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This is the official transcript for SMG4: The Game Cube.
Murder Drones Episode 5 Promo[]
SMG4: Oh, boy! A new episode of Murder Drones has just dropped! It's a really fun and thrilling episode about the past of the Murder Drones and what exactly happened to them. Spooky manors, cute birds, and... (Reads form a script) weird eldritch horrors await? (BOO!) AAAH!
SMG4: You can go check it out on my animation channel, GLITCH Productions! Or not. I'm not your dad. Now, on to the video! WOOO!
Scene 1[]
(Mario and SMG4 both wake up.)
SMG4: What the... Mario??
Mario: (Screams) DID WE SLEEP TOGETHER!?!
SMG4: ...Where the hell are we?
(They somehow ended up inside a giant cube structure. SMG4 is terrified of this.)
Mario: It seems to be a giant cube-shaped bathroom!
(Mario proceeds to unzip his pants, but gets distracted by SMG4 trying to find a way out of their cube dilemma.)
SMG4: Mario... THERE AREN'T ANY DOORS OUT OF HERE!! (He begins to lose his mind.)
Mario: What? Nonsense!! I bet you just gotta push a secret panel!!! (He begins to feel around the walls for a way out.) Any second now... Any... second... (...Nothing.) We're stuck.
SMG4: (Screams in terror) Oh no, I'm gonna die trapped in a room with Mario...! (He gets an idea.) Wait a second! (He pulls out his phone.) I have a phone! I'll call for help!!
(His phone's screen glitches to show only a cube.)
SMG4: What the...? (He presses on his screen so fast, his finger eventually broke through it.) STUPID PIECE OF CRAP ISN'T WORKING!! (He throws his phone in frustration.)
Mario: Don't worry, SMG4. I've got an idea! (He takes his hat off to pull out a carrier pigeon.) Mario will send a carrier pigeon for help!
SMG4: (Stunned at the fact Mario had a pigeon in his hat) You... You carry a bird in your hat?
Mario: Yeah, just for moments like this! Come on, Frank! Go get help! (He tosses Frank into the air... Who falls to the ground, dead.)
SMG4: WE'RE DOOMED!!
(Giving up and resigning to his fate of dying in a room with Mario, he pounds the floor in frustration... Which then glows white and the lights go out.)
Mario: AHHHH, DARKNESS COMES FOR MARIO!!
Scene 2: Toad In The Box[]
Game 1 Of 4
Easy Mode
(The lights turn back on.)
SMG4: (Confused) Game 1 of 4? What does that mean...?
(Another, smaller cube in spinning in the air before them, showing characters on different sides: Bowser, Toad, Chain Chomp, Piranha Plant, and a blank space.)
SMG4: What the hell is that?
Mario: OH! MARIO KNOWS!
(He runs up, hits it, and out pops a Chain Chomp.)
Mario: Hi, doggy!
(It eats Mario's top half, then vanishes.)
Mario (Minus The Top Half): Bad dog!
SMG4: Hmm... Maybe we're meant to get the Toad? (He smacks it, landing on Bowser.) OH, CRAP! WRONG TIMING!
(Bowser pops out.)
Mario: (Begging for his life) B-Bowser? You're not gonna hurt Mario too, are you?
Bowser: Yer doin' good, lad!
(Mario is happy at this... Until Bowser breathes fire at him, turning his head into a turkey.)
Mario: Hmmm. Yummy! (He falls over as Bowser vanishes.)
SMG4: Uhh, sorry. I'll get the Toad this time!
Mario: (Eating himself) No... Let Mario help...
(His head returns to normal as SMG4 helps him up. Hoping to get Toad this time, the duo rush toward the cube and smack it hard, finally landing on Toad.)
SMG4: Ayyyyeee! Nice!
(They high five as Toad pops out.)
SMG4: Toad, can you please help us get out of here?
Toad: (Begins playing his banjo) Not bad. But can you survive... The next one...? (He vanishes as the lights go out again.)
Scene 3: Bowser's Big Blast[]
Game 2 Of 4
Normal Mode
(A large, robotic Bowser head now stands before them, with two levers in the front.)
Mario: OOO LEVERS! MARIO KNOWS HOW TO PUSH THEM!!! (He runs to press a lever.) STAND BACK SMG4!
SMG4: WAIT, NO, MARIO! I THINK ONE OF THE LEVERS IS-
(Before Mario could press, the Bowser head starts talking.)
Bowser Head: My main goal is to blow up.
(At this, Mario retreats to the back corner.)
Mario: Woo! Go, SMG4! You can do it!
SMG4: No way! You can do this one!
Mario: No, I can't.
SMG4: What?! Why? Gimme one good reason!
Mario: I can't do it because... I... Uhhh... I... I... Uhh...
(As he tries to make up an excuse, he and SMG4 suddenly wind up on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?.)
| A: He's Too Fat | B: He's Too lazy |
| C: He's A Piece Of Shet | D: He Has Ass Cancer |
SMG4: OK, OK, screw it! (He brings them back to reality.) We'll just flip a coin.
One Coin Flip Later...
(The coin has fallen in SMG4's favor.)
SMG4: SH!T!
Mario: YAHOO! Good luck!
(Mario heads back into his corner. SMG4 worriedly and slowly walks towards the lever while Mario watches, equally worried. After trying to decide which to press, he... makes a run for Mario's corner.)
SMG4: I CAN'T DO IT I CAN'T DO IT I CAN'T DO IT!
Mario: (Comforting him) It's OK, SMG4. We can just sit like this forever.
Bowser Head: ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS!?!?! YOU'RE BOTH THE BIGGEST BABIES I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! I CAN'T WORK IN CONDITIONS LIKE THIS!!!
(Bowser's Head pulls out a gun, pulls the trigger, then vanishes. Mario and SMG4 celebrate.)
CLEARED
(Their celebration is short lived as the lights go out yet again.)
Scene 4: Shy Guy Says[]
Game 3 Of 4
Hard Mode
(Shy Guy stands before them holding two flags: one red, the other white.)
SMG4: Ah, we can't possibly screw up this one.
(Shy Guy raises the red flag. SMG4 does the same. Mario? He raised his white flag, instead.)
Mario: (Waving) Hello!!! What's up!
Shy Guy: WRONG! (He throws his sword at Mario, which hits him between the eyes.)
SMG4: MARIO!!!
Mario: MARIO WAS JUST BEING NICE!!! (He passes out.)
(Shy Guy raises the white flag, and so does SMG4.)
SMG4: Ugh. Looks like it's up to me, then.
(Shy Guy tries to trick SMG4 into raising the white flag, but raises the red one. SMG4 raises his red flag, too. As Shy Guy and SMG4 have a showdown over which flag is going to be raised, Mario wakes up and throws the sword back at Shy Guy, hitting him between the eyes. Shy Guy falls over, dead.)
Mario: He was annoying Mario!
(They clear the minigame. Mario celebrates, but the lights go out once more.)
Scene 5: Crane Game[]
Game 4 Of 4
Nightmare Mode
(Now SMG4 is hooked to a crane. Various people and objects are scattered on the floor, Mario among them. He is given ten minutes to collect everything.)
SMG4: OK, I think I understand.
(He moves to pick up Freddy Fazbear's head.)
Freddy: Vanessa, have you heard of Raid: Shadow Le-
(Freddy is dropped into the pipe. As more characters and objects are dropped in, the pipe fills up.)
Steve: Hi, guys!
SMG4: Heck yeah! Nightmare Mode my ass!! I'm already finished!
(...No, he isn't. The clock is still ticking.)
SMG4: WHAT?! I'm not done!? I thought I got everythi-
(The realization hits him like a truck. By "everything", this includes... Mario. Who is happily scratching his nose.)
SMG4: Uh...! Ah...! No, no, no!! NOOO-
(He slowly inches his way over and tries to pick Mario up. But, Mario is too heavy.)
Mario: You just gotta BELIEEEEVE, SMG4444!!!
(Sadly, not even going Ultra Super Saiyan is enough. So, Mario decides to simply walk over to the pipe and plop himself in it, thus making them both clear the minigame.)
SMG4: OH MY GOD!!!! YESSSS!!!!
(Mario dances.)
SMG4: WE'RE DONE!!! YEAHHHH!!! WE DID IT, BABBYYEEEEE-
(The lights go out.)
Scene 6: The Impossible Rubik's Cube[]
.̸̤̑́͝y̶̭͚̤͑̽̃̃͑c̵̖̀̓͠ḯ̶̲̆̓̔́p̷̝̱̣̓̐̾̈́s̴̡̛̥̠ ̴̝͖̀s̸̻̽̕ḯ̵̢͖̲̥̂͝͝ ̴̡̺͌̄̕o̸͔͉͑̏͒͛i̶̦͇̪͆̀̅ͅŕ̵̨͚̋͋͌a̸̞͚̙̱̓̓M̵̦̟̥͚̻͑̈̋̃̅ ̷̼͕͑̆,̷̱̀̋͝y̷̖̯̟͉̿͋c̷̳̔͆̽͋͜͠i̴̯͈͓͓͍̐̏̇͘p̷͈̜̃̕s̴̡̙͖̺̈́̌͆̿̊ ̴̛̺͔̏͒̎s̷̡̱̮̩̝͛͌̓i̶̺̟͕̣̙͐͊͌̄ ̴̧̛̮͈͙̳̈͌̚͝o̷̢̬̦̎́͠ȉ̵̲͘r̶̢̨̃͗̌̆a̸̧̹͚̜̬͆͋M̵̢͙̬̤̀͂
(The lights come back on.)
SMG4: (Looking around worriedly) Can... Can we leave now??? (He hears Mario scream.) What is it, Mario?
(Mario is looking down. In front of him lies an impossible-to-solve Rubik's cube.)
Mario: It's some sort of... CHOCOLATE. (He tries to eat it... And breaks his teeth.)
SMG4: No, you idiot, it's a Rubix cube. I think we have to solve it... (He moves a piece... And the room goes red.)
Game 5 Of 4
DEATH
20
19
18
Mario: (Panicking) SMG4!! HURRY UP AND SOLVE THAT THING!!
SMG4: I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING!!
12
11
Mario: TRY HARDER!!
SMG4: I'VE NEVER DONE ONE OF THESE BEFORE!! AAAAAAAHHHH!
8
7
(SMG4 accidentally drops the cube. Resigning to his fate, he curls up in a corner.)
SMG4: It's no use! We're doomed!
5
4
3
(Mario runs in circles while SMG4 cries his eyes out.)
2
1
0
(Mario and SMG4 run into each other's arms, awaiting their fate.)
SMG4: GOODBYE, CRUEL WORLD!!
Mario: SMG4! MARIO WEARS YOUR UNDERWEAR SOMETIMES!
SMG4: ...What?
(A side of the large cube opens... Instead of something monstrous ending the duo, it's a studio audience and a host coated in shadow. The host reveals himself to be Miyamoto, much to the duo's confusion and shock.)
SMG4: Miyamoto?! What's going on?!
Miyamoto: Congratulations, Mario and SMG4!!! You are the first to make it through our new game that we're testing, VR Mario Party, in our latest game room. How was it?
(Mario and SMG4 scream.)
Mushroom Paper News
The Gamecube 2 beta test SUCCESSFUL!
(Credits roll.)