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This is the transcript for SMG4: Weird Mario Games Be Like...
Transcript[]
Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga[]
(The Mario Bros. dance in front of a Goomba and a Koopa.)
Goomba: Why aren't you jumping at me?
Super Mario Bros. 35[]
Announcer: Welcome to Super Mario Bros. with... 35 players?!
(Luigi gets chased by 35 Marios.)
WarioWare[]
(Wario is napping when suddenly...)
Brush! (Wario notices the bomb timer and brushes his teeth.)
Wash! (Wario washes himself in the shower.)
Make Breakfast! (Wario makes garlic breakfast, but accidentally slices off his hand.)
Go to work! (Wario tries to enter his car, but is unable to do so without his hand. He collapses on the ground in defeat (and from blood loss) and explodes when the bomb timer ends.)
Lego Super Mario[]
Mario: (Worried) Nintendo... Please don't turn me into marketable plushies...!
(Doug Bowser snaps his fingers, and Mario has transformed into a crude Lego figurine.)
Lego Mario: Mamaf***er!
Yoshi's Story[]
(Yoshi runs along, dances on top of a block, eats a fruit from a tree, and relaxes while eating more fruit, until he eats a Banana Cat. The sentient Bananas nearby are stunned in silence at him for this... So they decide to behead him.)
Yoshi: NO, PLEASE NO, YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! NO, I DIDN'T DO NOTHING! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! (The guillotine comes down.)
Super Mario 3D All-Stars[]
3 Marios: My own clone! Now neither of us will be virgins!
New Super Mario Bros. 2[]
(Mario is walking along when he notices a Gold Flower. He touches it and turns golden. He hurls a golden fireball at a nearby Goomba, turning it into a stack of coins.)
Mario: Ha! Ha! Ha! Wahoo! I'm gonna be swimmin' in gold when I finish this level!
(He goes down a pipe, which takes him underwater. He falls into the dark abyss and drowns.)
YOU DIED
SSX On Tour[]
(Mario does impressive snowboarding tricks until he falls flat on his face.)
Mario Party DS[]
(Luigi, Wario, and Yoshi, all tiny, are sitting in a cup floating in a sink.)
Wario: Ugh... Being small sucks.
(Yoshi screams.)
Luigi: Hmm... I wonder where Mario is?
(It turns out that Mario has been killed via a mousetrap.)
Super Smash Bros. for Wii U[]
(Mario and SMG4 are sitting at a table when Luigi runs up to them.)
Luigi: Hold up, guys, I'm on the way!
Daisy: (To Luigi) Do you want to come inside? I have Nintendo.
Luigi: OH! You got Smash Bros.?
(He enters her house.)
Daisy: Yeah, come on!
Luigi: Yeah, I love Nintendo!
(The door suddenly closes by itself, horrifying Luigi.)
Daisy: Oh, dang. I must have left it upstairs. I guess we gotta find something else to do.
(Luigi, understanding what Daisy wants to do with/to him, tries to make a break for it, but the door is locked.)
Donkey Kong Jr. Math[]
(Frankie is playing Donkey Kong when Miyamoto pops out of the TV.)
Miyamoto: Did I just catch you having fun?
(He smacks Frankie and changes the game to Donkey Kong Jr. Math. Frankie cries over having to learn.)
Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker[]
Captain Toad: Finally, after all these years...
(The treasure chest opens...)
Captain Toad: THE ONE PIECE!
(...And out pops a long-legged Toad.)
Captain Toad: THE ONE PIECE IS REAL!
(The long-legged Toad begins dancing.)
Mario + Rabbids: Sparks of Hope[]
(Mario and SMG4 are corned trying to take out an army of Rabbids. Mario eventually gets tackled and transforms into a Rabbid, who screams his head off. A teary-eyed SMG4 is forced to pull the trigger on his human-turned-Rabbid friend.)
NBA Street V3[]
SMG4: You know, I've never actually seen this game before.
Mario: The f*ck is your problem!?
SMG4: What?
Mario: Here's what we're seeing right now, b!tch!
(Mario grabs the game and throws it into the TV. Gameplay is shown as SMG4 goes crazy, especially when Luigi appears.)
Luigi (In game): I am-a Luigi! Numbuh one, motha-f*ka!
SMG4: LUIGI'S! BALLLLLIIINN!
(Meanwhile...)
Michael Jordan: I'm Michael Jordan. (He crosses out Luigi's face as John Wick cocks a shotgun.)
Super Mario Odyssey[]
(Pauline is about to sit on a chair when...)
Mario (As A Chair): Hello, young lady! Are you, by any chance, in need of a me-shaped chair?
(Pauline torches him with a flamethrower, where he screams in pain.)
Dr. Luigi[]
Doctor Luigi: Oh boy! I can't wait to become a doctor like my bro! This will be so much fun!
Doctor: Sir, we need help!
Doctor: This patient (a TF2 Scout) has the bubonic plague!
(The Scout pukes on Luigi and the latter dies not long after.)
RIP Luigi - Why does the world hate me
Yoshi's Woolly World[]
Yoshi: Wahoo! Let's go save our friends!
(He goes down a pipe and ends up...)
Yoshi: Aw, s%$t... (Gets whacked by a shovel)
Super Mario Bros. Print World[]
(Mario is on the computer when SMG4 walks in.)
SMG4: Hey, Mario. Remember to make that birthday card for Luigi. And this time, stop using that old piece of crap you call a printing program. (He leaves.)
Mario: HAH! Old piece of crap? (He pulls up a copy of Super Mario Bros. Paint World.) Who doesn't want to use this high-tech masterpiece?
(He uses the software to make a poorly made birthday card. He then goes to Luigi's grave in tears and places the card on the dirt.)
Mario: (Tearfully) LUIGI!
Super Mario Bros. Calculator[]
(Mario walks on-screen.)
Mario: Nintendo... What the hell were you smoking?
("Gameplay" begins. Mario watches as 1+1 is calculated to 2.)
Mario: Ugh, I'm so bored! Here, let me try this thingy for once!
(He kicks the mouse cursor out of the way and calculates 9÷0. Big mistake. The program crashes and the universe ends as a result.)
Diddy Kong Racing[]
(An orangutan (With Diddy Kong's hat edited on top of it) rides a golf cart and runs over a golfer.)
Luigi's Mansion 3[]
(A scared Luigi walks down a hallway...)
Boo: BOO!
(Luigi screams and cowers on the ground.)
Boo: (Laughs) Man, your fatass brother is hopeless if you're meant to save him!
(Upon hearing the words "fatass brother", Luigi becomes enraged.)
Luigi: NO ONE INSULTS MY BROTHER!!
(Luigi sucks Boo up with his Poltergeist, smacks him into the ground, and throws him.)
Boo: No! Please! Have mercy!
(Luigi goes in to punch him.)
Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour[]
(Wario is golfing.)
Wario: Wait a minute. I hate golf!
(He gets run over by the same orangutan on the golf cart wearing Diddy Kong's cap.)
Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door[]
Paper Mario: Yo, check this out, look at this. (He hammers the Thousand-Year Door.) Absolutely no way I'm getting through that. Completely solid. But watch this.
(He plants large Bob-Ombs all over the room. One pink Bob-Omb falls in love with a purple one.)
Bob-Omb: I feel a spark between us.
(Their fuses go off...)
Paper Mario: Wait, what?
Bob-Omb: I'm 'bout to blow~!
(...and the Bob-Omb's explode...)
Paper Mario: OH, GREAT-
(...setting off a chain reaction as the other Bob-Ombs in the room explode as well. After which, the room and the doors have been destroyed. Paper Mario, completely ashen, jumps up in celebration.)
Task failed successfully!
(Paper Mario's ashes blow away.)
Minecraft[]
(Mario joins a Minecraft server. He looks down in horror at his block hands.)
Mario: Holy sh!t... I can't fap! I CAN'T FAP! I CAN'T FAAAAAAAA-
Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island[]
(Baby Mario's crying drives Yoshi crazy.)
Tired of those out of control kids? You've had it with parenting. But wait! There IS a solution! Introducing Nap Time! It's simple! Just douse a rag with our patented sleep time formula...
(Yoshi throws the rag to the side and sprays Baby Mario with the bottle. Baby Mario melts away.)
And presto! No more tantrum!
Yoshi: Thanks, Nap Time!
Super Mario Collection Screen Saver[]
(Mario is on the computer when SMG4 bursts in.)
SMG4: DUDE!! If you thought NBA V3 was hype, CHECK THIS OUT!!
(He pulls up Super Mario Collection Screen Saver.)
Mario: Dear God...
(The duo go crazy as they boot the software up... Only to find that it's just animations with Mario sprites moving around the screen, just like any other screen saver. They go crazy about this anyway, with the rest of their friends, and even multiple YouTube reactors, joining in on it, as well.)
(Credits roll.)