This is the transcript of SuperMarioGlitchy4's blooper "Super Mario 64 Bloopers: (percent)99(percent) Beroken".
Parakarry: MALE! MUTHAF**KER!
(Mario crawls out of his house)
Mario: Oh, they don't pay me enough for this sh*t, ugh. What is it this time?
(Parakarry throws the letter at him)
Mario: Ohh! It's from the princess! She finally messaged me for once!
(Toad pops out of the envelope)
Toad: THE PRINCESS HAS BEEN CAPTURED!!!
Mario: SHUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
(Toad starts screaming as Parakarry watches in confusion)
Title: SUPERMARIOGLITCHY4 PRESENTS
(Mario is running through Bowser's Lair)
Mario: THATS IT IM SICK OF THIS CRAP! IM NOT GONNA JUST SAVE HER! IMMA SMACK HER!
(Mario runs over to Bowser)
(Mario punches Bowser across the room, who cries in like a baby as Mario growls angrily. Bowser floats up to heaven and explodes)
Ganon (offscreen): DIE.
(Princess Peach starts floating down from the Castle as Mario strikes her down, staring at her furiously)
Peach: Mario! The power of the stars is restored to the-
Mario: (goes retard instead of angry) What? Huh? What? W-what?
Peach: Let's bake a delicious cake.
Mario: Oh no, that's, not my...
(Inside the castle, Mario is moving around uneasily. SuperMarioGlitchy4 enters)
SMG4: Mario?? Oh no, no, no, no, no...
(Mario screams offscreen and throws a screaming Toad at SMG4, knocking him out)
SMG4: What the hell is wrong with you?
Mario: F**K YOU!
Peach: Mario snapped again.
SMG4: GODAMMIT! AGAIN!? I'm not going through with this again... Maybe if you stop getting stolen, Peach...he wouldn't be like this!!!
Peach: I'm not being kidnapped all the time!
(The doorbell rings and Peach answers it)
Peach: Woah! WOOOOOOOAAAAAA...
(Bowser kidnaps Peach, who screams in fear)
Peach: AAAAH! Help me!
SMG4: Oh my f**king god...
Mario: Oh, no...
SMG4: Ahh yes...what the hell am I going to do with you?
Mario (spazzing out): Eeee-eeee-eeee-eeee-eeee-eeee-eeee!
(Mario and SuperMarioGlitchy4 are walking in a field as SuperMarioGlitchy4 hyperventilates)
SMG4: I can't...NO I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS SHET! MARIO! YOU ARE A RETARD WITH A MENTAL DISORDER OK?
SMG4: I'M GONNA GET YOU BACK TO THE WAY YOU WERE! AND DEAL WITH THIS RETARDNESS!
Mario: I like turtles!
(SuperMarioGlitchy4 and Mario are in a movie theater as SuperMarioGlitchy4 talks to the Cashier. In the background, Mario burns a bra)
SMG4: This guy behind me is broken! Can you fix him for me!?
Cashier: Well this goes beyond my skill of being a theater cashier...but the movies can help! We're showcasing Twilight! Want to see it for free? :D
(Back at the Castle)
SMG4: Ugh...I just wish I knew what was going inside that head of yours, Mario...
(Mario fidgets as the camera zooms into his mind, which is full of clouds)
Mario: Woah! Uh, somebody?
(an Old Man Genie appears)
(Mario screams and falls off the cloud, only to fall back where he was)
Genie: Calm down, I'm not going to eat you.
Mario: Aaah! Where am I? Why aren't I beating up Peach???
Genie: This place is your mind, Mr. Mario...but there's more to it than just this...
(Genie hops on a magic carpet)
Genie: Come on! I'll show you more!
Mario: I DON'T EVEN...UGH!
Genie: Squadalah! We are off!
Mario: Hoo! I didn't know my mind was so calm!
Genie: Oh that's just what you imagine it looks like.
(The scene changes to a series of weird visions, such as Luigi laughing evilly and Mario Head floating)
Mario: Mama mia!
(A picture of Bowser lying seductively flashes by)
Bowser: Oooooh, you touch my tralala....
Mario: Oh...oh, what the f**k? Just tell me what I'm doing here, I don't even, I'm so confused!
Genie: You were so pissed your whole mind broke, OK?
(Mario stares in confusion as Weegee pops up behind him and a scene of Mario and Peach dancing appears)
Genie: I hope you see where I'm coming from so I don't have to keep wasting my F**KING TIME EXPLAINING IT!
Mario: I just hope I'm not going crazy.
(In the city, a naked Mario is seen doing something with an old woman as SuperMarioGlitchy4 tries to stop him. The woman runs away screaming)
SMG4: Uhh sorry!!!
(Mario gets into his kart and drives away)
SMG4: Oh sh*t! MARRRRIOO!
(SuperMarioGlitchy4 drives after Mario in his own car)
SMG4: DON'T F**KING RUN AWAY FROM ME!
Cop: CALL 911 NOW!!!
Other Cop: Okay. Whatever.
Mario: Mario Kart!
SMG4: Goddammit, Mario!
(Mario goes over a gap)
SMG4: No, no, no, no-SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
(Mario crosses the gap, but SuperMarioGlitchy4 and the cops aren't as lucky and fall into it)
Cop: STAHP RIGHT THERE PERVERT!
SMG4: FINE LEAVE! At least I'm not stupid fatso!!!
(Mario screeches to a halt and starts backing up)
SMG4: Oh crap...
Mario (snarling): WHAT DID YOU SAY *****?
(The cops run Mario over)
Cop: STAHP RIGHT THERE!
(Later, we see the Cop and SuperMarioGlitchy4 at a funeral for the dead Pikachu on Windfall Island)
Cop (crying): Why did he have to die...WHY GOD WHY....
SMG4: Yes, we all know you're sad about that Pikachu I ran over....God, why am I even here? Come on Mario! We're leaving!
Mario: Oh, you're so good!
(Back inside Mario's mind, Mario and the Genie are riding through a vortex)
Mario: WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
Genie: Hmmm? Oh yeah, saving your mind and stuff. Squadalah! We are off!
(The two pass through heavy clouds)
Mario: Uhh why is it all cloudy?
Genie: It's the part of your mind trying to block off reality.
Mario: The hell does that mean!? LET ME FLY THIS THING!
Genie (screaming): NOOOO! (gibberish)
Mario: Oh, son of a b*tch f**k!
(Mario is now wearing Genie's hat)
Genie: YOU SON OF A B*TCH!
Mario: ALRIGHT! FLY ME TO THE REAL WORLD! AND NO CREEPYA$$ VISIONS!
(The magic carpet starts to break down)
Mario: F**king.... please...
(The Genie and Mario fall to the ground. Mario lands face-first, but Genie lands safely)
Mario: Mamaf**ker! How am I ever going to get out!?
Genie: Squadalah! Ha! Maybe you can! Look over there!
(We see a house with four Teletubbies standing outside)
Mario: That house? How is that going to help!? And what's with all those Teletubbies?
Genie: Mario, meet your 4 emotions .
(A red Teletubby with a Mario hat is shown screaming)
(A purple Teletubby with a chef's hat is shown eating some snacks)
(A green Teletubby with a dunce hat is shown inside, singing)
Genie: Your smartness...(I think)
(A yellow Teletubby with a top hat is shown dancing with a wick and fuse)
Genie: And this...uhh...I don't even know this one. Your gayness, I suppose.
Mario: Shut up! This isn't helping! Also, why are my emotions Teletubbies!?
Genie: I don't know, freaking...
(Inside, Mario finds a computer with a Gamecube controller that controls his mind)
Genie: This is the magic computer, where it can control your whole brain!
(Smartness starts whacking the computer)
Smartness: I can do this thing!
(Back at the Castle, Mario starts going crazy and running around wildly. In his mind, Mario attacks Smartness, holding him back)
Mario: NO BAD! Go sit over there!
(Mario throws Smartness at the wall)
(Mario throws a toilet at him)
Smartness: What the f**k is that thing?
Mario: That's a toilet! You take a crap in it when you feel like your a$$ is going to explode!
Smartness (sputtering): F**KING... GENIUS!!!!
Mario: OK!...OK! I can fix all of this!
(The computer starts to malfunction)
Mario: Eeek! Oh no! Can't you help, genie!?
Genie: I DON'T CARE ABOUT STUPID SH*T LIKE THAT!
Mario: Aaah! Aaah!
(Mario is seen playing Donkey Kong and dies)
(He smacks the computer, which starts to break down)
Mario: Ohhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhhh!
(Back at the Castle, Peach watches Mario nervously)
Mario (having a seizure): Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhhh!
SMG4: It's just, I can't. I'm out!
(Back inside Mario's mind, Anger notices the computer)
(Anger shoves Mario out of the way and starts smashing the computer, causing the real Mario to go angry and make him almost kill Peach)
Mario: B*TCH. B*TCH. B*TCH. B*TCH. B*TCH. SHE'S A B*TCH. B*TCH!
Peach: Mario! Aaah!
(Inside the house, Mario knocks Anger out of the way, and tries to start the computer)
Mario: Grrr! Mama mia! Ooh hoo hoo hoo!
(Back at the Castle)
Mario: I LOVE YOU!
(Gayness shoves Mario aside and starts humping the computer)
Gayness: BULLSH*T! YEAAAAAAHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHA!
(At the castle, a naked Mario is seen dancing and singing towards Peach)
Mario (singing): Shut up and sleep with me, come on, why don't you sleep with me...
(Smartness is shown carrying a flamethrower)
Smartness: I can smell burning!
(He torches the computer, causing it to explode. At the Castle, Mario collapses from exhaustion as SuperMarioGlitchy4 and Toad stare over him)
SMG4: Want to go get a burger?
Toad: Sure thing!
(Back inside the house, Mario and the genie stand amid the wreckage)
Mario: Great!? Now what...
Genie: Mario...did I ever tell you, I had the power to fix your mind?
Mario: What the FUUUUUUUUUUU...
(Outside the Castle, SuperMarioGlitchy4 and Toad are moving Mario's body)
SMG4: Hey! I think he's moving!
Mario: I just sh*t my pants!
End of Transcript