|"I have absolutely no idea what's going on."|
(SMG4 runs out of the Castle)
SMG4: Stupid Mario and his spaghetti. Why does he buy so much weird crap on eBay?
(Cut to inside the Castle, Mario is singing and dancing naked with spaghetti on what looks like a model)
(Cut back to SMG4)
SMG4: Ugh.... (looks up to the sky) OH LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH TO FIGHT MARIO'S RETARDEDNESS! (an object falls from the sky) WHAT THE? GOD IS THAT YOUUU? (object hits SMG4) OHHH! SH*T! (SMG4 gets up, and notices the object that hit him was a rock) A rock? Yes! That solves anything! JEEZ, why couldn't it have been a wizard or something?
Rock: Did somebody say "wizard"? (wizard's hat appears on rock's head)
(SMG4 screams in shock)
Rock Wizard: (wizard floats) It is I, the Magical Rock Wizard! You've seen me before, yes?
SMG4: What the f**k are you talking abou-
Rock Wizard: Never mind! What do you need? Do you want to become a princess or something?
SMG4: NO! I just want my retarded friend to stop being retarded!
Rock Wizard: You wish to become a retard!? OK!
SMG4: NO! (the wizard turns SMG4 into a retard, before turning back to normal seconds after) HEY! Don't ever do that!
Rock Wizard: Or is it that you want to become a wizard?!
SMG4: What? NO! I didn't say that! All I said was-
Rock Wizard: Okey-dokey! (brings out his magic wand)
Rock Wizard: IMAGUS EXMORTIS!
(the spell the wizard casts made a large explosion that blew SMG4 away, making him fly to the other side of the Castle)
(the spaghetti-on-a-model crashes from the side of the castle and onto SMG4)
Mario: CRAP! Uhhh, can you get that for me?
(SMG4 intro [the one with 8-bit Mario and regular Mario])
(It is now nighttime at the Castle. We get a view of the Castle Courtyard at an angle, then cut to the Princess's Secret Slide Room, where SMG4 is sleeping. A door creaking sound is heard.)
SMG4: (wakes up) Huh?
(glass shattering sound)
SMG4: WHAT WAS THAT?!? UH... SOMEBODY!!!
(door opening sound)
(SMG4 jumps and gasps)
(We see a shadowy figure fade in and walk to SMG4. The lights turn on in the room, and the shadowy figure turns out to be Hagrid.)
Hagrid: Harry, you're a wizard.
(SMG4 screams and runs out of the room to find Toad)
SMG4: SOMEONE'S TRYING TO KILL ME!
Toad: I DON'T CAAARE-
(Cut to inside the Secret Slide room. We see the door open, and SMG4 and Toad looking at Hagrid. Toad brings out a gun.)
Hagrid: (turns around) Hi.
(From Toad's view, Hagrid is wearing Santa's hat and saying "HO, HO, HO.")
Toad: (walks closer to Hagrid, then gets mad, with fire in his eyes) B*TCH! WHERE'S MY 2013 CHRISTMAS PRESENT!?
(Toad screams, leaps to Hagrid and attacks him, with Hagrid screaming as well)
SMG4: Heh. That was easy.
(We then cut to several scenes of Hagrid telling SMG4 that he is a wizard, including him being outside of the Castle banging on a window, being dragged by a car, and hiding in a closet.)
SMG4: DON'T F**KING GO IN MY CLOSET!!!
(cut to SMG4 on the toilet, and turning his head to see Hagrid standing beside him, and telling him once again that he is a wizard.)
(Hagrid gets thrown out of the Castle)
SMG4: I'M NOT A F**KING WIZARD!
Hagrid: For God's sake, Harry, what is with this language!? YOU'RE A F**KING WIZARD!
(cut to SMG4, and then Mario enters from the side of the screen)
Mario: I think that big crazy hobo is right!
(SMG4 grunts in disbelief)
(cut to Hagrid going to the bathroom with SMG4)
SMG4: OK! Ugh, what is it you wanted to show me?
(the spell he casts [while on the toilet] opens a portal to Hobowarts)
Hagrid: You're going to go to Hogwarts and do spells and sh*t!
SMG4: Oh no, that's fine, there's no need. (slowly backs away)
(SMG4 is now leaning on the edge of the portal to Hobowarts)
SMG4: Ehhh. I gotta go now...
Hagrid: NO! (pushes SMG4 over the edge of the portal)
(SMG4 falls to the ground and screams, with Mario eventually falling to the ground and screaming as well)
SMG4: (gets up, is surprised) M-Mario? Did you follow me here?
(cut to a view of outside of Hobowarts, then cut to Mario and SMG4 [who is offscreen, due to a goof] entering the place)
SMG4: Wow... what is this place?
Mario: Mamma mia...
(Dumbledore enters from above to greet the two)
(SMG4 and Mario scream, Mario tries to run away)
Dumbledore: It's OK! Don't be afraid! Welcome to Hobowarts! A wizard academy! (zoom in on Dumbledore) And my name is... DUMBLEDORE!
Mario: SMG4! Run! I'll blind this kidnapper! WITH THE POWER OF THE FLAB!
(Mario flashes himself naked in front of Dumbledore, but he doesn't do a thing)
Mario: Are... your eyes burning yet?...
Dumbledore: You are one fine hunky man! Mmm!
Dumbledore: It is now time for the welcome ceremony! I'll sound the school bell! Alakazoom!
(the spell he casts turns on the speaker, which then plays the Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch song "Good Vibrations" throughout Hobowarts, and then Mario sings along with the song)
(cut to inside Hobowarts)
Dumbledore: Welcome, everyone! Today, we have two new students! Mario and Supahmeriogay4 or something!
(cut to Mario and SMG4)
Mario: Thank you very much! Thank you! Thank you-
SMG4: Uhh... hi.
Dumbledore: OK! Now we shall assign you to one of the teams of Hobowarts. (cut to Mario and SMG4) You can be, uhh... Team Mushroomdors.
(the text "TEAM MUSHROOMDORS" appears above the two, and Mario is excited)
(cut to Bowser and SMG3)
Dumbledore: Our other teams are Team Slytherbastards...
(the text "Team slytherbastards" appears above the two, and Bowser cheers)
(cut to Po Tubby and Steve, who are Team Huffleretards, and Steve also cheers)
Dumbledore: Now have fun at this academy! Where our moral is:... (zoom in on Dumbledore's face) MAGIC. *snort snort*
Text: Wizard spells 101
Old Man Wizard: Today, children, we'll be learning the summoning spell Accio, one of the oldest spells in history.
SMG4: (turns to SMG3 [who is offscreen]) SMG3, I didn't know you were a wizard.
(cut to SMG3, who holds up a sign saying "you're gay.")
Old Man Wizard: Oh, and don't forget to swish and flick the sh*t out of the wand like this- EEERGH. (accidentally throws wand to offscreen, breaking it)
(cut to Mario, with Steve casting crazy spells in the room, and Po Tubby behind him)
Mario: Oh boy. Let's a go.
(Mario throws a Woody doll onto a stand and casts a spell, turning the doll into a real Woody)
Woody: You're my favorite deputy!
Mario: Oh yeah!
Woody: DIE, B*TCH!
(Woody attacks Mario, Mario screams)
SMG3: (to SMG4) Ha ha!
SMG4: Alakazam! (SMG4 casts a spell which turns a rock into Princess Peach)
SMG3: Alakazoo! (SMG4 casts a spell which turns a Cheep Cheep into a deformed Wario)
Wario: I'm-a-Wario! I'm-a-FIRE! (Wario launches to Bowser, attacking him)
(SMG3 and SMG4 angrily stare at each other, then they start fighting while chaos is going on)
(Steve casts a spell which turns a fancy chair into Colonel Sanders [the mascot of KFC] dancing to the Kelis song "Milkshake")
(cut to SMG3 and SMG4 being creeped out and disgusted by the dancing Sanders, then zoom in on Sanders's face)
Old Man Wizard: Ten points to Gryffindor!
(It is now nighttime at Hobowarts. Pan camera left, showing view of Hobowarts. Cut to Mario and SMG4, who are sneaking out at night)
SMG4: No one here yet... Mario! Let's go! We're getting out of here!
Mario: (notices a Mushroom) Oh hoo hoo hoo! Let's a go! (turns the Mushroom into a spaghetti monster)
Spaghetti Monster: Please kill me.
SMG4: MARIO! Stop trying to make spaghetti! Let's go.
Mario: Hey! Say, I'm-a-hungry. I also don't want to leave this magical place!
(SMG4 casts a spell which makes Mario's mustache disappear, Mario screams)
SMG4: (sneaks up behind the corner, notices SMG3 and the Magical Rock Wizard) Shh shh shh. Shut the f**k up for a second.
SMG3: YOU STOOPID WIZARD! WHY DO YOU LET MY ARCH-NEMESIS, COME TO THIS PLACE OF POWER?
Rock Wizard: Cause I felt like it?
(SMG3 grunts in disbelief)
SMG4: This doesn't look good. We're going to have to deal with him again, Mario. ...Mario?
Mario: No! Give me that bowl of spaghetti!
Hagrid: THIS IS NOT NEGOTIABLE!
Mario: DON"T F**KIN SAY IT YOU LEOTARD BASTARD!