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This page is the transcript for The Mario Channel: MARIO'S CHALLENGE.
*Indicates that Mario is talking through his flying TV screen
Transcript[]
(Glitchy Boy & SMG4 Productions intro, which is kicked away by Mario and replaced by "The Mario Channel")
Mario: Get ready to move your pingas!
(Episode starts with the camera panning across a crowd of people surrounding a tall structure, with Mario shown standing atop it.)
Mario: WELCOME you sexy fans to... (The "Mario's Challenge!" logo appears on screen) Mario's Challenge!
(Mario's head appears on a flying TV screen in front of everyone.)
Mario: Hello contestants! Welcome to Mario's ultimate challenge!
Mario: (as the screen pans over the contestants consisting of Bob, SMG4, Toad, Meggy, Wario, Tom Nook with a sombrero and Waluigi) over 100 of you have been chosen to go through my castle to try and reach the top!
Toad: Hey! Where's the free money?
Wario: YEAH! You said you'd have free money here!
Mario: I have something even better!
Luigi: OOOh...is it a magical unicorn? :D
Mario: No you big piece of shit!
(Mario shows a present)
Mario: This mystery box!
(Toad, Wario and Bowser are intrigued.)
Mario: The first person to reach the top, gets the prize!
Mario: But be careful! There's many obstacles along the way! *Mario's tunnel of a doom! Very scary!*
Meggy: A comp? Sweet! I'm down!
(Luigi and Boopkins are visibly worried, while Bowser and Dr. Pootis nod in agreement)
Mario: also, pls don't die. Mario is not covering any medical bills. :D
Mario: (as the gate opens) Ok aaand BEGIN!
(Everyone runs into the gate, starting the challenge)
Floor 1: The Pit, 120 contestants remaining[]
YouTube Community Captions: oh sh!t, its the pit! ....that was a good poem right there. (You're not Dr. Seuss. - the idiot who wrote this transcript)
(The crowd, headed by SMG4 and Mario, suddenly stops in front of the aforementioned pit.)
Mario*: This will test if you can jump-a like Mario! :D
SMG4: Oh hell no! Check this fucking shit out!
(SMG4 proceeds to run towards the pit Naruto-style, only to hit the wall of the pit. DED)
(A bunch of random minions mindlessly leap into the pit DED x6)
E. Gadd: (donning a jetpack) Wooo! Get fucked bitches!
Wario: Come on!
(Wario is clearly unhappy about it, before noticing Yoshi looking over the edge of the pit. He tries to mount him, only to crush his lower body.)
Wario: WAHAHAHA! *grunts* Go! Hmmmm...
Yoshi: I can't feel my legs! Help! *screaming*
Goomba: Lets do this. LEEEEEROOOOOOY...
(The Goomba Tower creates a bridge across the pit)
Goomba #1: uhh...now how do we get up?
Goomba #2: ahh, we'll figure it out.
Gourmet Guy: Yay!
(The Goomba bridge collapses, causing the Goombas and Gourmet Guy to fall into the pit)
Goombas and Gourmet Guy: SHIIIIIII- (DED)
Elimination status:
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Floor 2: The Slope, 79 contestants remaining[]
Pete: Holy shito!
(The camera pans to the top of the slope, while the Arcade DK theme plays)
Mario*: Mario think you f**ked, your just f**ked.
(The OG DK stomps in and drops random items)
Arcade DK: It's raining shit! Hallelujah! It's raining shit!
(The random items hit Toadsworth, DED)
Luigi: Wah! (long jumps over a wave of items) *screaming* Oh yeah! Go Wee-
Wario: *screaming*
(Wario crashes into Luigi as the two then fall down the slope)
Link: Stayin' alive, stayin' alive... *rest of the lyrics*
Bowser: pfft, Losers. (Backs up, using his shell as a shield) I'm backin' up, backin' up, backin' up, backin' up...
Bob: Oh yeah, meat shield!
Fishy Boopkins: Ah, no, put me down!
Waluigi: Hehehe. I got it! Yeah! (a bunch of random items head towards him, but Waluigi grabs onto a nearby streetlight) *scream* Noooo! (A bunch of random items hit him. After a piano hits him, Waluigi unlatches off the pole, falls off and dies. DED)
(Bowser: Backin' Up, Link: Stayin' Alive, Everybody Else: Runnin' through the rummage)
E. Gadd: Get fucked bitches! (Gets hit by a chair, DED)
Elimination status:
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Floor 3: The Gargoyle, 62 contestants remaining[]
Mario*: This is my friend, Gobbles the Gargoyle! Make him laugh and you'll get past! But don't bore him! *Ooh, very scary!*
(Everyone rushes towards Gobbles, Wario then begins his act by smashing a pie in Luigi face)
Wario: Come on! Come on!
(Gobbles laughs; Wario and Luigi pass)
Luigi: Ohhh...
Wario: F**k yeah!
Frankie: My ding-a-ling, My ding-a-ling! (Gobbles stutters in confusion) I want you to play with MY DING-A-LIN-
(Gobbles crushes Frankie, DED)
Fishy Boopkins: Oh no, what am I gonna do? (Gobbles looks at him) Ah! (Fishy Boopkins begins to tap dance) Whahoo!
Bowser: That's bullcrap! I can do way better than that!
(Bowser competes against Boopkins to see who can tap dance better)
Fishy Boopkins: *growls* I'll show you! (tap dances faster)
Bowser: Oh shit!
(The two tap dance so hard and fast that they end up being set on fire. Gobbles is amused; Bowser and Boopkins both pass)
Fishy Boopkins: Oh hey, I did it!
Bob: Ha! This is going to be easy! I do entertainment for a living! Hey Gargoyle!
Gobbles: Dafuq?
Bob: Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because, your a giant stone douchebag! (Gobbles is silent from what Bob said) Laughing my ass off, that was hilarious!
(Gobbles crushes Bob, DED)
Elimination status:
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Floor 4: The Bullseye, 58 contestants remaining[]
Mario*: Okay folks, let's see how good your aim is! *Hello! It's me, Mario! Hmmm!* All you guys gotta do is hit that target over there! You have three chances! Don't miss! *Let's-a-go little guy!*
Koopa: *random song* (Mr. Blizzard accidentally shoots him) Oh my ass! Oh!
(Meggy effortlessly shoots the target while looking away, passing the challenge)
Heavy: Ahh! It's not possible! (Meggy gives him a peace sign) *growling* Pow! (misses) Shit! *yelling*
Goomba: *singing* (Heavy's bullet hits him) Oh! (dies)
Heavy: *growls* I am bullet proof! (uses his minigun to rapidly shoot the target) Very good!
Mario*: No you don't! No you don't! (activates a boot to kick Heavy out of the challenge)
Heavy: *grunting* I am DED.
Toad: 360 no-scope! (accidentally snipes Bowser)
(Bowser then angerly walks up to Toad and kills him, while setting the latter on fire)
Mario*: That's a spicy meatball!
Elimination status:
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Floor 5: The Mushroom, 41 contestants remaining[]
Mario*: Just get across this pit! But be careful, some aren't stable or they have traps!!!
Toadette: Yahoo! I'm the winner! Not bad! *groaning* (jumps onto a trap mushroom platform, which launches her up to the ceiling, crushing her. DED)
Peach: Ahh! Help me!
Swag: F**k outta here! (Kicks Peach into the lava, DED) Sorry toots, but Swagmaster's gotta win!
Pooptis: Move!
Swag: Oh hey, what the shit?! (the mushroom platform that he and Pooptis are standing on starts to rumble) Oh crap! No, no, no!
Pooptis: STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!
Swag: You fat shit, I will kill you, we're all gonna die now!
Pooptis: YOU ARE DEAD!
Swag: (while engaging a fight with Pooptis, as SMG3 watches) Let's go now you little single f**king... *some other crap I can't translate* (The mushroom platform slowly descends into the lava, DED)
(SMG3 jumps onto an unsturdy platform, causing most of it to plummet into the lava)
SMG3: NO NO NO. AW CHRIST, AW JEEZ. Oh, my, holy, freak- (Notices another platform and attempts to super jump onto it) I HAVE THE POWER!
(Bowser laughs as he uses SMG3 as an extra platform as he gets across, DED)
Elimination status:
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Floor 6: The Maze, 34 contestants remaining[]
Mario*: oooh, so many ways to go! Where could the end be??? Some rooms have spooky stuff so be careful!
(X enters a room, only to find a monstrous Barney in it)
Barney: I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, WE'RE A HAPPY FAMIL-
X: No No No, No No No No No No No! (slams the door shut) HOLY SHIT.
(Bowser opens a door and is terrified of what he sees)
Bowser: Ah f**k you! Oh god! WHAT THE F**K?!
(The person behind the other room is revealed to be Wario, who is picking his nose and flashes his middle finger)
Wario: F**k you!
Fishy Boopkins: Ah, this place is so scary! Where do I go? over here, maybe? (goes into a room to find Dead Hand in it)
Dead Hand: Well hello!
Fishy Boopkins: AHHHH! NOOOO! (hits a dead end) Ah, open up! Open up! Open up! Don't hurt me! I--I uh, (picks up a banana) I have this banana!
Dead Hand: WAZZUP?!
(DK enters the room)
Fishy Boopkins: Ah DK, you're here to save me!
DK: Wahey! (takes Boopkin's banana)
Fishy Boopkins: Huh? Wait, what?
DK: OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH, BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAA!!!!! (celebrates as he leaves Boopkins with Dead Hand)
Fishy Boopkins: Uhh... Wanna see me tap dance? (DED) No? Oh, okay...
Elimination status:
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Floor 7: The Wheel, 23 contestants remaining[]
Mario*: Oh! This-a one is fun! This wheel will choose a small challenge for you to do! It might even let you win instantly!
(A piranha plant is called to do the challenge first)
Pirahna Plant: *random sounds* Gonna kill you, and I'll keep killing you... (wheel spins and lands on him having to survive a meteor shower) Its on! Its on like- (several meteors land onto him, reducing the plant to ashes, DED)
(Wario angerly groans, and shoves Luigi to do the next challenge)
Luigi: Wah! Oh-ho-ho-ho! (wheel lands on him having to do absolutely nothing. Luigi does that and passes)
Wario: Oh come on! (The wheel is spinning) Come on! Come on! (The wheel is about to land on having Wario be shoved off a plane, but he becomes shocked and pushes it to make him instead survive being shot with free money) Hahaha! I won! (The coin gun lowers onto him) I won! I won! I won! I won! I won! Oh yeah! (Opens his body, and is shot with hundreds of coins, but doesn't survive, DED)
(Link is then called to do the next challenge, and the wheel lands on him having to sing a beautiful song. Link then starts to sing "I Will Love You" horribly, causing other participants like X to cover their ears, while Mario's screen cracks. Link is then rammed with a train for failing. DED)
Elimination status:
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Floor 8: The Gauntlet, 20 or less participants remaining[]
Mario*: This final floor is just one long obstacle course! But only one person is allowed to go to the roof! So you better be first to finish! *Hey! Let's see if we can go even faster!*
(The remaining contests shocked to hear this, and begun running to the final course.)
(X, a Goomba, and some other participants attempt to cross, but all fall through a hidden pit trap. DED)
Po: Uh oh! *giggles* (Notices a nearby Thwomp, and uses it to block the sawblade) GET OVER HERE!
(The Twomp then screams, as Po laughs and makes it past, before he is pushed by a wall into another pit. DED)
(The screen then pans on Steve, having to get past several swinging axes)
Steve: Oh shit! YOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (passes through all the axes) Oh yeah! I did it! (His head falls off as he fails) DAMMIT!
Shy Guy: YEAH! TOAST!
Bowser: Get outta here! (shoves the Shy Guy down into the pit. DED)
(Bowser destroys the bridge to avoid anybody else getting across. Meggy, who was just on the bridge, falls but, quickly, uses the falling platforms and the pillar to boost herself back up, and stomps on Bowser's head.)
Bowser: WHAT THE F**K?!
(The remain participants all spot the elevator)
Mario*: Oh boy, it's the exit! But only one can go the elevator! *Oh boy, its a Mega Man!*
(The known contests, Luigi, Bowser, Donkey Kong, Meggy, Dr. Eggman make their way to the elevator. The Scene then cut to Mario on the roof hearing the elevator bell.)
Mario: Looks like we have a winner. *Here we go!*
(Mario watching elevator about to open the doors, revealing the final contestant, a unfamiliar mushroom person.)
???: Oh golly gee! I made it, y'all.
Mario: WHAT!?
Shroomy: Oh howdy! My name is Shroomy! Shroomy the Mushroom!
Mario: Um, ok...
Shroomy: Oh golly, mister, Did I do something wrong?
Mario: No, your face just spooked Mario for a second.
Mario: NO MATTER! You haven't finished Mario's Challenge just yet! There's just one more obstacle!
Shroomy: Oh boy, wonder what it is!
Mario: (Suddenly summons a tank, that he rides) It's-a me! Mario!
Elimination status:
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Roof: The Italian, 1 participant remaining[]
(Shroomy is ready to face Mario and his tank, when he suddenly pulls out a rocket launcher from nowhere)
Shroomy: Oh golly, good thing I have this here rocket launcher!
Mario: HOLY SHIT! HOW'D YOU GET THAT!? I DIDN'T PUT ANY IN MY CHALLENGES! *MAMA F**KER! YOU SON OF A BITCH!*
Shroomy: Oh, I made it myself! Learned how to do it at Boy Scout camp! And I have this here badge to prove it! (Shroomy shows his "Rocket launcher crafting badge") Anyhow I'm gonna kill you now. *laughs*
(Shroomy then fires a rocket at Mario, sending him and his tank flying off the roof.)
Shroomy: Hot diggity! I won! Hooray! It's all mine! (Shroomy then opens the mystery box and receives his prize) *gasp* WOAH.... (The prize is revealed to a coupon, which said: "Mario's Coupon 10% off Chicken nuggets at McDonalds. Expires tomorrow) *sniffing* It's-It's beautiful... (Shroomy pins the coupon in his badge holder) And that's perfect, right there. Put your hands in the air BITCHES!
(SMG4 outro plays, and Shroomy dances throughout it. Episode ends.)