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This page is the transcript for SMG4: Mario Preschool.
Transcript[]
(The Glitchy Boy/SMG4 intro plays as normal, only to be interrupted by SMG4.)
SMG4: No no, cut the video. We can't show our usual broadcast today. Youtube is hitting more and more channels with crude humor and swears now and I don't want this to happen to me.
*SMG4 changes the background to a cheery one with a rainbow and a grassland*
SMG4: So, we're becoming an educational kids channel now!
Mario: Huh...WHAT?!
SMG4: (to Mario) SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH!
SMG4: Now let's begin! WAHOO!
*Kermit appears onscreen playing a banjo*
Mario: What?!
Storytime[]
Bob: All right, kiddies. who's ready for a great story?
*Baby Luigi and Baby Daisy nod*
Bob: All right, Uncle Bob has a classic story for you today.
*He takes out The Book of Bob*
Bob: I present to you: The Book of Bob: Remastered - Definitive Edition. The complete autobiography of the sexiest man alive!
*Baby Luigi pulls out the book The Hungry Caterpillar, but Bob knocks it out of his hands*
Bob: Get that shit out of here! Alright sit your little asses down and listen up! The story is starting!
Shapes[]
Luigi: OK class, today we will be learning about shapes!
Babies: Yaaayyy!
*Luigi draws a circle*
Luigi: This is a circle!
*Luigi draws a triangle*
Luigi: This is a triangle!
*Luigi draws a pentagram*
Luigi: And this is a pentagram!
Painting[]
*Painting class begins*
Meggy: Ok little guys, ready to paint?
Fishy: Meggy, what are you doing? That's very dangerous! These are babies!
Meggy: Aww come on Boopkins, it's fine! Don't act like a child.
Fishy: But I am a child!
*Meggy raises finger, unable to form a response*
*Meggy finger paints, clearly bored*
Fishy: I shipped myself with Miku!
Meggy: *her eyes widen with shock* That's a thing people do?
*The shipping police arrive on the scene*
Cop: Stop! I'm going to have to arrest you for crimes against humanity.
Fishy: Oh no! Get Meggy! She writes fanfiction!
Meggy: WAIT WHAT!?
Cop: You son of a bitch!
Meggy: Wait wait wait w-
*Meggy is tackled by the cop*
*Fishy Boopkins attempts to run away, but he discovers that there are a bunch of shipping police officers preventing him from escaping*
Fishy Boopkins: *holding out his finger portrait shipping himself with Miku* Do you guys ship this?
Stranger Danger[]
*Bowser arrives while driving a red van with the words "free candy" written on the side.*
Bowser: Oh, hey kids! Can you tell me what to do if you see one of these on the street?
Baby Peach: Ooooh eat it!
Baby Mario: CANDY!!
Baby Luigi: Yaaaay candy!!
Bowser: Oh my God, no! This is dangerous! If you see one of these on the streets, don't go near it!
Babies: WOOO CANDY!!
*The babies hijack Bowser's car*
Bowser: No You Damn kids! Hey! Open up!!
*Baby Mario laughs at Bowser*
Bowser: Why you little!
*The babies start the van's engine and drags Bowser out of the school, taking a joyride through the city*
The babies: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
*The babies crash the van into a wall, and Bowser loses his grip of the van*
Bowser: You kids are in big trouble! When we get back, I'm gonna spank all of you!
*Bowser then drives back to the preschool, but then stops at a red light, and next to a police car with an officer noticing Bowser’s Free Candy van.*
Bowser: How you doin'?
*The officer gets suspicious*
Bowser: Just taking the kids to school...
*The policeman gets even more suspcious, and several police cars proceed to ram into Bowser’s van, believing him to be a pedophile*
Doing Your Taxes[]
Yoshi: Ok kids, You got to thinking about your future.
Yoshi: That's why I'm here to teach you the basic concept of paying taxes...
Yoshi: Now I know it may sound hard...But I'll dumb it down for you guys.
Yoshi: Basically...Don't pay anyone any money and hide from the police. It works every time.
Suddenly, a police officer appears.
Police Officer: STAHP RIGHT THERE!
Yoshi: *his eyes widen in fear* OH SHIT!
Police Officer: *shooting at Yoshi* Stop breaking the law asshole!
*Yoshi panics and runs away. He defenestrates himself.*
Yoshi: You'll never take me alive! AAAAAHHH!!!
Baby Toad: When can we go play with toys?
Arts and Crafts[]
*Steve summons a portal to the Nether*
Steve (doing the voice of Painty The Pirate): Are you ready, kids?!
*Steve takes the babies to the Nether, laughing like Chris Griffin*
*Baby Toad is grabbed by a Ghast*
Baby Toad: AAH!!!!
*Zombie Pigmen surround Baby Mario*
Baby Mario: Would you like to play with me?
*Baby Luigi swims in lava*
*Baby Peach attempts to hit a Wither with her pickaxe*
Animals[]
Mario: Hey kids! Today we will be learning about animals!
SMG4: Um, Mario, where did you get these animals by the way?
Mario: I stole them!
SMG4's eyes widen with shock.
*Mario is run over by several police cars*
Cyber Safety[]
Tubbie Boi: Hello kids, I work at the safety branch at Youtube. I'm here to warn you of the dangerous stuff out may find! Remember to call the local police if you see any of these dangerous memers.
*the Cyan Toad realizes that SMG4 is a dangerous memer*
Cyan Toad: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
Brave Policeman: *pulls out handcuffs* You're under arrest, nimrod!
SMG4: OH SHITTTT!!!
Ending[]
*Mario, Luigi, Meggy, Bowser, Fishy Boopkins, Yoshi, and SMG4 are behind bars*
Mario: you too, Huh.
SMG4: What are you guys in for?
Mario: Stole some animals. :D
Luigi: Demonic rituals.
Bowser: Child kidnappings.
Yoshi: Tax fraud.
Fishy Boopkins: I guess the police didn't like my painting.
Meggy: Don't look at me! I'm here because of him!
SMG4: Welp, I guess running an education channel isn't for us. Back to crappy jokes and bad language.
Bob: LOL suckers! All of you are in jail! Not me though, I'm a good boy that hasn't done anything wrong *except for the murders*. Anyways, you might as well listen to my new book. Ahem.
*All scream and panic except for Bob*
Bob: Once upon a time, the earth was blessed--