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This is a transcript of Sonic the Derphog: Egg and Peach. by SMG4.
Script[]
(SMG4 2015 intro, Dr. Eggman with a troll face appears instead of Mario.)
(The blooper starts off with Dr. Eggman dancing on his burning death egg robot in Onett.)
Eggman: I am Dr. Robotnik! The most cunning scientific genius in the world! (he laughs while some cars were passing through the giant robot's foot. A guy appears from the chimney.) I'm the best in the world!
Guy/Castle Inspector: Can you shut uppp! People are trying to sleep! (The camera zooms onto Dr. Eggman's face.)
Eggman: No! (He and the death egg robot dances while the 'Where the Hood At' song by DMX plays. Dr. Eggman gets off from his robot.)
Eggman: Mwhaha I am so evil...that I even scare myself haha! Now who should I terrorise next?... ??? (He spots Peach, Bowser and his broken clown car.)
Bowser: *sniff* whyd' you make me crash my clown car...that cost a lot you know...
Peach: Well excuse me! I'm sorry for being kidnapped! Jerk!!! (She walks away from him.)
Bowser: No NO! WAIT! Come baaack! I was jokinggg! D: Fine! But let me just tell you something! I still love u.
Peach: Uh, BYE!
Bowser: Noooooooooooo-(he gets hit by the death egg robot.)
Eggman: IM DR ROBOTNIK! AND IM HERE TO STEAL YO GIRL CAUSE IM EVIL!
Bowser: She's mine!!!!! (He breathes fire.)
Eggman: Attaaaack! (The death egg robot uses its ass to breathe fire at Bowser, knocking him to a wall beside the road.)
Bowser: You ain't taking her!! (Bowser begins to run across the road, only to get hit by a car.)
Eggman: (Celebrates his foe getting run over)
Peach: Oh yeah! Woohoo! Weehee! oh yeah! thank you!! you saved meee!! :D
Eggman: wah! you're my hostage now! be sad or something! ahh you women are weird... (Peach kisses Eggman) HOLY SHITOO! UHHHH UHHH (Explodes)
Peach: hehe thank you sir... you seem more nice than other people i know...
Eggman: Ohhh yeahhh (slow-mo)
Meanwhile
Bowser: Nooooo!
Sonic: Ha ha! Yes!
Bowser: hey! you! yeah blue squirrel! get over here!
Sonic: uhh sorry i'm not into giant hobo turtles...sorry...
Bowser: that's not what i meant moron! some guy took my girl! and im too embarrassed to get help from my minions or anything!
Sonic: Well...I am supposed to be having lunch with friends now...
(Scene briefly flashes to Tails and Amy in a restaurant)
Tails: Notice me Senpai! Pleeeeaaa-
Sonic: uhh screw it, what do you need?
Bowser: bwhahaha! this is the bozo! (Shows picture of Robotnik in his underwear and wearing a wig. Sonic is obviously unhappy with this.)
Sonic: Are you freaking kidding me?!
Eggman: Hehehe! Welcome to my lair! How's that? we have coookies...
Peach: wow is that a hamburger! :D
Eggman: no! no! this is where i live! i'll show you an awesome time! if you know what i mean...hehe (shows channel where a shirtless Robotnik is dancing on TV, Peach being shocked) you enjoying it? it's the only channel I've got! :D
(Bowser spies on Eggman's lair with binoculars while grunting)
Bowser: alright...i think that's a rock...oh wait! there's the lair! haha!
Sonic: uh...we can't just barge in there right?
Bowser: let's find out then!!! (Pulls out a Koopa Kid and throws it near the entrance of Eggman's lair)
Koopa Kid: All clear! (Gets blown up by missle)
Robot: Intruder exterminated. HA HA HA SUCK IT LOSER I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN
Sonic: Wah?!
Bowser: bwhaha! that was awesome! you see that explosion! alright! let's blow this up! (Attaches dynamite to Sonic, not paying attention to his panic and prepares to throw him) lord! guide this explosive hedgehog into that cannon! thanks! (Throws him)
Sonic: gah!! uhhh....ummm...hello sir! i'm here to offer the latest trends in clothing! wouldn't you like this nice uhhh red TNT vest? it comes with a shiny clock!
Robot: oooooooh wowowow
Sonic: You look fabulous already!!!
Robot: OMG IM GONNA GET TEH LADIES- (Dynamite blows up the robot)
Cannon: hey! that's not very nice! (Cannon begins to fire at Sonic)
(Meanwhile, Eggman still has his channel running, with a real-life version of him dancing in front of various locations)
Eggman: Yeah! woo! i love this channel!!! (Peach is shown to be bored. Meanwhile, the cannon continues to try to blow the blue blur up)
Sonic: AREN'T YOU GOING TO HELP???
Bowser: ahhh fine!!! (Jumps up and blocks the cannon from firing.) Uh oh.
(The cannon explodes and knocks back the two into an empty area in Green Hill Zone.)
Sonic: is...my handsome face ok?...I think it is...(Bowser crashes into Sonic. Several robots surround the two.) Oh no!
Bowser: Leroooooy! (Crashes through a wall)
Robot: Oh my god, he just ran in.
Eggman: sooo...uh...sooo...what color underwear are you wearing? uhh...i mean you know what will liven up this party!? (Eggman TV crashes down once again)
Bowser: uhh, yeah sorry about squashing your face blue hedgehog.
(Sonic's distorted face doesn't imply so)
Sonic: i think we're close to eggman! we should be able to get in from there!
Bowser: PEACCH! IM COMING FOR YOUUU!
Metal Sonic: Uh-uh.
Sonic: Oh no!
Metal Sonic: Say the magic word! HA, HA, HA
Sonic: Hey bolt brain!
Metal Sonic: Noooo...
Sonic: uhh...umm....want some of this? aaww yeah (dances around and then annoying his metal counterpart by spindashing 7 times) You're too slow! You're too slow! You're too slow! You're too slow! You're too slow! You're too slow! You're too slow! You're too slow!
Metal Sonic: Bitch! (Swipes a well-placed attack and ending his counterpart's taunting, resulting in him grabbing Bowser for life)
Sonic: That was close. Hey, leave it to me! (Pulls out a Bob-omb and allows to explode back up to even grounds) hah! come get me now Metal butt! HELICOPTER MOODE! (Spins around towards their destination while knocking out Metal Sonic)
Grounder: you think the girl likes the boss?
Scratch: ha! doubt it! he has no chance
Grounder: Ha yeah! I agree! what a loser.
Eggman: Dr. Robotnik! Doc-doc-doc Doctor Robotnik! Doc-doc-doc Doctor Robotnik!
Peach: Um, excuse me? i have to be...honest with you...will you be the father of my babies?
Eggman: YES! YES!
Grounder: Say what? (explodes)
Scratch: Oh hell no!
(Meanwhile, Bowser and Sonic are running from Metal Sonic)
Robot: Surprise mofos! I'm gonna kill you!
Sonic: No way! Yes! how's this? (Jumps over gap to distance himself away from the robots) hurry up turtle dude!!!
Bowser: hey! it's harder than it looks!
(Rockets blows Bowser towards Sonic. Meanwhile, Eggman and Peach have set up a wedding, with Eggman laughing happily)
Toad Priest: you just met me today right? weirdos...
Bowser: WAIT! SLOW YOUR ASS DOWNN!!!!
Sonic: Now I'll show you! Grrrrr! (Tries to ram through wall, but fails) Oof! Shit! (Bowser, however, has the weight to do so)
Toad Priest: we gather here today, for a really crappy wedding...that i got paid to do...now lord, please let this be over! im gonna miss super happy fun fun game show!!!
(GRounder is seen bawling, with Scratch shaking his head)
Toad Priest: egg dude, do you take this lady as your waifu?
Eggman: Yes (echoes repeatedly)
BOwser: wow wait! a fire bar? D: that's my design! he stole my design D:
Sonic: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!
Toad Priest: and lady, would you like to marry this egg dude?
Peach: uhhh...sure.
Metal Sonic: Uh-uh-uh. Say the magic word!
Toad Priest: You two can now make out and do that weird stuff!
(Bowser then crashes through with Sonic)
Bowser: PEACCHY! IM HERE! PLEEEASE MARRY ME!!!
(Ends up kissing Eggman, who both freak out for a few moments)
Eggman: you stupid beast! i'll kill you!!!
Bowser: NOT IF I KILL YOU FIRST!
(Delivers a Poison Mushroom that reverts him to AOSTH for a few moments before turning him back to normal)
Eggman: you son of a bitch!
(Fights each other)
Peach: guys!! please stop fighting!! i'm sorry eggman...but i think im just not ready yet...
Eggman: Nooo...!
(Bowser happily celebrates)
Peach: Shut up bowser! you're not even close!
Eggman: Oh snap!
Peach: im sorry eggman but...goodbye...
Sonic: ah crap, i have a lunch date to go to...uhh...got to go guys!
Bowser: aww man! now i got to go kidnap here again...don't worry bro. you know what always makes me happy?
(Eggman TV drops down and displays the same themes Eggman showed to Peach. This results in Bowser dancing and Eggan getting extremely irritated.)
Eggman: Ohhhh...SHUT UP!
(Video ends)