This is a transcript of Super Mario 64 Bloopers: The Mystery of the Chest
(Title card says: supermarioglitchy4 presents...)
Scenery opens up with Peach’s Castle being featured at night time. An unknown figure is running towards the castle.
Time: i don’t know game time or night time...
???: >:) Weehee! (Tries to enter castle but gets knocked back. Then enters the castle.) OW! Dammit.
Toad: hey who are you? (Ends up getting beat up by the intruder) OWOWOWOWOWOW! I'm sorry...I asked
???: now to get out of this black suit its killing me! (Reveals to be Mario!)
Mario: yeah yeah don't be shocked. I do this every night. ok back to what I was doing. anyone looking...good. you do this...this...then...yes..... (Presses multiple button before castle walls begin to open) yes! it lives! :D now to go in...
(Enters dark room)
Mario: :) you may be wondering what the hell am i doing. now where's the light switch. dammit I can't see anything...wait is it this! no just rotten pasta. screw the light it never helped me anyway. OK now for the thing I was here for
Reveals to be a blue chest
Mario: :D ahh good old chest. boy I can't wait to eat the stuff in here again! :D
The chest reveal, "you obtained nothing!" :D much to Mario's fury.
Mario: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~! (Bleeping/censoring noises occurs)
King K. Rool: is he saying what I think he's saying
SMG4: wow what the hell? what's with the beepin?
Nintendofan997: I don't think thats JUST beeping
Toad: your telling me
Lakitu: ok I can't stand this beeping! I'm translating it into japanese! (begins to do so)
Luigi: huh? oh no! the japanese army are hunting me again!!!
(gathers X, Luigi, Toad, Bowser, Lakitu, SMG4, and Peach Toadstool.)
Mario: ok everyone you all know why your here?
Mario: well it seems that someone has stolen my secret stache of mushrooms! and it could be anyone of you
Mario: DETECTIVE MARIO!
Luigi: ugh detective mario! can we go to bed...its midnight
Mario: NO! no one goes to sleep until I find out who ate my mushrooms!
SMG4: your keeping us up because someone ate your mushrooms
Mario: well duh! now...for the questioning!!!!!! luigi!
Mario: are you gay?
Luigi: no...but what does this have to do with-
Mario: THEN YOU DID IT! take him away!
Luigi: what!? don't please!!! I have........children....maybe not....but still don't!
Mario: fine but i got my eyes on you...O-O...now bowser
Bowser: y...yes sir *gulp*
Mario: were you hungry yesterday?
Bowser: no sir
Mario: DON'T LIE!
Bowser: ok ok! but don't worry! i ate a toad no mushrooms...
Nintendofan997: mario stop this!
Peach: yeah this is stupid!
Mario: so you did it!
Peach: what? no!
Mario: well someone had to have done it
SMG4: OK I give up I did it!
SMG4: no not really XD
Mario: >:( ok I'm going to blame it on all of you
everyone (except Kirby): yeah ok we're fine with that
Mario: D:< FINE! I will kill myself
everyone (except Kirby): YES! WOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mario: ok to make everything easy, lets all tell what we did yesterday
Luigi: do we have to?
Mario: do it or I will kill you. ok X you will tell first
Nintendofan997: yesterday huh? (Flashes back to yesterday in the Mushroom Kingdom) hey mario wat you doing?
Mario: what does it look like? I'm trying to create my own bob-omb. its pretty hard
Nintendofan997: do you even know how to build?
Mario: no but I tryed. hey can you take this bomb to bowser
Nintendofan997: its kind of heavy. how much gun powder do you have in here?
Mario: oh you know...over 9000% of it...
Nintendofan997: over 9000%? but thats-
Mario: oh yeah and you run fast with the bomb lit
Nintendofan997: AHH! but but!!!
Mario: you better hurry because I'm not paying your insurance
Nintendofan997: ok I got a lit bomb....I can;t get to bowser in time before this blows up! where to put> uhhhhhhhh...the fuse is nearly out! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Puts it in a room where Kirby is sleeping, and then it explodes
Nintendofan997: yeahh...the rest of the day I stole drugs from children
Mario: THATS IT! well that was no help
SMG4: ok my turn!
Flashes back to yesterday, but in SMG4's view
SMG4: yes yes!!! I WIN! NEW RECORD BEAT THAT DONKEY KONG!!! (hears noise) huh? what was that? it sounded like it came from the room with the ugly peach windows. WOW!
Shows a wall that's blasted open, and an unconscious Kirby
SMG4: cool! a hole! I wonder whats in it. a treasure chest!? that sucks. I wonder whats in - jackpot! mushrooms! I might as well have one. might as well have the whole chest. ok lets get out of this dump...the chest is making my butt look big. I don't need it anyway. but I should of put a bomb in the chest before I dropped
Luigi: my story is better
Switches to Luigi's perspective
Luigi: note...to self... don't mess with gay bob-ombs even when your gay. hmm...I was suppose to do something at this part
Chest lands on Luigi's head
Luigi: hey watch were you-...why hello there :) you alone? ok lets see whats in you...mushrooms!...it wouldn't hurt to have one (eats one) mmm...I think I'll take the whole chest. hey king! want to see my new chest!
King Bob-omb: what? you want to battle?
King Bob-omb: ok
Luigi AHHHHHHHHH! D:.......wow he walks so slow.....
King Bob-omb: wait wait! I'm coming
2 hours later
King Bob-omb: hey look a chest!
Luigi: don't touch it!!!!
King Bob-omb: what? touch it? ok (throws it)
Luigi: no you deaf bomb! nooooooo!!!!
Luigi: and I never saw that chest again *sniff* can I have a moment...WAHHHHHHHHHH
Bowser: Oh come on!
Mario: uhh was that story suppose to be a gay chest love story!?
Bowser: ok after that gayness, my part of the story
Flashes back to Bowser's perspective
Bowser: TRA LA LA! such a normal day (Chest lands near Bowser) hey a chest what's inside...please be drugs. dammit! just mushrooms...even though I am on a diet I'll have one (eats one) so now what...
starts a tea party with the chest
Bowser: some more tea mr chest?
Bystander:HAHAHAHAHAHA! how pathetic
Bowser: this? this is nothing...shut up! (Throws chest away, and flashback ends.)
Bowser: that was the most humilating thing ever...
Mario: (makes fun of Bowser by laughing at him)
Toad: ok after that pathetic story its time for another pathetic story
Flashes back to Toad's view
Toad: dammit...I wish I could move from this spot (chest breaks through the ceiling of Peach's Castle and lands near Toad) hey a chest I wonder whats inside! aww just mushrooms. even if this is my own kind I like eating mushrooms!
Flashes back to present briefly
Toad: and that mushroom was good...
Mario: zz...huh...this is going nowhere maybe the nerd stole it!!!!!
Lakitu: I'm not a nerd! and I didn't do it!!!!
Goes back to Toad's perspective
Lakitu: soo nice chest
Toad: it's not mine...
Lakitu: can I have a mushroom
Toad: you lucky nerd its the last one
Back to present
Mario: if the nerd didn;t do then only left
Peach: why would I steal a chest full of mushrooms? I'm not like the rest of you fatty tbattys
Goes back to Toad's flashback
Peach: hey! whats this chest doing here?
Toad: it fell from the sky
Peach: well you can't leave it here...forget it I'll move it. why is there a hole in the wall? perfect place to put this chest!....and dead bodys! yes perfect be free little fella! and now to go punch mario in the face!
Mario: :D ahh good old chest
Back to present
Mario: So who dun it?...
Everyone (except Kirby): uhhh...
SMG4: OMG! I CAN'T STAND THIS YOU DID IT MARIO!!!!!!!
Mario: what?! I DID IT!? I never thought of that :(
SMG4: YES YOU! now go kill yourself
Mario: fine I will...AHHHHHHHHHHHH! (hits spiked ball and damages rather than kills himself) dammit! sorry! I'll try again! (Jumps off cliff for good measure)
Bowser: well at least he's dead
time: 7am good morning!
Kirby: ahh good morning everyone have a good sleep?