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This is the transcript of SMG4's blooper "Super Mario 64 Bloopers: 99% beroken".
Transcript[]
Intro[]
(The video starts with Parakarry the Parakoopa flying down to Mario's House to deliver his mail. He explodes on landing)
Parakarry: MALE! MUTHAF**KER!
(Mario crawls out of his house)
Mario: Oh, they don't pay me enough for this sh*t, ugh. What is it this time?
(Parakarry throws the letter at him)
Mario: Ohh! It's from the princess! She finally messaged me for once!
(Toad pops out of the envelope)
Toad: THE PRINCESS HAS BEEN CAPTURED!!!
Mario: SHUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
(Toad starts screaming as Parakarry watches in confusion)
Parakarry: Dafuq?
Title: SUPERMARIOGLITCHY4 PRESENTS
Main Story[]
(Mario is running through Bowser's Lair)
Mario: THATS IT IM SICK OF THIS CRAP! IM NOT GONNA JUST SAVE HER! IMMA SMACK HER!
(Mario runs over to Bowser)
Mario: BOWSER!!!!!!!
Bowser: WAZZUP?
(Mario punches Bowser across the room, who cries in like a baby as Mario growls angrily. Bowser floats up to heaven and explodes)
Ganon (offscreen): DIE.
(Princess Peach starts floating down from the Castle as Mario strikes her down, staring at her furiously)
Mario: Grrr!
Peach: Mario! The power of the stars is restored to the-
Mario: (goes r****d instead of angry) What? Huh? What? W-what?
Peach: Let's bake a delicious cake.
Mario: Oh no, that's, not my...
(Inside the castle, Mario is moving around uneasily. SuperMarioGlitchy4 enters)
SMG4: Mario?? Oh no, no, no, no, no...
(Mario screams offscreen and throws a screaming Toad at SMG4, knocking him out)
SMG4: What the hell is wrong with you?
Mario: F**K YOU!
Peach: Mario snapped again.
SMG4: GODAMMIT! AGAIN!? I'm not going through with this again... Maybe if you stop getting stolen, Peach...he wouldn't be like this!!!
Peach: I'm not being kidnapped all the time!
(The doorbell rings and Peach answers it)
Bowser: Uhh....cookies!
Peach: Woah! WOOOOOOOAAAAAA...
(Bowser kidnaps Peach, who screams in fear)
Peach: AAAAH! Help me!
SMG4: Oh my f**king god...
Mario: Oh, no...
SMG4: Ahh yes...what the hell am I going to do with you?
Mario (spazzing out): Eeee-eeee-eeee-eeee-eeee-eeee-eeee!
(Mario and SuperMarioGlitchy4 are walking in a field as SuperMarioGlitchy4 hyperventilates)
SMG4: I can't...NO I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS SHET! MARIO! YOU ARE A R****d WITH A MENTAL DISORDER OK?
(Mario stutters)
SMG4: I'M GONNA GET YOU BACK TO THE WAY YOU WERE! AND DEAL WITH THIS R****dNESS!
Mario: I like turtles!
(SuperMarioGlitchy4 and Mario are in a movie theater as SuperMarioGlitchy4 talks to the Cashier. In the background, Mario burns a bra)
SMG4: This guy behind me is broken! Can you fix him for me!?
Cashier: Well this goes beyond my skill of being a theater cashier...but the movies can help! We're showcasing Twilight! Want to see it for free? :D
SMG4: F**k.
(Back at the Castle)
SMG4: Ugh...I just wish I knew what was going inside that head of yours, Mario...
(Mario fidgets as the camera zooms into his mind, which is full of clouds)
Mario: Woah! Uh, somebody?
(an Old Man Genie appears)
Genie: Hello!
(Mario screams and falls off the cloud, only to fall back where he was)
Genie: Calm down, I'm not going to eat you.
Mario: Aaah! Where am I? Why aren't I beating up Peach???
Genie: This place is your mind, Mr. Mario...but there's more to it than just this...
(Genie hops on a magic carpet)
Genie: Come on! I'll show you more!
Mario: I DON'T EVEN...UGH!
Genie: Squadalah! We are off!
Mario: Hoo! I didn't know my mind was so calm!
Genie: Oh that's just what you imagine it looks like.
(The scene changes to a series of weird visions, such as Luigi laughing evilly and Mario Head floating)
Mario: Mama mia!
(A picture of Bowser lying seductively flashes by)
Bowser: Oooooh, you touch my tralala....
Mario: Oh...oh, what the f**k? Just tell me what I'm doing here, I don't even, I'm so confused!
Genie: You were so pissed your whole mind broke, OK?
(Mario stares in confusion as Weegee pops up behind him and a scene of Mario and Peach dancing appears)
Genie: I hope you see where I'm coming from so I don't have to keep wasting my F**KING TIME EXPLAINING IT!
Mario: I just hope I'm not going crazy.
(In the city, a naked Mario is seen doing something with an old woman as SuperMarioGlitchy4 tries to stop him. The woman runs away screaming)
SMG4: Uhh sorry!!!
(Mario gets into his kart and drives away)
SMG4: Oh sh*t! MARRRRIOO!
(SuperMarioGlitchy4 drives after Mario in his own car)
SMG4: DON'T F**KING RUN AWAY FROM ME!
Mario: MMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
(SuperMarioGlitchy4 runs over a Pikachu in the road as two Cops watch)
Cop: CALL 911 NOW!!!
Other Cop: Okay. Whatever.
Mario: Mario Kart!
SMG4: Goddammit, Mario!
(Mario goes over a gap)
SMG4: No, no, no, no-SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
Mario: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
SMG4: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Mario crosses the gap, but SuperMarioGlitchy4 and the cops aren't as lucky and fall into it)
Cop: STAHP RIGHT THERE PERVERT!
Mario: Oh-ho-ho-ho!
SMG4: FINE LEAVE! At least I'm not stupid fatso!!!
(Mario screeches to a halt and starts backing up)
SMG4: Oh crap...
Mario (snarling): WHAT DID YOU SAY *****?
(The cops run Mario over)
Cop: STAHP RIGHT THERE!
(Later, we see the Cop and SuperMarioGlitchy4 at a funeral for the dead Pikachu on Windfall Island)
Cop (crying): Why did he have to die...WHY GOD WHY....
SMG4: Yes, we all know you're sad about that Pikachu I ran over....God, why am I even here? Come on Mario! We're leaving!
Mario: Oh, you're so good!
(Back inside Mario's mind, Mario and the Genie are riding through a vortex)
Mario: WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
Genie: Hmmm? Oh yeah, saving your mind and stuff. Squadalah! We are off!
(The two pass through heavy clouds)
Mario: Uhh why is it all cloudy?
Genie: It's the part of your mind trying to block off reality.
Mario: The hell does that mean!? LET ME FLY THIS THING!
Genie (screaming): NOOOO! (gibberish)
Mario: Oh, son of a b*tch f**k!
(Mario is now wearing Genie's hat)
Genie: YOU SON OF A B*TCH!
Mario: ALRIGHT! FLY ME TO THE REAL WORLD! AND NO CREEPYA$$ VISIONS!
(The magic carpet starts to break down)
Mario: F**king.... please...
(The Genie and Mario fall to the ground. Mario lands face-first, but Genie lands safely)
Mario: Mamaf**ker! How am I ever going to get out!?
Genie: Squadalah! Ha! Maybe you can! Look over there!
(We see a house with four Teletubbies standing outside)
Mario: That house? How is that going to help!? And what's with all those Teletubbies?
Genie: Mario, meet your 4 emotions .
(A red Teletubby with a Mario hat is shown screaming)
Genie: Anger...
(A purple Teletubby with a chef's hat is shown eating some snacks)
Genie: Hunger?...
(A green Teletubby with a dunce hat is shown inside, singing)
Genie: Your smartness...(I think)
(A yellow Teletubby with a top hat is shown dancing with a wick and fuse)
Genie: And this...uhh...I don't even know this one. Your gayness, I suppose.
Mario: Shut up! This isn't helping! Also, why are my emotions Teletubbies!?
Genie: I don't know, freaking...
(Inside, Mario finds a computer with a Gamecube controller that controls his mind)
Mario: Woah!
Genie: This is the magic computer, where it can control your whole brain!
(Smartness starts whacking the computer)
Smartness: I can do this thing!
(Back at the Castle, Mario starts going crazy and running around wildly. In his mind, Mario attacks Smartness, holding him back)
Mario: NO BAD! Go sit over there!
(Mario throws Smartness at the wall)
Smartness: F**k!
(Mario throws a toilet at him)
Smartness: What the f**k is that thing?
Mario: That's a toilet! You take a crap in it when you feel like your a$$ is going to explode!
Smartness (sputtering): F**KING... GENIUS!!!!
Mario: OK!...OK! I can fix all of this!
(The computer starts to malfunction)
Mario: Eeek! Oh no! Can't you help, genie!?
Genie: I DON'T CARE ABOUT STUPID SH*T LIKE THAT!
Mario: Aaah! Aaah!
(Mario is seen playing Donkey Kong and dies)
Mario: BULLSH*T!
(He smacks the computer, which starts to break down)
Mario: Ohhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhhh!
(Back at the Castle, Peach watches Mario nervously)
Peach: Mario?
Mario (having a seizure): Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhhh!
SMG4: It's just, I can't. I'm out!
(Back inside Mario's mind, Anger notices the computer)
Anger: Hmmm?
Peach: Mario!
Anger: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!
(Anger shoves Mario out of the way and starts smashing the computer, causing the real Mario to go angry and make him almost kill Peach)
Mario: B*TCH. B*TCH. B*TCH. B*TCH. B*TCH. SHE'S A B*TCH. B*TCH!
Peach: Mario! Aaah!
(Inside the house, Mario knocks Anger out of the way, and tries to start the computer)
Mario: Grrr! Mama mia! Ooh hoo hoo hoo!
(Back at the Castle)
Mario: I LOVE YOU!
(Gayness shoves Mario aside and starts humping the computer)
Gayness: BULLSH*T! YEAAAAAAHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHA!
(At the castle, a naked Mario is seen dancing and singing towards Peach)
Mario (singing): Shut up and sleep with me, come on, why don't you sleep with me...
Peach: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(Smartness is shown carrying a flamethrower)
Smartness: I can smell burning!
(He torches the computer, causing it to explode. At the Castle, Mario collapses from exhaustion as SuperMarioGlitchy4 and Toad stare over him)
SMG4: Want to go get a burger?
Toad: Sure thing!
(Back inside the house, Mario and the genie stand amid the wreckage)
Mario: Great!? Now what...
Genie: Mario...did I ever tell you, I had the power to fix your mind?
Mario: What the FUUUUUUUUUUU...
Genie: Squadalah!
(Outside the Castle, SuperMarioGlitchy4 and Toad are moving Mario's body)
SMG4: Hey! I think he's moving!
Mario: I just sh*t my pants!
(SuperMarioGlitchy4 explodes)
End of Transcript
Super mario 64 bloopers 99% beroken