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The Swag Master
SwagMaster Swag Lady Mcfag (Disguise) Swaggy
Breasts (specifically Peach's)
Swag The song "A$$ and Titties" Chris (most of the time) Vacations Money Anime (occasionally)
The Butt Ninja
Anime (most of the times)
Being told what to do
Powers and abilities
Swag Fu skills
9mm Blaster Rifle
Rocket Launcher Desert Eagle Giant Spiked Hammer
"This is why they call me Swag Master."
Swagmaster ( YouTube name: swagmaster69696969696) is one of the two main protagonists (only in Guards N' Retards) and possibly a mentally challenged guard who works at Fresh Spaghetti Tubbie with his friend Chris (although the latter may not consider him a friend). He appears in the Guards N' Retards series and in Retarded64: Mario and the retarded spaghetti factory, as well as reappearing alongside Chris in SMG4: Mario And... The Well and making a cameo in SMG4 Christmas 2018: The Most Important Thing. He was also the main antagonist of SMG4: Mario's Prison Escape.
Swagmaster is arrogant, unintelligent, cocky, and tends to be uncaring and mean towards others. He prefers to screw around instead of doing what he is supposed to be doing, which is one of the main reasons why he and Chris get into so much trouble most of the time as guards working at the spaghetti factory. On some rare occasions where he is focused on the task at hand, he is very resourceful and can get out of many sticky situations with his quick thinking.
He is obsessed with (way too much) breasts, as shown in
The Butt Ninja, where his dying wish is for Chris to bring him breasts, and in Pointy Things, where Swag's pursuit of the Pointy Boob Lady is part of the cause of the conflict.
On occasion, Swagmaster appears to enjoy singing while he is goofing around; however, he is apparently tone-deaf, as the characters around him start to panic and cringe in pain whenever he sings, making their ears bleed.
He also seems to have a dislike for anime as shown in
SMG4: Mario's Prison Escape, stating that the van that Saiko Bichitaru is on needs to be immediately destroyed since it had "anime on board". In SMG4: The Inkling Disappearances though there's a scene which shows him and two anime scenes, where he says that "he has seen too much" and explains that because of that, he is probably going to have difficulties in coming back to "civilian life", probably meaning that he actually grew to like anime (though it's most likely a love-hate feeling) ever since it was banned.
This is why they call me Swagmaster.
Swag mode activate.
Where are those sexy ass ladies they said on the commercial?
WHAT THE FUCK
SHIT SHIT SHIT
HOLY D*CK NUGGETS!
Greg. We meet again, butt ninja.
Do I fucking look OK, dumbass?
Chris, boobs. Bring them to me, quickly. Dude, there's some
crazy guy women in the toilets. Penis.
In the balls.
Why Chris? Why you piss off
old people! ???
But I don't want toooo...
Y u do dis?
HOLY SH*T! POINTY BOOBIES!!
Eyes on the prize Chris, eyes on the prize.
What you call me?! I'll let you know I am the king of chopanese! Ahh goddamit Chris why did you block my view!
Where is it? It's mine!
Who's this douchebag anyway? Is he part of the Wiggles?
Jesus Christ, dude, get a tic tac or something.
I'm going to murder the Wiggles now ...
Is she a mental old lady who's obsessed with raisins?
CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
Huh? Who's that?
Woah... Is that-
BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES
Aw... She ran away.
Did you see how pointy those boobies were? They could pop a balloon!
Yeah ok, LOL. I'm going to find
Pointy Boob Lady. I AM COMING, POINTY BOOBIES!
I'm not changing swagmaster69696969696.
I GOT THIS CHRIS! I'ma charging my lazer!
My ROFLcopter goes SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI.
Goddammit granny... did you litter more skeletons on the floor again?!
But first... LET ME TAKE A SELFIE!
NUT SHOT! ...Shit, I missed!
Uhh... I can explain why there's a rocket launcher up Gavin's butt...
This job is like pointy boobs on your face, it gets annoying but you still love it!
You actually trust the bullshit that comes out of my mouth?! When did you stoop so low, Chris?
The prisoner looked like
a rectangle with creepy ass eyes I' ma charging my lazer! WOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOP
Just make out with your jailbuddy.
HOLY CRAP IT'S FATASS JUSTIN BIEBER! KILL HIM!
MEGA SWAGALICIOUS PINGAS ACTIVATE!
OK EVERYONE, DON'T PANIC, BUT YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
This is the sad story of two..fired guards.
This retard chris, and the sexy Swagmaster!
So cold.. Need money... Gimmie some pingas!
STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER!
Sorry lol i don't have a soul!
Remind me never to come near you when you have a piece of toast in your hand!
I don't know why but i feel, FAABUULOOUS!
Wanna 1v1 me? fight like a man?
Crap he found my one and only true weakness Chris were doomed!
I'll let you know i am number one in swag fu!
Entering SUPER BUTTHURT MODE!
Feast your eyes on my, TROLL FACE!
Holy crap, it's fat ass
Justin Bieber, kill him! PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW
YOU MOUSTACHIO'D PIECE OF SHIT!
One episode per year won't cut it dickweed!
You just don't want people to hear my sexy singing!
Oh boy Chris it's snowing! This calls for some Christmas carols because that's the true meaning of Christmas!
JINGLE BELLS JINGLE BELLS JINGLE BELLS ROCK!
Before I awsumly die, can you du one last thing Chris?
Mario sucks pingas lol
Fuck u penis muncher
i'm pregant chris. i'm pregent and ur the father.
Oh fuk yeah. The ocean can't stop a boner!
I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD. SHINING. SHITTERING. SWAGNESS!!!
Should we tell them that I replaced all the water with vodka?
oh it's just the thicc juicy mustache boi and the lesser thicc green boi
How bout you lick mah balls lololollo
Reckon I can spit on them from here? lol
hi ho hi ho off to banish some scrubs I go
Holy Dick Casserole there's anime on board, we have to destroy it!
the hell is that on my penis?
wow you saved me Chris. I luv you, no homo tho
Do you smell that Chris? *SNIFFFF* Smells like bitches gonna die tonight!
HOLY CRAP, THAT IS THE WEEBIEST SHIT I'VE EVER SEEN!
lol easiest double kill of my life.
Chris you hit me, that was not very nice. :-(
AHH JESUS CHRIST, CHRIS HELP! I GOT THE AIDS. GET IT OFF. GET IT OFF.
Hey Chris. If I ever say something as gay as that I want you to shoot me k?
Sad Face :(
Mr. Chris. I don't feel so good.
holy shit our boss is a massive tootsie roll!!!
Ah Chris help! I'M HAVING VIETNAM FLASHBACKS AGAIN
Ye how am I gonna feed my kids now you dick munchers
I made some with your mom last night lol
I was born a weeb hunter and i will die a weeb hunter
Argh hoist the sails! Swab the poopdeck! Let's get scurvy bitches!
HOLY DICKS CHRIS! IT LOOKS LIKE MY EX-GIRLFRIEND!
Bon Appetitty Bitches
hey girls, you hungry? open wide, motherf-cker
His YouTube name may be based on the name of another YouTuber called "swagmaster69".
In the video "The Butt Ninja", he is shown activating two "modes": "ninja stealth mode" and "swag mode".
Claims that he needs breasts to survive.
His character model is the "St. Petersburg Guard" from GoldenEye 007 for the Nintendo 64.
His subtitles are red, similar to Mario's subtitles.
Swag is voiced by Microsoft Sam.
In "Swag Party Hostages", it is revealed that he can activate a "Mega Swagalicious Pingas", which is a fist that comes from that area.
Swagmasters subtitles changed in the video "swag magic."
In "swag magic" he is shown that he is number one in "Swag Fu", which is the parody of Kung Fu.
Swagmaster is based off Master Chief from . However, Swagmaster seems to have better grammar than Chief at times. They also both have annoyingly intelligent partners.
Arby 'n' the Chief Swagmaster sold his soul to a ghost on a week before the events of Swag magic for some ice cream.
He had apparently stole a fire truck from the government which was later stolen by Meggy and Saiko Bichitaru during the events of SMG4: Mario And... The Well.