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This is the transcript for SMG4: Mario's Tunnel Of Doom.
Scene 1[]
(A Splatfest is going on as Oneshot Wren takes out his opponents with his Splaterscope. A fourth enemy tries to attack from behind, but Wren takes him out with a Splat Bomb.)
Announcer: The one and only Oneshot Wren has just won his 3rd Splatfest Cup! There is nothing that can stand in his way!
Oneshot Wren: Remember, kids... Never give up and take your shot!
(Pause. It turns out a squeeing Meggy was simply watching a video of Wren.)
Meggy: It's time to take my shot! IT'S... TIME! (She flies out through the ceiling.)
Scene 2[]
(At the showgrounds, Mario and Luigi are playing Smash Bros. while Tari watches. Mario rages as he keeps dying.)
Luigi: It's only a game. Why you have to be mad?
Mario: (Demonically) IF MARIO CAN'T GET A WIN, THEN HE'LL GET YOUR SOUL!
(Mario proceeds to beat the daylights out of Luigi.)
Tari: C-Can I play now, guys?
(Without warning, Meggy swoops in and stops the fight.)
Meggy: HELLO!
Tari: M-Meggy?
Meggy: GUYS! It's time!
Mario: Time for what? Mario was kicking Luigi's ass.
Meggy: (Pulls out an notebook) Time for my final assignment!
(No one appears to understand.)
Meggy: Remember how I've been going to college for the past couple of years?
Mario: You went to college?
Meggy: R-Remember?! It was called Omnia Academy...? I've been training to become a coach?!
(Not a peep, still.)
Meggy: There was an evil box that tried to kill us?!
(This causes everyone to finally remember.)
Meggy: Anyway... My graduation is next month, and to graduate, I'm gonna need to pass my final assignment and coach someone!
Mario: PFFT! Hell no, no one can coach the enigma that is-a me, Mario.
Meggy: I'm not coaching you. (Mario is shocked by this.) I've decided my final assignment will be Tari and Luigi! (They're both shocked by this.) I'm going to coach you to NOT be scared!!
Luigi: That... That would be nice...
Mario: BOO!
(Luigi and Tari scream and fall to the ground.)
Mario: (Leaving) Good luck.
Scene 3[]
Meggy: (To Tari and Luigi) OK! First lesson about getting over a fear is facing them head on!
(A giant crate is summoned from the sky.)
Meggy: Inside here, I have... a spooooooky monster!
(Tari and Luigi gulp in horror.)
Luigi: H-How spooky?
Meggy: Very. VERY! Spooooky!
(Tari and Luigi begin to heavily breathe into paper bags.)
Meggy: Now! Your job is to walk over, open the crate, and face the monster!!
(Tari and Luigi breathe into their bags harder.)
Meggy: LUIGI! Shall you go up first?
(Luigi breathes so heavily that he chokes to death on his bag and his spirit ascends to Heaven.)
You can no longer play as Luigi.
Meggy: Uh... OK... Tari, what about you?
(Tari breathes more rapidly than before, then freezes herself.)
Tari: M-Me? I, uh... Oh, yeah! I left my cat in the fridge. I just gotta-
(Meggy begins to push Tari towards the crate.)
Meggy: Oh, c'mon, Tari, it's not that bad.
(The closer Tari gets towards the crate, the higher her anxiety gets.)
Tari: Wee woo... Wee woo...
Meggy: What are you doing?
(Tari imagines that a ghost is lurking inside that crate.)
Tari: WEE WOO! WEE WOO! WEE WOO!
Meggy: Oh, stop being dramatic and face your fears!
(Overcome with more fear than ever before, Tari slowly extends her hand out to touch the crate, while also extending her head back towards Luigi and Meggy.)
Meggy: Come on, Tari!
(Tari, wanting this to be over with, finally lifts the crate to reveal the most horrifying thing known to man: Mario wearing a mask.)
Mario: Let me sh!t'n titty!
(Luigi runs off screaming, then explodes.)
Meggy: Lesson number one: The fear is all in your head! So, feeling any braver?
(Tari and Luigi are sitting on the ground in horror.)
Tari: If anything, I feel worse...
Luigi: Yeah, now I have trust issues...
Meggy: Uh... I... I see... Let's try something else...
Scene 4[]
(The Sun is setting.)
Meggy: Let's do this!
(She summons a house.)
Meggy: Up next, we're going to conduct some exposure therapy through... A HAUUUNTED HOOOUSE! (BOOM! Lightning strikes as thunder roars!)
(Tari and Luigi are scared out of their wits.)
SMG4: (Peeks in) How are you guys affording these buildings when we still don't have a castle? (No response. SMG4 gets depressed.) Guess I'll just go back to begging on the street corners... (He leaves.)
Meggy: I've set up a variety of various elaborate spooks and ooks. Each carefully designed to help you with-
Mario: HEY, STINKY! (He exits the house with a zombie.) This isn't going to work!
Meggy: (Getting irritated) Maaaarioooo...! What are you doing?!
Mario: Mario just went through your haunted house and it's nothing but cheap jumpscares. (He holds up a skull.)
Luigi: JUMPSCARES?!?! (He turns into Baby Luigi and starts crying. Tari picks him up in her arms and tries to comfort him.)
Tari: Sorry, Meggy. We agree with Mario. Just scaring us over and over again won't help.
Meggy: I... I... Well... (She concedes.) OK, that's fair. (She turns to Mario.) Mario, did you have anything in mind?
Mario: I'M GLAD YOU ASKED, MEGGY! (He gives the house makeover, turning it into...) Mario's Tunnel of Doom! Very scary!
(Everyone is amazed. Luigi is even restored to his normal self.)
Meggy: What?! How is this any different than my haunted house?!
Mario: Well, Mario will show you!
(He summons a giant pink Yoshi dressed as Mario. Yoshi kicks Tari, Luigi, and Meggy into the Tunnel of Doom.)
Scene 5[]
(The trio land inside the haunted house.)
Meggy: (To herself) OK, OK. Meggy, it's fine. You know what, I can still coach them through this. (To a terrified Luigi and Tari) It's alright, guys! Let's go through this together! I'll help you guys get through anything Mario throws at us.
Tari and Luigi: O-OK...
(They make their way through the haunted house. No matter how far they get, the hallway never seems to end...)
Mario: OOOO!
(Tari and Luigi cling onto Meggy.)
Meggy: Don't fear! Just imagine that Mario can't hurt you!
(Tari and Luigi gulp, then slowly step forward. They reach a corner...)
Tall Mario: (Pops up) Hello, there. I'M BORED AND I'M GONNA KILL YOU!
(Tari screams and runs back while Luigi stands frozen in fear.)
Luigi: Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-YOU CAN'T H-HURT ME!
Meggy: That's it, Luigi! NOW TELL THEM WHO'S GARBAGE!
(Luigi gets braver... Then slumps down onto the floor in tears.)
Luigi: I'm garbage!
Tall Mario: Oh. Dude...
Scene 6[]
(Meanwhile, Tari is walking down a different hallway.)
Tari: Ugh! Why did I run?! C'mon, Tari, be brave!!! I GOT THIS!!
(The lights turn on, and Tari finds herself surrounded by Mario Dolls.)
Mario Doll Army: Oh. Nice ass you got here. Can I have it?
(Before the situation could worsen, Meggy comes to the rescue while rolling Luigi in a stroller.)
Tari: Meggy!! HELP!!!
Meggy: Tari!! JUST VISUALIZE YOUR HAPPY PLACE!
(With no other choice, Tari goes into her happy place. In a second, the Mario Doll Army has been replaced by a duck army.)
Tari: OH MY GOD!!!
(Tari happily skips with a group of ducks before coming across Duck Pyro. She gets on his back and they travel through space and ducks...)
(In the real world, however, she's just rolling around on the floor as Meggy, Luigi, and the Mario Doll Army all watch, clearly thinking she's lost her mind.)
(Back in Tari's happy place, she's spinning around with a duck in her hands. Suddenly, she snaps back to reality as the duck turns into a Mario Doll.)
Mario Doll: You're trash, kid.
(Tari screams, throws the Doll down, and makes a run for it while Meggy and Luigi give chase.)
Meggy: Tari, calm down! BREATHE!!
(Tari breathes in hard, then bumps into Tall Mario holding a baguette.)
Tall Mario: Eat the goddamn baguette!
(Tari refuses in terror.)
Meggy: Tari, if you can't be brave for yourself, THEN BE BRAVE FOR SOMEONE YOU WANT TO PROTECT!!!
(This finally inspires Tari to reflect on all that she cares about: Her friends, her ducks, and especially Duck Pyro. She gets up and goes in for the punch... And merely slaps Tall Mario.)
Tall Mario: Oh no... (He falls over and dies. Meggy and Luigi run over to Tari..)
Tari: I-I did it!?
Meggy: (Hugs her) Tari! You stood up for yourself!
(Suddenly, a rumbling occurs...)
Master Of Moving On The Ground
MARIO HEAD
Tari: (Terrified) M-MEGGY, CAN WE LEAVE NOW!?!
Meggy: No! This is the final test, guys! Come on! Tell the head you're not scared of it!
Tari: I'm... I'm not scared of you!!
Luigi: Y-Yeah! You're just a big dumb Mario head. ...You don't scare me!
Meggy: Good going, guys!
(Mario Head makes scary faces and noises.)
IMMUNE
Tari: Sorry, Mario! We're not scared anymore!
(All of a sudden, a suspicious looking curtain catches Luigi's eye. He goes to investigate.)
Meggy: (As Mario Head jeeps being scary) This is getting kinda sad...
(Luigi opens the curtain to reveal Mario. The REAL Mario. Who's making all the noises in the first place.)
Luigi: Uh, Mario?
(Mario screams and jumps back, slamming into the machine he was using. The machine catches on fire, making Mario Head make one last disturbing, distorted face, scaring Meggy and Tari. Mario Head hops all over the place before landing on the real Mario, crushing him and also catching on fire.)
Mario: AHHHH GUYS HEEEELP!!!
Meggy: MARIO! IS THERE ANY WATER HERE?!
Mario: MARIO HAS SOME ENERGY DRINKS UNDER HIS TABLE!
(Meggy goes over to a pack of Bonk! Atomic Punch, opens them, and throws them onto the fires... This only makes the fires spread more, and making Mario catch on fire as well.)
Meggy: CRAP, WHAT DO WE DO!?!
(Luigi and Tari take deep breaths, and Luigi jumps forward.)
Luigi: NOW, TARI!
Tari: OK!
(She activates her Meta Runner abilities, and pulls up a video on a monitor involving a buff Luigi. Luigi extends his nose under Mario Head. Tari lifts Luigi's head backwards, therefore flinging Mario Head back.)
Mario: I LIIIIIIIVE!
Mario Head: M̴̫̯̣̱͎͇̳̻̺̻̂́̑̑̐̊̌̽͌̔͋́͐͝A̷̟̻̱̖̣͚͛̈̊͐̂̎͌̂̿͒̋̐͘-̸̡̘̰̖͕͈̼͈̱͖̼͍̤́̃̃̌̋͒͜͝M̸̱͎͔̯̘͑͋͒̔̓͛̆͌̇͛̕A̵͎̍͂́̽̈́̓́̉̕-̵̧̛̜͊̀́̅̌͆́̃̕M̷̪̜͖̣̪̫͑̍̈́́̋̚ͅͅȈ̶̧̹͓̠̱̥̮̗͕̱̞͎̀́́̐̌͆̈́͑̇̃̚̚-̶̺͕̯̖̣͙̹̩̻͖̐ͅA̶̧̩͖̙̩̙̩̩̮̞̭̣͍̬͑͌̏̀̀̚
(Mario, Luigi, Meggy, and Tari flee the haunted house before it explodes.)
Mario Head: Ǵ̸̳̗̠͎̝̏̋͐̾͆̈́̅̆̏̕͝͠A̵̧̱̤̬͙͍̗̰͚̪̙͌̾́͂̈̑̍͋́̌͜-̷͍̳̺̦͓̜͖͈̦̋͑͛̓̄̈́̈́̐̊̅Ğ̸̢̛̳̫͍̺̩̼̪͋̍̉͗̎̀̈́͌̈́̌͊̃͜Ą̸̙̲̈́͌̇͑̎̓̑̑̈́͒̐͊̐̓̉-̶̛̠̭̎͊̌̃̈́̽̃̄G̶̡̢͖͉̝͕̠͙͈̥̩̽̉̍̏͑̄͊͐̈́̆͒̋̚͠͝A̶͙̝̲͛̿͛͆̈́͒̾̈́-̸̛̤̽̄͠͝ͅG̴̙̼͙̜̟̈́̓͗̇̿̾͋̍̆̿͘̕ͅA̶̢̢̛̰̜̩̭̰̥͈̾̀̂̊́̉̒̍̒̂̇-̸̻̯͉͑̊͆̍͆́̈́̓̇̍̓͛͘G̵̝̩͓̦͛̓̈́̉̋͒͋̒͘̚Ǎ̵͕̟͑̿̈́̓̌̀̀͐̅̾̇̅͘-̶̲̲͎̾̿̒̇͗́͗̌̂̍Ǵ̶̻̍͒͂̀̽̃́̏̋́̉̈́Ą̶̨͔̻̻̳͇͇͒͆̚͜M̴̧͈͔̳̞̣̦̜̱̺͈̼̻͛̑̂͌Ȩ̶̘̫͉̟̳͖̥̻̦͈̖͙͇̅̑̈́̋͊̈́̓̅͗̎̓̐͛́͠ ̵̢̡͉̼̪͓͍͚͙͙̲̦̙̒ͅǑ̶̡̝̳͍̹̺̥̰͙̖͍̹̿͊̏̐̎̅̈́V̷̱̱̲̽͌̂̈̈́̚E̶̛͙͑͂͋͌̿̉͂͋̀͑͠͠R̴̡̰̳͈̜͔̩̟̦͔͉̦͓̼̓̾́̀̑̊̿̿̏̈̌̀̆̇͝ͅ
(Mario Head explodes, destroying the haunted house.)
Scene 7[]
(Back in the Showgrounds...)
Mario: You... You guys saved me...
Meggy: More importantly, YOU GUYS DID IT! You learned to be brave and have courage!
(Luigi and Tari cheer.)
Luigi: We couldn't have done it without you!
Tari: Thank you, Meggy! You're the best coach ever!
Meggy: Aw, shucks, I-
Mario: Hey!! This was all because of Mario!
Meggy: Um, excuse me??
Mario: What?? If Mario didn't endanger himself, they wouldn't have been brave!
Meggy: No way! It was my coaching! Don't you dare take this away from me!
Mario: (Mocking Meggy) "Don't you DARE take this away from me!"
Meggy: WHY YOU-
(She lunges forward and beats the daylights out of Mario. Luigi and Tari simply walk away, having braved a haunted house, and leaving Mario to Meggy's non-existent mercy.)
(Credits roll.)