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This page is the transcript for Mario's Guide to Defeating Bowser.
Transcript[]
Mario: Welcome to my guide to defeating that dragon Bowser
Mario: I'm gonna tell you some tips and rules...
Mario: So you better have some pen and paper ready!
Mario: Put that cookie down! And get some pen and paper!
Mario: Ok! Lets get started!
[Scene cuts to the castle path]
Mario: Rule #1: Know Bowsers weaknesses!
Mario: For example, Bowser hates Justin Bieber
[Scene cuts to Mario in front of Bowser in his lair]
Bowser: What are you?????...
Mario: Fire in the hole!
[Justin Bieber's "Baby" starts playing]
Bowser: MY EARS THEY'RE BLEEDING!!!!!!!
[Bowser flies offscreen]
Mario: Haha!
[Scene cuts back to the castle exterior]
Mario: Rule #2: Try to make a relationship between you and Bowser
Mario: Tip: Loners cannot do this rule
[Scene cuts back to Bowser's lair]
Mario: Hey Bowser want to be my friend?
Bowser: Not even if my line was yes in this blooper
[Light flash, second try begins]
Mario: Hey Bowser knock, knock
Bowser: Who's there?
Mario: Uhhhh I forgot
Bowser: Ugh...
[Light flash, third try begins]
Mario: Hey Bowser whats big fat and is always angry?
Bowser: I don't know... you?
Mario: No silly some weird dragon called Bowser
Bowser: WHAT DID YOU SAY!
[Scene cuts back to the castle exterior]
Mario: Rule #3: Never touch Bowsers tail its poisonous
Mario: No seriously! Its all scaley and oily and deadly!
[Scene cuts back to Bowser's lair]
Mario: Haha
[Mario grabs Bowser's tail and immediately lets go of it]
Mario: EWWWW!!!!!!!!! Oh I think I'm going to...
[Mario loses all of his health]
[Scene cuts back to the castle exterior]
Mario: Ewww... uhhh Rule #4: Try to distract Bowser
Mario: Can someone get me a doggy bag?
[Scene cuts back to Bowser's lair]
Mario: Hey Bowser I see Peach!
Bowser: WHERE!!!!!!
Mario: Hehehe sucker
[Mario grabs Bowser's tail and is not affected by the poison again]
Mario: Huff puff so heavy.....
[Scene cuts back to the castle exterior]
Mario: Rule #5: Always have a disguise!
Mario: Tip: Not one of those gay mustache disguise like I have
[Scene cuts back to Bowser's lair]
Mario (as a sign): (whistling)...
Bowser: Uhh was that sign always there?
Mario: What are you looking at?
[Scene cuts back to the castle exterior]
Mario: Rule #6: Bowser is a hacker!!!!
Mario: He always hack and cheat, and that's what I do!!!!
[Scene cuts back to Bowser's lair, Bowser is extremely large]
Bowser: lolololololololollolol10
Mario: Gulp...
Mario: AHHHHHHHH!!
[Mario runs away]
Mario: Bowser is such a hacker!
[Mario moon jumps off the edge]
Mario: And how does he go to the toilet like this!
[Scene cuts back to the castle exterior]
Mario: Rule #7: Bribe!
Mario: Just give him some coins and he'll drop dead
[Scene cuts back to Bowser's lair]
Bowser: Uhhh you got the coins?
Mario: Yeah uhhh here you go
Bowser: Ok...
[Bowser flies offscreen]
Mario: Hehe it wasn't even real coins, they were monoply money!
[Scene cuts back to the castle exterior]
Mario: Rule #8: Always dance before you die
Mario: Even when your about to die just dance!
[Scene cuts back to Bowser's lair, Mario dances as Bowser walks up behind him]
Mario: Ahahaa
Bowser: Mario finally cracked
[Bowser damages Mario]
Mario: Owchhhhh keep dansen
[Bowser damages Mario again]
Mario: Just think of it as DDR
[Bowser tries to damage Mario but ends up doing... something else, scene cuts back to the castle exterior]
Mario: Is it me or did that last part look weird to you...
Mario: Uhhh... anyway Rule #9: Try to make Bowser drunk
Mario: Try to give him beer so he will be unfocus
[Scene cuts back to Bowser's lair]
Mario: Hey Bowser you want some beer?
Bowser: I don't drink
Mario: Really? Everytime I see you you look like you just had a hangover
Mario: You sure? Its got... water in it
[Scene cuts back to the castle exterior]
Mario: Ok now for our last rule...
Mario: Rule #10: Rage quit
Mario: Now if you just too lazy then just do what I am about to do
[Scene cuts back to Bowser's lair, Mario runs toward Bowser]
Mario: AHHHHHHH! FOR SPARTA!!!!!!
[Mario runs into Bowser and creates a giant explosion]
Mario: KABOOOOOOOOOM!
[Scene cuts back to the castle exterior]
Mario: Well I hope you kill Bowser
Mario: And if you failed at all the rules than you fail
Mario: Unless you are trollin this video then get off!
Bowser: MARIO did you post a video about defeating me!
Mario: Uh oh uhh thanks for watching!
[Mario runs offscreen]
End of transcript