(Glitch Productions logo.)
Bob: My name is Bob, and this is my story. Just a humble rapper trying to make a career for himself, when some thugs came to my mansion and destroyed it.
Mario: Hey thugs didn't destroy your house!
Bob: (Cough, cough) Now I am very poor, very sick, and have nowhere to live... But that's okay! Because to raise money, I'm going on a rap tour around the world! (Bob's supah SEXY Rap tour poster is shown.) That's right! Come and see me spit hot fire all across the Mushroom Kingdom! Also, check out my Soundcloud!
(A mic with Mario's hat and 'stache pops up next to Bob.)
Mario: Looookie, Im'ma your papa. (He laughs as it's shown that they were filming in front of a green screen.)
Bob: You fat ass, you better not have ruined that recording! (He tackles Mario.)
Luigi: (As a cameraman.) Great! That recording was all good, Bob!
Bob: (After burning Mario.) Umm... Oh! Good! Hopefully those lousy fans actually come or I'l be pissed.
Mario: (Burning.) Can Mario go home now? (Holding a plate of spaghetti with a tie on it.) I have a very important business meeting to go to.
Bob: Aw, hell no! You two are gonna help me manage my tour!
Mario: WOAAAH! No!
Bob: (Cough, cough) No house... Nowhere to live... I'm gonna die of AIDS...
Mario: ...Nobody cares!
Luigi: Aww c'mon Mario. All this unlucky stuff happened to him...don't you feel bad?
Mario: ugh FINE! But Mario better be paid for this.
Bob: I'll pay you with drawings of spaghetti.
Bob: Hell yeah! Let's go! My private jet is waiting. (He spawns an airplane.)
Luigi: Y...you have a private jet?...
Bob: I have seven.
Luigi: But...I thought you were poor...and that was the point of the whole tour...
Bob: But I am poor. These are jets for poor people.
(Luigi is dumbfounded.)
Fishy Boopkins: (Runs toward them.) Bob! (Bob: Aw, tits...) I heard you're going on tour! Can I come and help?
Bob: Um... Um... Sorry, no you can't. Um... The plane only fits one person.
Fishy Boopkins: But... But what about Mario and Luigi?
Bob: (Holding a suitcase.) Oh, they're going in my luggage.
Bob: (Whispers.) Quick, get in.
Mario: I AIN'T GETTING IN THAT!
(Bob cocks a shotgun at them.)
Bob: I said geeet iiin... (He walks off a moment later with the bros in the case.) Later, amigo! I'll send you a postcard!
Fishy Boopkins: Ooooooooh... (He watches the plane take off.) Oh, man... That's okay! I'll take a taxi to his concert! Yippee!
(It cuts to the trio arriving at the airport.)
Bob: Yeah, boi! What's up, world? Ya boi is here!
Pink Bob-Omb: WOW! IT'S THAT FAMOUS RAPPER BOB!
(Many others turn their attention towards him.)
Toadette: HAVE MY CHILDREN!
Bob: Guys, guys, please. There's enough Bob to go around.
Koopa: You're so brave for doing shows after your house got burnt down!
Bob: Thank you, thank you! Now buy some tour tickets to help me to help get my house back! Pay my managers here to get more tickets!
(Money is thrown at the bros.)
(It cuts to Fishy Boopkins and his dad helping pack for the trip.)
Fishy Boopkins: Thanks for the sandwich, dad! (He gets in a taxi.) Here we go! To Bob's concert, please. Bye, dad! (His dad waves and wipes a tear as he sees his son go off.)
Fishy Boopkins: Oh boy! Bob's gonna be so happy! I bet he's just waiting for me to show up any moment now!
(It cuts to the concert setup.)
Bob: Hey, if anyone sees Boopkins, you have my permission to shoot him.
(Bob goes over to Mario, who has finished pumping a golden balloon.)
Bob: What the hell is this crap?
Mario: It's the stupid Bob balloon you ordered.
Bob: Why is it so small? Who's gonna think I'm a god with this tiny piece of poopoo? (He whacks the balloon.)
Mario: Ugh, this is too much work for Mario...I want a raise!
Bob: Stop whining, bitch! I'm paying you too much already!
(Mario gets triggered, then goes to the pump to make the balloon bigger.)
Bob: Thiccer! Come on, thiccer! I want a THICCCCCCCCCC with ten C's!
Bob: EXTRA THICC!
(Luigi is working with a clipboard until he realizes too late that he is gonna get crushed by the balloon.)
Bob: Perfect! Just as thicc as me!
(Luigi crawls out.)
Luigi: uhh...Bob...the crowds are just outside. We're about to start.
Bob: Sweet! Go tell the opening acts to get ready! It's almost my time to shine!
(Fade to the start of the concert. The crowd is cheering)
Luigi: Thanks for coming tonight everyone! Our first opening act is Snoop Dogg!
(Snoop Dogg walks on stage and starts "rapping"... Which means that he is just spouting gibberish and doing typical "rap moves". Bob is backstage watching this.)
Bob: Awesome! Look at all those people who came for me!
Fishy Boopkins: Please let me through!
Mario: Sorry Boopkins, I'll get paid in dirt if I let anybody pass.
Bob: What the hell are you doing here, Boopkins?
Fishy Boopkins: Bob! (Mario blocks him.) I'm here to see you! (Blocked again.) Let me come through.
Bob Um... Crap...
(Snoop Dogg finishes his "act".)
Luigi: Beautiful act, Snoop. How does it feel to perform at Bob's show?
Snoop Dogg: Man, this place smells like sh*t. (He leaves.)
Luigi: uh...anyway...next up is... Reggie with the second opening act. (Reggiegigas spawns and performs.)
Bob: Goddammit... Go buy a ticket and join the crowd, Boopkins.
Fishy Bookins: (Still blocked.) No! I want to cheer you on from back here!
Bob: Oh, for Christ's sake...! Okay fine, let him in.
Fishy Boopkins: Yay! Thank you, Mario!
Mario: DON'T TOUCH! I'm watching you...
Fishy Boopkins: I brought this tambourine so I could play with you, Bob!
Bob: Oh, for the love of... Boopkins, stay back here and shut up, OK?! This is very important business!
Fishy Boopkins: O-Okay Bob, I understand...
Bob: Good, because it's time for the main act!
Luigi: Thanks for that...interesting performance... and now without a further ado... the person you've all been waiting for... BOBBB!
(The lights go off, then come back on.)
Bob: I just want to take a moment to appreciate the best creation in the world... ASS!
(He starts the song.)
♫Funny how money, chains, and whips make me feel free♫
Fishy Boopkins: Oh, he sounds really good! But he sounds better with a tambourine! (He tries to run on stage, but is stopped by Mario.) Noooo, please let me through...
Luigi: Sorry Boopkins, Bob will be done soon...
Fishy Boopkins: NOOOO BOB NEEDS MEEE! (He runs to Bob.)
Luigi: MARIO! DO SOMETHING!!!
Luigi: ...Mario? (He takes off the shades to see that Mario sleeping while standing... With his eyes open.)
(Bob is still rapping when Fishy Boopkins shows up.)
Fishy Boopkins: I'm here too! (Sings off-key.)
Bob: Security! Get this idiot, please!
Mario: Okie dokie! (He chases Boopkins.)
Bob: Anyway... (He continues his rap.)
Fishy Boopkins: Nooo! Leave me alone!
Mario: Kid gon' die tonight!
(Boopkins dodges, then lands on the balloon. Hard.)
Bob: Whaaat theee he- (The balloon bursts and destroys the stage.) Aw, crap... My head and my ass. (The crowd starts suddenly jeering at him.) No, my fans! I'm so sorry! Please don't go! I was about to rap my hit single "Rap Bob"!
(The crowd completely leaves. Bob says no words as he drops the mic and walks off.)
Fishy Boopkins: Huh? Oh no, Bob! Come back, pleeeease! (He runs after him.)
Luigi: I guess we're on clean up duty, Mario.
Mario: oh! Mario can't help...because uh... My legs are broken.
Luigi: Your legs look fine to me...
Mario: (Twists his right leg.) See? Broken.
Luigi: Goddammit! (He leaves to start cleaning up.)
(It cuts to Boopkins outside looking for Bob. It is raining.)
Fishy Boopkins: Bob? Where are you? (He sees Bob in an alleyway.) There you are, Bob. I... I wanted to say I'm sorry for what happened. I know I shouldn't have gone on stage, but it really did sound like you needed help.
Bob: ...You think I needed help?
Fishy Boopkins: Well, yeah. I just wanted-
Bob: (Turns angrily.) I was doing amazing! No, I was doing BETTER than amazing! I clearly told you not to intervene, and now my rap career is ruined!
Fishy Boopkins: (Terrified.) Bob, you're scaring me...
(Luigi is taking trash out when he spots the scene. He listens in.)
Bob: I tried so hard to get to where I am now... But now it's all destroyed because of you! To think, the lies I told...
Fishy Boopkins: Bob, I-
Bob: The scams I had to pull to get here. Now it's all gone!
Fishy Boopkins: But Bob...
Bob: I even pushed you down a well, for God's sake!
Fishy Boopkins: W-What? You pushed me...?
(It flashes to a moment prior to, and near the end of, "Mario and... The Well.".)
Bob: You didn't fall down there by accident. I pushed you down there, just so I could be the hero and save you. It was the perfect chance to push my rap music!
Fishy Boopkins: (Heartbroken.) You mean... You didn't save me because we're friends...?
Bob: Hell no!
(Boopkins breaks down in tears while Luigi silently watches...)
Bob: I even hatched the brilliant scheme of Bobsgiving where I... (Flashes back to "Mario and the Bob Mansion".) Replaced all the fire extinguishers in my house with flame throwers, asked you idiots to go and get some gasoline I labeled as "BOB Juice", and told Meggy to go help cook, knowing very well that klutz would burn down the house. Just so the house could blow up, and I could use the sob story to skyrocket myself to fame!
Fishy Boopkins: (Crying...) Bob, that's not nice...!
Bob: (Grabs Boopkins.) "Nice"?! You think this world is nice?! You're either an asshole or a pushover! A Bob or a Boopkins! And I sure as hell don't want to be a Boopkins! (He drops Boopkins harshly on the ground and leaves.) I'm done with you! I don't need anyone! I'm gonna build my rap career! Bigger this time!
Fishy Boopkins: (Crying still...) Bob... No...
(Luigi is still watching. Mario is suddenly behind him.)
Mario: The saddest thing is...we never got paid!
Luigi: Aren't your legs supposed to be broken?
(Mario looks down at his twisted leg.)
Mario: (Falls.) Oh, God! Ah, it burns! (He screams in pain while Luigi just shrugs.)
(Credits start... But then the screen flickers and we get a shot of a robot arm getting drills put in it, and then holding a controller. Then we see the date: 5th December, 2018.)
(The credits officially start.)