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This is the transcript for SMG4: We Interrupt This Broadcast.
Scene 1[]
(The episode begins in the style of the King Of The Hill opening.)
Mario: (Laying on the ground) SMG4... I'm bored. Is the new castle here yet?
SMG4: I told you, I can only build it once I get stinkin' rich.
Mario: And when is that gonna be?
SMG4: The moment my flummies take off! (He begins watching a video.) Top 10 Flummies to Collect... First, you got Zummy, the king... This is Tummy, he's cool. This is Toople McNooples. F*ck him. This is Luigi. Oh, my favorite, Kimbo Slice. This is Satan in his K-Pop phase... And Brad.
Mario: ...SMG4... If you just need money, then you should've asked!
SMG4: (Scoffs) Yeah, as if YOU'D be able to make a single dollar in this economy...
(Mario plops down a large pile of coins on top of SMG4.)
SMG4: What?! How'd you get this money!?
Mario: Ever since my boi Marty took over Mario's pizza store.
(Flashback. After everyone throws their money at Marty and collect their pizzas, Mario takes all the money for himself.)
Mario: Thanks, Marty!
(Marty is still looking a little suspicious after that as the camera menacingly zooms in on him...)
(Flashback ends.)
Mario: This should be enough to build the new castle, right?
SMG4: (Tearfully, joyfully hugging the money) Mario, I... I don't even know how to repay you...
Mario: You can make Mario a castle where he can play in!
SMG4: YES, I WILL! IT'S FINALLY TIME!!!! TIME TO MAKE THE NEW CASTLE I'VE BEEN PROMISING FOR SO LONG!!!
(Clap clap. Construction has started and appears to be coming along smoothly.)
Mario: Is it ready yet?
SMG4: Patience! It's being built! Where's your hard hat?
Mario: WHAT!? BUT MARIO WANTS THE CASTLE NOOOOOOW! (He gets hit by a stray brick and falls over, knocked out.)
Engineer: Whoops! Sorry!
Scene 2[]
(At Meggy's house...)
Meggy: WHERE'S?! MY?! BEANIE??!!
(Meggy is frantically tearing her house upside down trying to find her missing beanie.)
Tari: Uh, maybe you dropped it somewhere?
Meggy: NO! I never take it off!
(She substitutes a bowl for her beanie, hyperventilates, then curls up on the floor.)
Tari: Why don't we just go and get a new one?
Meggy: (Gets up close to Tari's face) A NEW ONE? A NEW ONE????!!!! That lucky beanie was given to me by the Splatfest champion of champions, ONE SHOT WREN!
(Flashback begins. One Shot Wren gives a younger Meggy his beanie.)
Meggy: It always gave me the motivation to keep training so I could be just like him!
(Flashback ends. Meggy is still hyperventilating on the floor.)
Meggy: Losing it is like... (Near tears) losing my identity!
Tari: OK, OK, I get it. (She grabs Meggy by her foot and drags her off.) Let's go check with the others. Maybe they've seen it.
Scene 3[]
(Everyone is admiring how construction is going along.)
Bob: Holy crap, that's cool!
SMG3: Well, I'll be damned... (To SMG4) How long is this going to be in construction for?
Mario: Might as well be FOREVERRRRRR!
SMG4: Chill out, Mario. Good things take time! Besides, we have just enough money left over to go on a holiday! Why don't we go on a little vacation while the castle's being constructed? We could all use one!
SMG3: SMG4... That's the only smart thing I've ever heard you say!
(SMG4 didn't like hearing that.)
Saiko: A vacation would be really nice.
Luigi: But where would we go?
Boopkins: OOOH, let's go to Japan! I think everyone's forgot because I haven't mentioned it in a while, but I LIKE ANIMEEEEE! I LIKE IT SO MUCH!
(After that, Boopkins passes out as everyone wonders what they just heard.)
SMG4: Why do we go to Pee Pee Island? That place looks cool!
Mario: Why don't we go to Spaghetti Land!? That would be fun!
(Everyone's faces scream "You can't be serious!")
SMG4: Mario, that's not a real place...
Melony: Let's go to IKEA!
SMG4: Melony... You can go there anytime...
Melony: Oh yeah! YEEEAAHHHHHHH!
Bob: Why don't we go to Detroit?
SMG3: I'm sorry, Bob. I don't want to die.
Bob: Screw you! You ain't a Top G!
Luigi: Can I make a suggestion!
Mario: WHY CAN'T WE GO TO SPAGHETTI LAND?!
SMG3: I HAVEN'T EVEN MADE A SUGGESTION YET!
Boopkins: GUYS, DON'T FORGET, I LIKE ANIME, REMEMBER?!
(Everyone starts arguing about where they want to go.)
Meggy: (Arrives) GUYS!! Have any of you seen my beanie?
(Beat.)
Luigi: Guys! Why don't we go to the National Celebrity Museum? (He plays a news report on his phone.) They're doing a flummy signing! And I'M a special guest!
Mario: (Punches the phone out of Luigi's hands) You stupid!
(Tari catches the phone as everyone else keeps quarreling.)
Meggy: (Getting irritated) Come on, Tari. We're finding this beanie...
Tari: WAIT! IS THAT IT?!
(The news report shows three Inklings, two kicking a flummy back and forth while a third watches. The one watching is indeed wearing Meggy's beanie.)
Meggy: You're telling me some Inkling Brat! Stole my beanie!? Come on, Tari! They're dead! (She leaves.)
Luigi: (To Tari, begging) Can I come, too?
Meggy: (From afar) NO!
Scene 4[]
(The three Inkling delinquents are now skating inside the museum, running over visitors in the process. They skate by Cap'n Cuttlefish.)
Cap'n Cuttlefish: HEY, YOU DARN KIDS, NO SKATIN' HERE!
(One Inkling jumps up and skates in Cuttlefish's face. As they share a laugh at this, the red-haired one bumps into Meggy.)
Meggy: You have something of mine?
Leader Inkling: OH CRAP! IT'S MEGGY SPLETZER! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!!! (Him and his two cronies flee.)
(Meggy looks over and sees Cuttlefish moving a box on a skateboard. She shoves him away.)
Meggy: SORRY! I NEED THIS TO SAVE THE WORLD!
(She prepares to take off, only to be blocked by Tari, who has her fists up.)
Meggy: Yes, Tari?
Tari: What do you want me to do, coach?
(Meggy ponders as the Inkling leader smugly makes his escape.)
Meggy: Uhhh... Stay over there! And don't hurt yourself! (She takes off, leaving a saddened Tari behind.)
Scene 5[]
(The chase is on. The Inkling leader and his two stooges leap over Gourmet Guy, with Meggy in hot pursuit. They skate on the wall and leap over a painting of SMG3. Meggy, meanwhile, actually lands on the painting and turns SMG3 into Morshu. The Inklings crash through a crowd while Meggy flattens Toople McNooples.)
Meggy: UH, SORRY, TOOPLE MCNOOPLES!!
Toople McNooples: F*CK YOU!
(He fires a rocket launcher at her, but she kicks it towards the Inklings, disrupting their escape. Meggy walks over, takes her beanie back, and grabs the leader by his shirt collar.)
Meggy: Why did you take my beanie?
Leader: We... We were told to! Don't hurt me!!!
Meggy: LIAR!!!
Tari: Meggy! Don't hurt him!
(An out of breath Tari makes her way over. The Leader kicks Meggy.)
Leader: LOSERS!!! (He escapes.)
Meggy: TARI!! You made him get awa- ...Tari?
(Tari is staring up at something. Meggy looks up as well. In front of her is a statue of One Shot Wren... Only it's covered in graffiti and insults: "U FELL OFF!" "LOSER" Meggy begins fuming upon seeing this act of ruin.)
Meggy: Who... WHO... WHO DID THIS TO ONE SHOT WREN?!?!
(Flashback begins. One Shot Wren leaves his beanie with young Meggy.)
Tari: This is so disrespectful. I thought he was a legend...
(Flashback ends. Cuttlefish makes his way over while sweeping.)
Cuttlefish (a.k.a., "Old Man"): Ehhhh, that One Shot Wren fell off ages ago. People just use this statue to make fun of him now. Pain in my ass cause I gotta clean it up...
(An already irate Meggy kicks the broom out of his hand and catches it.)
Cuttlefish (a.k.a., "Old Man"): HEY, YOU DARNED KID!!
(Meggy points the broom at his face.)
Meggy: Don't you DARE say that about One Shot Wren! He's the greatest Splatfest player that ever lived!
Cuttlefish (a.k.a., "Old Man"): Well, go find him then, ya smartass whippersnapper. (He leaves.)
Tari: B-But how? We don't have his address...
Meggy: Hmm...
(Meggy suddenly gets an idea. She takes her beanie off and she and Tari look inside. There's a note and address printed on the tag.)
IF LOST, RETURN TO WREN
135 INKWELL ROAD
Meggy: Come on, Tari!! We're gonna go see ONE SHOT WREN!!!
Tari: Yippee! (They run off.)
Scene 6[]
(Meggy and Tari make their way to One Shot Wren's house... But when they get there, they find it completely abandoned. The windows are bare and "CAUTION" barriers are up around the house.)
Meggy: This... This can't be real...
Tari: Meggy... Maybe we should just go back- (Meggy hops over the fence.) MEGGY!
(Tari follows her inside. Meggy runs down the darkened, dirty halls.)
Meggy: He has to be okay... HE HAS TO BE OKAY...
(Meggy stops to look inside a room. Some Splat gear, weapons, and even a Splatfest trophy are scattered about. She runs past another room, but stops to look back inside. There's a single television displaying nothing but static. She slowly makes her way towards the television as Tari catches up.)
Tari: Meggy... Stop this now. We shouldn't be here! ...Huh?
(She also looks at the TV. The static starts glitching out to somehow play a commercial.)
Commercial Narrator: COME ON DOWN TO THE TOWN OF WESTERN SPAGHETTI! You'll have the most rootinest, tootinest time! With horses, a brand new saloon, weekend hootenannies, and GUNS. Also, our newest cowboy is quite the spectacle to behold! A former Splatfest champion... His name is ONE SHOT WREN!
Come on down to Western Spaghetti
(The commercial ends and the TV turns off. Meggy is overjoyed.)
Meggy: I KNEW IT!! I KNEW HE'S OKAY!! He's just gone to the Wild West!!!
Tari: Isn't it... Uh... Kinda weird that TV just played that commercial...? ...Then turned off??
Meggy: Tari! You say you want to be stronger, right? Well, THIS is your chance! One Shot Wren is the greatest hero to have ever lived! If you meet him... He'll spark a fire inside you that will blaze to the heavens! And then I will take that fire... and coach it into an inferno of GREATNESS!!
Tari: Really...? O-OK!! LET'S DO IT THEN! LET'S GO!!
Scene 7[]
(Everyone is gathered at the train station, all packed up, ready to go, and finally decided on their vacation spot.)
SMG4: WAHOOOOOO! WHO'S READY TO GO TO PEE PEE ISLAND!?
(Nobody, judging by the looks on their faces as they board the train.)
SMG3: I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT'S THE PLACE WE ENDED UP DECIDING TO GO!
Meggy: HOLD IT!!! We're not going to Pee Pee Island because... WE'LL BE GOING TO THE WILD WEST!!!
Mario: What?
Tari: Meggy has a mission to find her idol. And he's somewhere in the west!!
(At this, everyone cheers at going to the wild west instead of SMG4's preferred spot, which he no doubt picked based on the name alone.)
SMG3: YES!!! ANYTHING BUT PEE PEE ISLAND!!!!
Bob: HELL YEAH, I'M DOWN TO SHOOT SOME GUNS!!
Boopkins: Are there any waifus in the west? (He gets run over by everyone boarding the train.)
SMG4: Awww man... (Transform into a abomination SMG4 plush)
(Meggy enters the conductor's room, tosses out the conductor, and takes the helm as the train departs.)
Meggy: Next stop... the wiiiild west!!!
Saiko: WAIT!! Who's looking after the Showgrounds while we're gone?!
Mario: Don't worry, Marty's got it covered.
(Back at the Showgrounds, Marty guards the place by... just standing there and falling over. Only Mario trusts a totally normal cardboard cutout to guard the place while everyone is on vacation.)
Meggy: (Coughs) Next stop... the wiiiild west!!!
(Credits roll.)