The transcript for Super Mario 64 Bloopers: Bad Stars.
Text Onscreen: AHEM! ok let's read a little story shall we? sometime ago. maybe last week, i forgot
(Book opens to page with a picture of a town.)
Text Onscreen: a tiny town sat on an island.
(Page turns to an illustration of the town being destroyed.)
Text Onscreen: and then the town had aids and everyone died
(Page turns to find the illustration covered up by a sticky note reading "note: buy some acne cream for ass")
Text Onscreen: i err…let's skip this page...
(Page turns to a Power Star floating.)
Text Onscreen: ahh yes…the stars. the all eternal life. the mushroom kingdom thrives on this power source and is the power of all happiness. but there are some idiots…who try to manipulate happiness.
(Screen changes to a dark, evil star.)
Text Onscreen: and instead a dark soul is created and bringing fear and terror to anyone. but none have ever been seen…
(Scene changes back to Power Star)
Text Onscreen: the stars…are cool…
SMG4: Well, that was a load of shit. (Throws book out of window.)
(SuperMarioGlitchy3 is outside, singing the Smurfs theme song when he is hit by the book.)
SMG3: godammit! can't a guy take an evil walk without books being thrown at him! -oh….Oh……what's this? what is this? cook book? ohh! justin bie- no….honestly! this is the crappiest book i've ever see-
Bowser: dude, i think you're over-reacting with this…
(SMG3 is still reading the book and gasping)
Bowser: man, creating ztars? isn't that like, bad?
SMG3: yes! no one has seen them! but im going to make one! and take over the mushroom kingdom!
Bowser: i remember when i tried making an evil star
(Flashback of Bowser wearing a chef's hat in front of an oven. A power star is on the stove.)
Bowser: bwhaha! imma make the evilist star in the world! hmm…not hot enough we need more!
(Bowser breathes fire on the star.)
Power Star: AHHH JESUS CHRIST! OH FUCK!
(Power Star turns into a burger. Mario pops up with a chef's hat on.)
Bowser: and that's why i never cook with Mario.
(SMG3 is watching a Star sealed inside an electric orb next to a machine.)
SMG3: I don't care!
SMG3: No touching! And don't hump it either!
SMG3: This is may be a major breakthrough in world domination!
SMG3: Bowser! Get your ass over here!
(Bowser playing and igniore him)
(Bowser come, the star turn black and a Toad pop up)
SMG3: What the-... Who the... WHAT'RE YOU DOING IN HERE!
Toad: I'm just hangin' out!
SMG3: I-err....Whatever just don't go near the electric orb
(Toad get in the electric orb)
Bowser: AT LEAST I'LL DIE KNOWING THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
SMG3: ahh shut up!!!
(Light becomes bright, Bowser scream, Toad scream heard too and SMG3 end up on the ground like Bowser)
SMG3: F**K! JESUS!
SMG3: What the.....
Dark Star: HELLO THERE, BOYS!
Dark Star: I have finallt taken over the body of this mo-
(Toad face appear in the star)
Toad: HEY! WHATTA YA DOIN'?
SMG3: What the fu-
Dark Star: What!
SMG3: Uhh...do you think you can make me dominate the world?
Dark Star: I will do no such thing!
(The Dark Star escape singing DEJA VU and Toad appear again saying HELLO)
SMG3: Well... Shit.
(Bowser still screaming)
(Scene changes Peach's Castle.)
Toad: Hi! My name's Toad! Wa-haha!
Peach: Oh! Terrible! The power of the stars.
(Mario burn his head on the stove)
Peach: SMG4!!! Help!
(He sing CAAAAANNON PEEEEENIS and shot peach out of the castle)
(Light in the ski start shutting down)
Mario: What the hell happend to the brightness?
(OLD Man bother SMG4)
SMG4: It seems like the power of the stars are fading.
Mario: Dammit! Why didn't Peach tell us?
SMG4: And I think I know who did this.
(Looking at SMG3 and Bowser)
SMG3: He's onto us
(They run away)
SMG4: FREEZE ASSWIPES! What did you do this time!?
SMG3: Ahhhh yknow... creating evil stars...
(Dark Star appear)
Dark Star: It is time to die!
Mario: Oh! Hell no!
Dark Star: Now give me your soul!
SMG4: OK EVERYONE STAND BACK! I GOT MY SECRET WEAPON!
(Peach appear in front of him)
(She is shot again)
SMG4: Aw goddammit!
Bowser: Take this guy! He's the guy you want!
(He is pushed and the star dodge him)
Dark Star: WITHOUT THE POWER OF THE STARS! YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR ME-
Toad's Dark Stars: HEY
Mario: OH F**K!
Toad: YOU WANNA COME OVER TO MY HOUSE?
Toad's Dark Star: OH MY GOD! LETS GO PLAY SOME MARIO KART! YEEAAAH!
Dark Star: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Toad: OOOHHH NOOOOOO!
SMG4: what the hell was that thing...
SMG3: Well according to the book it is says...
SMG4: Screw the book! This is all your fault!
SMG3: Ehhehe... isn't it cool?
SMG4: Listen dude. If you don't destroy that star, you're gonna have a star up your ass!
SMG3: This isn't you just being gay is it?
(SMG3 got punched)
SMG3: FINE! I'M GOING! GOD!
(Back at the lair)
Bowser: So now what's you plan genius?
SMG3: Well... I made a evil star... but I'm not taking over the world...
SMG3: And I'm the only most evil one! So there's only one thing we can do!
Bowser: Move to mexico and join the circus?
SMG3: What? No! Destroy that evil sonofabeech!
SMG3: To defeat evilness you need justice!!
(Creating a new star)
SMG3: We must make a good star!
Bowser: And we use this old man
(Old man is taken by the star)
(Scene changes to Dark Star)
Dark Star: I will destroy this land!
(He is killed)
SMG3: STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!
Dark Star: OUT OF THE WAY MORTAL! Or you will perish!
SMG3: Ok ok, mr black star. We can sort this out...
Dark Star: YOU BETTER FUCKING DO IT NOW!
SMG3: I.. eerrp.... Can't we just be friends?
Dark Star: Oh... all right...
SMG3: Oh really!? Cool. I never had a friend before!
(Dark Star throw him away)
Dark Star: DIE!
(Bowser try to huse a chainsaw but he failed)
SMG3: SMG4! NOW!!!
Mario: HURRY UP ALREADY!
(Old man Star is shot to Dark Star)
Old Man Star: You really know how to keep a girl waiting.
Dark Star: WHAT! NO! Get off of me! AUUUUGH!
Bowser: Did I miss anything? WHAT THE FU-
(Dark Star running away from Old Man Star)
Dark Star: AUUUUGH!
Old Man Star: GARY!
Dark Star: RAAAH
(He throw Toad)
Toad: Hi! How you doing today? My name is Toad!
Dark Star: NOOO-
Toad's Dark Star: Hello!
Dark Star: -OOOOOOO-OOOOOOO-OOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOO-
Dark Star: You can't kill me! I'm immortal!
Mario: Shit! MAMA F****R!
Mario: Well, now what do we do with him
(He is chained with a pipe,on a boat with Old Man Star)
Dark Star: OH MY GOD!
Old Man Star: Now hold still, Sonny. I know the drapes look worn and torn, but inside-
Dark Star: OH MY GOD! AUUUGH!
Dark Star: I will destroy this-
Toad's Dark Star: I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY THIS VIDEO TODAY.IF NOT,THEN I AM SORRY. FEEL FREE TO GIVE IT A LIKE OR DISLIKE OR- I LOVE YOU MARIO!