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This page is the transcript for SMG4: The Mario Mafia.
???: HEY! LET ME OUT! I swear it wasn't me! (We see Toad carrying a small body bag. He walks down a hallway.)
Toad: Yeah, yeah, shut up and stop squirming.
???: MY BOSS WILL GET YOU!
Toad: Your boss can kiss my Toad ass. (At the end of the hallway, Toad takes the bag off of a Goomba wearing a hat.) Walk to the end of the hall. The don is waiting for you... (The Goomba walks past Po [who wears a black hat and wields a gun], Steve in a tuxedo, Bob [who wears a hat, sunglasses, and wields a hammer], Fishy Boopkins [who wears Topper's hat and also wields a hammer], and Luigi [who also wears a hat and wields a gun], who smiles at the Goomba.)
Luigi: How ya doin'? (At the end of the second hallway, the don, wearing sunglasses and a hat, sits at a desk. Meggy is with the don, wearing a black suit.)
The Don: Do you have any idea who I am?
Goomba: I don't give a fuck! (The don removes his sunglasses, revealing that he's actually Mario.)
Mario: It's-a me, BITCH! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SABOTAGED ME, AREN'T YOU?!
Goomba: I don't know what you're talking about. (An angered Mario grabs the Goomba.)
Mario: You don't... f*ck... with Mario! (Begin flashback) I don't know who would do something so horrific...
Flashback Mario: Oh, boy! It's dinner time! AAH! (Mario's spaghetti is on the floor.) Oh, no! SOMEBODY TOUCHA MY SPAGHET!
Mario: And I saw a specific someone at the scene... (End flashback) And that's why I started Mario's Super Awesome Mega Mafia Group to hunt the maniac down!
Luigi: (comes in room) Hey, I thought we agreed the name to be the Super Happy Mushroom Friends!
Meggy: Oh, man... I wanted to call it the Super Woomy Brigade. (Bob then appears outside.)
Bob: Hey, Mario! When do we get paid for doing this shit?
Mario: JUST SHUT THE F*CK UP! (Mario grabs a bat.) Want to play a game? By the count of 3, you're gonna tell Mario who you work for, or Mario's gonna do something very illegal.
Goomba: AH!
Mario: One...
Goomba: It wasn't me...
Mario: Two...
Goomba: OK, OK! It's Bowser! He was mad you didn't invite him to your party last week... so he ordered me to get revenge...
Mario: Bowser?! That fatass Koopa!
(Transition on the beach's scene. Bowser sunbathes, Bowser Jr. panics and then starts crying, and the Koopalings plays are at a beach. Yes, they're all wearing hats.)
Lemmy: I have crippling depression.
Bowser Jr.: (stops crying) Uhhh, Dad? Don't you think what we did was a little... extreme?
Bowser: Bwahaha, that idiot Mario deserved what he got! Nobody ever forgets to invite me to anything!
Lemmy: Dad! Dad! Get over here, someone is doing something to the car!
Bowser Jr.: Oh, shit!
Bowser: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FREAKIN' CAR?! (Bowser finds Mario spraypainting the word "Pingas" on the car.)
Mario: Oh, boy! Look at that! That's-a so ni- OH, SHIT!
Bowser: GET THAT MOTHAFUCKA!
Bowser Jr.: Go fuck yourself, Mario! (As Bowser Jr. and the Koopalings open fire, Mario escapes.)
Bowser: Piece of shit! (Bowser calls someone.) Hello? Yeah, I need to ask you a favor. You up for it?
Shadowy Figure (Bob): AH, YES!
Bowser: Hehehehe, I knew you'd do it!
(At Mario's base...)
Mario: Hehehe, and then I sprayed "Pingas" on his car like a badass! (Toad gasps dramatically.)
Steve: HA! GOT 'EM!
Meggy: Seriously, Mario? "Pingas"?
Po: Oh, damn!
Mario: Hehe, yeah! (Suddenly, the windows behind Mario shatter and bullets riddle the room.)
Po: SHIIIIII...
Mario: What the hell?! How the hell did they find us?! (In a flashback, we see Bowser shoot down a cheap sign reading "NOT Mario's Sexy Base".)
Bob: Holy tits! Things are getting spicy in here, LOL!
Luigi: Hmmm... (Luigi looks out a broken window.) Go, Weegee! Gotchy, gotchy! (Luigi gets shot. His face is all bloodied.) Ohhh...
Bowser: Get fucked, bitches! Later!
Meggy: (confused) This is impossible... how could they have found us?!
Mario: I know why... because someone's been ratting us out! (Later, Mario kicks Po out of his office.) NEXT! NEXT!! COME ON!!! (Luigi walks into the office as Toad drags the Teletubby's limp body away.)
Luigi: (scared) H-hey, b-bro... what's up?
Mario: Hey, Luigi! Come on in! Don't worry! I just want to ask a few friendly questions. (The door closes behind Luigi.)
Luigi: Oh, okay! For a second there, I thought you suspected me... (Suddenly, Mario aims a rocket launcher at his brother's face.)
Mario: WAS IT YOU?!
Luigi: (scared) Mario, stop! We're brothers!
Mario: (calms down) Hooo... Sorry, Luigi. Just had to make sure... but... (shouts again) HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE NOT WEARING A MASK!?
(Mario then tries to grab Luigi's face, while Luigi screams in horror. Luigi then exits the room, horrified and crying of fear.)
Mario: Mario's gonna find you, rat! One way or another... (Toad is the next one to be interrogated.)
Toad: I don't know nothing! Now, stop questioning me! (Mario's solution? Tying Toad to a chair and threatening to unleash Toadette's wrath on him.) THIS IS A MAD HOUSU! MURDER HOUSU!
Mario: Say, I'm-a hungry. (He lets go of Toadette's leash and Toad's "girlfriend" nearly tears Toad apart, though he survives. Fishy Boopkins is up next, and we see him already terrified.
Fishy Boopkins: YOU CAN'T! PLEASE! DON'T DO- DON'T DO IT! (We see Mario holding a box of anime DVDs at gunpoint.)
Mario: I'm gonna do it, bro! I'm gonna do it!
Fishy Boopkins: I'll do anything you want! Just put it down!
Mario: Why don't you understand that anime belongs in the trash?
Fishy Boopkins: Oh, hell, no! (The Spike tackles Mario, causing the box to fly out of Mario's grasp and through a window. Fishy Boopkins jumps after it.) MY ANIME!!! (Mario wears a shocked expression. Later, Meggy sits in the office.)
Mario: Don't lie to me! Did you rat us out?!
Meggy: (bored) Can I go home yet?
Mario: OK, that's it! Maybe if I speak your squid language, you'll understand me! (Mario then speaks complete and total gibberish, weirding Meggy out.) Woomy! Woomy! Woomy! (Mario then imitates Peter Griffin, and he must've said something offensive, because Meggy then throws a chair at Mario, causing his head to turn in an uncomfortable fashion. Later, Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Meggy sit outside the office.) Ohhh... mamma-mia, who could it be...
Bob: LOL, what up, bitches? Did I miss anything? (The foursome look suspiciously at Bob.) Well, whatever. I'm gonna go take a shit and not do anything suspicious. (Repeatedly says LOL.) I'm heading out now. (He jumps out a window.) Whee... (He lands. Toad and Mario [whose head is back to normal] look out the window Bob jumped out of.)
Toad: Hey... something doesn't seem right...
Mario: Yeah! Who takes a crap outside? (Later, Bob walks down a street as the foursome follow him. Bob meets up with Bowser in an alley.)
Bob: Yo, yo, yo, what up, Bowser? Where's my motherfuckin' money, bitch?
Bowser: Hehehe, you did a good job! (He gives Bob Monopoly money.)
Bob: What the hell? What is this crap?
Bowser: I don't give a fuck, I don't give a fuck! I don't, I don't, I don't give a fuck! (He flips Bob off and leaves.)
Bob: Stupid Bowser, scamming me and crap! Who does he think he is? How could this day get any worse? (He looks up to find out that this day COULD get worse.) Aw, shit! (He sees Mario, Luigi, and Meggy, but Toad's nowhere to be seen.)
Mario: What's up, bra? What's up?
Bob: Wait, Mario! I can explain! (Before he can explain, Toad knocks Bob out with a bat.)
Toad: Ready to die? (After Bob gets knocked out, the screen cuts to black. Later, we share Bob's view as he's tied up to a chair.)
Bob: (Muffled) Oh, Jesus Christ! My head and my ass! (Normal pitch) What the hell happened? (We see Mario circling Bob with a mace in his hand.)
Mario: I'm about to whip somebody's ass! Oh, I'm about to whip somebody's ass!
Bob: Oh, my God, bro! Chill out! It was just a prank!
Mario: So Bob, if you want to keep your balls, you're going to have to tell where Bowser is.
Bob: LMAO whatever, I have more balls than you anyway. (Repeatedly says LOL.)
Mario: (to Meggy) Prepare it.
(Meggy nods)
Bob: Dude Mario, I've been through a lot more shit than this! I survived through high school and Vietnam!
(Mario throws Bob into a jail cell)
Mario: Lets see how long you can survive THIS!
Bob: Do your worst, bitch! (turns around) Huh?
Fishy Boopkins: Oh hey Bob! Mario told me you were going to watch me play Roblox for 10 hours! Check out my new custom character! His name is Animelover72!
Bob: Jesus Christ, stop! Get me the fuck outta here! I'll do whatever you want!
Mario: Hehehe, I knew I could get you to crack!
(The scene cuts to an apartment, we see Bowser listening to music, Bowser Jr. looks around.)
Steve: Housekeeping! Housekeeping!
Bowser Jr: Wah!? What the heck?!
Bowser Jr: (to Steve) You're not allowed in here, BOZO!
Steve: Housekeeping?
Bowser Jr: NO!
Steve: I come in anyway?
Bowser Jr: That is not-
Steve: I come in anyway. (He moves the laundry.)
Bowser Jr: You have 3 seconds to get out! 1...
Steve: Housekeeping...
Bowser Jr: ...2...
Steve: INCOMING!
Bowser Jr: HEY! STOP!
(Toad appears with guns with him)
Bowser Jr: (slow motion) What the fuck?
Toad: Bitch! (starts shooting everywhere, the Koopa Kids scream and hide, while Toad keeps screaming.)
(Meggy, Mario, and Luigi pop in falling, breaking the window.)
Roy: Hey! Hey whatcha doing, motherfucker? (He starts shooting at them.)
(Luigi, Mario and Toad run and hide.)
Wendy: PAPA! Help!
Meggy: (notices Wendy running) No you don't!
Mario: HEY STEVE! WE NEED SOME BACKUP!
Steve: Housekeeping? Housekeeping? Okay. Boom. Bam. Bop. Bada bop boom pow. (He manages to kill Bowser Jr. and the Koopalings one by one.)
Mario, Luigi, and Toad: DAMN!
Steve: Yeah! Housekeeping! (In a hallway, Wendy is chased my Meggy.)
Wendy: PAPA! We're being invaded! (Bowser can't hear her. Meggy catches up to Wendy, and the two girls have a standoff. Meggy disarms Wendy and kicks her out a window. The others see Meggy.)
Mario: Damn! (Later, Bowser is in the bathroom. Mario, Luigi, and Toad all aim guns at the Koopa King, scaring him.)
Bowser: Please don't hurt me!
Mario: You shouldn't have touched my spaghet, Bowser! This is what happens! >:(
Bowser: I'm sorry, Mario! I just felt so lonely when you didn't invite me to your party... I've always been left out as a kid... and I've always been jealous of your parties since so many go ther-
Mario: I really don't give a shit.
Bowser: To make it up to you... I'll buy you as much spaghetti as you want...
Mario: (Starts crying.) WAAAH, THAT'S THE NICEST THING ANYONE'S EVER DONE FOR ME... I still love you!
Bowser: Let's hug it out, bro! (Mario and Bowser hug and cry. Steve also cries, but Luigi and Toad leave.)
Meggy: Uh... are you guys done yet? (After seeing what was going on, she leaves.)
(The video ends)