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This is a transcript for SMG4: Mario Babies.
Transcript[]
(Glitch Productions logo) (Video starts at a Splatfest torunament between a squad and Oneshot Wren, the latter of which shoots down a member of the opposing squad.)
Inkling #1: OH NO ITS Oneshot Wren!
Inkling #2: NO! There's 3 of us and only one of him.
Inkling #3: Yeah! Let's kick his butt!
(The opposing squad begins shooting at Oneshot Wren, but he jumps up and snipes more members of the squad out as the crowd cheers him on. In the crowd appears a young Meggy Spletzer, who sneaks down into the arena, almost getting attacked by the last remaining member of the opposing squad, but Wren kicks him away.
(Meggy begins clapping at Wren's performance, extremely happy. Wren then pulls out and gives Meggy what we know to be her trademark headphone beanie...)
Oneshot Wren: (walking away) You've got the makings of a champion, kid.
(Scene cuts to Kid Meggy in her room with a splat gun, shooting ink across her entire room...then her parents open the door...)
Meggy's Dad: GODDAMMIT YOU GOT PAINT IN THE GODDAMN HOUSE!!!
(The scene cuts back into the present day, where Mario, SMG4, Bowser, Bob, Luigi and Shroomy are all sitting together as Mario and Bob laugh at Meggy's funny childhood photo...)
Bob: oH mY gOd ThEsE aRe HiLaRiOuS!
Mario: Look at me, I'm baby woomy!
Luigi: You guys! This is personal stuff, stop it!
(Mario lands on and crushes Luigi)
Mario: NEVER! Saiko ain't here to stop me this time!
(But SMG4 is, as the YouTuber punches the fat plumber away...)
Bowser: Well, I think it's nice that we can take a look back at our childhoods!
Shroomy: I agree! Don't you fellas have something memorable from your childhood that made a big impact on your life?
SMG4: Something memeorable?...
(The gang all begin to think of their childhood memories, starting with Mario and Bowser...)
Mario & Bowser[]
(We flashback to when Mario and Bowser were babies, the former drinking a glass of glue while Bowser plays with a toy. A younger old man then enters the room, with a plate of spaghetti and places it on the table. The babies, fascinated by the pasta, rush to try and obtain it, but being babies, they're not tall enough to reach, and Bowser hits his head on the table leg. Mario tries to Bowser's shell to get to the top of the table, but he explodes due to Bowser's shell spikes...)
Old Man: (peeping in from the door) STOP SCREWING AROUND!
(Bowser then gets an idea...he takes random objects and toys from the play area and begins stacking them atop of each other. Mario decides to help out, stacking more toys, plus the old man...who isn't exactly happy.)
Baby Bowser: ahhhhhhh piss.
Baby Mario: oooooooooooo.
(The old man begins making scary noises as Bowser screams his ass off, accidentally emitting a ember of fire out of his mouth. The ember lands on the old man's hair, burning it off and leaving him as the bald old man that we know him for today...the old man begins to mourn the loss of his hair.)
Old Man: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
(The babies turn towards each other, and Mario begins to climb the toy stack, but Bowser gets distracted by a young Peach walking by...)
Baby Peach: Hey Bowser!!!
(Bowser looks at the young princess, instantly falling in love...)
(Scene cuts back to the present day)
Mario: And that's when he became the worst thing in all of mankind.
(The lights darken around Mario...)
Mario: A simp!!!
(Scene cuts back to the past, where Bowser swipes one of the toys away from the stack, causing it to collapse, which consequently causes Mario to fall when he was right about to obtain the spaghetti. Bowser takes the toy over to Peach and offers it to her...)
Baby Peach: That's no good...
Baby Bowser: (pissed) I DON'T GIVE A F*CK!!!
(Bowser snatches Peach away in what is the first of what would soon become MANY kidnappings...we then see that Bowser has built a fort where he holds the captured princess at. Bowser then proceeds to throw a Koopa shell at Mario, but the future plumber kicks it away. The shell crashes out of the window and lands into the gravestone of the old man's hair, causing it to catch fire as the old man loses his shit. The shell then ratchets back into the room and hits the spaghetti off the table and onto the floor, as Mario celebrates. Mario proceeds to taste the spaghetti...and so it was...Mario's love, fetish, grow-on-command mustache and attraction to spaghetti was born...)
Mario: Ahhhhh...and that was my first ever spaghetti meal.
Luigi[]
(Scene cuts to a Best Buy store in the 1980s...where a young Luigi wanders around the store, lost...)
Baby Luigi: MAMAAA!!! Mama-mia...(starts crying)...DADDA!!!
(Luigi walks into...a certain area of the store that toddlers shouldn't be in...)
Baby Luigi: ohhhhhh yeahhhhhh!!!
(Luigi exits the adult section, holding a vacuum cleaner...)
Baby Luigi: Lucky me!
(Montage starts, Luigi begins using the vacuum to suck many things, which include: candy, Steve's pingas, the wet floor sign, an old lady...)
King Boo: Hey honey, have you seen our son?
(...and King Boo's son...)
(Scene cuts back into the present day)
Luigi: Huh, maybe that's why King Boo hates me...
(King Boo appears in the window glass, pointing a gun at Luigi)
Swagmaster6969696969 (offscreen): Luigi.exe has stopped working.
Melony[]
(We cut to a montage of Melony being born on a farm, her early childhood, her work experience in Black Mesa in New Mexico, serving with the U.S Army...somehow meeting then-President Obama, going to space, accompanying Hideo Kojima, auditioning at Snitch Productions, all leading up to the day where she became human...)
Melony: yayyyyyyyyy
(Everyone looks at Melony in bewilderment and confusion...)
Mario: (pissed) YOU MET BARRACK OBAMA?!
Bob[]
(Flashback to a playground, where a young Wario Bros. are playing together...a young Bob then approaches them...)
Young Bob: hElLo NeW fRiEnDs! WoUlD yOu LiKe To PlAy?
(The Wario Bros. turn towards each other and begin bullying the poor Garo, doing the following: stuffing him in a toilet, feeding his textbook to a dog, dragging him across the road on a motorcycle, and throwing a table at the teacher and framing Bob for it...)
(Scene cuts to Bob sadly walking across the sidewalk, when a unknown person gets his attention...)
???: Yo kid!
(Bob turns around)
???: Come with me...
(The person reveals himself to be Big Smoke...or actually Small Smoke, since he's a kid and all...)
Small Smoke: I'll teach you the ways of the hood...
(Scene cuts to the Wario Bros. spray painting a mooning gnome on a random wall, when a swagged out Bob approaches them...)
Young Bob: yO? wHeRe ThEm BuLlIeS aT? cAuSe AlL i SeE aRe A pAiR oF bItChEs!!
(The Wario Bros. begin spray painting Bob's face)
Young Bob: sToP! iS tHaT iT?
(The Wario Bros. stop spray painting)
Young Bob: bRo I sNiFf ThIs KiNd Of ShIt AlL tHe TiMe!
(Bob takes a large whiff of the toxic air and starts coughing his ass off...the Wario Bros. hang him on a Canadian flag)
Young Bob: oW! mY cHiLd OvArIeS!
(Bob falls to the ground as Small Smoke watches)
Small Smoke: Ah, screw it.
(Small Smoke pulls out two blades to gives them to Bob...making the garo a lot more like he does today...)
Young Bob: oH oKaY cOoL!
(Bob begins chasing the Wario Bros. with his blades)
Young Bob: gEt BaCk HeRe! I wAnT tO sHoW yOu mY cOoL sWorDs!
(Scene cuts back to the present day, as everyone looks at Bob in confusion and bewilderment)
Bob: wHaT. yOu GuYs DiDn'T cHaSe ChIlDrEn wItH sAmUrAi SwOrDs wHeN yOu WeRe LitTlE?
Shroomy[]
(Flashback to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza in the year 1987...uh-oh.)
(The kids cheer as the animatronics perform songs, make pizza...and hump pizza as well...)
Freddy: (r****ded voice) NUMBER ONE VICTORY ROYALE! YEAH FORTNITE WE BOUT TO GET DOWN!...(kaz voice)...why are we still here...just to suffer...(r****ded voice) TEN KILL ON THE BOARD RIGHT NOW!
Anti-Shroomy: Damn, what a boring ass birthday party!
(Doomguy carries the birthday cake to the table)
Anti-Shroomy: Uncle Doom, why did you throw me such a crappy birthday?
(Doomguy laughs and presses the nut button, which causes the animatronics to stop what they're doing and look weirdly at the children...but the children then proceed to whip out guns and start shooting at the animatronics...)
Anti-Shroomy: Oh boy, a demon hunting fiesta!!!
(Anti-Shroomy takes out a shotgun)
Anti-Shroomy: You're the best uncle in the world!!!! LUV YOU!!!!
(Anti-Shroomy starts shooting everywhere as Doomguy tears up, surprised as how fast his nephew is growing up...)
Anti-Shroomy: (beating up Chica with a pizza) You like pizza do ya?!
(Golden Freddy charges at Anti-Shroomy and bites the living mushroom on his head, not letting go until Doomguy kicks him off)
Anti-Shroomy: Ow, my head...I feel kinda funny...like...like...
(The mushroom child's head turns red)
Shroomy: I wanna be a good 'ol boy scout and help old ladies cross the road, oh golly gee!
Doomguy: ....FFFFFFFFUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK!!! (starts crying)
(Scene cuts back into the present day)
Shroomy: And that's what my life was like when I was a wee shroom!
Bob: hOlY cRaP dUdE tHAt Is MeNtAl As HeLl!
Bowser: It's so cool to hear how peoples past have shaped them into who they are today!
(Mario is suddenly rolling around naked in a large plate of spaghetti)
Luigi: Oh, SMG4, you haven't told us about your childhood yet!
Mario: ...yeah...now that you mention it, I don't think I've ever heard about your past SMG4...
SMG4[]
SMG4: Oh, that's easy! It all started when...when...well, it all started.............I...don't remember...
(Everyone looks on in shock at SMG4's inability to remember his past...)
Bob: wHaT? yOu HaVe AmNeSiA oR sOmEtHiNg?
SMG4: No, the first thing I remember is just appearing in Peach's Castle...
(A flashback of SMG4's first appearance in "Account Loss" is shown...)
Past!SMG4: hi mario everything going good?
SMG4: Anything before that is...all a blur...
Shroomy: Oh gosh! You don't even remember your past?
SMG4: ...n-no...w-where am I from?...WHO AM I!!!...WHAT AM I!!!!!???
Mario: You're adopted.
(SMG4 begins screaming as we pan out to a view of the earth, ending the video...)