SSENMODNAR DELUXE - 1 MILLION SUB SPECIAL/Transcript

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This is the transcript for SSENMODNAR DELUXE - 1 MILLION SUB SPECIAL.

Transcript

(Disclaimer: contains strong language and may induce IQ loss)

(SMG4 intro.)

Opening

A special thanks from SMG4... For all of you getting me to where I am! Thank you, fans! now, enjoy this video!

SMG4: yeah!! I wonder how my channel is doing.

(He goes to his computer to see that his channel has hit 1 million subscribers. He celebrates this accomplishment.)

SMG4: Mario!

Mario: Yeeeeeeees?

SMG4: It is time! (He goes to his safe to get out a disc reading "SSENMODNAR Deluxe" out.) Dude, so, are you ready for SSENMODNAR Deluxe Edition?

Mario: Ready? Ready doesn't even fucking DESCRIBE IT! (They high five and put the disk in the computer, which starts going on an acid trip, and the title card comes up. Then the episode officially starts.)

Skit #1

(The ending of Super Mario 64 is playing where Mario gets the wing cap after defeating Bowser. He flies around until he starts to drop in front of Peach's castle. But, he crashes in front of a walking man instead.)

Skit #2

(SuperBlue45 is bouncing backwards and up and down while "We No Speak Americano" plays.)

Skit #3

(Dr. Eggman starts horribly singing "Wouldn't It Be Nice" by The Beach Boys. All the while, he is flying around and smacking into stuff until he blows up.)

Skit #4

(An orchestra is playing.)

Mario: Hey fellas. Knock off all that high-society crap and play some of this!

(They look at the sheet.)

Member: 1! 2! 3! 4! (They start playing "I Play Pokemon Go" by Misha, This causes a Toad to get enraged and jump out of a building.)

Skit #5

(Vm7890 is watching something.)

Skerpup: What in the f*ck are you watching?!

Vm7890: Fifty Shades of Gray! (He's really watching PewDiePie's Harlem Shake video. Skerpup beats the living hell out of him.)

Skerpup: HOW DARE YOU WATCH THAT WITHOUT ME?!

Skit #6

(Bowser is hanging off a ledge.)

Mario: Haha! So long, gay Bowser! (Bowser screams.) haha! Got any last words fatso? :D

Bowser: if you don't kill me... i promise to never steal the princess again!

(Beat.)

Mario: (Singing.) Why the fuck you lyin'? Why you always lyin'? Hmmm. oh my god. Stop fuckin' lyin'! (He kicks Bowser off.)

Skit #7

Toad Toadelstien: Hi there. My name is Toad Toadelstien, and I'm going to teach you how to successfully pick up women. (He rushes to literally pick Peach up.)

GREAT!

Skit #8

(Toad is watching a gay porno on his computer, when Toadette walks in.)

Toadette: Hey daddy! (She notices.) SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!

Toad: (He is watching two Luigi dolls... uh, getting it on.) Just gimme like five more minutes man, come on! (Beat.) Uhhh, I can explain. (He starts singing "The Internet is for Porn" by Avenue Q.)

Skit #9

(FightingMario54321 and Nintendofan997 are reenacting the "I'm at Soup" meme.)

FightingMario54321: Hello?

Nintendofan997: Hey, what's up?

FightingMario54321: I need your help, can you come here?

Nintendofan997: Uh, I can't. I'm buying clothes

FightingMario54321: Alright, well, hurry up and come over here.

Nintendofan997: I can't find them.

FightingMario54321: What do you mean you can't find them?

Nintendofan997: I can't find them. There's only soup.

FightingMario54321: Whaddya mean "there's only soup"?

Nintendofan997: It mean there's only soup.

FightingMario54321: Well then, get out of the soup aisle!

Nintendofan997: Alright, you don't have to shout at me (He moves to another aisle.) There's more soup!

FightingMario54321: Whaddya mean "there's more soup"?!

Nintendofan997 : There's just more soup!

FightingMario54321: Go into the next aisle!

Nintendofan997 : There's still soup!

FightingMario54321: Where are you right now?!

Nintendofan997 : I'M AT THE SOUP STORE!!

FightingMario54321: WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!

Nintendofan997: FUCK YOU!!

Skit #10

Mario Teaches You How To Get Fit

Mario: Okie dokie. What the fuck is that!? (He tries to lift the weight, but fails. He notices that Waluigi and Peach have lifted theirs with no trouble, so he gets the idea. He flips it into the air and out of the building.)

Plane Announcer: Good afternoon. This is your captain speaking. Coming up on the left you can be able to see- OH FUCK! (The weight hits the plane, causing an explosion.)

Skit #11

(A whale-blimp thing is rampaging in a ruined city.) GET IN MAH BELLY! (Starman3 and MarioMario54321 are running.)

MM54321: Get to da choppa!

Steve: I'm a helicopter! (They use Steve to get away, while the whale-blimp thing looks in confusion.)

Skit #12

(Birdo is on a hospital bed, in pain.)

Peach: doctor! this patient needs a heart transplant right away!!

Doctor Mario: Yeah, well that's disgusting. (Goes to Birdo.) Hmmmmmmm... I got it! (He places a jelly heart snack on the bed.) Yummy! (Peach is not amused.) Okie dokie. Fine! (Cut to the emergency room. Dr. Mario is singing while giving Birdo the transplant.) Theee knee bone's connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing! The red thing's connected to my pingas! (A bone crunch is heard.) Oh shit! (The room explodes.)

Skit #13

Luigi: Enough is ENOUGH! I have had it with these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane! (The plane is shown to be full of Solid Snakes.)

Skit #14

Moments with Steve

(Steve is happily walking while singing until something catches his eye. A pig is robbing someone.)

Pig: GIVE ME SOME SHROOMS! AND NO ONE GETS HURT!

Mushroom Horse: Somebody stop that awful, awful man! (Steve walks up and eats the mushroom on top of the horse's head.)

Steve: Woah man, I'm tripping about plumbers and stuff dude. (He collapses, and finds himself in the world of Smash Bros.. Mario is there too. They fight until Steve dances, which leads to Mario commiting suicide. Back in the real world, Steve is going crazy while the horse and pig watch.)

Horse: Uh, is he dead?

Skit #15

(Old Man Hobo is singing.)

Do you feel alone?

Do you feel neglected?

Not doing to well with the ladies?

Well, I got the solution for you!!!

Low self-esteem? GROW A BEARD!

Afraid to follow your dreams? GROW A BEARD!

Are you lonely and sad? GROW A BEARD!

Are you stuck in the middle on nowhere and you need to make an important phone call but your battery's dead and you can't find an outlet to plug in your charger?!

Mario: Mmhmm.

GROW A BEARD!

Mario: (With a beard.) Ooooooooh!

Skit #16

Do you like waffles?

Pinkolol16: No.

Do you like pancakes?

Pinkolol16: No!

Do you like french toast?

Pinkolol16: NO!

(Mario walks in with pancakes. Pinkolol16 screams.)

Skit #17

One day in Teletubbie land, something appeared from far away...

Shrek: (Falls down.) Oh, hello there!

(Po and Shrek scream.)

Po the Teletubbie was scared by the scary green smurf.

Shrek: What are you doing in my swamp?!

Oh shit! The scary green smurf is attempting to take over Teletubbie land!

Po: Oh no! (Uses the radio.) Help me! Help now!

Laa-laa (Actually Dipsy) tried to scare the green smurf away.

Dipsy: (Wearing a mask.) Boo! Very scary!

Shrek: Ohhh, oh gee ahhh it's so scary! Ohhh-PSYCHE! (Shoots Dipsy.)

Dipsy (Actually Laa-laa) tried murdering the green smurf.

Laa-laa: YOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Shrek simply dodges and Laa-laa misses.)

And Tinky Winky shat himself. (He farts.)

There was only one thing left that they could do...

DANCE OFF

Shrek: People who think that just because I'm an ogre, I can't dance! Well, I've had it up to here! Somebody lay down a beat! (Electric Zoo plays while Shrek does weird dance moves.)

Po: Ha! Gaaaaaaay! Take it away, fellas! (They actually dance with a legit beat.)

Take it away, Tinky Winky! (He dances, which causes Shrek to leave.)

Shrek: Fuck this shit, I'm out!

Skit #18

(Frankie is watching Sonic teach him that if he's being touched wrong, to fuck that person up.)

Frankie: Okay!

Toadsworth: Son! i'm gonna go shopping now! Come give your papa a goodbye hug!

(Frankie falcon punches him out of the room.)

Frankie: Oh yeeeaaah!

Skit #19

(Heavy Weapons Guy is singing a cover of Justin Bieber's "Baby".)

Skit #20

Time for something you've all been waiting for... FNAF 4!

(The player goes to his bedroom door and sees Freddy coming. Freddy enters the room, and sees Baby Mario with a minigun.)

Baby Mario: What up, biatch? (He fires at Freddy.)

Chica: PIZZA!

The End

Skit #21

(SMG4 is typing on his computer when Bob comes in.)

Bob: Notice me senpai!

SMG4: Awww, fuck...!

Bob: SuperMarioGucci4-senpai, can I please be in your 1 million soob special?

(SMG4 sighs, then Bob breaks the desk.)

Bob: Pretty please, SuperMemeGenerator4?

SMG4: A THOUSAND F*CKING TIME, NO! (He jumps out a window.)

Bob: ...Was that a yes?

Skit #22

When He Picks You Up and Spins You Around

(Mario is spinning Bowser by his tail and throws him into a bomb.)

Skit #23

(A wrestler is "having fun" with a feminine Mario.)

Super Nintendo Dating Service

Call Now: 69696969

Skit #24

Luigi: Mario! Mario!

(Opens Door 1.)

Toad: Hello!

Luigi: No...

(Opens Door 2.)

Elmo: You wanna know how I got these scars?

Luigi: Nope.

(Opens Door 3.)

(Peach is on the toilet. She roars at Luigi, who closes the door quickly.)

(Opens Door 4.)

(Bowser is singing the chicken nugget song, and Luigi screams.)

Skit #25

(Wario and Waluigi are singing "The Gay Barbie Song".)

Skit #26

(Mario is talking Italian gibberish, as usual.)

SMG4: Wow, that's REALLY interesting!

Mario: Okie dokie! See you next time! (Runs into Bob.)

Bob: Oh, hey Mario. (Holds up a shotgun.) Take off your clothes now!

Mario: Alrighty!

Bob: (Wearing Mario's clothes.) Spaghetti spaghetti. (Talks in beeps, bops, and boops.) Ravioli ravioli, put me in your videoli.

SMG4: How 'bout no, you fucking ravioli.

Skit #27

Welcome back to the Animal Channel.

In the wild, we see this livid creature, the Fishy Boopkin, in its natural habitat. Scientists have labeled this particular amphibious species, "A Pathetic Piece of Aquatics Shit".

Fishy Boopkins: Hey, that's not nice.

A truly retarded species, these creatures are suspect to all kinds of predators.

Fishy Boopkins: What?! No, we're not! We're a very strong and noble species! I'll let you know, it only took me half an hour to tie my shoes this mor- (Gets eaten by a fish.)

And... they're extinct.

Skit #28

Eggman: bwhaha! I've finally completed it... i can now take over the world with...

The Dab Gun

Eggman: Hahahaha! Catch me if you can! (Fires.)

Sonic: Come and get- (Gets hit and dabs. Eggman runs all over the place, hitting people (Including the real life SMG4.) with the dab gun.)

Skit #29

(Bowser is cooking while singing "Bacon Pancakes". Toad is in the pan.)

Toad: AH I"M ON FIRE!

Skit #30

Luigi: Listen, I have a question for you... I hope the answer's yes... (Holds up a ring.) Will... Will you...

Daisy: Oh yes, Juan! A thousand times- (Gets run over by cars.)

Skit #31

When someone watches SMG4 for the first time

Yoshi: What the fuck is going on?!?!?! (Everything around him explodes and breaks.)

Skit #32

Eggman: So, you're interested in becoming my newest minion, Mr... Mario.

Mario: That's-a me!

Eggman: I'm very sorry, but I don't think you're qualified for the position...

Mario: Why is-a that?

Eggman: *sigh*

(Flashback to five minutes prior. Eggman is reviewing Mario application form, when he clicks on the video Mario included. This comes up, with Mario's hat and 'stache edited in. Eggman hold up a gun to himself.)

Skit #33

(Luigi's Mansion is shown. Luigi is backing away from a ghost until E.Gadd vacuums it up.)

E.Gadd: GOTCHA, BITCH!

Ghost: (Punches him back.) NO! (It laughs and vanishes.)

Luigi: You saved me!

E.Gadd: (Mumbling.) I love you man... I am mad scientist! Iz so cooool! Sonofabitch...

Don't do drugs, kids.

Skit #34

(A woman answers a phone.) Mario: Hello! Swiggity swooty, I am coming for the booty!

Skit #35

(Someone is reacting to the ending of Super Mario 64, where Peach kisses Mario.)

Skit #36

(GlitchyMario64 is eating spaghetti when something startles him. He looks around until he catches sight of a naked Mario.)

Mario: Ooh! Nice spaghetti you got here. Can I have it?

GlitchyMario64: OHHH, IT"S A TINY PENIS!

Skit #37

(Link is playing the Ocarina.)

Waluigi: Ha! GAAAYYY! Let me show you how it's done! (He plays "Sandstorm" on his own Ocarina, to Link's surprise.)

Skit #38

(Frankie, Toadette, and Goomba are talking.)

Goomba: Let's talk about music. We don't like children's music.

All Three: No, no, no!

Toadette: What music are you into?

Frankie: I like this. It's very grown up. (He plays Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" on the radio. He starts dancing, much to the shock of Toadette and Goomba.)

Skit #39

Some Guy: 420 represents weed. 420 x 2 = 840. 840/280 = 3. Three sides of a triangle...! WEED IS ILLUMINATI!

Skit #40

SMG3: Go fuck yourself!

SMG4: I will! You know why? Because I'm attractive! Everyday, I wake up, look in the mirror, and ask myself, "Would I fuck me?", and the answer is always YES! Because I WOULD fuck myself!

Skit #41

Mario: (To a female toad.) Oh, hey there, little girl. Wanna go for a swim?

Toad: YES!

(They are in a Weegee pool. Mario gets out, but the girl drowns and dies.)

Skit #42

Judge: Bowser...you have committed serious crimes against the kingdom... including... murder, destruction, pillaging, and littering.... what do you have to say for yourself?

Bowser: (He sings Big Sean's "I Don't F**k With You".)

Skit #43

(Peach is being chased by Raccoon Mario holding a pingas.)

Peach: Help! Raccoons took my penis!

Skit #44

(Mario is singing this.)

Skit #45

(Mario is looking for Toad, but comes across the shroom hat.)

Mario: Ooooooooooooooooo... It's raping time! (He puts it on.) look at me! i'm an annoying pingas shaped fungus!!!- (Gets electrocuted and starts seeing Toad everywhere. Even Peach's face was replaced by Toad's. He screams, and Toad walks in.)

Toad: Goddammit! (Mario is going crazy.)

Skit #46

(SMG4 is walking in Cool, Cool Mountain.)

Mother Penguin: HELP! please bring my lost baby back!

SMG4: Okie dokie! (He starts mass producing baby penguins.)

Mother Penguin: WHAT THE FU-

Skit #47

Wario: Yes! Hello. I was wondering if you could play that song again.

SMG4: Mmm, which one, man?

Wario: The one that goes... (He horribly sings "Scatman", which causes him to cough and SMG4 to back away slowly.)

Skit #48

(Mario tosses Bowser out of the arena. Bowser falls on top of some guy.)

Skit #49

Luigi climbed onto Mario's lap and kissed him on the nose. Mario suddenly blushed bright red, trying hard to hide it.

Luigi: Come on-a brother, let's have fun.

(The video buffers and a YouTube error message pops up.)

Video playback error

Please wait 2 hours and then refresh this video.

(Some guy goes crazy and busts the computer.)

Skit #50

When an SMG4 video has to end :(

(SMG4 sings "What a Wonderful World" while clips from past videos play.)

Thanks for 1 million <3

Skit #51

(The Looney Tunes ending plays.)

Bob: Please, SuperMarioGooby4! Put me in the video! ...Hello? Anybody? (A tumbleweed rolls past.) At least you will be my friend, right?

Tumbleweed: NO!

FIN

Ending

(Back in SMG4's room, Mario and SMG4 are on fire.) Mario: What the fuck just happened?!

(Credits roll.)