIE.
Luigi: Mario! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?
Mario: (on a laptop) Ohoh...according to Ebay...we can buy a child for just 20 coins! :D
Luigi: No! We have to get Franke out! Or Toadsworth is going to kill us!
Mario: Calm your spaghetti, Luigi. We can figure this out...as long as Toadsworth doesn't know...
(Mario's phone starts ringing, showing that Toadsworth is calling...wow, what a strange ringtone...)
Mario: Ah, sh*t!
Toadsworth: Hey boys. I don't know what's taking so long but I'm on my break now...so I'm just going to pick up Frankie myself.
(The Mario Bros. turn towards each other in shock)
Mario: Ok...you go distract Toadsworth. I try and get the little crap out!...
Luigi: Okay...
(Luigi runs out of the prison while Mario runs up to the security Teletubby and strips down)
Mario: Hey there sexy. Think you can let Mario's friend out?
Po: (not impressed by Mario's rolls of fat) No.
Mario: OH COME ON!!!
Po: (points towards the sign, which says that bailing somebody out would cost 50000 coins)
Mario: (enters r****d mode) How about I pay with this tic-tac and some rice krispies?
(Po still isn't impressed)
(Scene cuts to Toadsworth walking by an arts and crafts store)
Luigi: Eehh...h-hi Toadyworthy! Umm, you should take a rest, you work too hard!
Toadsworth: What? But I have to go get Frankie cause you bafoons are too slow.
Luigi: Oh...you don't need to because......we took him to that store over there!
(Luigi runs into the arts n' crafts store and begins a Frankie decoy...or at least that's what it's SUPPOSED to be. Luigi then returns with the decoy...)
Luigi: Hehe...h-here's your boy Frankie...
(Toadsworth stares at the...thing for awhile...he falls for it.)
Toadsworth: Frankie, my boy! How's my favorite grandson been? :D
(The decoy falls over, prompting Luigi to pick it up)
Toadsworth: Ah...that's good to hear! C'mon boy, let's go get some lunch!
Luigi: Mama-mia...
(Scene cuts back to the prison, where Mario is still fucking around with the security Teletubby...)
Mario: How about a...foot massage!?
Po: No.
Mario: Uh, free food?
Po: No.
Mario: Grrrghhh, looks like I have no choice but to use...
(Mario whips out a Yu-Gi-Oh! card and slaps it do-wait, it's a Monopoly get out of jail free card now?)
Po: ...no.
Mario: Grrrgh, F*CK!
(Mario kicks down all the doors)
Mario: Oh yes! What are you gonna do now, big boy! You ain't gon done SHI-
(Mario gets kicked out of the prison. Po then places a sign that tells Mario to stay out before heading back inside)
Mario: Oh...HELL NO!!!
(Mario heads up to the top of the prison, holding a drill)
Mario: (holding something that's definitely NOT a blueprint...) Haha...according to my top secret blueprints...the jail cells are right below me! Haha!!! Yahoo!
(Mario drills down into the prison...where he lands right next to Po. Mario promptly kicks Po in the balls, causing him great pain and suffering...)
Mario: RUN BITCH! RUNNNNN!!!
Po: (suffering from immense pain) My sack...
(Mario begins stealthily sneaking throught the prison, Metal Gear Solid style, before attacking a police officer with a light chop...as you'd expect, it doesn't do anything.)
Officer: da fuq?
(Mario kills the officer and disposes his body, before coming across an elevator. Mario is excited, but then realizes that a security camera is nearby. Mario uses the dead police officer's uniform to cover up and heads into the elevator, where there are other police officers)
Mario: Hoho, hello!
(The elevator begins to go up)
Mario: La la la...just beinbg a normal police officer. :D
(The elevator arrives at the destination)
Mario: Ohohohohoho! Oh yeah! Ohh, good. The coast is clear...
(Mario heads towards Frankie's cell)
Mario: Frankie, you little crap. You still alive?
Frankie: Somebody kill me!
Mario: Good, Papa Mario is going to get your ass outta there!
(Mario begins uses a bunch of random objects to try and break Frankie out, but to no avail...)
Mario: Grrr...c'mon, Mario think...what would SMG4 say in this situation...
(Mario imagines SMG4 speaking to him)
Imaginary SMG4: You're such a dumbass, Mario! Why don't every actually think and use your head!
Mario: Ohh...that's it!!...I'LL USE MY HEAD!
(Mario LITERALLY uses his head to break the door open...it doesn't appear to work...)
Frankie: Noice.
(A small chunk of the bar gate falls off...)
Frankie: Oooh!
(Frankie slides out of the hole)
Frankie: I DID IT!
Mario: Yahooooooo...
(Scene cuts to Po...who is still recovering from his ballsack being damaged...)
Officer: My sack...my sweet sweet sack...
(Po activates the alarm)
Mario: Ohhhh...WAAAAAHHH!!!
(Mario begins to panic)
Mario: Ahh man, where the hell is Luigi?! I could really use his help right now!...
(Scene cuts to Luigi and Toadsworth in a eatery)
Toadsworth: So Frankie, are you enjoying this food?
Luigi: (Toad impression) Ah!
Waitress: Excuse me, gentlemen. Here are your drinks.
Toadsworth: Ohoh! Frankie, what do we say to the nice lady?
Luigi: (Toad impression) Send nudes!
Toadsworth: That's my boy!!!
(Scene cuts to outside the prison, where Mario and Frankie are trying to escape)
A team of cops: STAHP RIGHT THERE!!!!!!
Mario: AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Mario grabs Frankie and begins run away as the cops chase after him)
(Scene cuts back to the eatery)
Luigi: Don't worry, Luigi...Mario is going to fix everything...WAAAAAHHH
(The TV in the eatery is showing a news report on Mario's escape from prison)
Toadsworth: What is it? What are you looking at?
Luigi: (panicking) OHHHHHHHHHOHOHOHO!!!!
(Luigi throws the Frankie decoy at the TV, breaking it)
Luigi: Hehe...just saw a fly...
(Mario can be seen outside, still running away from the cops)
Luigi: OK LET'S GO HOME...
(Scene cuts to the road, where Luigi tries to take Toadsworth home as Mario continues running from the cops)
Luigi: AH! Other way! Other way! Oh! Let's go home by train!...away from everything...
(Mario runs towards the train station and jumps into the train)
Mario: Oh man, I don't want to die...Mario's too sexy for that....
(Mario then turns around to see that Luigi is right next to him. The bros frantically swap out the decoy for the real Frankie)
Mario: (peeping out the train window) HERE'S YOUR DAMN PRISONER!
(Mario throws the Frankie decoy out of the train)
Police: Ah-hah! There's the suspect! Get him!
(The police point their guns towards "Frankie")
Po: Put your hands up in the air buddy, we've got you surrounded!
("Frankie" falls to the ground)
Po: That's it! We're calling in the military!
(A tank just lands on "Frankie" out of nowhere. Po then takes "Frankie" into the police car and arrests him, not knowing that it's a decoy.)
(Scene cuts to the train arriving at its destination and everyone walks out)
Toadsworth: Oh, Master Mario! You're here as well! You know what boys, you exceeded my expectations today. My grandson looks happy as every to have spent time with you guys...and so I'd like to ask if you'd like to pick him up again next wee-
(The Mario Bros. nope the hell out of there)
Toadsworth: ...what?
(VIDEO END)