This page is the transcript for Super Mario 64 Bloopers: Crime Time.


[Mario and Luigi are out driving near the castle]
Luigi What a beautiful day for a drive
Luigi Hey what's Mario doing here?
Luigi Hey Mario what are you doing?
Mario Trying to jump really far on the bridge
Luigi I'm-a very good at that
Mario But I'm better!
Luigi Want to bet?!
Mario Your never going to beat my distance
[Luigi starts driving up the ramp]
Luigi Pfft I'll show him!
Luigi What Mario doesn't know is that I got my kart upgraded and it has extra boost!
Luigi Ok focus andd!
[Luigi rides the kart off the bridge...]
[...but it goes too far]
Mario Don't worry Luigi! If I liked you I would save you!!!
Screen Text Some kilometers later
[Mario is in Jungle Parkway by the boat]
Mario Ok according to my 1 brain cell Luigi should land here
Mario Wait I hate Luigi! Why am I saving him anyway?
[Luigi flies in from the sky]
Luigi Help! Help! Mummy!
[Luigi crashes into the boat, and the SM64 logo (with "BLo_oPERS" below it) appears before Mario and Luigi return to the castle]
Luigi Thanks a lot Mario! You made me sink a boat!
Luigi What do you have to say for your self
Mario Umm...
Mario You didn't beat my record?
Luigi Oh forget it..... You will never understand
Toad What happened?
Luigi Your gay thats what happened
Mario Well at least... Hey do you hear that?
[Police sirens are heard approaching the castle]
Luigi Is that the police?
Toad Oh you are so busted!
[The arrival of cars and the loading and aiming of several guns are heard]
Police This is the police! Come out with your hands up! We have you surrounded!
Luigi What did we do?
Police Put the gun on the ground and step away!
Mario I don't know but I think we're going to find out
[Mario and Luigi exit the castle]
Mario Ooohhh snap
Luigi Ooohhh snap
Police Your under arrest for attempt murder by sinking a boat!
Mario Tsk tsk Luigi you sank a boat? I'm ashamed of you!
Luigi But you made me do it!
Mario Now lets not play the blame game... IT WAS LUIGI! HE SANK THE BOAT!
Luigi But I.. But... But....
[The "Cops" theme starts playing]
Luigi I don't want to go to jail!
Luigi D:.....
[Two mugshots of Luigi are shown, then he is shown in an orange jumpsuit outside a courtroom]
Luigi You better get me out of this!
Mario Don't worry I'm very good at being a lawyer!
Luigi Well here goes nothing....
[Luigi enters the courtroom]
Luigi Gulp...
Luigi Not many people came...
Luigi Ok lets get this over with
Judge The court is now in session!
Judge Today's trial is Luigi vs. Passengers on a boat...
Mario Your honour! Luigi is gay!... I mean innocent!
Judge And do you have the edvidence to prove it?
Mario ... Well no... BUT! I will give you 1000 coins to let him go
Judge Are you bribing me?!
Mario Yes your honour... if that is your real name!!!
Luigi What he means to say! Is that can you find it in your heart to let me go @_@
Judge Maybe I should let him go...
Mario OBJECTION! I'm hungry!
Judge Objection? But your on the defense side
Luigi Mario what are you doing!?
Mario Well somebody ate my sphagetti last night! So I'm getting my revenge!
Judge Stop this nonsense!!!!
Judge Overruled!... I'm starting to change my mind...
Luigi Oh please don't your honour!
Mario DO IT OLD LADY! I dare you to!
Judge For this stupid behaviour I declare Luigi guilty of all charges!!!!!!!!!
Luigi WHAT?!
Mario Yay!
Judge I sentence Luigi to 100 years in jail!
Judge Court adjourned!
Luigi D:
Screen Text 1 month later...
[Luigi is locked in a jail cell]
Luigi Boy life sucks...
Mario Hey Luigi!
Luigi Who said that?
Mario Its me Mario! I came to save you!
Luigi How did you get past the guards?
Mario They died, now how do I open this door?
Luigi Umm Mario I think your doing it wrong...
[Mario runs at the door with a Toad]
Luigi Umm... Have you tried the button?
Mario ... I knew that!
Mario I like pushing buttons!
[Mario pushes the button, opening the door]
Luigi Ok lets get out of here!
[Mario and Luigi leave the prison but stop at the docks]
Mario This is as far as we can go
Luigi Oh why do prisons have to be built in the middle of the sea?
Mario Hay! Maybe we can use that!
[The camera shows an Arwing]
Luigi YEAH! Escape!
Mario I call shotgun!
Luigi But there's only one seat
[Mario and Luigi get in the Arwing and fly away]
Fox McCloud (angry gibberish)
Luigi Hey where almost at Peach's Castle
Arwing Do a barrel roll!
Mario What ever you say ship!
Luigi Wait Mario what are you doing?
[Mario begins spinning the ship repeatedly]
Luigi Stop this!!!!
Luigi We're going to-!!!!
[The Arwing crashes into the castle]
Luigi Ow.... Hey we're back!
Mario Lets do that again!
Luigi No! I'm already a criminal
Luigi Police must already be searching for me
[The doorbell rings]
Toad I got it
Toad Yes who are you?
Police I'm from the police department I'm looking for 2 men called Mario and Luigi
Mario, Luigi !!!!!
Police May I inspect your castle
Luigi He's going to see us! Try to look diffrent or something!
Police Hmm... This place looks normal
Police Hmmmm....
[Luigi is disguised with an eyepatch]
Luigi Arrrggh! Problem officer?
[Mario is disguised without a mustache]
Mario I'm not Mario!
Mario I mean uhhh... Hi I'm Bob!
Luigi Don't worry about him he's just got diabetes
Police Uh-huh..... I'm going to go now....
[The police officer leaves]
Mario ... Ow! Why did I pull my mustache off?!
Luigi Well at least we're safe for now
Mario Sooooo now what do we do???
Luigi We got to find a hiding spot where no one can find us
[Mario and Luigi go to Bob-omb Battlefield]
Luigi Ok lets see if we can hide here
Luigi Oh no...
Mario What?
Luigi The whole battlefield is guarded by police
Luigi The whole game is guarded by police!
Luigi We can't hide anywere
[Mario and Luigi go back to the castle]
Luigi Hide... Can't hide....
Mario Luigi have you ever noticed this piece of paper here
Luigi What? Let me see
[The paper has a picture of Mario and Luigi and the text "Wanted dead or alive"]
Luigi Ooohhhh snap...
Mario Why do I look fat... Am I fat?
Luigi There's only one thing to do...
Mario Become gangsters?
Luigi No! Runaway, change names, live in another country
Mario I can already imagine that
[Mario envisions himself naked and as a salesman... sort of]
Mario Babys! Get your babys!
Mario 50% off babys!
[The envisioning ends, back to the castle]
Luigi Mario lets go runaway
[Mario and Luigi get in their karts and leave the castle]
Luigi Ok our plan is to never show our faces again
Mario But people love my face
Luigi Oh forget it
Luigi Wario!?
Wario Yes it is I who works undercover for the police
Wario And your both wanted!
Luigi How did you know we were here
Wario Well I don't want to brag but I got this radar thing from Ebay :D
Mario Ok thats it I can't stand this!
[Mario spawns infinite red shells and throws them at Wario]
Luigi What are you doing?
Mario I'll fend him off you go!
Mario I SAID GO!
Wario Well this beats seeing Waluigi naked
[Mario and Luigi return to the castle]
Luigi Finally... back... but... still police.....
Mario Well thats over
Luigi But the police is still trying to rape us
[The scene cuts to security camera feed of Mario and Luigi]
Mario But its not like they're watching us
Luigi I got the feeling they are
[Back to normal view]
Luigi Well its not all that bad
Toad HELP ME! (Awawawawawawawa!)
[Toad is being chased by the police]
Police Come here!
Toad I keep telling you I'm not Justin Bieber!
[Back to Mario and Luigi]
Luigi This whole police thing is getting out of control!
Luigi We need to stop this
Mario YEAH! They took my clothes!
Luigi And the only way to do that is to convince the judge
Mario But where does he live?
Luigi I don't know but we're going to have to search
[Luigi searches in Bob-omb Battlefield]
Luigi Judge! Are you here?
Luigi Uh-oh police are coming
[Luigi jumps off an edge as the police approaches]
Police Mario bros! Are you here?
Police Uh-oh that fairy is following me again!
[The police jumps off the edge, Mario searches by the Chain Chomp]
Mario Judge! Did you get eaten?!
[Mario and Luigi go back to the castle]
Luigi Ok this is hopeless
Mario What are we going to do then?
Luigi I'll tell you what I'm going to do!
[Luigi leaves the castle]
Luigi YOU!
[The camera zooms in on the police outside the castle]
Luigi Police! Give me the car!
Police Luigi! Your a wanted person! I'm going to have to arrest you
Luigi Give me the car!
Police Make me!
Luigi Ok fine!
Police Hey what are you doing?
[Luigi punches the police into the lake]
Mario Nice your plan was to throw a police man into a lake
Luigi No it was to steal his car to get to the judge
Mario What a stupid idea I prefer mine
Luigi Lets end this...
[Mario and Luigi get in the car]
Luigi Lets-a go!
Lakitu I think I should of done this in a diffrent angle...
[The car crashes into the camera, Mario and Luigi drive the car through a city]
Luigi And where some how in the city
Mario Let me drive!
Luigi No! You don't have a licence and your drunk right now
Mario Well at least I'm not a skinny little gay!
Luigi o_o Forget it we're only here to get to the judge
Mario Your only here, you dragged me into this! I could be eating right now!
Mario I woud be dragging you if I could!
[The camera cuts to the interior of the car]
Mario Hey Luigi?
Luigi Yes?
Mario Have you been focusing on where your going?
[The car is somehow driving on Rainbow Road]
Luigi Oops... Better get back down
[Luigi drives off the edge and lands on a bridge in the city]
Mario Weeeee!
[Ahead on the road, Fox is crying over the loss of his Arwing]
Mario Out of the way road hobo!
[The car hits Fox, then drives past another police car]
Police (1) Hey! That cop was speeding
Police (2) Its ok forget it
Police (1) Umm and I think they didn't have donuts
Police (2) No donuts?!...
Police (2) Lets go!
[The second cop car begins chasing Mario and Luigi, "Scatman" begins playing]
Luigi Uh-oh we got a problem
Police Stop! Police! You do not have your donuts!
Mario Floor it!
Luigi Don't pressure me!
Police >:(
Luigi Uh-oh I think we got another problem
Mario What?
[The bridge ahead is covered in people]
Luigi Those people on the road!
Luigi You aren't suppose to be on the road idiots!!!
Luigi Time to play a little game I like to call bowling!
[Luigi starts hitting the people on the road]
Mario Flying people!
Mario Get that last one!
Luigi Blindsided!
Police Wow! These guys are more violent than I thought
Police I need to call back up
[Mario and Luigi are on the roof of a building]
Luigi WOW! How did we get up here?
Mario How far up are we?
Mario WOW! I'm scared of heights
Police Stop! Police get out of the car!
Mario Luigi! Do something!
Luigi Oh what to do, what to do?
[Luigi drives the car off the edge]
Luigi AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (screaming)
Mario WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (screaming)
[The car crashes through the roof of the Judge's house]
Judge Calm down! Just calm down and tell me what's wrong
Mario Well I should have told you something at the trial
Mario And that it was an accident... and Luigi is actually gay so please let him go
Judge If I let him go, you two promise you won't cause so much attention
Mario, Luigi YES!
Judge Ok go away and stop fighting all the time
Mario Really? That easy?
Luigi Well more easy than you being naked all the time
Mario HEY! Well at least I'm not gay!!!
Screen Text Thanks for watching
Luigi Blahblahblahblah!
Mario Blahblah your gay!
Luigi Why are we saying blah?
Mario Cause your gay LOL!
End of Transcript
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