Mario tells the viewers that he is going to tell them tips and rules for defeating Bowser, then tells them that they should get a pen and paper to write down the tips.
Rule #1: Know Bowser's weakness
First, Mario tells the viewers to know Bowser's weaknesses. To demonstrate, he confronts Bowser and plays Justin Bieber's music to make Bowser's ears bleed.
Rule #2: Try to make a relationship between you and Bowser
Mario then explains that people should try to create a relationship with Bowser, as well as warning that loners cannot use this rule. First, Mario tries asking Bowser to be his friend, but he is rejected and Bowser breaks the fourth wall in the progress. Next, Mario tries to tell Bowser a joke, but he forgets the ending. Finally, Mario asks Bowser a riddle, but the answer turns out to be an insult.
Rule #3: Never touch Bowser's tail as it's poisonous
Mario advises people never to touch Bowser's tail, because it is "scaly and oily and deadly." Mario then shows this by actually touching the tail, losing all his health in the process.
Rule #4: Try to distract Bowser
Still disgusted by the last rule, Mario tells people to distract Bowser before asking for a doggy bag. He then distracts Bowser by telling him that Peach is nearby before grabbing his tail. Somehow avoiding the poison again, Mario then faces another problem: Bowser is too heavy to swing around.
Rule #5: Always have a disguise!
Standing next to a sign, Mario tells people to have a disguise, but not a mustache disguise like his. Mario then is seen disguised as that sign and successfully concealing his identity from Bowser.
Rule #6: Bowser is a hacker!!!
Mario states that Bowser is a hacker, which infuriates him because that is what Mario does. Mario then is forced to confront a giant Bowser to demonstrate the rule, but he gets too scared and moon jumps off the edge. Before leaving, he expresses confusion over how Bowser goes to the bathroom with such a large size.
Rule #7: Bribe!
Mario says that, if one were to give Bowser some coins, he would drop dead. Mario then gives Bowser some money, and, just as predicted, Bowser jumps off the edge. However, Mario then reveals that he gave Bowser Monopoly money instead of real money.
Rule #8: Always dance before you die
Surprisingly, Mario tells people that it is imperative to always dance before you die. Mario is then shown dancing as Bowser approaches, thinking that Mario went insane. Bowser attacks and damages Mario, who keeps dancing despite the circumstances. However, before Bowser can fully deplete Mario's health, a glitch occurs that makes it look as though Bowser is humping Mario.
Rule #9: Try to make Bowser drunk
Mario comments about how the last part was weird before telling people to get Bowser drunk, which would make him lose focus on the battle. However, Bowser explains that he doesn't drink beer, even though Mario says he always looks hung over.
Rule #10: Rage Quit
Finally, Mario tells people that if all else fails or if they are too lazy, they should rage quit. Mario then rage quits himself by running directly into Bowser, causing a gigantic explosion.
As the video ends, Mario tells people that he hopes they kill Bowser, and that they fail if none of the rules work. He then immediately tells people to get off the video, unless they are trolling it. Suddenly, Bowser yells at Mario from offscreen about uploading a video that people could use to defeat him. Mario quickly leaves to avoid getting defeated, and the blooper ends.
